I congratulate you for trying to save your marriage. I have two reasons for this: An overwhelming majority (87%) of all marriages fail. Marriages aren’t easy to maintain, and most couples choose to take the easy path to divorce, and end their marriages. But I don’t see marriages as come and go things, I see them as permanent bonds, uniting two people until eternity. If more people were like you and tried to save their marriages, the world would be a better place.The second reason is that, I was too in an ending marriage and know the pains associated with it very well. I was desperate to save my marriage, and tried to do it by myself. I tried to think of ways on how to save a marriage – and I begged my husband. That was the only thing I could think of, unfortunately. I knew it wasn’t going to help, but when I saw that it really didn’t help, I went even more desperate.But then I realized something – I wasn’t able to think clearly. I understood that if I wanted to save my marriage, I had to look for some kind of outside advice. It was clear that by myself I was going nowhere, I was always crying and begging to my husband.And as soon as I got some outside advice, things got better. I understood everything from a wider perspective and got a hold of myself. I straightened everything out – and saved my marriage.This is the most crucial piece of advice to give if you want to learn how to save your marriage. You must be desperate now – never do what your instincts tell you to, and get some outside advice.
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Isn’t it frustrating that you have to spend your time trying to figure out how to fix a troubled marriage, when it seems like everyone else is walking around happy and in perfect little marriages.How has your search gone so far for solutions for your troubled marriage?It’s important to note that you’ve gotten further than most people by looking into it at all. Most people will either simply ignore the facts, hoping that miraculously things will get better on their own.Others will just play the blame game, point fingers, and to get their spouse to change by accusing them for the trouble, telling them it’s their fault.Obviously neither of these strategies are very good. Hope isn’t actually a strategy at all.If you’re serious about how to fix a trouble marriage, then you’ve got to truly think about all sides of the spectrum. It’s going to take some serious thought, and stepping outside of the marriage, and looking at it with fresh eyes.It may even get a bit uncomfortable, because you need to start thinking about how much you truly are playing a role in the fact that you have a troubled marriage.The fact is that if there is abuse in the relationship, or a constant cheating by someone who won’t stop, or even admit they’re cheating, then the marriage should end. There is life after cheating in some cases, but that’s only when it’s being handled and dealt with responsibly. Abuse is never excusable, and likely won’t stop without SERIOUS help!But besides those two instances you may be more to blame than you likely think you are. Not a bad thing, and there’s no reason to beat yourself up about that. Nobody gives you a book when you get married saying this is how to do it. In fact it wouldn’t make any difference due to that pesky thing called personality.
Do you find that your marriage is in crisis, maybe even heading for a divorce; and you want to repair your marriage? I assume it is the case, since you’re reading this article. I have 2 news for you. One is that you ARE trying to repair your marriage instead of just accepting a divorce and walking out of the marriage, saying “This is not working.” This means that you’re a selfless, responsible and committed spouse, and I commend you on that. The other good news is that, I have saved my marriage from a totally hopeless situation, and will help you do the same.We both know that a marriage crisis is a terrible situation. Since marriage encompasses the whole life, a marriage crisis puts you in a terrible mood at every moment in your life. But do not let that terrible mood overwhelm you if you want to repair the marriage – because when you’re desperate to save your marriage, your emotions will always misguide you. They will tell you to go and apologize to your spouse countless times, and then beg for forgiveness. These are all dangerous and further damaging to your marriage – a begging, pathetic spouse won’t be so attractive!Exactly why you should never rely on yourself if you want to repair a marriage. I know that you feel the need to DO something to fix your marriage problems, but acting according to your emotions is not the right thing to do.What made me save my marriage was acknowledging that by myself, I was getting nowhere. I understood that I needed some outside advice – and when I received that advice, I finally was able to take action to repair my marriage – everything is so good for me right now!
If you are asking “how do I save my marriage?” you are obviously not alone in this. Maintaining a marriage is difficult. When you take two completely different people, with completely different manners, attributes, characters, likes and dislikes and make them live under one roof; it might get a little problematic. OK, not a little, there can be huge fights and problems, which can lead to a divorce. But you can save your marriage.I have been in this situation, and thought everything was hopeless. When my husband told me that he wanted a divorce, I burst in tears, and begged him not to: “Please, please George! I love you! I understand all of my mistakes, they will never happen again! Do not do this!” And I continued doing that for quite some time. But all it did was establish me as a needy, pathetic, dependent spouse. And no one wants such a person as a spouse.So when those didn’t work, I realized that I was indeed becoming more needy and pathetic by the day, and thought that I needed some advice from an outer source; not from the “inner” source (my emotions). I decided to look over the Internet for outside advice on how to save a marriage.Do I need to tell you how much of a difference it made? It made a WORLD of difference! I was taught the real ways on how to save a marriage, and how to maintain a happy marriage after I saved it. They were incredible, and there was no possibility that I could have thought of them by myself, not slightly in that desperate situation.So the first thing you have to do if you are asking yourself “how do I save my marriage” is that you stop asking it to yourself. Acknowledge that you are going nowhere by yourself, and ask the Internet, or a trusted friend, for outside advice.
