I will directly cut to the chase: The method on how to save my marriage that changed how I viewed relationships permanently was that: “endless self sacrifice won’t bring a marriage anywhere”.I will get to what that means shortly, but I will first talk about the “applications” of that method. Fixing a marriage, according to that method which DID save my marriage; is not always about talking to your spouse and sort out your differences, reach some kind of compromise by sacrificing and then simply getting along easily. No – if your marriage is troubled, that brings you nowhere.Why? Quick rundown: My husband wanted to divorce, but I wanted so save our marriage. It was crystal clear. Now – what would talking to him to save my marriage mean? It would mean me giving out to him every field that was important to me, and now that he had the upper hand on most of the situations, he would get back to me. Reaching a consensus only works, and is only possible if both sides want the marriage to continue. If one side has made up his or her mind about ending the marriage, then a “consensus” only means the other spouse begging to him or her to save the marriage and stop the divorce. This will not work, and will even make you look pathetic and desperate. And no one wants a desperate spouse.What SHOULD be done is, playing the marriage (and relationship) game according to its rules. Your spouse will love you more not when you beg to him. He or she will love you when you are inaccessible to him. This means just the exact opposite of begging – and it was a method with those foundations that taught me how to save my marriage, and stopped my divorce.
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For many women, “Help me save my marriage!” is a desperate cry for a last ditch attempt at saving a floundering marriage. They feel powerless to take any concrete action that may stave off the collapse of their marriage. Someone’s pulled the rug from under their feet and now they’re in free fall. If any of this sounds even remotely like what you’re going through right now, read on to discover four ways that you can avoid drowning in the emotional nightmare of a failed marriage.Communicate With EmpathyListen with an open mind to what your spouse has to say about things that went wrong in your marriage. Don’t be judgmental. Keep from flying off the handle and resorting to the blame game. None of these negative actions will be of any assistance to you. And they’re certainly not a solution to your clarion call: “Help me save my marriage.” You have to communicate with empathy. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to imagine what he’s going through. Look into his eyes and communicate from your heart.Make Small SacrificesDo you recall your grandparents? They stayed married a long time, didn’t they? What was their secret, do you think? Simple. They made small sacrifices that paid huge dividends. Each thought in terms of the other. So think of your partner and ask yourself how your actions may affect him. Make him the focus of your attention. What you learn from this activity will go a long way to assist you solve your “help me save my marriage” problem. Most of us are so self centered that we take our spouse for granted. Men are especially sensitive to being ignored. Shift the balance in his favor and watch your marriage prosper.Let The Small Stuff GoEver heard of the saying: “Let small stuff go”? When you’re holding a magnifying glass to the little things that your spouse did wrong, you miss seeing all the big things he did right. You nibble away at crackers and leave off the main cuisine. He’ll feel defeated and frustrated that he can’t seem to please you. And when he’s had enough of the nit picking he might just decide to pack it all in. And that’s when you’ll suddenly wake up and cry out: “Help me save my marriage!” Before things get to that stage, ladies, remember the mantra: let the small stuff go.Laugh Heartily And OftenLaughter evens out the creases in a relationship. It fills out the empty spaces that inevitably form in a marriage. Laughter brings a lightness of spirit. When you don’t take yourself too seriously, you can overlook the unintentional slights and imagined insults. Draw close together with laughter and you won’t have to whimper: “Help me save my marriage” anymore.
