During 2008, the latest year for which statistics are available, there were 2,162,000 marriages recorded in the United States. More than 6,000 of our fellow Americans tied the knot every single day! And, in spite of the reported high rate of divorce–last recorded as about 44% of first marriages after seven years–the rate of re-marriage is an astonishing 93%. This is more than great news for wedding planners and caterers. Marriage seems to have taken hold in this culture as a status that accords us a level of respect, an assumption of accountability (whether true or not), and a regard by society that means we’re members in good standing of the community.Marriage even affords us a number of benefits, rights and legal protections not found outside its esteemed position in our society. In fact the actual number of rights and benefits is knowable, and is rather high. Higher than most people realize, or they may be more solicitous of a marriage partner. Knowing this information would also likely make more people able to see the unfairness in denying those marriage rights to anyone otherwise eligible, which is one purpose of this article, and the derivation of its title. Marriage is not just a human right; it’s a portal into the benefits and protections the state bestows to its adult citizens. How many rights, protections and benefits?Go back to your wedding day. It was likely a day of great joy, when you were surrounded by family and friends, all wishing you well, smiling, sharing with you the spirit of the occasion. You walked down an aisle of some kind with your intended to the music you’d picked, surrounded by the esteem of all around you. Then, you likely faced a judge, or a cleric, and made promises to each other and the community to be faithful, true, mindful of the celebrated state into which you were entering. And the instant you said “I do”, all the aforementioned rights, benefits and legal protections were yours, just for saying those two simple words.How many rights? Not fifty. Not 100. No, there are in fact 1,138 separate, identified federal and state benefits, rights and legal protections that attach to two people who marry in this country. By extension, then, those are rights and benefits unavailable to those who for one reason or another are disqualified from entering into a marriage contract.Here’s one example of what married people enjoy. It has to do with rights under Social Security. Keep in mind that all working Americans contribute to this program through payroll tax. Regardless of how society views us, and in spite of what other status we may have in society, whether part of the mainstream or an outcast, if we’re gainfully employed in this country, we’re required to pay into the Social Security trust fund.Social Security provides the sole means of support for a number of Americans. Here’s where the rights and benefits of marriage enter the picture. All surviving spouses of working Americans are eligible to receive Social Security payments. Surviving spouses who care for a deceased employee’s minor child are also eligible for a support payment, in addition to the regular monthly stipend. These are benefits that are denied to gay and lesbian Americans because they cannot marry. Thus, those couples who contribute to Social Security over their lifetime receive drastically unequal benefits from what their married counterparts receive. If both partners pay into the system for many years, the amount of differential can be hundreds, or even thousands of dollars every year.So the denial of marriage isn’t just a minor concern for those couples, and should not be for us. Americans have always been sensitive to unfairness in our society. Our history is littered with the remnants of long-discarded human rights denials that would seem ludicrous today. As recently as 1967–just 42 years ago–there were sixteen states in the U.S. that carried anti-miscegenation laws on their books prohibiting the marriage of blacks and whites. The case that addressed that travesty, appropriately titled Loving Vs Virginia, eliminated one such social stain. Today the concept of denying anyone marriage because of their race would be laughable. Still, we continue to deny civil marriage to gays and lesbians because of a similar condition of birth. It’s as if we denied people the right to drive because they were born left handed.Returning to the Social Security example, we see that those denied civil marriage are faced with this inequity: Family #1: Married husband and wife, both biological parents of the child, either member would be:- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits- Eligible for Surviving Parent BenefitsFamily #2: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was the biological parent or adoptive parent of the child (where permitted)- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent BenefitsFamily #3: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was not the biological parent nor able to adopt the child through second-parent adoption, surviving member- Not Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent BenefitsFor those who know couples like those described above, this isn’t a remote, unlikely possibility, but reality. Denial of these benefits happens every day, in spite of the fact that these individuals are required, just as their co-workers are, to pay into Social Security. Presented with this information, in addition to the remainder of the 1,138 rights and benefits afforded married couples in this country, reasonable people will conclude that this is unfair, and yet another reason that civil marriage equality is a human right.
