Heal your broken marriage by learning some very basic problem-solving techniques. All marriages have problems at some point but most couples are not prepared to handle them. In this article we are going to focus on solutions, not problems. In order to heal a broken marriage, couples need to identify the core problems in a marriage and learn how to solve them. “Men and women are like two feet, we need each other to get ahead. But, that doesn’t mean we always understand each other.”When it comes to problem-solving, most people benefit from having a list of things to focus on and keep in mind as they are working. I’m going to give you a list of suggestions and later you can create your own list of the things that you think need to be repaired in your marriage. Focus on how to fix what is NOT working in your marriage and nurture what IS working for you.Problem Solving Techniques:When trying to solve the problems in your marriage, try not to jump into the fire of conflict. When emotions flare up (and they will), don’t be fooled by the intensity. A lot of that anger is really hurt in disguise.Try to separate your emotions about the problem from the steps you need to take to solve the problem itself – this is a hard thing to do and it will take some effort.Many couples have unrealistic expectations about marriage and relationships. Be flexible, learn how to bend in your relationship. Try to recognize what is important to solving a problem and let the other things go.Listen AND verbalize. These are equally important. Couples have a tendency to do one or the other, but not both at the same time. Not only do you need to hear what your partners concerns are but the opposite is true as well.When solving a problem, think of yourselves as teammates, not opponents. You should be working together to solve a problem for the benefit of BOTH of you.When you are trying to identify the problems in your marriage, it’s important to distinguish between the symptoms of a problem and the core problem itself. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that couples get the symptoms of the problem confused with the problem itself. Your goal is to work on the core problem and let the symptoms become a part of the past.Most importantly: start small. It’s just not possible to repair everything at once. You will have the most success if you take it one step at a time. Start with something that will be the easiest to fix and go from there.Try to keep in mind that healing your marriage will be an ongoing process. Sometimes you are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. You are going to experience both laughter and tears as you go forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. Keep your eye on the prize and remember how lucky you are to have each other.
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An interesting study came out recently. Scott Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Delaware, spent the last 15 years finding out why couples who live together before marriage are less satisfied with their marriage and have a greater potential for divorce. This finding flies in the face of the usual positive explanation that living together helps couples get to know each other well.Co-habitation, or living together, is very common now-a-days with 60 to 70% of couples doing it. One of the findings was that men on average were less dedicated to their relationships if the couple was just living together. When such a couple got married Scott theorizes that the men might not have married their spouse if they had not lived together. He sees the problem as being one of inertia. Once your finances and rest of live are co-mingled it gets harder to break up. Especially if there is also a child involved. Another factor was the desire of one to get married and the other not being so sure.There however was a significant difference with couples who lived together after they got engaged. The marital satisfaction of these couples was no different from couples who married but did not live together.The difference appears to be having made a commitment to each other about spending a future together. The people who lived together before marriage without a real commitment to each other were less dedicated to the success of their relationship.The best predictor for happiness in a living together relationship comes from making a committed decision to each other. What we can conclude from this study is that what matters is on what basis a couple cohabits. Living together open ended with no commitment to each other can lead to staying in the relationship and getting married more out of inertia or habit than by having made a clear decision. The couples who talk openly about their future and make a commitment to each other statistically have a higher level of satisfaction in their marriage. It doesn’t matter if they lived together before marriage or not.
