‘Help me save my marriage’ is a cry from many who are having troubles in their married life. You know your marriage is in danger but you don’t know what to do. You can’t just sit and watch everything tumble down. All you need is sound advice on how to save your marriage. You need an S.O.S.S.O.S stands for Sacrifice, Open up and Simplify.Sacrifice:Sacrifice is not a boon gifted by God. We all need to learn how to make sacrifices because we are all human beings. We are self-centered creatures. We see and do things in our advantage. If you want to save your marriage, learn to make sacrifices. Don’t wait for your partner to change, YOU be the first to take this step. Bring the change and in return you will surely get positive responses. If you wait for too long, your relationship will get worse as days go by.Open up:Something very crucial in a relationship is communication. Usually when something goes wrong in a marriage, both partners stay quiet instead of opening themselves up and communicating ideas to clear misunderstandings and repair things. Some people are timid, some are afraid of discussions, others are too hot tempered. But, keep in mind that the more you stay quiet, the more you are putting your marriage at risk. Remember, if you take a positive attitude and stay calm while talking, nothing will go wrong.Simplify:You know, simplicity avoids troubles. So, learn to live your life simple and don’t get things complicated. Sometimes, we create big fuss for petty stuffs. We don’t realize what we are doing until the matter is out of our control and too late to rectify. Make things a lot simpler to stay away from fights. Overlook details and concentrate on the heart of your troubles.
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Appreciation is very important in people’s lives. Although other people may appreciate you, you are likely to be very disappointed if your husband is not among them. When you feel that your husband hardly appreciates you, you may think that the best approach is to talk to him about the issue. While it is an undeniable fact that communication forms the bedrock of finding amicable solutions, you should understand that talking is not the only way of communicating.If you want your husband to appreciate you, the best approach is to show him through your own actions. This becomes even more important when you consider the fact that you are very likely to get resentful when you feel less appreciated by your husband. Unfortunately, this will only weaken the bond between you further.You therefore need to make a conscious effort to show your husband your value in his own life. The best way of achieving this is through your actions.Create more balance in your relationshipIn many cases, taking care of the family becomes a full time responsibility of the wife. You may be so busy with such responsibilities that some imbalance develops in your relationship.You should avoid trying to do all necessary chores on your own. In fact, it may be necessary to take some time away. This will arouse your husband from his comfort zone, where you did everything and he did not have any time to miss you.Let your husband take care of some of the responsibilities and he will begin to appreciate the important role that you play in his life. If you do everything, your husband won’t really know the weight you carry, and he is likely to take your role for granted. Let him help you with some responsibilities and he will appreciate you more.Human beings are creatures of habit, and your husband can easily get used to your taking care of everything. Shake him out of this comfort by letting him take care of some of these responsibilities. After he feels the weight, he will realize how great your help really is.Take a tripGiven that it may be difficult to avoid doing the things you used to take charge of when you are around, it is important that you take a short vacation. During the time when you are away, your husband will have no choice but to take care of the things you were responsible for. Be assured that he will see you in a different light by the time you come back.If you feel that your husband does not appreciate your efforts, you should not get resentful. This simple method will help you to change his mind.
In any close relationship, whether it be with family members, friends, or romantic partners, we like to feel like we can trust the other person. In fact, often the quality of the relationship is dependent on this factor. In marriage, trust is vitally important. Once it’s broken, it can be very hard to recover. Of course, this often depends on what exactly caused the trust to be broken in the first place. For many people, infidelity can be too much to recover from and they would rather end the marriage than even attempt to forgive and move past it. Infidelity is perhaps the most common cause of broken trust in a marriage. There are countless other causes too though.It’s difficult to trust someone when they have been dishonest with you. When their lies have been revealed, it can completely change the way you feel about them and the marriage itself. Even if they are telling the truth, there is always a part of you that is questioning it, simply because that’s how they have conditioned you to be. The thing is though, it might be that they are now completely honest and genuine with you at all times, but these seeds of doubt you have in your mind means you can’t see it.To really move forward with this important issue, both parties have to look within and come to terms with why exactly such an important aspect of any relationship is now broken. From there, they can begin to move forward.
