Not every adult would like to get married in their future life. Although there are those who wish to stay in a marital relationship and start a family, there are also people who’d like to stay single.Singlehood is a matter of choice and can be attributed to several factors. For the women, perhaps they’re more focused on their career and don’t see themselves committing to marriage and raising children going forward. Or it can also be that they don’t feel very compatible with their suitors and would rather be alone.For the men, some factors that can stop them from getting into marriage are they’re too preoccupied with their profession or business and they are afraid of making commitments and staying committed to just one relationship.In these days when divorce is widespread, it is really ideal to do some self-assessment before taking the plunge. This means thinking about it a hundred times or even more if possible especially if you’re having doubts yourself. Keep in mind that marriage binds you and your partner in a legal and sacred relationship that should be maintained for the long term.Self-assessment should, however, not only be one way. If you and your future spouse can take the time to discuss certain issues that could affect your relationship, it would be for the best. It would also be a good option to undergo counseling if needed just to ensure that you’re both ready to start life together as husband and wife.People serious about getting married have to take into account certain aspects where problems are possible to occur. These can be on finances, sex, religion, raising children, relationship with in-laws and work or business. While you may be too in love and excited to spend your life together, thinking about these things can be of great help to understanding your future better half.Finances. This is an area where most couples come into conflict. If one is a big spender and the other is the frugal type, there can be certain issues here. Budgeting the family income can be a challenge but if an agreement is reached to just live within your means, then the finances can be well managed.Religion. If a couple don’t share the same religion, it’s either one has to convert to the other or they just maintain whatever religious affiliation they have. But when children are involved, the couple has to decide which religion to raise their kids.Children. To have or not to have children, that is the question. It’s a reality that some couples are not decided on having kids. For some, it can be costly to raise children while another reason could be it could divide their attention between their spouse and the kids.In-laws. This is a common conflict area. However, if both of you know how to maintain a cordial relationship with your in-laws and commit to your marriage without letting them interfere, then issues can be resolved quickly.So if you think you can handle dealing with these possible issues in your future marital relationship, you just might have a chance to succeed in marriage and raising a happy family.
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Saving a marriage is not easy if your spouse has made up his or her mind for it. Abandoning the holy bond of marriage and everything that comes with it is a difficult choice to make – and once that choice is made, it’s not easy to turn him or her back.Luckily, it is not impossible and actually, as I have experienced, it’s the small but powerful actions you have to take, that is going to make a difference. When I looked for ways of saving my marriage I always tried to think up big ways to get my husband back to me, but those big and flashy actions in fact only serve to get your spouse further away from you – he or she is probably fed up with you already and doesn’t want flashy things.A step you must definitely take for saving a marriage is to straighten up. Get out of your crying and begging mood. This will serve two very important purposes: First, by stopping to beg and cry to your spouse makes you more attractive in his or her eyes. Why? It’s the most important law in life: If you can have something easily, it’s going to be less attractive you. If you are in the stage of crying now, know that this makes you less attractive in your spouse’s eyes.Second, straightening yourself up will make the clouds in your mind vanish, and will clear the blurriness out of you. This will make you able to think more healthily as to what you should do for saving your marriage.
I sometimes get emails from wives who want to convince their husbands that the marriage can be worked out. Often, they will say things like “how can I convince him to work with me to save our marriage? He doesn’t want to work things out, but I know that if he would just give me a chance, I could prove to him that it could work.”I so understand this position because I was in it myself. You feel like you’re only a few steps from being able to turn the whole thing around, if he would just give you a chance or if you could just get an even slight foot hold from the edge of the cliff. But, here’s what I’ve learned the hard way. You can not force a man to do what he doesn’t want to do. And, often in trying to manipulate, coerce or convince him of something else, he will come to either resent you or to ignore you. This isn’t at all what you want.You Can Make Effective Changes In Your Marriage Alone: It can be very hard to accept that you may have to initially start out in this process alone. No wants to delve through this work solo, but I’m telling you first hand that you can make some very meaningful and effective changes all on your own. In truth, you really don’t need his permission or even his cooperation to get started. In short, you participate in what I call acting “as if.This means that you just begin participating in your marriage as you hope that it will eventually be. If you want more affection from him, then you give him more affection.If you want more meaningful conversation, then you start talking more about intimate subjects. If you want more intimacy, then you begin to act in such a way that is going to contribute to this.He may think that this is all a bit weird and wonder what you are up to. He may even be resistant to this because he may think that this is all part of your master plan. However, you should not let this deter you from keeping on. Because your goal is to ultimately model for him how you’d like for your reality to be. The idea is that when he sees this, he’ll realize that he’s been a bit mistaken