It’s a well established fact that more marriages fail than survive. When a marriage crisis occurs it is commonly the result of negative relationship routines created over time. Prior to a couple being able to put an end to the marriage crisis they need to be aware that each partner wants the same end result, to take pleasure in a positive marriage. If it is only one person’s goal it can still be overcome but it will be more difficult.Some level of marriage crisis will inevitably come up from time to time. The continuation and damaging behavior may be avoided by two partners who are aware of the difficult issues at hand and are able to communicate their personal commitment to the marriage. Unfortunately if communication is lacking, again the couple may need greater assistance to bridge the gap.When beginning into a marriage, life is good. Both spouses are faithful and try their hardest to satisfy the other. Love is all around and there is no time for conflict. Over time the majority of married couples will face obstacles they weren’t aware of or even thought were possible. How the individuals answer to the conflict will dictate their level of success and ability to persevere as husband and wife.If in a marriage the husband and wife don’t discover how to address the crisis in a positive and nurturing way the marriage is sure to be among the failed marriage statistics. The crucial element in understanding how to deal with conflict is to listen to and share ideas with your spouse. Honestly listening to needs and desires and then restating them in a non-judgmental way creates the team effort needed in a marriage. once abvle to communicate in this fashion it is then possible to establish your own needs and desires and share them with your spouse.If an exchange of ideas is difficult or if there is a pattern of one or both spouses struggling to divulge their thoughts and ideas then it may require an independent source to aid in the conversation. Both partners play a role in the direction a marriage goes. One partner making the effort to produce encouraging outcomes can affect the difference in a marriage. With a little effort and guidance you’ll both be moving in the right direction and will soon end the marriage crisis. Rest assured that then you will take pleasure in a positive marriage.
The first thing that you should observe when looking for signs a marriage is in trouble is the changes in behavior of your spouse. It could be a change in the communication pattern or a change in their lifestyle. If you and your partner are starting to talk less and less then that’s a warning sign.If you are fighting more and more and failing to resolve these arguments then your marriage is in trouble.If the fights are now about little and petty things then things are probably bad. We all know couples fight once in a while but it should not be an everyday thing.If your partner suddenly changes their lifestyle then that’s another sign a marriage is in trouble. Are they starting to come home late; spending more time away from home on the weekends? Stepping outside to answer their calls or carry their cell phone with them every time they stand up. When they step into the toilet or bathroom is the phone by their side all the time.The time you spent together is also important. I’m not say cling onto your partners arm. But the time you spend together should be enough for you to grow together and understand what is going on each other’s lives. When your partner becomes distant to you then you be worried.Another thing among the signs that a marriage is in trouble is your gut feeling. Because you know your spouse better than anyone, you will always be in a position to sense that something is wrong in your marriage. These are just few indications but you could find out more from well researched sources and be better equipped.
Why does it seem like when you wanted to get married, you both were excited to be involved, and now that your marriage is having trouble, only one of you wants to save it?It happens all of the time. And it’s just not women who take the first step in saving their marriage, either. more often, men are the ones who first try to save their marriage. Even if your spouse doesn’t seem to want to try at first, you should do it. You will see, when you start taking steps to save your marriage, that your spouse will realize what a good thing the two of you have, and will start to work with you to fix things.Every marriage has its problems. Some are worse than others, but they are ALL fixable. When you are saving your marriage alone, take time to really look deep inside your marriage. Is there one thing in particular that seems to cause a lot of arguments? Start to look at different ways that you can fix these problems. Most times problems start out small, and can easily be remedied. It is only when we choose to ignore the problems, hoping that they’ll go away, that they grow to become huge problems.How much time do you spend together, as a couple? Life has a way of getting between even the most loving of couples, so be sure to set aside time for each other. Something as simple as watching a movie together, or talking over dinner is enough to bring back some of the spark that has gone out of your marriage.Show your spouse how much you truly love them. Sometimes we start to take each other for granted, very unintentionally, over time. We think that our spouse will always be there for us, no matter what. When we don’t show our love for our spouse, they may start to feel like we don’t love them anymore.Sometimes all it takes is one person to want to save the marriage at first, and the other follows.
Want to increase intimacy in your marriage? Read these 7 tips and apply them to your marriage today.
Put Things into Perspective. Don’t allow minor irritations to snowball, such as little annoying habits your spouse may have like having no sense of direction when driving or leaving the toilet seat up. Either address these issues head-on by letting your spouse know what bothers you, or accept them as minor. Instead, look at the bigger picture. Look for the things that you appreciate about your spouse. Allow this to be at the forefront of you perspective, rather than what is wrong with your spouse. No one is perfect. Sometimes, not even you.
