Is your marriage in trouble? If it was, would you know? Do you know how to spot the warning signs? A troubled marriage can sometimes appear normal on the surface, but there can be trouble brewing deep down.The first thing to do is to ask yourself how often you have sex. Although sex is not the only aspect to a marriage, if you are having sex less than you used to then this can be a strong indicator that things aren’t quite what they once were.Often, sex can become less important after a baby has been born. For every child that comes into a family, the more difficult it then becomes for the couple to spend time alone being intimate.But also, another sign is how much affection you show each other throughout the day. A couple that is very much in love will often touch each other in passing, or one of you will randomly kiss the other on the cheek for no reason.Another sign is common courtesy. If you find yourself saying “please” and “thank you” to strangers throughout the day more than you would your partner, then there is surely something going wrong.But the great thing is, if you notice these things have started to go wrong in your relationship, it’s not too late to make them better. All you have to do is pay extra special attention to them and take things back more to how they once were. Then you may start to find that your relationship as a whole begins to fall back into place.
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Are you asking the question, “can I save my marriage?” The only person who can answer this question is yourself. If you still love your spouse and if you are very much willing to exert the necessary effort to save your marriage then YES, you can definitely save your marriage. The most important thing is love which is the only reason why you should be thinking of getting back with your ex. If love is not the reason, then maybe you should just forget about reconciling with your spouse. Love is the force that put the two of you together so love is also the force that will reunite you if either of your strayed from the other. First of all, analyze your relationship. What are the events and circumstances that have led to the current state of your marriage? When did the problems start showing up? It is advisable though to avoid playing the blame game. That would be very unhealthy at this point. It is not important anymore who committed what to whom. After all, it takes two people for a relationship to work. And a failed relationship is the fault of two people and not just one. So the real question to ask is not can I save my marriage but can we save out marriage. And if both of you still has feelings for each other then YES is the resounding answer. Having love is not enough of course. There is work to be done and both of you should be up to the task. What is needed from both of you is a commitment. You should both commit to spending more time together however busy your schedules are. Without quality time, you will never be able to work your difference out. Some couples think that as their relationship progress the need to spend time with each other diminishes. This is not true. On the contrary, couples should increase the time that they spend together as their relationship advances in years. This is the only way to be sure that their togetherness will remain intact. People asking can I save my marriage will find that answer to that question inside their hearts. They will never find the question somewhere else and with other people. The answer may not be easy but if you love your spouse then you will be willing to make sacrifices and compromises.
It is often all those minor inconsequential things that saving your marriage can be about. Things you don’t really care about that much, but are probably making your partner unhappy and anxious. Do they matter that much? The short answer is ‘YES!’ Little things can threaten your relationship and destroy it. if you don’t make an attempt to do something about them they could haunt you.It’s also about focusing more on your own attitude towards your partner so you don’t get smug and self-righteous too. When you’ve been around someone you’ve got to know well over time, then complacency can often set in, usually without any real conscious awareness of it. Be consciously aware and do your best not to damage what you have through inattentive carelessness. Eventually paying attention to the small stuff will become a natural state for you, in the same way that the skills of driving a car become innate in good drivers, so they don’t have to think about driving their car consciously.Let’s look at a seemingly small thing that can possibly slip and spoil to your relationship with each other. Let’s begin with your appearance. Matters like appearance embody so many areas and can be about what you wear, freshness and cleanliness, tidiness, even getting dressed rather than sitting around all day in your dressing gown perhaps. Even on a lazy relaxing day when you just want to chill and not be bothered, it may be that your partner prefers you to get dressed, even if it’s just shorts and a tee shirt.When you’ve been around someone for a long time it is so easy to get blase about your appearance. If you’re the man you may think that not shaving and having stubble is acceptable to your partner, but ask yourself: “Is this okay with my spouse?” Better still, ask her! If it alright with her, then that’s okay. If it isn’t and she prefers you to either have a full beard, or a shaved face, then do something about it and pay heed to your spouse’s feelings.As for the lady… does your partner mind you sitting around with your hair being curled by those plastic things, for hours on end? Maybe he doesn’t, maybe he does, but why not ask him? Asking will only take a moment but knowing he is okay with you, in a less than presentable state, will at least give you an idea what to do about it. I should add that ‘stubble’ and ‘curlers’ are just metaphors for lots of other seemingly trivial things to do with your appearance, so they just on a long list of examples!Take more care with your appearance if you can – too often married couples, especially as they mature in their relationship, stop feeling the need to look good for their partner. Don’t be self-conscious, but do not take an uninterested attitude towards your appearance. And don’t forget, if you don’t care what you look like, your partner may find it difficult to care about it as well.There are so many other ‘attitudes’ to be conscious of too. Why not try being more romantic. Be more demonstrative; show affection, or appreciation and do your very best to take more care. Try being gentle and playful. If you behave in a more loving way and show you really do care then it may turn a tide for you. Add to your list, ‘I must be more caring’. If you’re already doing that then put your thinking cap on and try to find out what the things are that are souring your marriage, or partnership.Saving your marriage is clearly on your mind right now. So take heed and make a list of things you feel you should take more care with and do something about them, as quickly as you can.
