Poison ivy is my nemesis. I’ve learned the hard way to stay as far away from it as possible or suffer the consequences for weeks. I used to try to carefully pull it myself, but I’m convinced that the oils are strangely attracted to me. Now, when I see it in the yard, I stop weeding or whatever I’m doing and ask someone else to carefully remove it for me.If we treated sexual temptation in the same way, there would be a lot less remorse, heartbreak and broken marriages. Sexual temptation is not something that we are adequately equipped to face head-on.Two of my female interviewees shed light on how to handle tempting situations. (Maybe you think women are never tempted, but they are often tempted to begin emotional affairs, which can lead to physical affairs. Men are believed to physically cheat more frequently, so it’s even more important for them to not place themselves in risky situations.)So, back to the two women. The first was a newlywed who didn’t feel her husband was meeting her needs. She opened up to a man at work who was also unhappy in his marriage. They had lunches and team-building meetings together. Before long, their one-on-one lunches were being held at a local motel. This wife was very fortunate to salvage her marriage 30 years ago, and both spouses made major changes over a long period of time to build a new relationship. Many marriages would not have survived this major breach of trust.The second woman-who thought she would never be tempted sexually-was attracted to a music teacher with whom she had private lessons at home. Her husband was busy with work, and she found herself listening too hard for the instructor’s compliments and enjoying his company too much. She decided to quit the lessons and tell her husband about her feelings. The fact that her husband had no jealousy or feelings of mistrust (in fact he just joked about it) is a testament to the strength of their relationship. She ended the contact before her feelings became a problem, but she felt it wasn’t worth risking her marriage to place herself in a tempting situation.I doubt there’s anyone who has been married more than a few years who hasn’t faced at least a tinge of attraction or temptation toward someone other than their spouse. Mutual attraction can be a nice feeling. You find someone who has common interests, “gets” your personality or is fun to be with. However, you only have to read about the politicians, celebrities, and even people of faith, whose private lives have been splashed across the news to know it’s a serious and common problem. They all probably thought they could handle the temptation.Do you think flirtations and private communication with members of the opposite sex are no big deal? Better to treat these liaisons like poison ivy.
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Step 1-Schedule time togetherThis time must be regular, like at least once a week, and there should be no excuses for failing to make it. Work, guys nights out, girls nights out, sports and all these other things have an important place to play in both your lives.But if you want to fix a broken relationship, then you will need to work at it..and with sufficient commitment that when you commit to quiet time between just the two of you that you both fulfill the agreement.Step 2-Go on DatesOrganise regular dates, just like the old days, with some time apart before the date to create a frisson of excitement like the old days.Step 3-PrioritizeIf you want to fix a broken relationship you will both need to recognize the problem and commit to finding a solution..no matter how busy work is or any other distraction. You need to see putting your relationship back on track as the number 1 priority in your lives for now. Because if you don’t the pattern of behaviour which has led to the fracture will become habit and reinforced and become even more difficult to change.Step 4-ForgiveYou will need to forgive your partner’s failings when he/she is prepared to recognize them and commits to rectifying the situation. Carrying a grudge is a lonely job and will not help your relationship. This is not a one way street and hopefully your partner will take the same attitude and recognize that “hey I am not perfect, but I am sorry”.Step 5-Recognize the differences between men and women and celebrate them..don’t let them be a barrier to a loving relationship with someone who was your best friend not so many years ago.
For a marriage to become successful, you should acknowledge that your marriage needs constant help at all times and not just during the difficult times. But the answer on how to make your marriage work lies on both of you. Every problem in a marriage has to be solved and every issue has to be addressed.The secret on how to make your marriage work and how to make it a lasting union starts with increasing your communication skills. This is about listening and understanding each other’s concerns with both your head and heart. Differences in faith or culture especially with intercultural marriages should also be settled by understanding each other’s beliefs and culture.When conflicts arise, be reasonable and stay calm in dealing with the problems. When your partner is acting uncooperative, try to think and speak rationally to take charge of the difficult situation. But if being rational and reasonable would not work for you, it’s about time to give space in your relationship. Taking some time apart from each other will give you both the time and space to set your emotions and get your thoughts back in order. Remember that in saving your marriage, you should work together as a team.Your in-laws can also be of great help on how to make your marriage work. They can give you the support and advices that you need when you think you couldn’t make it on your own in fixing your marital problems. However, this option might also complicate things in your relationship especially if you are not in good terms with your in-laws.Another tip on how to make your marriage work is that you should know how to get out in an argument before it completely becomes out of control. If things go wrong and you think that they can’t be fixed within the same day, just be patient. Patience accompanied with effort will give you honest results.Also, try to focus on the brighter side. Give positive statements about each other and your relationship rather than the negative ones. In order to have a successful union, both the husband and wife should be open to change and know how to balance the time you spend with each other as a couple.Remember that love is not only a feeling. It is a decision that you both made and marriage is a sacred partnership that you both agreed. To keep your marriage strong, both of you should remain devoted and committed to each other. Ending a marriage because you feel disenchanted with your partner is an immature reason. All problems have a solution. It only needs the cooperation of both spouses to work out what has gone wrong in the relationship.Once you have already ironed out all the things that once made your marriage rocky, take it slowly next time. Have a serious talk about what went wrong and work together on preventing the same conflicts to arise in the future. Compromise on avoiding the things that can possibly cause the same problem to surface again.Indeed, you can find some options on how to make your marriage work. Do not just jump right into opting for divorce because aside from being costly, it can also be long legal battle.