in his perceptions. You want for him to see that he may have been a bit hasty in not wanting to work it out because, without any help from him, it’s working out all on it’s own.Navigating The Fine Line Of Resistance: Now, there is no need for you to telegraph for him what you’re going to be attempting. Because he may well tell you that you’re wasting your time or begin being even more resistant. You don’t really need to tip him off. You just want for him to look around one day and to realize that things aren’t as bad as he thought and that the happy go lucky, confident, upbeat woman that he fell in love with is indeed back and present.Many women don’t connect the dots so I’m going to connect them for you and spell it out. I wish that someone had done this for me. When you are starting to have marital problems or your marriage begins to loose it’s intimacy, it’s normal to become concerned and down about this. As women, these things really weigh on us and we can’t or don’t hide this very well. So suddenly the positive, happy person that could always put a smile on her husband’s face is now sullen and quiet. And after this, things go from bad to worse because she was the glue that held the whole thing together. When this happens, husbands begin to think that their wives have changed.Suddenly, she’s just doesn’t appear as attractive anymore because she’s bringing him down rather than propping him up. It’s just human nature to want to spend more time on what brings you good feelings and less on what brings you negative feelings, so he’s going to begin to back away, even if this is not a conscious decision.Understanding How You’re Being Perceived: I can’t stress enough that even though things aren’t necessarily great, you can not allow this to contribute to your projecting a negative outlook. Because he’s going to turn right around and project those negative vibes not on the situation, but on you. No, this isn’t fair. Yes, it’s not at all accurate. But it happens just the same. This is why acting “as if” is so important. It allows you to model how you want him to act, but it paints you in as positive a light as is possible right now.If you do this right enough and for long enough, a husband will likely begin to replace his negative perceptions with positive ones and then eventually he will come on board with working things out. But until that happens, keep right on working on things on your own. You don’t need him to get started.
Women want to feel special. It’s one of their core desires. They want to be treated like a princess, like a queen. They want to be romanced. Because this is how many women feel loved. And if your woman feels loved, then chances are you’ll have a great marriage.Unfortunately, many married men really struggle in the romance department. Being romantic doesn’t come naturally to most of us. And this can be a problem. Your wife can feel resentful at times because of your lack of romance and attention. And as a result, our marriages suffer – or at least they’re not as good as they can be.The following two secrets will help you become a man who is romantic, and desires to make your wife feel special. Put these two secrets into practice, and see how delighted your wife becomes (and how much your marriage improves).Secret #1: Now that you’re marriedWhen you first fall in love with your now spouse, romance is usually pretty easy. We just feel so head over heals about our woman, that we can’t but help buy her flowers, shower her with gifts, and complement her. But after you’ve been married for some time, it’s easy to forget about romance: after all, we’ve “won” our woman’s heart, haven’t we? This is where the first tip comes in: Court your wife every day. Remember how you felt about her, how you saw her, when you were first going out with her? That is how you should see her now. In a sense, you had to prove to her that you loved her. Well, do exactly the same now.Secret #2: The key ingredient to romanceThe key ingredient to romance is this: “An unexpected gift, at an unexpected time”. Most women aren’t too impressed if they have to tell their husbands to be romantic. Most women like to be surprised: surprised with a gift that they did not expect, at a time when they didn’t expect it. Sure, you still need to be romantic on your anniversary, their birthday, valentines day (don’t forget!). But if you truly want to make your wife feel special and loved, then do the unexpected. It doesn’t have to be an overseas holiday for two: small is good, too. It could be a CD that she likes. Perhaps a dinner with the kids babysat (that you’ve organised without her knowing). Some flowers. Whatever it is, big or small (and small is good too), make sure that it’s unexpected.In conclusionBecoming a more romantic husband will help your wife to feel special. And by feeling special, they feel loved. This will really improve your relationship with your spouse, and give you both a much more satisfying and happy marriage.
A few years ago, it was normal to find a twenty one year old who has achieved the major milestones in life; that means that one has graduated from college, is married and has a number of children.Today, many people are pursuing their careers and putting marriage aside up to their later years of life. It is common to find a thirty year old lady, still single and deeply engrossed in building a career. Is this right?Another issue that causes people to get married in their later years is that many parents shield their children from the world while arguing that their children are very young. You may find a twenty five year old man living with his parents who are willing to accommodate him for as long as possible, making their son not to grow up.I am challenged by young men in their early twenties, who are in the army. These men are independent, can make sound decisions and are often entrusted with very expensive firearms. Why then should some parents feel that their twenty five year olds’ are too young to marry?If we allow our children to be responsible from an early age, we will be confident to see them enter into marriage as long as they are above eighteen years old and have met a desirable partner. With a family, people are compelled to work harder in life as they have no other option but to fend for their families.For those focusing on building careers at the expense of marriage, I would like to advise that they take another thought and reconsider their decisions. After all, we all need someone special to share our life with.