I continue to be amazed at how insane our “women’s-lib-conditioned” world grows. Even more insane is that certain MEN have so bought into that agenda that they have become better “women’s-libbers” than the women ever were.Take this true story for instance (the names have been changed for privacy)…Bob and Sue were married for 4 years before they had children. During that time, they had a pretty good marriage. Sure they had their bumps in the road just like everyone does but overall, things worked pretty good and the needs on both sides were met at a satisfactory level.And in particular, they usually had sex at least a couple of times a week – sometimes it was more like 3 – 4 times and sometimes it was only once a week – but overall, it was a frequency level that Bob was happy with.But then, Sue gets pregnant and 9 months later, out pops little Bobby.Little Bobby no more arrived on the scene but what Bob and Sue’s marriage took a major turn for the worse…From Sue’s perspective, everything was mostly fine…new baby…Bob’s job paid well enough that she didn’t have to worry about money…the house was nice…the cars were all good…extended family was all good…everyone was healthy…and she was satisfied.Well…at least on most levels she was. She definitely was not satisfied with the division, distance, and negative energy that was growing increasingly strong in their marriage.A year and a half later, Sue finds out that Bob has been cheating on her for over 6 months. Of course, she’s devastated and angry but they go to marriage counseling and the counselor helps Bob with his “anger management” problem and his “expressing emotion” problem and soon enough, they got everything patched up and they were back to running down the marriage-track again.But, they no more get back to running when Sue comes up pregnant again – and 9 months later out pops little Suzie.As you probably expected, the same exact situation plays out again…a year and half later, Sue finds out that Bob’s been cheating on her again…for over 8 months this time.So, they jump in the ol’ station wagon, head off to another marriage counselor’s office…and this second counselor was a little “sharper” than the first one…he discovered that with the birth of each baby, Sue lost all interest in having sex.For months on end, 100% of her interest was in the baby and 0% of her interest was in Bob.Except that wasn’t the “problem”…And here’s what I’ve been leading up to that so amazes me…According to this particular marriage counselor, the problem was NOT that Sue had lost all interest in having sex with Bob and was refusing to have sex with him month after month.The problem was…and get this…Bob was a SEX-ADDICT!According to this counselor, the fact that he wanted sex at least once a week made him a “sex-addict”.So, Bob accepts the counselor’s verdict – who was after all, the “expert” – and they go through a tidy little program to “help Bob overcome his sexual addiction”.Then, with his “sexual addiction” supposedly out of the way Bob and Sue head back to the house to live happily and “sexlessly” ever after…Is that just NUTS or what?Well, to me, it’s more than just nuts, it’s unacceptable.I DO NOT accept the idea that a woman can go on a sexual vacation for months or years on end and that’s completely “ok” because she’s “bonding” or “finding herself” or whatever it is that clinicians decide it is that she’s doing.Why should it be acceptable for a woman to stop being a wife in a marriage?I mean, it’s not acceptable to the normal woman for her husband to go on a financial vacation and stop providing for the family, is it?We know it’s not…in fact, it’s not even acceptable to a woman who’s not even your wife now…you let one of those men who has an “EX” miss even a single support payment and he’ll have EVERY branch of government coming down on him like a ton of bricks.Now, I for one DO NOT excuse myself from my financial obligations and NEITHER do I excuse a woman from being a lover to her husband.I know…that makes me bad…I guess I’m a bona-fide sex-addict too because not even once-a-week sex is acceptable to me. And, it shouldn’t be acceptable to you either.Especially when you realize that there are skills a man can learn that CAUSES his woman to WANT frequent sex with him.The issue with Sue in the story above was NOT that she was non-sexual or needing “bonding” time with the baby. The issue was that she needed Bob to learn how to lead both her and him into the relationship that worked for both of them.Here’s the deal… When people first get married, they’re excited, interested, and curious…and those emotions naturally drive them to do the right things. But, as the cares and concerns of life begin to kick in with full force AND the excitement, interest, and curiousness begin to wear off…THEN, things no longer work “naturally”.It’s at this point that a man better get to learning how to lead both he and his wife into a happy and sexual marriage relationship. If he doesn’t, both he and she ARE going to suffer increasingly severe dissatisfaction and unhappiness – until one or the other gives up and leaves OR he learns the right “skills”.Myself, I decided to learn the right “skills” and my wife and I have enjoyed a lot of happiness AND a lot of sex ever since.And, I’ve been teaching men from all over the world how to get the same in their marriage.I guess you could say I’ve become a “men’s-libber”.I’m “liberating” men so that they can have the happy, sexual marriage they desire.Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
Being in a marriage that is ending is one of the worst experiences one can live in their life. Everything had started so well, with a great marriage ceremony and a honeymoon. Unfortunately, when your marriage is ending the mere remembrance of those good moments is enough to bring tears to your eyes. The self sacrifices and the effort you have made for the marriage sound not so good now. But I want you to remain courageous and want to say that you CAN save the marriage. It is entirely upon your hands to do so, if you do the right things.I want to talk about my own experiences now. Unfortunately, I have been in this situation and I know it too well how painful it is to be in an ending marriage. I lived the desperation that comes with it first-hand. Most people’s reactions, including mine, are unfortunately wrong. Simply said, when you sense that your marriage is ending, you go desperate and this blurs your judgment about what you must do to save the marriage. This is very unfortunate as it is in your hands to fix your marriage, but most spouses allow their desperation and emotions to overwhelm them and as a result, their marriage ends in divorce.I have been fortunate to be shown the right way to save the marriage. I realized that by giving in to my emotions and going with the flow, I was applying big pressure on my husband and begging him to stay in the marriage, which made him even more fed up with me. But I realized it that by myself, I was going nowhere, and asked for outside advice. Which made all the difference!So this is the first thing you should do to save the marriage – never go with the “flow”. Do not give in to your emotions and do not let them guide you – and ask for outside advice.