Marriage guidance IS NOT needed for every challenge that a husband and wife face. A lot of challenges can be worked out with patience and understanding. However there is one area that you should get marriage guidance; when one of the couple develops symptoms of a depressive disorder. The stakes are too high and the pain is too great to deal with it intuitively without outside help.In this article I will give you 4 pieces of advice of what you should do if you suspect your spouse suffers from depression.1. Learn as much as you can about this disorder. Firstly, this will help you to be more compassionate towards them. When you read descriptions of their suffering you will not be judgmental of them but you will try to help them overcome this horrible disorder.Secondly, you will not be hurt by their misbehavior towards you. You will see that they really don’t mean to hurt you. They are captive to this illness and feel as bad as you do (and maybe even more) about their behavior.Thirdly, you will be an “informed consumer”. You will know the different therapies that are available and you will be able to direct your loved one to the type of therapy that fits his personality and situation. After all, who knows his personality and situation better than you?2. Don’t be shy and don’t give up. It is imperative that they get help. If they don’t treat it, there is very good chance that it won’t go away by itself. On the contrary, it will probably get worse. You have nothing to lose (expect a fight and a bad look) and so much to gain (a happy and healthy spouse).3. Don’t expect them to accept your obvious diagnosis. Even though that it is obvious to you (and to everyone around them) that they suffer from depression there is a very good chance that they won’t admit it (not to themselves and not to you). They will blame their bad mood on the weather, pressure at work, or will try to convince you that it will blow over. Know what you are up against and don’t become frustrated.4. Learn HOW to convince them to get help. It is not an easy task to tell someone that they have a psychological disorder. It is very demeaning. The good news is that it is learnable.In short, you have to do avoid speaking down to him, as if you know everything and he HAS to listen to you. This will get you nowhere.Secondly, stick to facts without mentioning any diagnoses. Say to him, “John I’ve noticed that you have been drinking more than usually, lately.” Or, “Sam, I see that you are spending a crazy amount of time playing video games.” What can WE do about is. DON’T say, “John, you look to me like your are depressed.”In addition to this, don’t mention to him that he should go to therapy “until he is all better”. Such a long time commitment (remember, that he thinks he will be in this state forever) is very threatening and scary. Rather, convince him to go only one time and then TOGETHER you will reevaluate the situation.Marriage guidance is not needed for every marital problem. However when it comes to a depressive disorder you need guidance. Follow the few tips above, no matter how hard it is for you. In the end everyone will be happy that you did.
There are many aspects in a relationship that have the ability to send it reeling off course. If you want to build a better marriage then take time to build trust and understanding with your partner. This is first step towards marriage success.Relationships usually begin with a blank slate, no one has done anything wrong, there has been no hurt inflicted by either partner and life should be blissfully joyful for the remainder of eternity. Right? Yes but it rarely plays out that way. Everyone has a past. Your past encompasses every relationship with anyone that has ever been part of your life parents, friends and past relationships are all a part of your individual make up.Relationships that thrive have open and non judgmental communication. It is a fundamental building block of trust and understanding. Marriage success will be elusive if it isn’t present on some level.Communicate your past with your partner. They need to know what they are up against. While getting to know your partner or as you discover things that may become an issue it is good to understand why. There may be a past hurt or indiscretion that you find sensitive. Share with your partner in a non judgmental and loving way what it is that you heard or thought and why it bothered you. Chances are they didn’t intend it that way and will quickly respond to discontinue the action or words.There may be “trigger points” from a past relationship that cause discomfort. If someone who hurt your spouse did something that lead to a negative behavior in their relationship then witnessing that trigger now may evoke that same emotion, even though the trained behavior didn’t follow. Being aware of the triggers is the first step to overcoming them.If you really want a better marriage then exercise transparency and openness on a regular basis with your spouse. Doing so will build trust and understanding and lead to your marriage success. Sometimes it doesn’t come that easy and communication is strained, you may not be able to overcome the difficulty on your own.It has taken both of your efforts to get here. One person taking the initiative to make positive changes can make the difference in a relationship. With the proper assistance you will be on your way quickly to restoring your relationship. If you want a better marriage begin today.
Why does it seem like when you wanted to get married, you both were excited to be involved, and now that your marriage is having trouble, only one of you wants to save it?It happens all of the time. And it’s just not women who take the first step in saving their marriage, either. more often, men are the ones who first try to save their marriage. Even if your spouse doesn’t seem to want to try at first, you should do it. You will see, when you start taking steps to save your marriage, that your spouse will realize what a good thing the two of you have, and will start to work with you to fix things.Every marriage has its problems. Some are worse than others, but they are ALL fixable. When you are saving your marriage alone, take time to really look deep inside your marriage. Is there one thing in particular that seems to cause a lot of arguments? Start to look at different ways that you can fix these problems. Most times problems start out small, and can easily be remedied. It is only when we choose to ignore the problems, hoping that they’ll go away, that they grow to become huge problems.How much time do you spend together, as a couple? Life has a way of getting between even the most loving of couples, so be sure to set aside time for each other. Something as simple as watching a movie together, or talking over dinner is enough to bring back some of the spark that has gone out of your marriage.Show your spouse how much you truly love them. Sometimes we start to take each other for granted, very unintentionally, over time. We think that our spouse will always be there for us, no matter what. When we don’t show our love for our spouse, they may start to feel like we don’t love them anymore.Sometimes all it takes is one person to want to save the marriage at first, and the other follows.