For all couples who are going through marital problems today, you are not alone. Many of you may be considering marriage counseling but are not sure it will work and are seeking an alternative solution that may yield more success. This article will explore why marriage counseling may not be successful and how a home course may yield more success.Marriage Counseling – This therapy has been known to fix many marriages in the past. But there is one case when marriage counseling does not help couples patch things up. This is when one spouse has no intention of fixing the relationship at all. Instead of doing good, marriage counseling sessions become a burden and could turn into a source of conflict. Most of the time the couple will do nothing but play the blaming game during counseling sessions – leading them nowhere.Apart from that, marriage counseling can be very expensive. This is something that could be an additional issue for both partners. So what are couples to do? Should they just try to work it out for themselves? Or should they just give it up and send in the lawyer?Introducing the home course – Here is the good news. Couples can now turn to an alternative solution in the form of a home course. In addition to being more affordable (an important issue for couples who have financial problems) this solution is perfect for marriages where only one partner is truly intending to fix the relationship. With a home course, the partner willing to find a solution can get sound advice from relationship professionals and apply this at home without the other spouse knowing it. Over time the reluctant spouse may respond and start working on the marriage.So if you are really committed to saving your marriage, a home course is one great way of doing it without having to pressure your reluctant spouse or encounter financial issues. This may be quite difficult since it is only you that’s doing all the work, but if it means saving your marriage from divorce, then that makes it all worth it!
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If you feel that the relationship you share with your spouse is becoming strained, you’ve likely been looking for broken marriage help. Unfortunately, even if we have the best intentions when we wed, things don’t always go the way we plan. You may find that the dynamic between you and your spouse has shifted dramatically and you’re left wondering whether the marriage can even be saved. If you love your partner and you want to find a way to salvage the relationship and make it even stronger than it’s ever been, you can do just that. With the right guidance you can actually have a more fulfilling and loving connection than you did the day you wed.When you are searching for broken marriage help it’s important to first consider the state of communication between you and your spouse. Do you two still talk about what you are feeling or have your conversations been delegated to general talk about household duties and raising your children? If you two don’t focus on each other sometimes your marriage is definitely going to suffer. Make time to talk to your partner and ensure they understand that you want them to share all of their feelings with you. Tell them that you’ll do everything you can to stay open and objective. If they anticipate you reacting negatively to them, they will be less likely to share.Also, you must give your partner room if they ask for it. One very important piece of broken marriage help is to always respect what your spouse asks of you. You may feel that you’re losing them forever if they tell you they need to separate for a time or they decide to sleep in another room. This can actually be the thing that makes them realize what they have in you. Sometimes time apart helps a person understand what they risk losing so if your partner wants some time alone, give it to them. It just may mean you’ll end up with an even stronger marriage.
I get a lot of emails from wives who tell me that they don’t think that they love their husbands anymore, or that they love their husbands but are not “in love” with them. Many ask me how they can continue going through the motions when they really just aren’t happy. Many have kids and feel very selfish for even thinking these types of thoughts about their children’s father. This is a tough situation and the despair that you’re feeling can often cause you to do or say things that you may later regret. It can also take the joy out of things that might otherwise bring you happiness or peace. But, before you throw up your hands or throw in the towel you should know that I firmly believe that there are definite ways to bring the love in a marriage back which should at least be tried before you do anything drastic. I’ll discuss these in the following article.What Makes Today Different Than Yesterday?: Often, I will ask these women what first attracted them to their husbands. This is often not very hard to recall and most have very specific and quick answers. They’ll tell me it was his sense of humor, his sensitivity, the way that he took care of them, or the chemistry between them. Once they have their list of positive attributes (which are unique to each person but are often startlingly similar for most), I’ll ask them what has changed. I’ll ask if suddenly their husband isn’t funny, or is no longer sensitive or has totally lost every quality that used to attract them.Some of them will try to tell me that this has happened, but most, after thinking about it for a second or with some gentle prompting, will have to admit that their husbands could not have changed that much. Some will say it is they who have changed, but some will actually begin to understand (and rightly so) that it’s the circumstances that have changed.The Changing Times: Kids, Jobs, And Other Things That Drain Feelings Of Being “In Love”: Once you’ve defined the attributes that attracted you to your husband, ask yourself how often you get a chance to see these things. Because I’d be willing to bet that you were seeing them quite regularly when you were dating and this reinforced your strong feelings about this guy. However today, if you’re at all typical, then the reality is quite different.You don’t get to see his funny side because every day is filled with obligations that make this difficult. Today, you have kids and jobs and obligations that you could not have even fathomed when you first met this person. This is normal and not your fault, but think about how these things choke out your ability to see all of the good things that would contribute to loving feelings. And, think for just a second how much time you spent nurturing those feelings and generating them when you were dating. You likely didn’t do many chores or monotonous type things in the beginning. You had fun. You planned romantic outings where you weren’t much worried about the car or the house payment and the result was that nothing else mattered except for him.Yes, the reality of today is quite different