Your marriage is in crisis, and you’ve done everything you can think of to save it. You last option would be a separation, but will it help?There are two types of marital separations – legal or informal. When you are thinking of an informal separation, you will both agree that time away from each other is best, and from there you will try to work things out. When you think of having a legal separation, it is final. It requires lawyers, just like a divorce.Separation should be your absolute last option when trying to save your marriage. This is a last resort – only after you have tried everything else should you even think of a separation. Marital help comes in many forms. Just to mention a few: marital counseling (which can get expensive), friends and family, and ebooks written by professionals that help couples solve their differences at home.A marital separation might help your marriage. It will allow the both of you to know what it feels like to be apart from each other. This in itself brings many couples back together. With a separation, you ARE still married – you can always go back to each other, without involving lawyers or courts.During a separation, you will have time apart to think about your situation. Living together, you can’t find time alone, and every time you see each other you could start fighting, just because the tension is unbearable.This time alone will make you both look at the situation with a lot of thought. Thought that won’t be hindered by stress. You will both be able to clearly think. Even if only one of you wants to try, saving your marriage IS possible!Remind each other the reasons you got married to begin with. Also, remind each other that divorce is final. Separation is not. Make this your opportunity to make things right, once and for all.
There’s a popular video available on YouTube that pits pro same-sex marriage actors against their opposition, a troupe of religious affiliated Bibliophiles who rant and rave about the evils, degradation and slippery slope-ism, if that’s a phrase, of the approaching tsunami of same sex marriage. It’s a reasonably lighthearted, somewhat slick caricature of the current controversy, with real, semi-famous Hollywood types, and a musical presentation that makes it all watchable and entertaining regardless of which side of the issue you happen to be on.As the musical progresses, opponents shout their righteous claims against perversion, decadence, freedom of religion and the ‘gay agenda’; gays and lesbians trill about the need for recognition, equality, freedom from religious dictates and marriage rights for all. In the heat of the dustup, who walks into their midst but Jesus Christ Himself? Jesus appears to side with no one. Instead, in His inscrutable fashion, He takes the religious cohort to task about certain Biblical references that seem to contradict common sense and practice, such as eating shellfish, selling girls into slavery, being stoned for working on the Sabbath and the like.Then Jesus mystically departs, and there appears to be a deadlock. The scene changes, however, when someone introduces the economic factor of the controversy into the equation. Chirping about the lost opportunities for divorce lawyers, caterers, wedding planners and the like, Neil Patrick Harris slowly but surely makes an impact on the otherwise adamant religious group. Suddenly they ‘see the light’, and, as a group, in a sort of come to Jesus moment, they understand the error of their ways. “There’s money to be made”, they sing, happily conceding the rights of LGBT people to do their part in repairing the damaged economy by getting married!It always seems to come down to money, of course. The biggest obstacle to slavery wasn’t a black/white differential, or a reluctance to flood the workforce, or any altruistic impulse toward our fellow human beings. It was reluctance based on the economic impact of losing free labor, and what that would do to the price of cotton and other field crops, and the subsequent impact on the economy of the South. It was money.Allowing women to vote was an economic issue, insofar as they would in all probability vote with their purses, just as men had done with their wallets forever, thus introducing a frightening unknown into the electoral process. When this country announced its independence from Britain, voting rights were based on property ownership. This typically meant that those voting were white males over the age of 21 of the Protestant religion. Women citizens didn’t gain voting rights nationwide for 144 years, until 1920.So why is same sex marriage in the same category, and why would it benefit the economy? Mr. Harris’ comment aside, that there’s “money to be made”, the reason is simple. The economy reacts favorably to any expansion of human rights because, in a capitalistic system, the more people who have money, the more they spread it around, and the more money gets spread around the faster the economy grows. People lacking their rights have, in general, less access to the marketplace, and therefore less positive impact on the economy. Granted, the LGBT community is a relatively small part of the population. The Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, a sexual orientation law and public policy think tank, estimates that there are 8.8 million gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons in the U.S based on the 2005/2006 American Community Survey, an extension of the U.S. Census. This is adult population, of course, and the number is likely higher since there is still reluctance to identify as LGBT in this country, despite social advances in recent years. Still, nearly nine million people is a substantial part of the spending populace.And in reference to the same-sex marriage video and its core message, there is indeed money to be made. Nine million people means