Talk to your spouse. Get into the habit of engaging in conversations with your spouse. Try to think of amusing anecdotes to talk about or find topics on things you both enjoy discussing. Don’t turn your conversations into checklists, such as – did you pick up the laundry? What time will you be home for dinner? etc.
Avoid arguing before going to bed. There’s a lot of truth in the old saying, “don’t go to bed mad”. For one thing, little is accomplished in an argument that takes place in the evening when both of you are exhausted from your day’s activities. You are more likely to say things you may later regret for lack of a better reason than your thinking isn’t the sharpest at the end of the day. Fighting before bedtime will probably cause a restless night. Couples that sleep well tend to get along better. Instead, reserve evenings for winding down and de-stressing. It’s a good time to just cuddle or engage in stress free conversations.
Keep the romance alive. Do those silly little things that are “cute”. Exchange kisses, hold hands while watching television, give each other compliments. Most importantly, make sure you find some “couple” time. Make it a habit to schedule regular date nights with your spouse.
Support each other. Give each other encouragement and support. If you know something is important to your spouse, support them. Allow your spouse the freedom to be themselves. If your spouse loves gardening or golf, even if you don’t, allow them to enjoy those activities without making them feel guilty. You will find the same kind of support coming back your way.
Remember to say “Thank you”. Relationships suffer when couples don’t show each other enough gratitude. It’s one of those gestures that is often forgotten once married. Start to remember to say thank you for the little things. For example, “thank you for the nice dinner you prepared” or “thank you for picking up the kids today”. A little appreciation goes a long way.
Do things the two of you enjoy. What brought the two of you together? Was it a shared hobby or activity? What sparked the romance? Bring back that old feeling. Find time to do those special things together. Perhaps it was playing tennis or reading poetry to each other. Keep that special part of your relationship alive. What strengthens intimacy in marriage? It is the little slices of life that make up the tapestry of a marriage. Make yours beautiful and memorable. Relishing the moments creates happy relationships.
“I really hate it when we argue…but I’ve also learned so much about my husband from our fights and we have a stronger relationship now.” ~Sandra, married seven yearsEven the most effective communicators get into spats now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital bliss, you and your partner will disagree and argue from time to time.But not all conflict is bad-conflict (if handled correctly) can teach you a great deal about yourself and your spouse or partner.Relationship Help: From conflict to connectionIdeally, conflict can lead to an increase in mutual understanding and a healthy re-adjustment of your relationship, rather than estrangement. Of course, during a heated exchange it may feel like your world is ending and that you’re in love with the most unreasonable person on the planet-so how can such an unwelcome experience lead to growth?The opportunity for greater intimacy comes after an argument, in the post-conflict analysis.Have you ever noticed how most sporting events have a post-game analysis? By going over what happened, coaches and athletes discover what worked and didn’t, they examine their strengths (what they should be doing more of) and their areas of vulnerability (what they should change); they then set goals for how to use this information to improve future performance.Doesn’t your marriage or relationship deserve this level of attention?Marriage help action steps:So here are a few post-conflict questions for you and your spouse or partner to reflect on (try to think of a few of your own):1. What can I learn about myself (my strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how I reacted and behaved during the conflict?2. What can I learn about my spouse or partner (his/her strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how s/he reacted and behaved?3. How can I use this information to show more understanding and greater appreciation of my spouse or partner?The information gathered from these questions can ultimately lead to more effective communication and greater intimacy. To get the most out of your post-conflict analysis, it will be important for you to wait until you regain your emotional footing-in other words, you should feel calm and centered while reflecting on these questions (so you may need to wait until any strong, residual feelings left over from the conflict dissipate).You will strengthen your relationship when you make a post-conflict analysis a regular part of your marriage or relationship.
The best answer to the question “how to save a marriage” is “not by asking it to yourself”. This is a much better advice than it sounds. You simply should not think of ways to save your marriage by yourself.So, what should you do to fix your troubled marriage? The answer to this question will of course depend on the situation of your marriage. But, you are reading this article right now, so I will assume that your spouse wants to get divorced, but you want to stop your divorce, hence you are looking for ways on how to save a marriage.The foremost advice to give is that you should stop try talking to your spouse to fix your marriage. If you are on the verge of divorce, you must reconcile with the fact that the time for talking has simple passed, and if you try to talk to your spouse it will simply be a collection of “begging and crying” on your part. This is exactly the opposite of what you should do to save your marriage.If you are doing this (begging or crying), stop it immediately. It is the last thing you want to do if you want to save a marriage – it will only make you look pathetic in your spouse’s eyes and will make it less likely for you to stop your divorce.Unfortunately, if you try to think of methods by yourself, “trying to talk” and “begging” are the only ways you can come up on how to save a marriage. This is why you have to stay away from trying to make up methods by yourself and seek outside advice.