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You Asked Your Husband to Be More Romantic and Nothing Happened – What Next?

Romance is more than flowers, a hand written letter of appreciation, an affectionate poem or any other of the many ways to express love.  It is, in the end, a powerful key that opens the door to emotional intimacy between a husband and wife.  Unfortunately, many women find themselves unfulfilled in this critical area of the marriage relationship.As long as there have been marriages in the modern age, women have expressed a need for more romance from their husbands.   In the distant past, romance wasn’t so important.   A successful marriage was defined as having produced a large family and survived the last winter.  As our society has become more affluent, we have started focusing on higher level needs.  One of those higher needs being a romantic expression of love.  Or, in other words, an intimate emotional connection.Please note: Because they are so closely related, for the remainder of this discussion the terms romance and emotional intimacy will be used interchangeably.To increase the amount of romance in your relationship, you must first understand why your husband falls on the lower end of your romantic-fulfillment scale.  As it has been said by wise individuals, “A problem clearly defined is half solved.”   So, to more clearly define the problem, the romantically-resistant husband will generally fall into one of four main categories.  

Overworked, stressed-out or lacking time – If your husband is worried about basic needs, putting food on the table or paying the mortgage, it is difficult concentrate on higher needs.  To stop off on the way home and buy a dozen roses can be a mental challenge.  Or, stressed-out by an intimidating work environment, it is a difficult to change mindset and sit down calmly to write a romantic letter.
 

Unable to recognize subtle emotional cues or uncomfortable opening the emotional element of romance – There is a difference in the way girls and boys are raised.  As an example, a young girl falls, scrapes a knee and starts crying.  Daddy picks her up, gives her a hug until the crying stops and a bandage to wrap things up.  Compared this to a young boy in the same situation.  Dad helps the little boy to his feet, applies the bandage and tells the little guy to tough it out.
The end result is that many men just do not develop the learned skills to perceive subtle emotional cues. Whether this is intentionally discouraged or an unintentional byproduct of our society doesn’t matter.  Lacking the ability to recognize these emotional cues makes it very difficult to pull a romantic idea together.

 

A lack of focus – This could also be described as forgetting important dates, holidays and anniversaries.  When a husband is asked to be more romantic by his wife and replies, “Sure, no problem. I can do that.”  Just because nothing happens, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.  It just means the conversation was lost – never to be recovered from his brain’s memory bank.
How is it that a man can go to a grocery store to pick up three essential ingredients for dinner and return home with completely different items?  It is a psychological mystery and an issue that must be addressed if there is going to be greater romance in the marriage.

 

Return on investment issues – Everyone, everywhere always acts in their own interest to a greater or lesser degree.   By desiring to increase the amount and quality of romance in a relationship, you are first and foremost trying to create a marriage that fulfills an important need of yours.  It is no different for men.  Plain and simple, women see romance as a way to greater emotional intimacy;  Most men see romance as a way to greater sensual passion.  Other husbands may see greater romance as barter system allowing more free time watching/playing sports, for hobbies, with his buddies, etc.
By recognizing this component of human nature, the objective of a more romantic relationship can be achieved with greater speed and, more importantly, motivation from within your husband.

Making a change in the dynamics of the relationship requires that both partners be invested in the desired outcome.  For men in this last category, they need to recognize the benefits of having a vibrant romantic exchange within the marriage.

If you have asked your husband to be more romantic with no results, then one or a combination of the above situations exists.  Lack of romance is NOT an indication of lack of love.  Lack of romance is a failure to recognize how being romantic can improve the marriage and create a relationship where your – and his – emotional and physical needs are fulfilled.What category the romantically-resistant man falls into does not matter.  It is far too difficult to correctly interpret the inner workings of personal motivation.  Make the wrong interpretation and there is no progress toward a more romantic marriage.  The better assumption to make is that your husband falls completely into ALL the categories.  In other words, the worst case scenario.  By creating a solution that works every time for the most difficult situations, bringing your husband around will be as easy as one, two, three.  To create the romantic marriage you need, desire and deserve, follow these steps:
Without complaining, nagging or pleading, explain HOW important romance is to you.  (E.g., greater confidence in the relationship, a feeling of being loved, more emotional intimacy, etc.)  Why a more romantic marriage would benefit him.  (E.g., greater desire for sensual/physical passion on your part, more personal time for hobbies, sports, etc.)   And finally, what your idea of romance actually looks, feels, sounds and smells like. Be careful what you ask for, because you very well may get it.  Asking for flowers and getting flowers every Friday for all eternity is going to get very, old very quickly.  On this last point, be very clear to him that variety is very important.
 

