I get a lot of emails from wives, husbands, and sometimes from couples asking for advice on how to save their marriage when they are no longer “in love” or when one of them “doesn’t love” the other anymore. In most of these cases, one or both parties want to make things work. Usually there are children or a long term commitment involved that one or both of the parties hesitate to walk away from. But, they tell me, the feelings just aren’t there anymore. They’ve “fallen out of love.” The spark is gone and while there may not be a lot of fighting or conflict, the chemistry just isn’t there anymore either, leaving one or both to wonder if this existence makes it worth sticking it out.It often takes a while before they both agree with me, but I maintain that it may be premature to declare that you’re no longer in love. Actually, most times you’re troubled by the situation and how much that same situation lends itself to the appearance that your spouse or the relationship has changed. Often, that isn’t the case. More often than not, it’s the circumstances that have changed. And these circumstances of modern life can choke out intimacy and closeness because, frankly, we live in a society that doesn’t reward or appreciate them.Are You Comparing Apples To Apples?: Often when people tell me that they’re aren’t in love, I will ask a few open ended questions in an attempt ti figure out why this is. Often, they will tell me that things just don’t feel the same. The easy laughter and the spontaneous, loving gestures aren’t there. The conversation lags. The fun seems to be missing. They just aren’t in sync.After getting a clear picture of this, I then ask them how often they are attempting (but failing) to have fun together. In other words, what is so different about when they were dating and now? Are they still spending the same amounts of quality time together (quality time does not mean doing household chores or talking about the kids) but just falling short anyway?Actually, this is not often the case, when I ask for specifics, they often can not provide very many. This doesn’t mean that they weren’t being truthful or even that they’re blatantly neglectful. It just means that they live in our fast paced society where there are a million obligations and responsibilities that stretch us oh so thin. I don’t deny this reality, but I draw your attention to the equation that you’re thinking doesn’t add up. Ask yourself for a second how much QUALITY time you and your spouse spent together when you were dating. Remember that quality time is the things that you did together so that you would become closer and would bond. These were the things that you enjoyed so much that you would reschedule everything else so that you could do them. Let’s say that was, as an estimate, 5 – 10 hours per week. Now, what is it today? (And, I don’t mean watching reruns or sitcoms on TV or driving your kids to extracurricular activities.) I mean the two of you alone, doing something that you both want to do and are both engaged in. Even if you can’t give specifics, you probably have to concede that it’s only a fraction of the time that you put in when you were dating. And, thus, you feel a fraction of the feelings that you were feeling then. To put it very simply, the time and effort that you put in was a reflection of how deeply you were “in love,” right? Now, can we also say that the lack of time and effort that you put in today is also reflective of how deeply you feel?Getting Back On Track: If you’re read this far, then you must at least entertain the idea that you can rehabilitate this situation, but doing so may seem to be a very far away goal. That’s OK. In the beginning, you’ll just need to take baby steps. Just commit to spending a little bit more time together laughing or having fun without any pressure. Then, build on that. Every so often, up the ante and see what will happen if you focus on loving gestures or lighthearted fun that turns into something else. See if you feel any differently or love any more deeply.At the end of the day, it’s not so mysterious an equation. We all want the same things. We all want to be worth the time and effort and we want to mirror this back to those we love. We want to feel understood and loved anyway. And, we want to know that even with this deep understanding of us (flaws and all,) that they think that we are worth it. Of course, we have to give this back. To get the kind of spouse that we truly want we often have the lead the way and become that person first. In this way, we are demonstrating the behavior and the actions that we want more of. As we make our spouse more happy, they will then return the favor. Over time, I’d be willing to bet that you’re no longer so adamant to put a label like “not in love” on your relationship.Because doing so just makes your job harder before you’ve even started and over time things really can turn around. Give yourself that chance by taking the labels off of the table. Accept the possibility that it may be your relationship and the lack of effort surrounding it that you’re not in love with, not your spouse.
