For all couples who are going through marital problems today, you are not alone. Many of you may be considering marriage counseling but are not sure it will work and are seeking an alternative solution that may yield more success. This article will explore why marriage counseling may not be successful and how a home course may yield more success.Marriage Counseling – This therapy has been known to fix many marriages in the past. But there is one case when marriage counseling does not help couples patch things up. This is when one spouse has no intention of fixing the relationship at all. Instead of doing good, marriage counseling sessions become a burden and could turn into a source of conflict. Most of the time the couple will do nothing but play the blaming game during counseling sessions – leading them nowhere.Apart from that, marriage counseling can be very expensive. This is something that could be an additional issue for both partners. So what are couples to do? Should they just try to work it out for themselves? Or should they just give it up and send in the lawyer?Introducing the home course – Here is the good news. Couples can now turn to an alternative solution in the form of a home course. In addition to being more affordable (an important issue for couples who have financial problems) this solution is perfect for marriages where only one partner is truly intending to fix the relationship. With a home course, the partner willing to find a solution can get sound advice from relationship professionals and apply this at home without the other spouse knowing it. Over time the reluctant spouse may respond and start working on the marriage.So if you are really committed to saving your marriage, a home course is one great way of doing it without having to pressure your reluctant spouse or encounter financial issues. This may be quite difficult since it is only you that’s doing all the work, but if it means saving your marriage from divorce, then that makes it all worth it!
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I get a lot of emails which ask me various questions on the same variation of “when is the right time to end my marriage?;” and “how will I know when I am at this point?” In other words, the folks asking the questions really want to be sure that they won’t regret ending the marriage somewhere down the road. How do you know that you aren’t making a mistake or if you should try to save your marriage or work it out? Is is better to just cut your losses and move on or are you not yet at that point?The answers to these questions are very individual, but there are typically some behaviors and reactions that are indicative of a marriage that truly is over and there are some which indicate that it’s not really “the end.” I’ll discuss this more in the following article.Strong Negative Emotions Like Jealousy, Fear, And Anger Are Not Indications That It’s Time To End The Marriage: Often when people contact me and ask if they should end their marriage, I believe that they are really looking for someone to validate for them what it really is that they want to do. In other words, they want someone to approve or bless the decision. To be fair, you should know that I trend toward saving marriages when it is at all possible.Often, they will tell me things like “we can’t even stand to be in the same room together,” or “I feel so angry when I am with him,” and then think that these things are proof that it’s time to cut the losses and end the marriage. In fact, negative emotions based on possession, jealousy, anger, and fear are often indicative of quite the opposite. These things are often only proof that you still care enough, are affected enough, and still involved enough in the situation to experience these strong emotions.I know that this often isn’t what you want to hear, but it is the truth. You would not be this upset or this affected if this person did not matter to or effect you as they do. In contrast, people who are really at the natural and healthy end to their relationships feel indifference. They aren’t angry. They aren’t afraid. They don’t blame. If they feel anything it all, it is to wish their partner well. They are pretty much at peace with their decision because they knew they did everything that they could, which brings me to my next point.Knowing That You Did Everything You Could Is Often The First Step To Knowing You’re At The Natural End Of Your Marriage: Often the sense of doubt, insecurity, and indecision comes with the knowledge that you’ve been holding back in some way. Perhaps you know that there are things that you could have said but didn’t, or places where you might have given a little but didn’t, or things that the two of you might have tried but decided not to, for whatever reason.This often leaves you with the sinking feeling of uncertainty. You are left to wonder “what if.” What if you had said the things that you held back, of had given a little more and demanded a little less? What if you had tried counseling or a went with a different counselor? Granted, these things may have still left you at a dead end, but you have no way to know that if you didn’t try.So I often tell people who are asking me to validate their decision to end their marriage that I’m reluctant to do that until I know that they have really fully followed every possible lead. In order to walk away with peace and without doubt, you simply should not skip these steps. It’s the only way to know that you did all you could.Getting To A Place Of Indifference (And Why I Suspect That You Aren’t There Yet): People who know that their marriage is over (without having to ask) are often indifferent. What I mean by this is that there is no anger, or resentment, or even any additional questions. It’s just become clear that although they may well still feel affection for their spouse, the marriage was not the right thing for either of them. In short, they are both better off apart than together and this is obvious to them both because they both know that they’ve uncovered every stone and rock to get to the place where they are.A therapist used to ask me (when I was having my own martial issues) how I would respond if I saw my husband out after five years of being divorced. She would set up a whole scenario: he now has a beautiful new wife and a new family. He was doing well professionally and was very successful, etc. How would I feel if I saw them?Of course, the “right” answer here is that I would’ve felt happy for him. I would’ve felt no remorse and no tug at my heart because I voluntarily set him free when I was in a happy place. And, since I couldn’t possibly say that, my therapists’ theory was that I was still “stuck” because I knew deep down that I hadn’t earned my way out by doing everything that was needed to try to work it out first. It was he who wanted to end things, but was I giving up too easily?Although I didn’t think it at the time, this was very good advice. I wasn’t over my husband and I wasn’t ready to walk away from my marriage – although my pride and my anger didn’t allow me to see this at that time. I was no where near being indifferent. The fundamentals between my husband and I hadn’t changed, but the circumstances around us had and we had allowed that to project itself onto our marriage. I went about rectifying this in all the wrong ways. It wasn’t until I changed my attitude and checked my anger that I started to make real progress.And, often, if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. People who know that the time has come don’t go looking for validation and aren’t researching this topic. They are peace with this and they don’t need anyone to tell them they are right. They know it already.