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The dynamics of marriage may make you reach such a point that your husband does not seem to love you any more. When you are not ready to give up on your marriage, you may be looking for ways of making your husband fall in love again. If this is your desire, then you should be aware that there are actually a number of things that will help you to remedy the situation and rescue your marriage. Let us take a look at some of the important considerations.Give him some timeWomen usually like to solve any issue that arises without delay. So you may want to approach your husband with the issue as soon as you notice that his feelings have shifted. However, this may not be the right thing to do at the moment.You should understand the fact that men are not as ready as women to share what they feel. Therefore, you can just make your husband withdraw further when he feels that you are putting pressure on him to open up.This, however, does not mean that you should just sit idly by as your husband’s feelings continue to shift. You should instead take measures that will influence him to have a change of feeling.Make him have a better feeling of himselfIf you are interested in making your husband fall in love with you once more, you should enhance his self esteem. He will appreciate you more when you make him feel good about himself in the first place. In fact, when you come to think of it, it is because you used to make him feel really good about himself that he fell in love with you at the beginning.You should help him feel better once more if you want to recapture his love. Emphasize his strengths instead of dwelling on his weak points. Learn to appreciate his efforts genuinely. Complement and be thankful to him.Give him more attentionAt the initial stages of your marriage, chances are that you used to focus on each other a great deal. After some time, however, you may get into a normal routine where you take your husband for granted. It’s not that you don’t care about him any more; you just focus more on your other responsibilities. For example, when you give birth, you are likely to devote almost all of your time to taking care of your baby.While you should not neglect such responsibilities, neither should you take your husband for granted in the process. You should make special arrangements to have special moments just with him. This will help you to connect with each other once more.You may plan to have quality time together away from normal interruptions at least once every week. And why shouldn’t you make arrangements for a second honeymoon?If you are interested in making your husband fall in love with you again, you should ensure that you bring back the romance in your marriage.
In a relationship there are many things that are beyond your control. Perhaps your partner had a bad day and doesn’t realize he’s taking it out on you. Maybe the two of you are fighting and you no longer even know why. If you find yourself at the brink thinking, “How can I avoid divorce?” then this article has the information you need.No matter how bad the situation seems, you can still take steps to turn the tide and avoid divorce. Just have confidence and follow the following tips.1. If you find yourself too angry or upset to think it may be best to take a few days to cool off. Leave your partner alone for a few days; use that time to clear your mind and figure out what you want from the relationship.2. If your partner lashes out at you for no apparent reason don’t automatically fight back. Consider that he might have had a bad time at work dealing with rude clients all day. Let it slide. Avoid divorce by addressing the issue when neither of you is feeling testy.3. Often a fight will bring up issues that have nothing to do with the root of the problem. In anger you or your spouse might attack each other’s habits or hobbies. Try to figure out what the fight is really about. Only then can you find a solution and move on.If you find you are having a lot of fights try reading books that address this issue. One excellent book, ‘Save My Marriage Today’ is filled expert advice. It will help you avoid divorce by giving you techniques on how to handle your partner’s anger and diffuse an argument.4. Repairing a broken relationship will take time. So don’t expect immediate results. During this period try not to bluntly criticize your partner but address issues in a more roundabout way. Tell a story that conveys a similar situation but does not use your partner’s name.Nobody likes to feel blamed or in the wrong. In order to avoid divorce you and your partner will need to find better ways of communicating. Follow these tips and you will be off to a good start.