Did you ever have a time that you tell yourself you want to break free from this marriage and be single again? A person can be sick of a marriage after together for a long time. This is especially true when couples are having the same routine every day. The most common reason when a person sick of marriage is “Bored”. When a person gets really bored in a relationship, they start to show out their bad attitude to the marriage.They begin to take things for granted. The mentality is like “since I am married for so long, why should I bother so much about how my husband or wife thinks or feels.” They start to ignore or pay lesser attention to their spouse, thinking that their spouse would “understand”.They also will start to feel their spouse is not as attractive as it used to be. There are many reasons contributing to this problem. Probably, the spouse also doesn’t bother to look good over years or may have overlooked to watch their waistline grow. At least 80% of the couples did not bother to dress up after marriage.Couples who are sick of marriage often find their partner not romantic enough. You may have heard people complaining stuffs like this, “My husband has changed so much after marriage, he stopped doing romantic things with me.” What does that means? It means couples still yearn for romance even it is 10 or 20 years of marriage. Romance will not go out of trend even it is centuries years later.The most sorry thing to hear is people do divorce because of boredom in the marriage and it is common. The fact is this is one of the easiest problems to fix in a marriage. If you or your spouse is wondering if you should divorce or continue the marriage, then let me tell you, most problems found in a relationship can be solved easily with the right methods used.
Over the holiday, I got an email from a wife who told me that she was afraid that her husband “really didn’t want to be married to me anymore.” Her husband had not come right out and told her this, but his actions were speaking volumes. She said that her husband was increasingly absent, distant, and cold. He had been spending less and less time at home, seemed to want to be with friends and coworkers more than his wife, and was rarely initiating contact anymore. She did not really suspect an affair because she did not feel that this was her husband’s style. Instead, she felt that he was more likely to want to end the marriage. She asked for my advice as to what she should do. I’ll share with you what I told her in the following article.Why I Felt That She Shouldn’t Come Right Out And Ask Him If He Wanted A Divorce: I advised the wife to not press the issue. This was really either going to put the husband on the defensive or contribute to him saying something that might be hurtful and not at all helpful. I wanted for her to be clear that the goal was really not to define the husband’s future intentions. What she wanted instead was to improve the relationship so that she would no longer need to worry whether he was going to seek a divorce or not.To that end, I really didn’t want for her to get in his face and demand to know if he was committed to remaining married. Instead, I wanted for her to just begin focusing on herself – and then on the marriage. Because, you really can not control the feelings or even the actions of someone else. But, you can greatly control how you handle the situation. This can often have a huge impact on how things turn out.And often times, you don’t need to explain what you are doing to the point where your husband feels like you are placing blame. You can just begin making changes on your own. Sure, eventually, he will notice. But by the time he does, things will already be greatly improved. And, this is where you should be before you begin trying to make huge changes or to ask difficult questions. The ground is likely too shaky to introduce additional challenges right now.Giving Him The Space To Figure Out That The Grass Probably Isn’t As Green As He Might Think: First off, we don’t actually know what this wife’s husband is thinking. He may not be as unhappy as she thinks. However, she might well be accurate. In truth, my advice would be the same either way. I did not want for her to demand huge changes until they began to deeply bond again. I wanted for her to appear fun loving, light hearted, and busy. Because often times, our perceptions are flavored by what is going on in our own lives. So, if she could focus on her own happiness, I strongly suspected that things would begin to look differently to both her and her husband if she started to focus on her own contentment with out over analyzing everything to do with her husband.Once she did this and began to feel more positive and happy about her life and herself, I wanted for her to then focus those feelings onto her marriage. (It’s important that you do not skip the individual work. If you do, you will often find that you can’t give someone else what you do not have.) Again, she did not necessarily need to telegraph this. She just needed to focus on the two of them having more fun together on the occasions that he was present. She very much wanted to request that he be present more, but I asked that she try making their time together more fulfilling for both of them. I was pretty confident that if she did this, it would eventually be the husband who began initiating more of the contact since the payoff for him was going to be increasing.It’s so important to understand that everyone – and this includes her husband – will gravitate to the pay off. If the thing or person feels good and brings pleasure, then you are going to move toward it. If it doesn’t, then your inclination will be to want to move away. This may seem like an oversimplification, but she needed for her husband to begin getting the pay off so that he was moving toward, not away from her.Of course, she wanted to know what she should do if this did not work. I told her that she had to play this off convincingly, and, if she did, I felt that it would work. However, in the event that she didn’t get the reaction that she wanted, I advised her to have a bit of patience and to continue working on herself. If, after this he still seemed to want out the marriage, we would then address that specific issue. However, addressing the issue before you restore the intimacy and bond is sort of doing things backward. You will get so much better results if he is connected to you and has a vested interest in ensuring that the pay off continues.No matter how or when she decided to begin, I told her that she should not procrastinate or wait for him to make a move. Putting this off may ensure that his move is a negative one. It’s important to be proactive and to start creating a positive pay off. Even if things ultimately deteriorated, she was still going to be in a much better and stronger position moving forward. And, what did she have to lose by trying?