and therefore so are the feelings. You can’t expect to go from regular romantic encounters that feed and nurture your relationship to having these things be quite scarce and yet expecting the same feeling to remain and to be just as strong. This is just not logical and yet this is exactly what most of us expect or at least hope for. We want to feel exactly the same way. We want the electricity and the spark and the curling of our toes and yet we just don’t put in the time and the effort and are surprised and disappointed when we get different results.Falling Back In Love With Your Husband: Hopefully if you’ve read this far, you entertain that my arguments might have some merit. But, how do you begin to change things? You take it one step at a time. Things didn’t get this way overnight and they won’t heal over night. But small effort can make a large difference that becomes cumulative so that eventually, your feelings will be quite a bit different than they are today.Start by just beginning to put in more time in more ways that are enjoyable but are not drudgery. When was the last time you spontaneously touched your husband just because you wanted him to know that you were there and were with him? When was the last time the two of you laughed so hard you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you gave him a knowing glance because you knew exactly what he was thinking?This is where you want to return to and you start by being the kind of spouse that you want him to be. Listen when he talks. Let him know you have his back. Lighten his load. Make him laugh. Make alone time together your highest priority. Talk about something other than the kids or the house. Set things up so that you aren’t distracted by every day life. Have romantic dates and outings that are just meant to connect you. Show him the best version of yourself that he saw when you were dating.All of these things will generate good feelings and will bring you closer to where you want to be. It won’t happen over night but over time, it can happen. And, isn’t it worth the effort? Don’t you deserve to feel the same happiness that you used to feel? In truth, the ingredients are still there. You are both still present. It’s the circumstances that have changed. So, it’s high time to change the circumstances.
Are you one of those wondering what men want in a wife? If you are a wife who wants to make your marriage a little happier or a little nicer for your husband, or if you are a woman who just recently gotten married – here are some ideas about what men want in a wife that might help you in giving your man what he expects you to do.* Men love independent and confident women. They want women who can manage their lives without being too dependent with their man. A woman who can earn for herself and is capable of making money to help him with the finances is also another factor that men in modern times are considering in choosing a wife. A woman who is too fragile and needy is not what men want to spend their lives forever.* Men love to be with a happy companion and a woman who looks at things positively. When men think of getting married to a woman, they think about being with that woman everyday of his life and living with women who constantly complains about just about anything is not an attractive partner in life. Although complaining can be inevitable at times, it would be attractive to men if your being positive and fun outweighs the negative energy in you. Having a positive outlook is a major element in attraction – whether you are attracting a man, wealth or the good things in life.* Men want great sex. It is not just by choice or what. Men by nature have higher libido than women, so they often want a partner in life that is compatible with them sexually. Men most often express love through sex that they tend to look for a woman who can also take care of their needs when it comes to that aspect. Women just have to realize that when it comes to physical intimacies, what men want in a wife is not just sex but great sex.* Men want to feel loved and cared for. Men want to have your time as well. This is especially true when you already have kids, women may tend to be so engrossed with kids at home that they tend to forget about giving even a little comforting hug to their husbands. At times, men want someone to cry on and a shoulder where they can just ‘be weak’ – so don’t forget to also to take some time to pay attention to the man in your life and cheer him up when he is depressed and down.* Men want to be appreciated. If women love the feeling of being sincerely complimented, men and husbands also love to be appreciated for what they give and contribute to building a good family. If men should learn how to compliment sincerely, and women and wives learn to be appreciative of the man in their lives, it would make a lot of difference in relationships. You do not have to appreciate something that is obviously not worth appreciating, but you can find many things to appreciate in your man. You just have to look at the positive qualities rather than picking on his mistakes.* Men love a woman who knows how to listen and understand. Men hate a nagging wife and they appreciate a woman who listens and understands, not someone who barge into the room with all the whining and nagging.When women take time to think about what men want in a wife, it truly can make a difference in the marriage. Although marriage is not a one-way street, you can always initiate a few things to make the relationship running well.
Are you a loyal wife that doesn’t quite trust your husband? He says he is going out with friends when in fact you really don’t know what he is up to. True, this may be legitimate in some case but not in all.The fact that a man can just disappear into the night and do whatever he wants provides a certain vulnerability to a woman not really knowing what she can do to fix the situation at hand. He may be having an affair or just doesn’t want to include you in his outside world.Either way, these are certain dangers that your marriage can be in trouble and knowing that you have identified this early is a very good indication that you still may have a chance to fix and save it. To have your husband just walk out and leave when ever he feels like it and not telling you in the process can be quite hurtful and just down right ugly. It will leave you wondering of your role and status as a wife in your own house.You don’t have to feel this way any longer if you don’t want to. Applying the appropriate measure of safe, efficient and strategic techniques will ultimately put you in a better position to fix your marriage at an earlier stage than those who have procrastinated and waited to long, to only see their spouses go off with another woman.Even if it takes “only you” to attempt to fix it, then it would be better than nothing at all. You will be surprised that you may become quite effective in handling this for the better for the success of your marriage.