Sex is a human need. Let’s face it, none of us would be here without it. Along with money, it makes the world go round. If we have both these things in abundance, then generally we have a good chance of being happy, or at least happier.When your partner doesn’t want to have sex for long periods of time, it can make you feel rejected and unwanted. Men in particular need this level of intimacy. Whether you are male or female, if you want regular sex and your partner doesn’t, it is likely to cause problems. When you first got together, you probably couldn’t get enough of each other. Perhaps this changed after you get married. Maybe work and kids have made it less of a priority for your partner. But if you still consider it an important aspect of your life together, frustration is going to build – figuratively and literally speaking.Maybe you’ve tried talking to them about it. Does it end up spiraling into an argument because you both can’t seem to see where the other is coming from? This further decreases the chances of you sharing what is such a special and intimate act. It probably spills over into other areas of your marriage too – resentment and frustration on both your parts is never going to spell good news. It may even be jeopardizing the marriage. In a good marriage, a good sex life will be the icing on the cake. If you really want that icing, it’s up to you to take the steps needed to get it.
Heal your broken marriage by learning some very basic problem-solving techniques. All marriages have problems at some point but most couples are not prepared to handle them. In this article we are going to focus on solutions, not problems. In order to heal a broken marriage, couples need to identify the core problems in a marriage and learn how to solve them. “Men and women are like two feet, we need each other to get ahead. But, that doesn’t mean we always understand each other.”When it comes to problem-solving, most people benefit from having a list of things to focus on and keep in mind as they are working. I’m going to give you a list of suggestions and later you can create your own list of the things that you think need to be repaired in your marriage. Focus on how to fix what is NOT working in your marriage and nurture what IS working for you.Problem Solving Techniques:When trying to solve the problems in your marriage, try not to jump into the fire of conflict. When emotions flare up (and they will), don’t be fooled by the intensity. A lot of that anger is really hurt in disguise.Try to separate your emotions about the problem from the steps you need to take to solve the problem itself – this is a hard thing to do and it will take some effort.Many couples have unrealistic expectations about marriage and relationships. Be flexible, learn how to bend in your relationship. Try to recognize what is important to solving a problem and let the other things go.Listen AND verbalize. These are equally important. Couples have a tendency to do one or the other, but not both at the same time. Not only do you need to hear what your partners concerns are but the opposite is true as well.When solving a problem, think of yourselves as teammates, not opponents. You should be working together to solve a problem for the benefit of BOTH of you.When you are trying to identify the problems in your marriage, it’s important to distinguish between the symptoms of a problem and the core problem itself. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that couples get the symptoms of the problem confused with the problem itself. Your goal is to work on the core problem and let the symptoms become a part of the past.Most importantly: start small. It’s just not possible to repair everything at once. You will have the most success if you take it one step at a time. Start with something that will be the easiest to fix and go from there.Try to keep in mind that healing your marriage will be an ongoing process. Sometimes you are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. You are going to experience both laughter and tears as you go forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. Keep your eye on the prize and remember how lucky you are to have each other.
You find that your marriage is in crisis, and you’re looking for self help marriage tips. Your emotions are raging, and you feel like there is no hope to save your marriage. This is not true! As long as you have the desire to save your marriage, and know that it will take some time and effort, you CAN save your marriage, and here is how you are going to do just that:Learn How to Spot Problems While They’re Still SmallEvery marriage has its share of problems. One of the best ways to handle those problems is to tackle them while they’re still small. When you learn how to identify small problems, you will be able to handle them effectively, and stop them from growing into huge, painful problems.How Well do You Communicate With Each Other?If you went to a paid carriage counselor, one of the first things they will tell you is that, without proper communication, your marriage will continue to suffer. Many times, especially in heated arguments, things are said and taken by the spouse in two totally different ways. (For example – if your spouse tries to diffuse an argument by telling you that you hair looks nice today, you may respond by asking what was wrong with it on any other day.) By learning how to communicate effectively, you will learn how to diffuse arguments before they bloom into full scale fights.How Self Help marriage Counseling Will Help YouYou can best learn what to do and / or say from someone who has been there before. They have been where you are now, and have learned how to resolve problems in their early stages. Over time, you will have a much easier time doing this. Also, by learning how to communicate, you will find that your marriage develops a stronger bond than ever before.
