When a couple realizes their marriage is failing, first things first, they see a counselor. Being the most widely used remedy for saving a marriage. Research has proved there are other ways to save a marriage, and that most counseling in the end failed. Talking to a stranger often makes a spouse feel vulnerable, and causes emotional pain. A rocky relationship can be salvaged if both spouses are make an adjustment and are willing to accept some form of help. If a couple see the need for change, there are other methods available besides open counseling.Saving a marriage without counseling:Seeking advice from the older generation: Rather than seeking professional help, seek out an elder, whether it is from the community or from your family. They often are happy to see you together. An elder often can provide you with good advice, and maybe bring your marriage back on track. A preacher is a prime example of someone who is caring and loving, while wanting to see your family succeed. Often your preacher knew you from when you were younger, and can properly advise you on a path to take. Counselors are trained to talk as a third party and listen to both sides of a situation, their goal is to see your marriage last. An elder or a preacher can speak bluntly and openly because they are closer to the situation than a counselor who is paid. They often can help you find peace and harmony in your marriage.Prevention of an argument is a key to a good marriage: Fighting is often caused by arguments with no conclusion. When making decisions, sometimes an argument leads to individual decisions rather than mutual ones. If a spouse concedes in an argument, it is a decision in its own right to not argue. This way, you understand that you are conceding to your spouse’s decisions and giving them a more feeling of acceptance. Respect often goes both ways; in one instance you’re showing your spouse that you respect their thoughts and decisions.Seek out the root of the problem: Couples fight for many reasons, some of those being; religious beliefs, sexual intimacy, raising children, financial situations, or even other family members. Taking a step back and looking at your own personal situation, usually reveals the reason for problems in your marriage. Taking equal roles in the responsibilities around the home is an important solution to many problems. When one spouse sees the other spouse taking an active role in the responsibilities around the house, this will bring them much closer. Often when one spouse slacks off on their responsibilities as a parent or their duties around the house, this will cause unrest in a marriage. Often a heartfelt apology is needed to keep the emotions from running wild and turning into anger. It is also harder to bring a situation back under control when anger is involved. When a situation is prevented from escalading it is much easier to keep under control.A healthy sex life leads to a healthy marriage: Couple’s tend to lose sight of certain aspects of marriage once a child is introduced into the relationship. Until death do us part is part of most wedding vows, this means that regardless if you have one, two, or maybe even three children, you should love your spouse until death. Sex is a big part of relationships, a healthy sex life leads to happiness among spouses, and it brings them closer together, when raising children has made them drift apart. Sometimes spending a week or two without your children, a vacation so to say, is better than letting your relationship fail.A healthy conversation goes a long ways: When married couples weren’t married, and just were dating, they often discuss topics that would otherwise seem useless. Such examples being who came out with a new music video, or who started playing on a certain television show. Then, after being married for a while, the topics change, and become less and less discussed. Such examples of this would be, a man asking his wife if she would drop the kids off at school because he is going to be late for a meeting at work. One may be a wife asking a husband to make dinner for himself; she will be at their daughter’s dance class. Often losing the effortless communication we once had with each other makes those thoughts we once had seem like useless thoughts now. When one spouse finds out from a relative by accident that the other spouse should have told us something, it make us emotionally hurt inside. Communication without and barriers is a key to a successful marriage in today’s modern world.