Unless one of the partners in the marriage is a flippant and frivolous kind of person, it takes a lot of motivation and desperation to call off a marriage, no matter what the duration is or the effects this decision will have on the spouse or the rest of the family. However, if there is intrinsic love and respect for each other, you could still save your marriage and salvage the situation before it gets too late.Though it is critically important to know why the split up happened in the first place, we are not going to talk about it right now presuming that you already have a clear idea what or who is responsible for breaking up your marriage. Let us think more positive and discuss ways to save your marriage, where the most important point to remember is that the intention to save it has to be present in both of you. It is impossible to save your marriage where only you express keenness to repair the damages and the other simply sits back and assesses your progress. In case you see this happening, it is better that you stop further efforts to save your marriage, instead release the person from the bondage.Let us begin where it normally begins when a marriage turns sour: total breakage in communication; disinterest in all activities where you play a role; staying away from any intimacy including sex; shying away from any social interaction; resorting to various types of addiction; staying away from home as much as possible; frequent outbursts of temper – in fact ask any person going through a bad marriage and he or she would come up with more gory incidents. Be that as it may, you somehow sense that the days are numbered when your spouse is either going to leave home or announce the intention for splitting. Ideally, as an intelligent and aware spouse, you should start work to save your marriage at the earliest signal before the snowballing effect starts to show. But even if you blame events on other causes like stress at work, loss of job, death in the family, ill health, a ominous combination of all or whatever, make it a point to keep a close watch on the way things are moving if you want to save your marriage. Here are some tips which have always proved right, no matter what the individual situations are:- Before you start your efforts to save your marriage think and write down the issues which are bothering you. Do not rely on memory and never start any discussion on the subject when one or both of you are in a bad mood. Pick up an opportune moment, preferably when there is no one at home, or somewhere where you can talk without any interruption when you can gradually broach the topic.- Sound positive and express your sincerity of purpose right at the beginning. Make it very clear that you are very keen to save your marriage and this discussion is not to blame each other or pin-point each other’s inadequacies. Try to make this meeting constructive rather than wasting time on trivia.- To save your marriage, discuss issues openly and frankly, without using abusive or hurtful words. Even if your spouse has made umpteen mistakes including acts of insensitivity, carelessness, irresponsible behavior, etc – you do not have to bring up those topics rudely. For example, if excessive alcohol consumption is an issue between the two of you, talk about health concerns more than anything else. If there is a third person who is disrupting the marriage, never abuse or underestimate the other person – in stead, make polite enquiries and ask your spouse abut his or her future intentions, depending on which you could chalk out your future course of actions to save your marriage.- Spend as much time as possible with each other. Invite your spouse to that quaint little restaurant where you have spent many happy hours earlier. The whole idea is to talk and open up your hearts in a peaceful and relaxed environment. This also includes planning a short holiday, where you could be together for a long stretch of time. The touch therapy still works. Touch your spouse whenever wherever just to show that you are there and you care.Forgiveness, patience and perseverance are perhaps the most important tools you need to save your marriage. The critical issue here is not to waste time in wishful thinking or even allowing hatred and anger to build up. It spoils the chances to save your marriage even further.
The children have grown and moved out. Much to our delight, my spouse and I have been taking trips of greater distance and longer stay.While cleaning out one of the now spare bedrooms, I pushed the furniture to one end of the room and exposed the hard wood of the open floor. “This looks like one of those studios that celebrities use while preparing to dance with the stars.” I mused out loud.My wife took serious note. The time for me to answer her call to go “dancing” would no longer be ignored. We live off the beaten path. Dance instructors are fifty miles or more away. The price for professional help is appealing but the number of evenings so far absent from the house is too much.This I had hoped would dim my spouse’s interest. In fact it did not. The book store and the internet became our official resource for learning to dance as a couple. Here is the way I became a polished dancer. I still can’t believe it.The first decision was to choose which dance to learn. My other half was trained during adolescence in ball room dancing. I was untrained in all forms. So I agreed to become adequate in the Tango, Cha Cha, and Waltz. This was my limit and my wife was thrilled.There are many books published with clear illustrations of feet placements for the basic dance steps as well as photos of professional couples making each step. Inexpensive CD’s for ball room dancing are everywhere. I spent as little as six (6) bucks on a used Tango CD.My spouse and I would slowly walk through a single step with out music. We repeated this while holding a book and looking at the pictures. It wasn’t pretty at first but it’s not rocket science. When I became frustrated my wife reminded…” It’s just for fun!”Once we became comfortable then we would make the one step repetitively to music.One step at a time…this was our method. When we could do just the basic steps for one dance then we started to put several steps together. We could promenade counter clock wise about our little (8×10) dance hall. She was thrilled. I must admit I looked forward to our practice sessions. The music is gorgeous and some of it makes us quite amorous.Most of the professional instruction came via DVD. These are easily found on Ebay. We watched the video, we stepped with the video, and we tried some of the easy fancy stuff on the video. We did this for each dance. We became accomplished enough to go public as dancers.Lastly, we sought out classes from a professional. We wished not to turn competitive by any means but we desired to show a bit of a polished look in a social environment. Plus I was anxious to show her sister (who competes in Blackpool, England every year) I wasn’t an oaf.Now when we travel we Google “Ball Room Dancing” for our destination. We practice (4-6) hours each week. Thanks to my darling, both of us have trimmed inches.I find myself dancing to the weather channel!