Marriages are made in heaven and undone on earth – may be the principle followed by the modern generation. Economic depression, stress and tensions of modern life, ego problems etc take a toll on happy marriages. While most of the time the partners reconcile, many follow the warring path. Invariably, children are the victims of such marital discords. At a time when they need the care and love of both the parents, young minds suffer insecurity and worries of a broken home. Often they find themselves in an embarrassing situation in family courts, when they are asked to choose between father and mother. These situations can affect the young children in a negative manner. Maladjustment, hatred towards marriage, lack of self confidence etc are the problems faced by such children.There are many reasons which cause rift between the partners. Infidelity, lack of communication, interference of parents etc can be some of the reasons. But these problems should not be allowed to fester. If they cannot be settled by the couples they should seek the help of experienced marriage family counsellors. Such experts are practical minded people with lots of experience. Family counsellors have mended fences, even in severe cases.Even couples can seek the help of materials like CDs and books written by famous marriage counsellors. The answer to their problem may be found in such tools. Marriage fitness camps are there now a days, where the couples can interact with counsellors for long periods. Question answer sessions, assignments etc which are to be completed by the partners can also help saving the marriage. E-mail sessions run by counsellors also go a long way in stopping divorce.
When it comes to saving your marriage, you want to get to the other side. To get to the other side you can take the short road which appears that it will lessen your pain or you can take the long road which will actually build back the critical foundations of attraction that you and your partner shared.It’s up to you which road you take.There are a lot of magic formulas promising to be the genie that winks at you so that you follow some 30 day rule of no contact to get back with your spouse.You know how easy it is to bait a child with candy because he/she is naive. Desperation tend to make people gullible and very naive. Here you are trying to search for legitimate information and people out there are making guarantees that you cannot lose if you follow some home brewed formula.I know you are highly intelligent and you well know the truth. If you are desperate because of trying things that have backfired on you, you’re probably just sick of being lonely and want a way out of the messy emotions you are feelings.There is a way out BUT it comes with a price.The same emotions you are trying to run away from is a gift to tell you that what you need to learn to be in a healthy relationship. Pain teaches us to avoid. Your painful emotions is your teacher to help you learn more healthier emotional skills to sustain a great relationship.Instead of following tactics to stop your divorce or save your marriage, learn the lessons that you need to learn so that you don’t end up completely humiliating yourself and crawling on your belly like a snake because you are using “magic” to save your marriage.
Do you know that it is possible to finally eliminate the fear, anxiety and stress that currently envelopes you and your spouse and replace it with feelings of love, joy and contentment, thus effectively saving your marriage from dissolving. You do not have to imagine it, because, with the tips that you will find in this write up and some useful resources that I will suggest to you, your path would solidly change from marital frustration into marital bliss. Whatever the situation in your marriage may be, I will urge you not to contemplate divorce because it can never be a solution to your marriage problems. What you should occupy yourself with is ways that you can utilize to save your marriage. Before I go ahead to give the tips that will help you to save your marriage, let met say explicitly that no matter how far gone your marriage is, there is always a way to resolve the problems. People have resolved worse cases; therefore yours should not be different.Some Useful tips that will help you to save your marriage:1. The first tip in trying to resolve any relationship problem despite the problem category is to accept that a problem exists and also adopt a positive attitude towards the resolution of that problem. Do not forget that, only when you acknowledge the existence of a problem can you effectively seek and apply strategies to resolve it. Try as much as possible to identify each problem singularly so as to choose the most effective means of addressing it. Believe you me, the methods that you will apply to effectively solve an infidelity problem may not effectively address a drinking problem neither would it efficiently tackle a lying problem. Coupled to the identification of this problems, you should be positive towards it resolution. With the adoption of this positive attitude, the next step it to seek help either offline or online (there are many effective e-books online on the subject of saving your marriage and bringing back a lost