How can we stop being abusive with our spouse and be assertive instead? It’s easy once we learn a few simple communication techniques. When we are frustrated, disappointed, stressed, or angry what happens? We use our emotions in negative ways with our spouse. This causes a chain reaction and they become abusive back. But this kind of interaction between married couples does not resolve anything, but only makes things worse!The truth is we can control our emotions and the way we express ourselves-we really can! We can grow away from the habit of using our emotions destructively and start using them constructively. I always say that emotions are OK to have as long as couples don’t verbally abuse one another with angry words and fist. We have to get our feelings out somehow and so learning to be productive with our feelings is where to start.Productive Communication During an Argument1) Listen to what your spouse has to say, even if you disagree! Hold back from interrupting because quite frankly, it is very rude to interrupt people when they are trying to express themselves, even if they are expressing themselves in a negative way.2) If there is anything ambiguous that your spouse said to you then have them clear it up so you do understand. What’s the use in listening if you aren’t really hearing?2) Once they’re done talking its now you’re turn. Don’t fingerprint, blame, or accuse your spouse of any wrong doing, even if you think they are wrong! There is a special way you communicate your feelings without them becoming defensive and denying what you said about them.3) Keep an even tone as your speak. Don’t sound whiny, squeaky, naggy, or yell and scream at your spouse.4) Use sentences that start with “I feel”, “I wish” and “I think”. Don’t tell your spouse how they feel and don’t tell them what they should do or what they are. How do you know any of those things if you aren’t them? Let them tell you how they feel.5) If you are too angry to talk with an even tone then you need to leave the room. Too much anger will not resolve the issue and will only make it worse.6) Make sure you know your own feelings before telling your spouse your feelings. What are your needs? What do you need rectified from this argument? What do you want from your spouse? What are you going to do to help rectify the issue at hand?7) Don’t keep your feelings and needs inside. Bottled up feelings cause resentment. Resentment is a marriage destroyer. Resentment will also hurt your spiritual lives tremendously because it keeps us bitter inside and distant from God.8) Be assertive with how you feel and what you want. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings about issues in marriage. This is the number one problem why couples grow apart-it is because they DO grow apart-they don’t know one another anymore. If you don’t talk with your spouse about how you feel and what you need then how on earth can they oblige themselves to you?9) Realize you may or may not get every need or want met through your spouse. Some needs and wants are not the responsibility of your spouse. Your spouse can’t make you 100 percent happy all of the time that is just asking for too much. Find ways that you can make yourself happy through community, hobbies, and serving others-there is always happiness found there.10) Be sure to do the things you can to encourage, support, and show appreciation of the person you married. Don’t hold back your love. Learn to compromise, communicate, and to come up with solutions to the issues that are affecting your marriage.All of the above communication is being assertive and will improve your marriage immensely. Being assertive with your feelings and needs lets your spouse know the person they married. It allows them to either give in to those needs or at least talk to you about them so you can both come up with an amicable solution. Assertiveness frees you from holding in bottled up emotions and later getting resentful.Being assertive makes you happy, which in turn makes your spouse happy. Assertiveness is the way to productive communication. This is why I highly recommend that the reader of this article print it out and read it together with their spouse. Remember marriage is a partnership and it takes two to tango.
It was just one book containing one word; konkatsu. When the tome was first published in 2007 nobody really thought much about it. To this day it has only sold one hundred and seventy thousand copies; a solid number to be sure but hardly in the same league of Harry Potter.Yet the book The Era of Marriage Hunting written by Masahiro Yamada and Touko Shirakawa has had a profound impact on Japanese culture. It’s not that the entire population of that Pacific Island country was sitting around starry eyed waiting for their true love to appear out of thin air but the expression konkatsu meaning literally marriage hunting seemed to light a fire under many Japanese singles.It’s is probably a given that many people around the globe would love to get it on this trend. Nothing wrong with that. Most of us long to find our soulmate and share our lives with them. It is not something fake conjured up by hopeless romantics but a real and definite human need.The key is to make sure that human need is not being governed by1. DesperationIt has been so long since you have been in a relationship or you have waited an interminable amount of time to be in a relationship. Waiting can grate on anyone particularly when you are not in complete control of the circumstances. Desperation can lead to some poor decision making and that includes who you wind up in a relationship with.2. FearNone of us is getting any younger. A few years back when you were young and free age was just a number. Now it is something you are acutely aware of. It’s not that you are afraid of growing older but the thought of spending that time by yourself does get your heart to racing; and not in a good way.3. PressureYou’ve been dating the same person on a regular basis for quite some time. You really like them but neither of you is in a hurry to make it official.Too bad your family does not feel the same way. It’s your life and your relationship but that has not stopped them from being on your back about getting married. You dread going to those family gatherings because you know what’s going to happen. Eventually whatever conversation is going on will turn towards you and your singlehood; or more specifically why is it still going on.And your friends? At times they are worse than your family. They may not be so blatant but the gist is unmistakable.You want to get married but you do not want to get konkatsu about it. Saying you want a marriage on your terms may upset a lot of people but that’s the way it should be. Giving in to desperation fear or outside pressure may make others happy but unfortunately will not do you much good.