Your marriage is hurting, and you want to learn what you can do to resolve the problems. There are many different reasons for marital problems, and there are many different ways to fix those problems.The very first step in repairing your marriage is to learn to recognize the problem(s). It could be financial, emotional, etc. You have to figure out what the problem or problems are before you can try to fix anything.Talk to your spouse. Find out their side of the story. Ask them how they think it should be fixed. Tell them your side, and how you think things could be better. By asking their side, you are really doing two things -#1: You are telling your spouse that you value their opinions. You are telling them that you do love them, and that you want to make your marriage work.#2: You are letting yourself see another point of view. Sometimes, when we see things at a different angle, we are better able to come up with more solutions to the problems.Working together is the best way to solve your problems. That’s what marriage is about – two people brought together to live as one. By learning to work as a team, you will find that even the most difficult problems can be handled with no thoughts of divorce at all.Also, by learning to work together, you will develop a bond between the two of you that will become so strong that you will be able to handle anything. Together.
Marriage problems tend to crop up after a period of time that passes when your expectations of your partner or yourself fail to meet the reality of your relationship. You probably don’t even realize the reason your relationship is failing, because these small underlying issues are coming together and creating this big monster of hurt and resentment, that you didn’t see coming. These expectations are buried deep within the roots of your relationship, and become dangerous because most couples have a tendency to not discuss what their expectations of each other are.The kind of things I am talking about here are the day to day things that we do with little or no thought, that become routine. Things like: How much time should we spend together? How often should we have sex? How much should we spend on each other for gifts? Who’s job is it to take out the garbage? How much time do we need to spend apart?Now you know how to identify exactly what you want from your partner, you can see how these things have been causing bitterness in your heart. When you and your husband or wife are arguing frequently, I am willing to bet that these expectations play a major role in how you fight and what you say to one another. Even if the argument is not about one of these little issues, it is a good indication of how you feel about being ‘let down’ and as a result, these issues can be used as ammunition against each other.
Is your husband going on a rampage trying to recapture his youth? In other words, has he tweaked his wardrobe, hair or changed his vehicle to something trendier? Has he announced that he is no longer “in love” with you? Are you afraid a divorce is right around the corner? What can you do to save your marriage?All of a sudden your husband is not the charming man you once married. Who is this guy? You may have been humming along for a number of years perfectly content – never questioning the happily ever after vow the two of you promised each other. Now all of a sudden you are facing a marriage crisis. You seem to be the only one who thinks there is a problem in your marriage. Your husband doesn’t see a problem – he’s fixated on himself and his needs only.Your husband may have a classic case of MLC or a Midlife Crisis. It is painful to be on the receiving end of this, however, try to keep things in perspective and know that your marriage can be saved. Below are three things to help you through this crisis and save your marriage:
Understand the cause of your husband’s behavior. Although not as common a discussion, men go through “the change” as well. Changes in hormone levels affect men as much as they do women between the ages of 40 – 60. Common symptoms are mood swings and irrational behavior, somewhat akin to adolescence. For many men, fear and a sense of mortality take over and rational thought takes a back seat. In most cases, this is just a phase. Hopefully the dust will settle and your husband will eventually come to his senses.