Are things feeling remote in your relationship to the point where you are worried that your spouse may ask for a divorce? Does it seem like you have lost the passion you used to have and you don’t know if you can ever fall in love with your spouse again? Believe it or not, but this is actually a frequently occurring common issue many couples have dealt with before – and they have successfully rebuilt their relationship with one another, enjoying a deeper, more vibrant connection.By understanding why many marriages end in divorce you may be able to prevent this from taking place in your partnership. Most couples with problems say lack of communication skills as one of the biggest reasons their marriage is not working. In order to keep your relationship harmonious, both partners must be able to communicate and exercise unified conflict resolution. Unlike a strong married couple, people who possess issues in their marriage will claim that they have no problem with communicating and resolving conflicts. partners need to put in the effort to put in time and work to improve their marriage to maintain a healthy status, regardless of their current position.Several studies have proven that attempting various styles of communications are actually quite effective, given the high success rate. Trying new styles will eventually result in you both finding comfortable forms that work well and share. Fixing the underlying problems of communication and conflict resolution, along with a willingness to learn from stories of other couples, will definitely give you and your marriage a fighting chance to succeed. Remember, that marriage is a wonderful gift and should be treasured.You need to do whatever it takes to make the marriage function, both people need to put in their 110% to right the wrongs. Divorce is not always the best solution to the issues happening in you marriage. It may take some time and it can be hard but there is always anticipation to repair a broken marriage and ways to make it work.
An extraordinary man is the man I love to call a Perfect Square Man. A perfect square man is a balanced man, an all-round man. He is both effective and efficient. He is useful, productive and wonderful. He is a man that has set his priority right and has devoted his life to four important aspects. He is balancing them without any one of them suffering. He is a man who is devoted to:a. His God: He is devoted to God and his work; he doesn’t joke with his spiritual life. He is prayerful and a student of the Bible. To him, Bible is the final authority. He is genuinely born again, filled with the Holy Ghost, living holy and righteous life.b. His Wife: He is a great lover of his wife; he protects, defends, provides, and celebrates her. To him, his wife is the number one person in his life after his God. He had left his father and mother and had cleaved to his wife. He is open, loving, caring, attentive, humble and faithful to his wife.c. His Children: He is a great father; mentor, leader, shepherd, and teacher. He is not just a father by title, but by example and responsibilities. Though we have many irresponsible, hopeless, useless, run-away and midnight fathers, an extraordinary man is an uncommon father. He dedicates his time to lead and counsel the children in the way of the Lord, thereby making them what heaven had created them to be.d. His Career: A perfect square man is a diligent man; he is a man of purpose, plan and pursuit; a man with vision and aspiration. He is not lazy; he does not rely on anybody to help him to feed his family. Though he is diligent, but he is not a career man, for he is a family man, who loves his family. He knows that no matter how good he is at work; he will need to resign or retire one day, but family is forever.