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Remember the fun times that you and your spouse used to have all the time? When you first started dating you couldn’t wait to see them, or the next time to speak to them on the phone. If you’re now suffering and wondering what happened to your relationship, here are some quick tips to help you save your marriage. As you read below I have outlined three key points. You need to break out of the old routine. Become interested in your partner again. Make yourself attractive and start being romantic. Let’s discuss all of these in more detail.1. Break Out Of The Same Old Routine.Often you find that the same old routine takes over as the normal way of life. Being boring and getting set in the same stale routine happens to lots of couples, figure out ways to break out of this. If you find yourself arguing a lot about minor things, stop being so uptight and let the small stuff go. It’s easy to point out small mistakes, but it is very counter productive to the health of a relationship.2. Become Interested In Your Partner Again.We’ve heard in the past that you need to work at a relationship and this is definitely true. Learn to start going out with your spouse like you used to in the beginning. Don’t get sucked into the same old song and dance as they say. Let your life be a little more spontaneous and do things that aren’t as predictable.3. Make Yourself Attractive and Bring The Romance Back.One of the hardest things to believe is that people stop wondering how to love their partner and finding out what makes them happy. You get caught up in the day to day stuff that you start taking one another for granted. Making sure that you take time out for each other is important. Including having a sex life is very much a part of that. Rediscovering where your partner wants to be touch or when hugs and kiss are appropriate is a key ingredient in a lasting and powerful partnership.
How can we stop being abusive with our spouse and be assertive instead? It’s easy once we learn a few simple communication techniques. When we are frustrated, disappointed, stressed, or angry what happens? We use our emotions in negative ways with our spouse. This causes a chain reaction and they become abusive back. But this kind of interaction between married couples does not resolve anything, but only makes things worse!The truth is we can control our emotions and the way we express ourselves-we really can! We can grow away from the habit of using our emotions destructively and start using them constructively. I always say that emotions are OK to have as long as couples don’t verbally abuse one another with angry words and fist. We have to get our feelings out somehow and so learning to be productive with our feelings is where to start.Productive Communication During an Argument1) Listen to what your spouse has to say, even if you disagree! Hold back from interrupting because quite frankly, it is very rude to interrupt people when they are trying to express themselves, even if they are expressing themselves in a negative way.2) If there is anything ambiguous that your spouse said to you then have them clear it up so you do understand. What’s the use in listening if you aren’t really hearing?2) Once they’re done talking its now you’re turn. Don’t fingerprint, blame, or accuse your spouse of any wrong doing, even if you think they are wrong! There is a special way you communicate your feelings without them becoming defensive and denying what you said about them.3) Keep an even tone as your speak. Don’t sound whiny, squeaky, naggy, or yell and scream at your spouse.4) Use sentences that start with “I feel”, “I wish” and “I think”. Don’t tell your spouse how they feel and don’t tell them what they should do or what they are. How do you know any of those things if you aren’t them? Let them tell you how they feel.5) If you are too angry to talk with an even tone then you need to leave the room. Too much anger will not resolve the issue and will only make it worse.6) Make sure you know your own feelings before telling your spouse your feelings. What are your needs? What do you need rectified from this argument? What do you want from your spouse? What are you going to do to help rectify the issue at hand?7) Don’t keep your feelings and needs inside. Bottled up feelings cause resentment. Resentment is a marriage destroyer. Resentment will also hurt your spiritual lives tremendously because it keeps us bitter inside and distant from God.8) Be assertive with how you feel and what you want. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings about issues in marriage. This is the number one problem why couples grow apart-it is because they DO grow apart-they don’t know one another anymore. If you don’t talk with your spouse about how you feel and what you need then how on earth can they oblige themselves to you?9) Realize you may or may not get every need or want met through your spouse. Some needs and wants are not the responsibility of your spouse. Your spouse can’t make you 100 percent happy all of the time that is just asking for too much. Find ways that you can make yourself happy through community, hobbies, and serving others-there is always happiness found there.10) Be sure to do the things you can to encourage, support, and show appreciation of the person you married. Don’t hold back your love. Learn to compromise, communicate, and to come up with solutions to the issues that are affecting your marriage.All of the above communication is being assertive and will improve your marriage immensely. Being assertive with your feelings and needs lets your spouse know the person they married. It allows them to either give in to those needs or at least talk to you about them so you can both come up with an amicable solution. Assertiveness frees you from holding in bottled up emotions and later getting resentful.Being assertive makes you happy, which in turn makes your spouse happy. Assertiveness is the way to productive communication. This is why I highly recommend that the reader of this article print it out and read it together with their spouse. Remember marriage is a partnership and it takes two to tango.