Get support. Get plenty of help, love and support, whether it is from family and friends or through counseling. You need to keep your head above water. If you are an empty-nester, you may be going through your own mid life crisis. Get help defining your new reality and handling your life.
Focus on you. Unplug from your husband’s ranting and raving. For now, quit focusing on trying to please your husband and take some time for yourself. This is a perfect time to catch up with girlfriends or visit family. Begin focusing on doing fun things for yourself. Giving your husband any kind of attention, even negative attention, only inflates his ego. There really is no downside to pursuing your own happiness. No matter what happens, know that you will be OK.
Although more subtle than children, adults go through stages in life as well. Dealing with a husband’s midlife crisis is not easy, but hopefully, this too shall pass. With the right guidance, your marriage can be stronger than ever.
Save my marriage now – that’s all you want to do – what you HAVE to do. Don’t think that your marriage is doomed. It certainly is NOT! A lot of couples face marital issues every day, and they learn to resolve those problems. They have taken their marriage from a point of crisis to a marriage that is stronger than ever before, and now you are going to learn how, too!Marriage Requires WorkA healthy relationship requires work. To keep a marriage healthy, you have to put effort into it. If you don’t, then small problems will snowball, and you will be on your way to an avalanche, and fast! A marriage is made up of good times and bad. It requires that couples learn how to face these problems and tackle them – TOGETHER. Facing marital issues isn’t easy, and it is definitely more difficult if you are the only one trying. But is CAN be done, and your marriage will be stronger in the long run, because of the effort you put into it now.What’s Wrong?Before you can do anything else, you have to find out why the problem started in the first place. If they are willing to talk, talk to your spouse. Ask them what they think the problems is. There are two sides to every story. By seeing things from BOTH sides, you can better understand what is happening, and then you can find ways to resolve those issues.Resolving the Issue at HandLearn how to tackle one problem at a time. There are many different ways to fix a problem. If your first attempt doesn’t work, try something different. If you stop trying when one thing doesn’t work, you are giving up. NEVER give up on your marriage! You got married for a reason! If you are getting more depressed as you try to fix the problems, try to think back to when you had fun in your marriage. By bringing those positive thoughts back into your mind, dealing with problems becomes much easier.You have to be persistent. Don’t try one thing and quit if it doesn’t work. Try to talk to your spouse and see how they think it could be fixed. This may open your eyes to different things you haven’t thought of. The best way to work on a marriage is by both of you working together. I know, sometimes this just isn’t possible. But at least TRY to get your spouse to help.Sometimes, it takes one person’s persistence to make the marriage better to show the other person that it IS worth fighting for! Show your spouse that you want to save your marriage. That may be just what they need to also turn around and start working to save it.