potentially 4.5 million marriages in a country which reports a bit more than two million marriages per year. If one percent of gays and lesbians married every year, a not unrealistic assumption, that’s 45,000 marriages per year, nearly 3,800 per month. Now it’s not realistic to assume that this activity will even register as a blip on the GDP, but these days the economy needs all the help it can get. Most of the stimulus recently has been going from government down; a little stimulus going the other way could only help.Moving on from stimulus to suppression, let’s discuss societies need for all of us to be more responsible for our own financial well being.I mentioned that affluent citizens impact the economy in positive ways. Conversely, those who lack basic rights generally lack access to the marketplace in any substantial way. In this sense, it’s entirely possible, probable even, that those individuals may have a negative impact. It makes sense; any member of a society who is forced to live at the fringe, such as those denied marriage rights and its affiliated benefits and protections, will eventually fall into a social safety net of some kind, unless they happen to be independently wealthy.The gay community is perhaps one of the best examples of this phenomenon. And they may be the best advocates for their present cause, the pursuit of civil marriage equality. This was proven during the AIDS crisis, when LGBT people came together, circling the wagons to treat their own in a recognized communal outpouring of care and concern. There are no end of stories of gays banding together to advocate for, treat, research, lobby and demonstrate for their colleagues, most of whom would have been a substantial burden on the already fragile health care environment otherwise. This rationale by itself is reason enough to pursue civil marriage equality vigorously, the recognition that we all need someone to care for us at some point. If that isn’t an economic issue nothing is.It’s time to bring civil marriage equality to fruition. There are many reasons, but economic ones always come to the fore eventually, and this time is no exception.
A marriage is hard to maintain. You need commitment, and you need to sacrifice to keep things going. For this reason, seeing a marriage crumble is one of the hardest things in life – you have put so much effort in it, and now you see it ending.I had an ending marriage as well, but I wanted to save it, like you I assume. I simply didn’t accept my husband walking out of this holy bond that was meant to unite us until eternity, not until one of us decided it wasn’t working and quit. But what can you do for saving a marriage when your spouse has made his mind up on it? What do you to to save a marriage if nothing you do to keep things afloat seems to work? I was desperate.But today, our marriage has not just been saved – it’s stronger than it has ever been. It’s a grand feeling, and I want to share my happiness and my experiences with you; because I believe in sharing. I made my own marriage survive the hardest of times, and I want to teach you how I did it.When you see your spouse moving away from you every day, what you think of doing for saving a marriage is begging him (or her) to come back, promise that you understand the problems and they will never happen, etc. I know this because I have been there, in that desperate situation.Unfortunately, this is nowhere near what you should actually do for saving your marriage. At this moment, what you should do is lay back, and calm down, and shed the desperate feelings away from you. You will save your marriage if you act correctly – know this, and calm down, and do not resort to acts of desperation such as begging.Know that people want what they can’t have. And make this work to your advantage. As soon as you quit begging and apologizing, you will send the message that “you are not that easy to have now”, and this will work for you for saving a marriage. Play hard to get – this is key.
The feeling of marriage at the initial stage is a delightful sense of unity with your spouse you may or may not be aware of any personal difference, they seem very insignificant. This is because at the early stage of marriage you tend to be very accepting and every thing seems wonderful. You have a lot of faith in you marriage and believe that your love can ride out any wave of conflicts, disappointments and obstacles.But life experiences continue to prove that love and sincere promises alone can not forge lasting relationship and marriage. And so countless number of couples secretly sense that marriage is falling short to their expectations. This brings about disillusionment rather than hope. Unfortunately, many do not know what to do to renew the initial excitements and bright promises that characterized the marriage.We want to use this medium to examine the various MYTHS that surrounds love and marriage which lead to disenchantment, blame, guilt, anger and unhealthy pessimism.Expert in psychotherapy have found out that emotional crisis can be overcome only when both parties understand that their expectations of each are foolishly unrealistic. And we believe the key to making a marriage survive is understanding and accepting ones spouse the way that person really is. This understanding and acceptance can only take place when the myths that obstruct proper vision have been removed, the real issue is that you have placed the responsibility for a successful marriage too far outside of yourself. Probably when you were getting married you freely discussed such issues as how you feel about infidelity, number of children, where to live and how to work. But there were other issues that were not discussed openly can be termed the first marital contract while the other, not so freely discussed, can be termed the second marital contract.