A crumbling marriage feels bad enough, but it feels even worse when you are the spouse who doesn’t want the marriage to end. In that situation, you simply feel horrible.How do I know this? I have been in the exact situation. I have felt that horrible thing when I saw my husband moving away from me every day, when I saw him caring less about me day by day. It was a disgusting feeling that I felt deeply in my heart. And you can only guess how bad I felt when I cried in front of him, only to see he wasn’t even looking at me and just continue reading the paper.What should you do on how to save your marriage? I find that in those situations, what you do and what you don’t do can be equally important, so I’ll start by something you should NEVER do.It is “thinking of a method on how to save a marriage by yourself”. The result is almost always a big nonsense and disappointment. Let me ask the following question to you: How good of a method on saving a marriage can you come up with, when you are devastated and are full of sorrow? I’ll tell you: Not good at all. The “methods” I thought of to stop my divorce were:
Crying in front of him to force him to see how sorry and desperate I was to save my marriage, so that he would come back to me.
Begging to him so that he would come back to me out of pity. How disgusting! Would I really want a husband who was with me because he pitied me?
In those situations, the absolutely greatest thing you can and should do is to ask for outside help. Which you are doing currently – at this very moment, so it is a great sign that you will be able to save your marriage! You Can Do It!
Marriage is probably one of the toughest commitments that you have to make in your life. Vowing to live and love a person, no matter what, is not an easy task! In the course of a marriage, you may experience hundreds of arguments and misunderstandings and, on occasion, even have your trust broken. Although there are many things that can possibly go wrong in a marriage, here are the most common problems that married couples encounter that have been known to lead to divorce.
Broken trust. Trust is the most important thing that should be guarded in a marriage. It serves as the foundation for your relationship. Trust in a marriage can be broken a number of ways. For example, infidelity, divulged secrets or when a spouse decides to take financial matters into his/her own hands without consulting the other.
Miscommunication – or no communication at all. When couples face problems or trials in their marriage, communication is the key to getting back on track. Communication is a two way street; there is the talking and then the listening. When spouses refuse to talk or listen to each other, problems become so much bigger reducing the chances of reconciliation.
Selfishness. When couples stop looking out for the good of their spouses and start thinking about their own interests, then problems are bound to happen. Marriage was never made for the selfish. It was designed to be a give and take relationship.
Close-mindedness. Couples who refuse to accept their partner’s flaws and ideas will eventually see their relationship doomed. Marriage is a union of two hearts and two minds. So do not expect to have everything done your way. If you do, you can expect your marriage to struggle or possibly fail.
Some of these causes may sound very “small” or “trivial” to you but, when ignored, could boil over into something really big and irreconcilable. So couples, try to stay away from these behaviors as much as possible if you intend to keep your marriage working.
“I remember our marriage ceremony… How happy I was, and how happy my spouse was… Then, a honeymoon… But look at what we have become now!”Does that sound like you? It sure sounds like the way I was when my marriage was ending and I was desperately trying to find a way on how to save a marriage. It is a pity marriages start on such a high note as honeymoons and grand ceremonies. Where do you go from such a high note? Down, of course.But I have learned that it doesn’t have to be that way. I saved my marriage, and neither my spouse nor me could ever think of getting divorced now. And it has been like this for months. What caused this amazing change in our marriage?I will be honest with you. It was my spouse (husband in my case, but doesn’t matter, read on) that wanted to divorce. Actually I didn’t think too, that things were going really that well. However, when he was clearly thinking of divorce, I was trying to save my marriage. He wanted to end it but I didn’t. And I fought.I fought wrongly at the start - I tried to come up with methods myself. How many good ways to save a marriage can you really come up with, being in a desperate state of mind? When you are full of sorrow? Unfortunately I thought of nonsense methods such as crying openly in front of him so he would see what he was worth to me, and thus get back to me. What nonsense!The first and foremost advice I can give you on how to save a marriage is simple: stop listening to that inner voice, stop chasing your spouse. He or she is already fed up with you now – so the LAST thing you want to do is to make him or her even more fed up with you.