Free Devotionals are an excellent way to enrich your spiritual walk, as are a few other suggestions we will give you. As a Christian, it’s important that you always desire to know God more intimately than you did on yesterday; to hear Him clearer than you did on last year. Knowing God and hearing His voice will be essential during your marriage journey. After all, it was God who ordained marriage.But your desire for intimacy with God will do very little when it comes to your spiritual growth. The truth is you will need to implement some practical spiritual disciplines if you want to see spiritual maturity:First of all, it is important that you not just read your Bible but you study your Bible. The Word of God tells us to study in order to show ourselves approved unto God, 2 Timothy 2:15. When you study your goal should not be to obtain knowledge but rather your goal should be to know God better.Next, having a set devotional time with God each day is important. Look at your schedule and determine what time is best for you and stick to it. If you’re not a morning person, don’t attempt early morning devotions. Likewise, if you’re not a night owl, don’t choose to spend time with God in the evenings. You give your boss your best so God is entitled to nothing less. Also, make sure you choose a place where you will be uninterrupted. During this time you should read your Bible, pray, listen to God, and worship.If you would like to use free christian devotionals check with your local church or sign-up to receive e-devotionals from the Internet.Finally, make sure you surround yourself with like-minded people. Having other people in your life who believe what you believe and who will hold you accountable is very important. The best place to find like-minded people is in church. If you don’t already belong to a local church, pray and ask God to lead you to a good Bible teaching church. Once He leads you there do your part by becoming actively involved with its ministries and members.If you do the above three things, you will eventually develop a deeper, more mature walk with God. As you mature spiritually, you will begin to see your marriage in a whole new light.
Do you want to save a marriage? Then I congratulate you on two things: First, for simply not accepting to do the easy and accept divorce. A marriage is not a come-and-go thing, it is meant to be a sacred, holy bond between two people, lasting until eternity. Divorce shouldn’t be the first thing one should do when he or she thinks the marriage is troubled. One should strive to maintain that holy bond by sorting out whatever problems there may be.The second point I congratulate you is – because you are reading this right now. You want to save a marriage, and you are looking for ways on saving a marriage over the Internet. This is a sign that you will succeed in stopping your divorce. Why? Simple – seeing a marriage end is sad, and if that marriage is yours it’s even worse. It makes you desperate – I was surely devastated when I thought my marriage was ending.In that devastated and desperate state of mind it’s not possible to think of good methods on how to save a marriage. Really – what you will be coming up with most of the time will be things like “talk to him or her, beg to him or her, cry to him or her” type of things. The desperation takes away the ability of seeing the things that can fix your troubled marriage.I had the same situation and I was doing what I thought was the right thing to do – sadly, they never did a thing to save my marriage. When I realized that the “methods” I was coming up with are nothing but begging or crying, I turned to outside and began to seek outside advice. This is exactly when things started going better in my marriage, and in no time I had my husband back. Now we love each other more than we ever did, and I can’t describe how happy I am for this.
Never let anything distract you when you are having a conversation with your spouse. Ignore the call waiting, turn the TV off (do not just mute it), order the kids to leave you alone in your bedroom while you talk. It does not have to be a serious or important discussion. You need to have your own time to communicate in order to make each other feel respected and understood. Never include home improvements where tension is bound to be a factor, do not ever do anything that will embarrass the other person in public, never show a lack of respect of your spouse and always keep each others secrets. Never take the liberty of throwing something away that belongs to your spouse. Ask first and respect their response. Never give your spouse a gift considered ‘practical’ unless you are absolutely sure it will knock his or her socks off. Never use the “yes, dear” phrase in order to pacify him or her. Let her have her PMS time during the month without having to deal with jokes or anger about the condition. Never, ever withhold sex in order to get what you want or to punish your spouse. Both husbands and wives have been known to participate in this practice and it is very harmful to the trust and respect in any relationship. The obvious ‘nevers’ in any relationship include forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day. Always remember to say “I love you” before approaching more pressing matters like what’s for dinner. The one biggest ‘never’ is never stop communicating. The one biggest mistake in most marriages is lack of communication.
People in strained marriages often wonder where they went wrong. Thoughts of “how to save my marriage,” “how to get my wife back,” and “how to bring my husband back” often trouble them.Problems like these are difficult to solve because saving a marriage requires effort from both parties. No matter how someone tries to work on a troubled partnership, if the other party has given up or is not cooperating, then nothing will come out of it.Thus, these tips on the thought “how to save my marriage” are essential to be applied to BOTH parties, as it takes two tango. Doing things alone in a marriage will eventually become fruitless.(1) Are you sure that there’s a marriage to save? You might think that there’s a problem with your marriage that you need to solve, so make sure that your husband or wife believes that there is also a problem, and that he or she is also ready to work with you in fixing it. Recognize the problem and make sure that you and your spouse are still on the same page with your relationship.(2) Work on identifying the problems and why you didn’t have this problem before. Know what made the relationship work before, what has been missing, or what was added to it that caused that problem. Backtrack and try to revive the good times and see if you can get rid of that problem so that you can start from the beginning.(3) Grave issues such like betrayal and lack of trust need intervention from an objective third party. Arguments that stem from trust issues tend to go around in circles, and end up exhausting both parties and breeding more hatred. Instead of pointing your fingers at each other, it would be advisable to seek advice from a specialist who can counsel both parties without you and your spouse feeling that your advisor is biased.