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Trust is important in every human relationship, but it is crucially important if you are to enjoy a healthy marriage. If it isn’t present, then you’re facing an uphill battle. It’s fair to say it’s the backbone of marriage, along with good communication. When you are sharing your life, your home, your dreams and your aspirations with somebody you should be able to have complete trust in them. Do you have complete trust in your spouse? If the answer is no, you need to figure out exactly why. Here’s some questions to ask yourself:–Are they sometimes dishonest with you?-Have you been hurt or let down by others in the past?-Are you dishonest with them and fear reciprocation?-Do you spend a lot of time apart?-Do you make decisions together?From asking yourselves these questions, you can probably deduce what the reasoning behind your lack of trust in your spouse is. If it’s because they are sometimes dishonest with you, this is something that should be addressed as soon as possible. Marriage is no place for dishonesty, it can contaminate any relationship. Maybe you have been let down in the past by family members, friends or previous partners. You could be living with a ‘filter’ in that you expect to be let down by everyone. Perhaps it’s only natural to feel like that, but is it fair on your partner? You need to discover what is contributing to your distrust and set about tackling it. To save a marriage, you will usually need to re-evaluate it and from there you will need to confront the issues that are putting it in jeopardy. First as an individual, and then together. If you want a healthy marriage, trust is so important, never underestimate just how important.
In any close relationship, whether it be with family members, friends, or romantic partners, we like to feel like we can trust the other person. In fact, often the quality of the relationship is dependent on this factor. In marriage, trust is vitally important. Once it’s broken, it can be very hard to recover. Of course, this often depends on what exactly caused the trust to be broken in the first place. For many people, infidelity can be too much to recover from and they would rather end the marriage than even attempt to forgive and move past it. Infidelity is perhaps the most common cause of broken trust in a marriage. There are countless other causes too though.It’s difficult to trust someone when they have been dishonest with you. When their lies have been revealed, it can completely change the way you feel about them and the marriage itself. Even if they are telling the truth, there is always a part of you that is questioning it, simply because that’s how they have conditioned you to be. The thing is though, it might be that they are now completely honest and genuine with you at all times, but these seeds of doubt you have in your mind means you can’t see it.To really move forward with this important issue, both parties have to look within and come to terms with why exactly such an important aspect of any relationship is now broken. From there, they can begin to move forward.
Does it seem like you’re arguing with your partner every second of the day? Do you feel like the love and romantic sensations each of you possessed for the other is lost? Do you speculate if your marriage may be moving towards a divorce? Do not fret, if you pay attention to the information presented in this article you will have no difficulty keeping your marriage in tact.Since the beginning of time, man and woman have had marriage issues, and throughout the eons those couples have managed to survive those troubles; you can do it too, given the right information and strategy.It’s entirely possible that, if your marriage has fallen under hard times, that it’s due to these common issues that you just need more or accurate knowledge about.- spouses feeling controlled or lost- Child-rearing issues- hectic work habits messing with marriageThe way forward for almost couples is when one partner makes a pledge to stick to it and struggle for the marriage. Often, amazingly enough, once this takes place the other will work harder to keep the marriage happy too, helping the other work on it.If you begin to fix your union, you will hopefully set the pace when it comes to your spouse taking the steps to working on things, and you will educate yourself in lessons that other husbands and wives have utilised to fix the issues within their married life, while putting your spouse in the right state of mind.Do not cease when it comes to your union. Your marriage will always be worth the fight and you usually have a chance of turning it into the type of relationship we all hope to have someday.
It is vital for spouses to learn about the recent techniques of saving their marriages because if they do not start to fix their problems as soon as they occur, they may never be able to fix them.Some traditional save marriage methods that are used more often than others are:Understanding How to Keep the Passion AliveTo keep the passion alive, spouses should keep doing what they used to do when they first met and started flirting like having dinner alone at a romantic restaurant or spending a weekend at a romantic beach motel.Maintaining CommunicationEffective communication between spouses is essential so both spouses should always try to communicate in an honest and sincere manner.Seeking Professional HelpThis can be very effective way of solving the problems in a marriage as long as both parties of the marriage willingly attend the sessions.Moving ForwardThis method of saving marriage may be really difficult for some people, however if they honestly wish for being together happily for years, they must forget about the bad experiences they had in their marriages.Although the traditional methods are useful in many cases, they generally do not work in the case of only one of the spouses is willing to fix to problems in the marriage. In those cases, the most effective method is using a well known modern save marriage method authored by a relationship expert.Save My Marriage Today eBook by Amy Waterman should be read by all married couples because it provides all the effective techniques to solve marriage problems. Indeed, Save My Marriage Today system provides all imaginable strategies to fix the problems spouses may encounter in their marriages. Any person can get effective results from the tips and tools included in the system regardless of their age, gender, the age of their relationship, and the type of problems they have in their marriages.Some key points of Save My Marriage Today are as follows:o Effective methods to save your marriageo Methods to increase passion in minuteso What to do after an affairo Personal assessment testo How to become a better communicatoro How to cooperate with your spouseo And much more….