A sad statistic today is that many couples find themselves living in an unhappy marriage. Advice is everywhere when it comes to dealing with this situation and the bulk of it says that divorce is the best option. If you still love your spouse and keeping your family together is your goal, there is help for you. A person who is living in a relationship that is slowing falling apart can repair it. There are steps you can start taking today to rebuild your marriage and make it stronger than it ever has been before.One bit of unhappy marriage advice that you typically don’t hear is to accept that the marriage isn’t the same as it used to be. If your spouse has been pulling away physically and emotionally from you, it can feel overwhelming. If you still love them and you suspect that they have fallen out of love with you, it leaves you feeling very alone and confused. They may suggest the idea of a trial separation and this may cause you to jump to the conclusion that a divorce is inevitable. It doesn’t have to be. Although you may have the urge to fight them tooth and nail on the issue of a separation, you shouldn’t. Agree to it. Many couples actually find they miss each other so much during a separation that they fall back in love. Give your spouse the room they need, right now. If you do, it will show them that you respect them and that you want to put their needs before your own. This goes a long way towards repairing the relationship.As hard as it may be, try not to dwell on the marriage problems. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly upset. Focusing more on yourself than the fact that your spouse and you aren’t as closely connected anymore can actually help your relationship. Your spouse wants to be married to a happy, fun loving, dynamic and complex person. If you concentrate all your time, effort and energy into the marriage, you no longer are as interesting as you once were. Find your own passions again and show your spouse that you are still the vibrant person they married. Doing this can make them fall in love with you all over again.
Want to fix your broken marriage? That’s not often easy, but in this article, I am going to share some information that can make it seem that way. It’s right under your nose!Hot fudge on a sundae? The first thing you need to do is to create the conditions that will enable your spouse to fall in love with you again. Yes, you heard me right. You need to make your partner melt like hot fudge on a sundae. Did you know that almost all married couples share one thing in common? We have all been in love before. Regardless of the problems we may be experiencing in our relationships right now, regardless of how badly we may feel about our partner, we have all loved that very person before. Deeply. That common thread, that one emotion is what makes it possible for anyone to recapture the love in their marriage and then fix what is broken.Understand the basics of how we fall in love. We human beings come in many varieties but we also share very basic commonalities. In the realm of love, we are all driven by the same basic instincts. Our brains are hard-wired to approach the area of love with the same sequence. Here is how it works. We are initially attracted to some lucky individual, our brains work in cadence with our five senses to see if together we will make the cut. After our brains and our bodies have determined that we have chemistry, our brains will release chemicals that will basically simulate a high and an addiction to the other person(similar to the effects of cocaine). We aren’t able to get enough of each other. An attachment is formed and a bond begins to develop over time. This can last as long as three years. How does any of this relate to your broken marriage? Studies have shown that couples who have been in love before and have also developed a long-term relationship (marriage) have the ability to fall in love again. Very easily.How will being in love fix my broken marriage? Just think of all of the benefits of being in love? You and your spouse will want to climb the highest mountain just to be together. You will want to do anything for each other. Being in love will give you a much better chance of success when beginning to address the problems in your marriage. Feeling genuine warmth and desire for your spouse (and vice versa) will motivate the two of you work on resolving the problems in your marriage. Anything is possible in love, right?Remember, your spouse chose to marry you for a very good reason, you were a good match and you still are! So, be yourself and let your partner remember why they fell in love with you in the first place. Utilizing the information above will help you to rekindle old feelings of attraction and draw your spouse back to you.
Understanding how your husband is hard wired is very important for the health of your marriage. When your husband ignores you, it is probably not because of the 5 pounds you put on since you were married 5 years ago. You need to understand that most men are not able to multitask like women, so if he is ignoring you, he is more than likely concentrating a larger project.Right now, the project that your husband is working on is his world. Most men don’t dabble in their projects, once it is set in their mind that they are going to do something, they really have at it. All of their efforts are put into completing their project or becoming the best at something; what you need to do is teach your husband to set boundaries between their projects and your marriage.How are you going to do this? You’re not going to nag and demand that he spend time with you because you’re sick of your husband ignoring you. You’re going to spend some time with him working on his latest project or quest to be the best. In other words you’re going to do some “male bonding”.Spending time bonding with your husband in his quest to become the best will allow him to see you as a friend and not an enemy. You will no longer be the obstacle getting in the way of his success and he will be more willing to spend time with you the next time you want to go shopping or scrapbook your latest family vacation.Bonding with your man will allow the two of you to spend some quality time together like you used to and it’s possible that you may find a hobby from the time you are spending with your husband.