These days, it’s pretty rare to hear this saying. Speaking for myself for a moment, I have always agreed with, and actually lived by it. But the big question is, does it work in marriage? Quite simply, the answer is ‘yes’. In this media saturated age, it’s almost become acceptable to be dishonest, deceitful and instead of working to make things better in your marriage, simply giving up and moving on to the next person. Ask yourself this though:-That day you decided to get married, what made you decide it was the right thing to do?You could have any number of answers to that question. Is it any of these?”I was in love at the time”.”I was young and stupid.”"He/she was putting pressure on me and I caved in”.”We’d been together so long that it seemed like a natural step”.”I wanted a big/romantic wedding day”.”I was pregnant”.I’d wager that at least one of these applies to you. Which one isn’t important. You are reading this now either because things aren’t going the way you want them to or you simply want things to be better. Maybe you are here in a last ditch effort to save your marriage. Another saying I really like is ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get’. This is never more true than in personal relationships. Have you been honest with your partner about what you want from them? Have you been honest about how you feel about the current state of your marriage? If not, then this is perhaps the most important step you’ll take towards improving or even saving your marriage. If your partner follows suit then you have a solid foundation on which to build, no matter what the problem areas of the marriage are.Opening up and being honest with each other builds emotional intimacy, one of the most important factors of a healthy marriage. Without emotional intimacy and trust, it’s a lot to ask for two people to stay together for a long period of time. The more unhappy your marriage is, the more these two things will dwindle and eventually you’ll end up going your separate ways as a result. Marriage is like a child in that it needs to be nurtured, given attention and protected. It’s a very special thing – treat it as so.Internalize these two sayings, I live by them – perhaps you should too.Honesty is the best policy.If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Let’s face it: 100% of marriages have difficulties and problems. It is the nature of such a close relationship. Two people living in close proximity are going to have marriage problems. Statistically speaking, about 1/2 of those marriages survive.What keeps them together? What makes the difference? Is it more than a toss of the coin? Absolutely!When Greg and Susan came into my office last week, they were trying to decide upon which side of the coin they would land. Should they stay married? Should they divorce?Both wanted to tell me all about the faults and problems they had during their 11 years of marriage. Frankly, while I politely listened, where they had been was of relatively little interest to me. I was much more interested in where they wanted to get to!Problem is, Greg and Susan had both decided that the solution to their problems was in their past. They thought that they needed help communicating better. Greg thought Susan was controlling and needed to change. Susan thought Greg was lackadaisical in his approach to life. More importantly, neither felt loved or appreciated.So, I decided it was time to stop this cascade of pain and useless dialogue. “Greg, Susan, please stop shooting at each other! You both say you want a good marriage, but I have heard neither of you make a positive contribution to where you want to be!” Greg started to respond, but by the look on his face, I knew he was only going to make a defensive statement.I stopped him, “Greg, hold on for a minute. I can tell you, if you want to know, what the secret is to saving your marriage, and to not only save it, but have a marriage you can treasure!”Now I had their attention! My answer was going to be deceptively simple, but would take them a lifetime to work out. I continued, “The secret to a successful marriage is following the 2 ‘C’s.’ Fail in doing that, and you will be in trouble. Follow them, and I promise success.”Greg and Susan had relaxed a bit, but I could tell they were listening intently. “Now, the 2 ‘C’s’ are not complicated, but they require some action and dedication. But mostly, they require you to do something you already said you would.”By now, they were looking a bit perplexed. What had they already agreed to?It was time to let them in on the best marriage advice I could give them. Two simple steps that would lead to a lifetime of happy marriage. I slowly told them about the 2 C’s: “The two pieces of the puzzle are Commitment and Connection. If the two of you accept your commitment to the marriage and work on being connected, you cannot fail!”Let me say a bit about each. First, Commitment: this is the cornerstone of any marriage. It sets the backdrop to a marriage. In most weddings, we promise to stay committed to our spouse, regardless of what the future holds. So the first C is just following through on that promise. Even when things are tough, we rely on having made that commitment. That means we are faced with working it out when there are difficulties. After all, a lifetime commitment requires resolution.Second, Connection: this is what keeps us wanting to be married. Commitment keeps us married. Connection is the joy. Nurturing connection is a daily activity. It is partly mental — thinking about a marriage and a spouse in loving and respectful ways. It is partly action — finding ways to carve space out during the day to connect and reconnect. This is where our priorities show. If we cannot make time to be connected (even 15 minutes per day!), then our marriage is clearly not at the top of our priorities.Greg and Susan left the office more relaxed, recommitted to working on the relationship, and with some thoughts on how each might work on connection.What can you do today to deepen the commitment or the connection?
Running your husband away is nothing new for a lot of women. They run their husbands away all the time, usually because they’re trying to be too controlling or are tying to force the man into a position he doesn’t want to be in. Believe it or not most men would love to be married. The thought of having a mate at home who is faithful, loyal, and dedicated to them and only them is something that any man can respect. The problem comes when the man and the woman aren’t on the same page.If you’re a woman constantly worried that your husband will one day leave, here are some no nonsense tips to make sure this doesn’t happen.Stop doing things that irritate himYou probably do things that irritate the hell out of your husband and not even being aware that you’re doing it. It is not your fault though; you probably grew up around a bunch of women who encouraged you to act this way. Acting like a drill sergeant is not attractive; asking your husband to help you clean the house or take care of the kids minutes before the super bowl doesn’t help either; making your man ask permission to spend his money on a toy for himself while you spend freely is also very irritating.Give him a little freedomYou have to give your husband a little freedom if you want him to stay in the relationship. You can get started by letting him hang out at sport bars with his buddies without accusing him of secretly seeing some other women behind your back. You can let him go to sporting events without you if you don’t enjoy sports. A lot of women try to make their man go everywhere with them even if they don’t enjoy it. If he just wants to get away for a while without you then you shouldn’t have a problem with it. As much as he may love you sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.Don’t control him with sexSome married women have this bad habit of trying to use sex to control their husbands. This is a bad thing to do in a relationship where sex is supposed to be mutually desired by both partners. If you want to divorce proof your marriage, don’t use sex as a tool to manipulate your husband. Don’t offer it as a reward for a good deed, only to withdraw if he doesn’t do what you want him to do. Your husband will just see through your tactics, and you’ll just probably end up being enemies than lovers.There really is no room for manipulation in a sincere, loving relationship. Learn to love your husband unconditionally and make him realize that he deserves this love. Divorce is out of the question if the relationship is happy, loving and fulfilling.