If you are the one wondering how to mend a marriage after an affair, the chances are you are the one who has done the cheating. From the outset, it is important for you to understand that this is one of the most difficult indiscretions to overcome. The reason obviously, is that a good marriage is built on a foundation of trust. What you have done by having an affair is to betray that trust. You don’t need anyone to remind you how serious this is in terms of your marriage. You have already found this out; otherwise you wouldn’t be asking how to mend a marriage after an affair.Realistically, any chance you have of saving your marriage rests entirely in the hands of your spouse. It’s all well and good for you to say that you want another chance and that you are remorseful but unless your spouse is prepared to forgive you, you could be facing an uphill battle. As they say in the classics “nothing ventured – nothing gained.” So, you owe it to yourself and those close to you to do whatever is necessary to try and retrieve your marriage.So what should you do to get the ball rolling? First, you need to proceed slowly. Don’t pressure your spouse as this may backfire. If he/she is prepared to talk with you then you have something to work on. If that’s not the case, then you may need to resort to sending a letter (not an email – that’s not personal enough in these circumstances) expressing your regret at your indiscretion. Your next move depends on what reaction you get to your apology. If you can start the communicating process, then you have a chance of rebuilding bridges. Given that you have betrayed the trust of your loved one, don’t expect this to happen overnight. This could be a long and drawn out process and you may need to seek professional help if you are to ever get back together again. Each person is different and you will need to use your intuitive skills to work out how far you can go at any given time. This is vital, especially in the early days of trying to rebuild your marriage and the trust which you have betrayed.There are many examples of marriages that have survived where one of the parties has had an affair, so all is not lost just yet. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and imagine how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and it was your spouse that cheated on you. Would you be prepared to forgive and would you be prepared to have him/her back? It is not a situation that you would want to find yourself in so you really are in the hands of your spouse and whether or not he/she has forgiveness in their heart. Say your prayers and hope they have.If you can survive this and retrieve your marriage, never forget the sacrifice that your partner made to have you back. You have a lot of trust to earn back – It’s not impossible, but it will need you to be fully committed to making it work again. Your spouse deserves your total honesty and if you are sincere, hopefully, you will never be in a position where you have to ask how to mend a marriage after an affair ever again.
How Can You Save a Marriage? Read This to See What I Did to Save My Marriage and What You Should Do!
If you want to save a marriage, the first thing you should know that the fate of your marriage lies in your hands. You can save your marriage if you do the right things – do not doubt this at all. However, that is some sort of a double-edged sword as if you do the wrong things you will make matters worse and push your spouse further away from you.So, to save a marriage, you need to distinguish between the good and bad things you can do. When my own marriage was in crisis (it was certainly heading towards divorce) I first did all the wrong things which accelerated the fall of our relationship. However, some time after I thought of getting outside advice, which guided me into doing the correct things instead.Wrong Things: Going with your instincts. You are desperate at this very moment, like I was; and are unable to think clearly, like I was. The desperation distorts your view and blurs your judgment. It almost always leads you to begging your spouse to save your marriage – which is a big mistake! So do not go with your instincts, and do not let your emotions overtake you.Correct Things: The correct things you must do on how to save a marriage are methods you can employ that will change the psychology of your marriage. They will change the atmosphere; and will change your spouse’s mind about you. These are things that very few people would be able to think of themselves. This is why you have to stop following what “you” think should be done and ask for outside advice.I saved my marriage by getting some very precious outside advice on a situation I couldn’t think about clearly. And this is exactly what you have to do, also.