Debt in marriage can be incredibly stressful. It is one of the leading causes of marital problems, if not marital breakup. In this age of credit card debt, when many people owe thousands on their credit cards, ‘debt stress’ is very common. Here are 4 tips to get out of debt – and stay out of debt. 1) Figure out your current financial situationIt really is amazing how few people know their current financial situation. Yet unless you know how much money you have (or how much money you owe), it is difficult to get out of debt, or stay out of it. Do the following to find out your current financial situation:First find out how much money you have. Check you bank statements, along with any other ‘liquid’ assets that you have access to, such as shares. Make a note of how much this figure is.Secondly, find out how much money you owe. This will be in the form of loans, whether credit card, or other personal loans, such as for furniture etc. Leave your mortgage out of the equation for now.Finally, take the figure for money you owe, and subtract that from money you have. This will give the your current financial situation. So if you owe $5000, and you have $2000, then you are $3000 in debt.2) Make a budget that you both agree on- and stick to it!!A Budget is simply a record of your Income minus your Expenses. Make sure that you both agree to the Budget you come up with, otherwise it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.List all of your Income sources, whether your salary, government benefits, dividends from shares etc. It is best to do this fortnightly, if you get paid fortnightly, or monthly if you get paid monthly: whatever your major income cycle is, make sure your income reflects the amount you get for that cycle. Next, list all your Expenses. Be sure to include everything: Groceries, Rent/Mortgage, Utilities, Phone(s), Entertainment, Car expenses (broken down into Petrol, Servicing, Registration, Insurance) – you get the idea! Do this for the same cycle as for Income: if your Income is written out fortnightly, then make sure you convert all your expenses into fortnightly expenses. Finally, once both Income and Expenses are listed, include another Expense:the ‘Safety Tap’. This will simply be 10% of your Income over the given period. So if you earn $1500 every fortnight, then your safety tap will be $150. This is simply to cover any unexpected expenses (of which there will be a few). Having figured out your Budget, be sure to stick to it!3) Pay off all outstanding credit cards as soon as possibleIf your credit cards are accruing interest for outstanding amounts, then pay this off as soon as possible. Interest rates on credit cards are usually exorbitant (around 15%), and you’ll be losing money at a very fast rate if you don’t pay them off as soon as possible. 4) Seriously consider getting rid of credit cards and paying only cash One of the traps of credit cards is that they make you think that it’s not your money that you’re spending. But the reality is that you’ll have to pay back every cent you spend: often with interest (if not paid back within the ‘Interest Free’ Period). So to avoid this trap, spend cash instead.Take the cash out that you need to cover the expenses for your Income period. Allocate the cash to the various expenses by the use of envelopes, labelled with what the expense is (e.g. ‘Utility Bills’, Groceries’, ‘Entertainment’ etc). Once the money from the envelope(s) is gone, don’t spend any more. Paying with Cash helps you from spending more than you have. This is a fundamental principle if you want to get out of debt, and stay out of debt.ConclusionDebt is a real killer of marriages. However, by implementing the above 4 steps, you’ll be able to get out of debt, and stay out of debt. This will help preserve your marriage from one of the biggest causes of divorce in the developed world.
Finding a Polish woman to marry can be enough of a challenge on its own, but it’s even harder to keep your marriage happy, healthy, and strong. Marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people to work together and you ought to remember that to help your new relationship flourish. Always live each day as if it was your last together, and treat your bride with as a queen. Meanwhile, here are some effective tips on how to keep your Polish partner lucky.One of the common traits of Polish women is their affinity to say what they think without sugar-coating it. You must concede this fact and love her anyway. Always accept your partner for who she is and give her your everlasting devotion and love. And forever be polite as that is something that goes a long way with Polish women.Another thing that you can do to show your Polish companion how much she means to you is to buy her a bouquet of flowers. Nearly every woman likes to collect plants, and they are a great gift for any occasion. It’s the small gestures like nice surprises and gifts that truly show a woman how much you love them.You must also always be a gentleman to your bride and treat your partner as a princess and show her the utmost respect. Polish women demand men to be chivalrous by doing thoughtful things like holding doors open for them and making sure they are well taken care of.One of the best things that you can do to keep your Polish companion jovial is too welcome her ethnicity and culture with open arms and make it a part of your lives. There are many interesting aspects of Poland’s country that you can adopt inside your home, like eating Polish food, sporting their clothing, listening to Polish musicians, enjoying movies made in Poland, and even trying to learn the Polish language. Your new spouse will definitely be impressed with your open-mindedness and willingness to appreciate and embrace her culture.So by following all these steps, and by always taking the time and making the effort to show your consort your love and respect, you will not only make your Polish wife very glad but also guarantee a strong and joyful matrimony for a long time to come.