I continue to be amazed at how insane our “women’s-lib-conditioned” world grows. Even more insane is that certain MEN have so bought into that agenda that they have become better “women’s-libbers” than the women ever were.Take this true story for instance (the names have been changed for privacy)…Bob and Sue were married for 4 years before they had children. During that time, they had a pretty good marriage. Sure they had their bumps in the road just like everyone does but overall, things worked pretty good and the needs on both sides were met at a satisfactory level.And in particular, they usually had sex at least a couple of times a week – sometimes it was more like 3 – 4 times and sometimes it was only once a week – but overall, it was a frequency level that Bob was happy with.But then, Sue gets pregnant and 9 months later, out pops little Bobby.Little Bobby no more arrived on the scene but what Bob and Sue’s marriage took a major turn for the worse…From Sue’s perspective, everything was mostly fine…new baby…Bob’s job paid well enough that she didn’t have to worry about money…the house was nice…the cars were all good…extended family was all good…everyone was healthy…and she was satisfied.Well…at least on most levels she was. She definitely was not satisfied with the division, distance, and negative energy that was growing increasingly strong in their marriage.A year and a half later, Sue finds out that Bob has been cheating on her for over 6 months. Of course, she’s devastated and angry but they go to marriage counseling and the counselor helps Bob with his “anger management” problem and his “expressing emotion” problem and soon enough, they got everything patched up and they were back to running down the marriage-track again.But, they no more get back to running when Sue comes up pregnant again – and 9 months later out pops little Suzie.As you probably expected, the same exact situation plays out again…a year and half later, Sue finds out that Bob’s been cheating on her again…for over 8 months this time.So, they jump in the ol’ station wagon, head off to another marriage counselor’s office…and this second counselor was a little “sharper” than the first one…he discovered that with the birth of each baby, Sue lost all interest in having sex.For months on end, 100% of her interest was in the baby and 0% of her interest was in Bob.Except that wasn’t the “problem”…And here’s what I’ve been leading up to that so amazes me…According to this particular marriage counselor, the problem was NOT that Sue had lost all interest in having sex with Bob and was refusing to have sex with him month after month.The problem was…and get this…Bob was a SEX-ADDICT!According to this counselor, the fact that he wanted sex at least once a week made him a “sex-addict”.So, Bob accepts the counselor’s verdict – who was after all, the “expert” – and they go through a tidy little program to “help Bob overcome his sexual addiction”.Then, with his “sexual addiction” supposedly out of the way Bob and Sue head back to the house to live happily and “sexlessly” ever after…Is that just NUTS or what?Well, to me, it’s more than just nuts, it’s unacceptable.I DO NOT accept the idea that a woman can go on a sexual vacation for months or years on end and that’s completely “ok” because she’s “bonding” or “finding herself” or whatever it is that clinicians decide it is that she’s doing.Why should it be acceptable for a woman to stop being a wife in a marriage?I mean, it’s not acceptable to the normal woman for her husband to go on a financial vacation and stop providing for the family, is it?We know it’s not…in fact, it’s not even acceptable to a woman who’s not even your wife now…you let one of those men who has an “EX” miss even a single support payment and he’ll have EVERY branch of government coming down on him like a ton of bricks.Now, I for one DO NOT excuse myself from my financial obligations and NEITHER do I excuse a woman from being a lover to her husband.I know…that makes me bad…I guess I’m a bona-fide sex-addict too because not even once-a-week sex is acceptable to me. And, it shouldn’t be acceptable to you either.Especially when you realize that there are skills a man can learn that CAUSES his woman to WANT frequent sex with him.The issue with Sue in the story above was NOT that she was non-sexual or needing “bonding” time with the baby. The issue was that she needed Bob to learn how to lead both her and him into the relationship that worked for both of them.Here’s the deal… When people first get married, they’re excited, interested, and curious…and those emotions naturally drive them to do the right things. But, as the cares and concerns of life begin to kick in with full force AND the excitement, interest, and curiousness begin to wear off…THEN, things no longer work “naturally”.It’s at this point that a man better get to learning how to lead both he and his wife into a happy and sexual marriage relationship. If he doesn’t, both he and she ARE going to suffer increasingly severe dissatisfaction and unhappiness – until one or the other gives up and leaves OR he learns the right “skills”.Myself, I decided to learn the right “skills” and my wife and I have enjoyed a lot of happiness AND a lot of sex ever since.And, I’ve been teaching men from all over the world how to get the same in their marriage.I guess you could say I’ve become a “men’s-libber”.I’m “liberating” men so that they can have the happy, sexual marriage they desire.Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