love, in addition to it’s effectiveness it is also far more cheaper to afford).2. More marriages die from neglect than anything else. Often, it is simply a matter of life getting in the way. Strangely, something as important as marriage gets ignored. More than that, many relationships shift from suffering with neglect to a growing animosity and antipathy. The innocent beginning of a crisis (neglect, lack of understanding, etc.) can quickly spin into a crisis that puts the entire marriage at risk. You have to do your best in trying to resolve any small issue that comes up instead of allowing it pile up and ultimately resulting to severe marital problems. What if you are the only party interested in solving the problems i.e. your spouse may be indifferent to any solution that would ease the marital tension, what can you do? Well, first off try your best to work on yourself and eliminate those faults attributable to you that may cause a marriage problem before you can start implementing methods that would effect changes on your spouse’s faults. From the beginning, you and your spouse should concern yourselves with ways in which you can utilize to sustain your marriage as much as you concern yourselves in ways you use to maintain and sustain your finances.3. The third tip is to muster the ability to accommodate your spouse’s minor shortcomings. Rather than be critical about every little issue, you should endeavor to make your spouse understand what negative effect that little issue has on you. If it is a habit that he/she has, try to talk about it and find ways to get around the habit. As it is popularly said “old habits die hard”, you can never get your spouse to drop the old habit by constantly yelling and nagging. The truth is more often than not that your spouse may have realized that the habit is not proper but is finding it difficult to drop. Being your spouse, it is your duty to assist him/her to gently drop that habit which on the long run would benefit both of you immensely.There are many more general tips that I can share with you and even a lot more problem specific solution methods that I can share or suggest to you but the nature of this write up would not permit me to continue beyond this point. Take this as a parting note, yes you can save your marriage and even make it better than it had ever been.
Many fail to recognize that there is certain required etiquette during an elopement. As in a usual marriage, eloping should be done properly-which means you still have to consider the feelings of the people important in your life. Etiquette, after all, means good manners-and following the eloping etiquette means you maintain decorum during the whole process.One of the more obvious proponents of the eloping etiquette is the issue of inviting people during the ceremony. Many materials on eloping-and even the people who have eloped-are divided on this matter. On one hand, eloping doesn’t have to be entirely a secret, and it is only natural that you would want some of the most important people of your life to witness an event important for you. But on the other hand, when you invite a select number of people, you fail to invite more. And needless to say, this will be an issue to a number of your family and friends. They will ask how you chose the people invited to your elopement, and, consequently, they will ask you if their relationship with you isn’t enough to merit at least a notification. Although some may say that inviting a few loved ones to the ceremony can make the event more meaningful, this will also cause more feelings to be hurt.It is only proper eloping etiquette to be resolute with your decision. You can choose to hold a reception a few days after the elopement. This way, you have done the purpose of your elopement and you still get to celebrate that momentous moment in your life.You can, of course, announce the wedding after the elopement happened. Although it is not exactly necessary to hold a reception or some sort of celebration after your wedding, it is ideal. It is one way of acknowledging your friends and family. Those who do not hold a reception can simply send a card to people informing about the union. But needless to say, it is only proper eloping etiquette to tell the people closest to you about the wedding personally. It is simply rude to tell a close friend that you got married through telegram, as you can imagine. Again, in the absence of a reception, this personal approach is necessary because you acknowledge the importance of these people in your lives,As for the gifts, it is only common sense not to ask for gifts from people who weren’t invited during the ceremony. This is one of the downsides of eloping, although a rather petty one. Asking for gifts from people who didn’t even know about the wedding (as it should be, because it is an elopement) will only offend people. Of course, if you do hold a ceremony after the wedding, a formal reception or an informal gathering, you can ask for gifts from your guests-and the guests will only oblige. Some may not feel the need to give you gifts if you did not invite them during the ceremony, but only if you invited others.In the end, the very core of this eloping etiquette is to be respectful and considerate.