How to make your wife fall in love with you again. Do you feel like you’re losing her, and can see no way to stop it? When you try to show affection, she avoids you. There are ways to make her love you again, but you have to keep calm. You have to be able to think clearly, and you have to have a plan.Acting out of desperation will only make matters worse. When you are afraid you are losing her, it’s going to take some effort to stay calm, but you simply HAVE to!Take a close look at your marriage. What has changed? Are you able to see the problems? When you take the time to look at your marriage from her point of view, it will help you to better understand what may be wrong. Sit down and talk with her about it. Tell her that you know something is wrong, and you want to fix it. Don’t try to talk to her when you are both upset, it simply won’t do any good. If you’ve had an argument, wait until things settle down. This is your best chance of finding a solution to the problem.Take extra steps to ensure your marriage is not getting boring. Over the years, couples tend to fall into a comfort zone, and do the same thing day after day. This can drain a relationship fast. Take her out to dinner or a movie one night. Simply slip a note into her purse or car, telling her that you love her. This one tiny show of affection can make a world of difference to her.Have you told your wife you would do something, but never do it? broken promises kill relationships, even marriages. When you tell her you will do something, make sure you do it. In today’s world, our lives are so hectic that we tend to forget a lot of things from one day to the next. But try to make sure that if you make a promise, you keep it.make sure to give her the attention she craves and deserves. Sometimes married couples take each other for granted, and don’t remember to show each other they care. Do something out of the ordinary for her. If she’s cooking dinner or doing dishes, go in and help her. You will never know how much difference this one little act of kindness and appreciation makes!
At the moment you are looking for ways on saving a marriage – and I congratulate you for that, and I want to call you my friend. I have been there, and I know how horrible it feels to be in a marriage that is ending. If only more people were like you and me and tried to save their marriages, the world would be a more unified place.I know that you feel like apologizing and begging your spouse for forgiveness. Maybe you have already done that. Like I did. Unfortunately, it is a big mistake that you should avoid. If you have already done this – stop it right now. Why?Because people want what they can’t have. When you beg to your spouse for saving your marriage, you are sending this subliminal message: “I am easy for you to have!” which will make your spouse’s subconscious interpret it in such a way that he or she will want you less.Instead of that principle working against you, make it work FOR you. How? Stop begging, stop apologizing, stop everything that would make you look needy. Stand up for yourself, and show our spouse that you can be without him or her – you won’t die. This will immediately make you more attractive, because your spouse will now reconsider his stance now that he or she knows you are not easy to have.Another way which you can utilize this principle in your advantage is by being absent. No, don’t move into another place but simply don’t be in front of your spouse’s eyes for the whole day. This will make your spouse somewhat start to “miss” you either consciously or subconsciously, and this will work to your advantage.
When your marriage is in crisis, emotions run high and anger and tension build fast. Below are a few things that a lot of couples do that will actually hurt the marriage further. By learning what NOT to do, you will better understand what you CAN do, that will HELP your marriage to overcome these obstacles.You have to fix it immediatelyYou can face your problems immediately, but having a blissful marriage tomorrow just isn’t going to happen. It CAN happen, just not immediately. Just as it took time for your marriage to get this bad, it will take time for it to get better.The Blame GameYour marriage is having problems right now. One of the easiest things for people to do when problems arise is to blame it on someone else. The hard part is accepting the fact that there is a problem, and learning how to address it and fix it. When you blame your spouse or yourself, it will only make the problem worse.If your spouse has already given up on your marriage, then all hope is lost:You can’t control how someone else feels, even your spouse. You CAN control how you choose to react to his or her feelings, though. Even if your spouse has given up, and you truly believe that your marriage is worth fighting for, then do it!Marriage takes strength and commitment. When a marriage starts to have problems, it is easier to run away from them than it is to deal with them. You have to believe, with all your heart, that these problems CAN be resolved. When you keep a positive attitude, it is very likely to rub off onto your spouse.When there is a problem in the marriage, talk to your spouse. Listen to their side. Come up with a solution together.