Your marriage is in crisis, and you’ve done everything you can think of to save it. You last option would be a separation, but will it help?There are two types of marital separations – legal or informal. When you are thinking of an informal separation, you will both agree that time away from each other is best, and from there you will try to work things out. When you think of having a legal separation, it is final. It requires lawyers, just like a divorce.Separation should be your absolute last option when trying to save your marriage. This is a last resort – only after you have tried everything else should you even think of a separation. Marital help comes in many forms. Just to mention a few: marital counseling (which can get expensive), friends and family, and ebooks written by professionals that help couples solve their differences at home.A marital separation might help your marriage. It will allow the both of you to know what it feels like to be apart from each other. This in itself brings many couples back together. With a separation, you ARE still married – you can always go back to each other, without involving lawyers or courts.During a separation, you will have time apart to think about your situation. Living together, you can’t find time alone, and every time you see each other you could start fighting, just because the tension is unbearable.This time alone will make you both look at the situation with a lot of thought. Thought that won’t be hindered by stress. You will both be able to clearly think. Even if only one of you wants to try, saving your marriage IS possible!Remind each other the reasons you got married to begin with. Also, remind each other that divorce is final. Separation is not. Make this your opportunity to make things right, once and for all.
First off, this isn’t even possible so stop trying to make her happy. What you want to do is keep her from being upset. This will be simple, just follow these step and you will be on your way to nirvana.1. Okay, this step might seem obvious but it is very necessary to keep a stress free home. If she is in a bad mood don’t engage her at all. It might irritate her that you’re ignoring her but it will keep you safe from the argument.2. Then when she has cooled down you have to do something thoughtful or something that she nags you to do all the time. I caution you on this one make sure you don’t mention what you did let her notice if. Women don’t like us to point out our contributions to the relationship they like to do it for us.3. Another thing that new couples seem to miss the boat on is going to sleep while still angry at each other. This is what get men in trouble all the time because it feels like when never forget those things. So men if you are just sick of discussing whatever it is that you guys have arguing over for the last hour just let her win. I don’t mean just saying she wins, but really sell it but repeating her points and everything.4. My secret weapon to keeping my wife from being upset with me would be to use a distraction. Guys you have to be very observant and pay attention when she talks about her girlfriend problems. This can come in handy when diffusing a situation. Example if your wife starts to get on you about something, all you have to do is mention the fact that you not as bad as so and so husband. That could take the conversation into a whole different direction. Trust me on this one just let her ramble.5. I can’t stress this step enough keep her involve in the business. I mean she has to have a role in the decision making process. If she is a stay at home wife you have to find ways to make her feel important. What I have done is encourage the wife to get her degree. I also turned over all of the financial matters to her to work out. At the beginning of ever pay period we round table any changes and final any pending big transactions. This really keeps her engaged in something that matters to the family instead of just spending all the money.A few things to keep on the top of your head that should be a given. Never belittle her, cheat, or disobey your commitment to your marriage. If you keep these basics in mind you shouldn’t have too many things to be worried over.
My marriage had started spectacularly. A great ceremony, a great honeymoon… But after realities settled in, everything gradually became worse. Years after I found myself asking; “does my husband still love me?”.The fact was that my husband didn’t love me anymore. And our marriage started having serious problems. This drove me to desperation – because I wanted to make my husband love me again and wanted to save my marriage. I asked myself – “how to make my husband love me again?”Because I was desperate to save my marriage, the answers I came up with weren’t good. I could think of nothing but begging him to “love me again”. When did ever begging someone made him love you? Even worse, it made him even more fed up with me and damaged my marriage even more.So how did I make him love me again? How did I save my marriage from such a hopeless situation?It was only and only by calming down and not going with the “flow”. I was being overwhelmed by my emotions. And my emotions were telling me nothing but to go and beg him. This was bringing me nowhere. As soon as I quit acting according to my instincts and sought outside help, I began making progress.So this is what you have to do if you say “my husband doesn’t love me anymore”: Quit acting according to what you think, and ask for some outside advice! Do not allow your emotions to overwhelm you!