How Do I Save My Marriage? – Here Are Great Tips For You to Save Your Marriage and Stop Your Divorce
Your marriage started at the highest note possible – those grand marriage ceremonies and a honeymoon like a dream. But you now ask yourself constantly – “how do I save my marriage”?It is a shame how all marriages start at the highest note possible. From there, “down” is the only way to go, how many couples do you know who have lived for years like they are in their honeymoon?Maintaining a marriage requires more than self sacrifice. The key to maintaining a healthy marriage (and saving your marriage, if it is very troubled) is to make sure the “love level” between the couple is well balanced. What do I mean by that? I mean that – spouses have to make sure they are making neither more nor less sacrifices than the other spouse. If one side is making much more sacrifices than the other, this means that he or she loves his or her spouse more than the spouse loves him her. This imbalance always leads to trouble – the gap widens every moment, and sooner or later one spouse finds himself or herself begging the other just so keep and save the marriage.If there is such a gap, the spouse making more sacrifices should always seek ways to improve this condition. The best way is – simply not making the sacrifices the other side demands. This will show him or her that he or she doesn’t have absolute control over you, and you are not completely accessible to your spouse. This will raise your attractiveness to your spouse a lot more – because the easier you can access something, this means the less you are going to want it.
How can I save my marriage alone? This is, unfortunately, a question asked by far too many people today. The first years of marriage are usually happy, and both partners are content. Then problems start, and conflicts begin. Usually, neither person truly wants to end their marriage. They just don’t know how to save it.You know that there are problems in your marriage. You have to really look at them, and find out why they happened. When only one person is trying to save a marriage, it is doing to be difficult. But it CAN be done!You should try to bring back to ‘spark’ in your marriage. When couples start to have marital problems, usually the first thing that leaves the marriage is the spark. The romance. The togetherness. You should try to set time aside to spend quality time together, even if it’s a small amount of time at first. Think about how wonderful your marriage was before, and this will give you the strength you need to continue to save your marriage.Show your spouse that you really do still love them. Show them that you appreciate them, and how truly special they are to you.In a healthy relationship, communication is a key factor. Try to initiate communication with your spouse. At first, it will probably not be easy, but it will get easier with time. When you finally get your spouse to talk, be sure to listen. Listen to their thoughts and feelings, and do your very best to understand.Keeping a troubled marriage alive is difficult, to say the least. Time changes people, for better or worse. That’s just a simple fact of life. But you must learn how to deal with these changes. When you do that, and are willing to put the effort into it, you will succeed in saving your marriage, even when you are doing it alone.
Do you want to save a marriage? Then listen to me closely, friend. I have been in this situation, and in the end, I saved my marriage. So I hope I can provide some very valuable insight into what you must do to save a marriage.Since I have been in this situation, I know it too well that it makes you desperate, and you want to fix everything quickly. This is the major mistake most spouses make when they want to save a marriage. They give in to the panic, and act desperately.I did it too, unfortunately. I was desperate and couldn’t bear the thought of being without my husband, I loved him so much, and I had put so much in this marriage. I begged my husband for forgiveness, saying things like “Please George! I love you so much! Don’t end our marriage! I apologize for everything, they won’t happen again”, and things like that.Those things only push your spouse further away from you – I learned this the hard way. I am sure that your instincts and emotions are telling you to beg to your spouse for forgiveness, or cry or something like that – you must go against the flow. If you want to save a marriage, you must never give in to your instincts. Know that they aren’t telling you the right things.The best thing to do in such a situation if you want to save a marriage is to seek outside advice, from a third party whom you can trust. Believe me, when I decided to get outside advice on my marriage (I found a guide over the Internet) it made all the difference. You should get a similar guide, or maybe some insight from one of your close friends in whom you can confide. But whatever the source – as long as you can trust in it, you must go for outside advice.