If you are the one wondering how to mend a marriage after an affair, the chances are you are the one who has done the cheating. From the outset, it is important for you to understand that this is one of the most difficult indiscretions to overcome. The reason obviously, is that a good marriage is built on a foundation of trust. What you have done by having an affair is to betray that trust. You don’t need anyone to remind you how serious this is in terms of your marriage. You have already found this out; otherwise you wouldn’t be asking how to mend a marriage after an affair.Realistically, any chance you have of saving your marriage rests entirely in the hands of your spouse. It’s all well and good for you to say that you want another chance and that you are remorseful but unless your spouse is prepared to forgive you, you could be facing an uphill battle. As they say in the classics “nothing ventured – nothing gained.” So, you owe it to yourself and those close to you to do whatever is necessary to try and retrieve your marriage.So what should you do to get the ball rolling? First, you need to proceed slowly. Don’t pressure your spouse as this may backfire. If he/she is prepared to talk with you then you have something to work on. If that’s not the case, then you may need to resort to sending a letter (not an email – that’s not personal enough in these circumstances) expressing your regret at your indiscretion. Your next move depends on what reaction you get to your apology. If you can start the communicating process, then you have a chance of rebuilding bridges. Given that you have betrayed the trust of your loved one, don’t expect this to happen overnight. This could be a long and drawn out process and you may need to seek professional help if you are to ever get back together again. Each person is different and you will need to use your intuitive skills to work out how far you can go at any given time. This is vital, especially in the early days of trying to rebuild your marriage and the trust which you have betrayed.There are many examples of marriages that have survived where one of the parties has had an affair, so all is not lost just yet. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and imagine how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and it was your spouse that cheated on you. Would you be prepared to forgive and would you be prepared to have him/her back? It is not a situation that you would want to find yourself in so you really are in the hands of your spouse and whether or not he/she has forgiveness in their heart. Say your prayers and hope they have.If you can survive this and retrieve your marriage, never forget the sacrifice that your partner made to have you back. You have a lot of trust to earn back – It’s not impossible, but it will need you to be fully committed to making it work again. Your spouse deserves your total honesty and if you are sincere, hopefully, you will never be in a position where you have to ask how to mend a marriage after an affair ever again.
One of the most painful experiences that a wife may encounter in a marriage is to be blindsided by a divorce. Why does this happen? It’s because most women would rather ignore the red flags when something is starting to go wrong with their marriage. It’s not that they never saw it coming, they just refuse to see it even if it stares at them straight in the face.So for the wives who are experiencing troubles in their marriage, here are the common warning signs that tell you when your husband is thinking seriously about divorce.
When he puts it into words. When your husband starts mentioning about “not being happy anymore” or he “feels that something is missing”, never ever ignore these words. Yes, it may lessen the pain of you just let it slip away in your memory but this may be his way of telling you that something is seriously wrong in your marriage and its not working out anymore.
He starts managing his own affairs. If your husband is starting to leave you out of his plans, then something is really, really wrong. He may start planning weekends out without you and may even make new financial accounts on his own. He may not tell you at first, but eventually he may suggest that you do the same.
He increases the distance between you. When he starts to spend less time at home and more time elsewhere, then that may imply that he no longer wants to be together. He becomes more emotionally distant – less cuddling, no more intimate talks and pays less attention to your needs. Although couples married for quite a long time may not cuddle as often as before, those who are still committed to their marriage still have intimate moments even once in a while.
So wives, always be sensitive to what your husbands may be telling you. It may not be in the form of words, it may be through actions. So if you sense that something is wrong, then try to talk it out. Sit with him and be brutally honest. Listen to what he is saying. Facing these truths head on and as early as possible will help you save your marriage from divorce before it’s too late.