Acknowledge that your husband may be tired, stressed or overworked.  Don’t take this opportunity point out that the distribution of chores household chores and responsibilities may be unbalanced (one issue at a time, we are trying to make the relationship more romantic first.)  Let him know that being romantic is not planning a huge, expensive getaway but rather, regular expressions of love.  The romantic getaways will come later, once the romance pump is primed.  Happens all the time.  For now focus on the basics.
 

Let him know that there are lots of romance ideas available in bookstores and on the internet.  There are even full-featured romance building, relationship strengthening websites geared toward men.  These interactive sites provide romantic ideas, tips and suggestions.  Deliver them through email at the appropriate time.  And, lastly, provide a personalized reminder service so that no anniversary, birthday or special occasion is ever forgotten.  Do a quick search for Romantic Outsourcing on Google or Bing to see what is available.
One word of caution, do not recommend, suggest, hint about or leave a browser window open to a pink, flowery, dancing red hearts, fluff-filled romantic website.  If the objective was to send your husband running for the nearest cave – a website like that will do it. The website has to be romantic in a ‘manly’ way.  Have faith, romance building websites that will appeal to your husband are our there and available to your husband.If you need a little help getting a romance discussion started in a way that will get your husband’s attention, I encourage you to read ‘How to Tell Your Husband You Need More Romance In Your Marriage – From A Man’s Point Of View.’

2 Tips to Build a Strong Long Term Marriage – Divorce Doesn’t Stand a Chance

Marriage brings two individuals with different opinions and characteristics together. Despite these differences together they are unique and complete each other. The first thing a married couple must realize is that their life together won’t be a fairy tale, because their marriage will have problems.You have to build a strong marriage so when these problems do show up you can be better equipped to deal with them. To accomplish this you have to continue to work at building the bond in your relationship. Building a stronger bond is a process and won’t happen overnight.Still, when the bond in your marriage has become strong enough, it will be able to withstand anything. You will feel fulfilled to know that you built your relationship from the ground up and nothing stands a chance against your marriage, not even divorce.1. Keep Each Other As The Prime FocusBefore you got married your partner was your main focus, the two of you were very courteous towards each other and did a lot of the little things. When you get married it’s easy to forget the little things, or how to be courteous. You stop seeing each other as important as you once did. You might find yourself putting your kids, work, or even your hobby first. In order to build a strong bond, you have to take your partner seriously. Remember how lucky you are to be married to your partner and keep them as your prime focus.2. Welcome ChangeIf you expect the person you married 5 years ago to still be the same person you married 5 years later then you are in for a big surprise. The both of you will change as time goes on, this change is natural. To build a strong bond in your marriage you have to welcome this change that happens with time, not go against it.

How You’ll Know If Your Husband No Longer Loves You

While many people think that marriage is a bed of roses, they forget the fact that roses have thorns. Hence many couples are thrown into confusion when they realize that things are not as smooth-sailing as they had imagined.The only time when some couples really enjoy their married lives is during honeymoon. Soon after they get into the nitty gritty of a married life, some couples face a lot of challenges that threaten to throw them apart.Life is often very stressful, and this easily affects emotions. You may notice that your husband’s feelings seem to have changed, and you will begin to wonder whether he does not love you any more. However, you do not have to be in a constant state of uncertainty. There are some important signs that will help you to determine when your husband is falling out of love with you. The following are some of the things you should keep an eye on.Frequent absencePerhaps your husband used to enjoy spending as much time as he could possibly squeeze with you at home. He would come back as soon as he was from work. If he seems to be looking for any kind of excuse to stay away from home now, you should not take it for granted. He may start taking extra work or getting involved in other activities outside the home.This may be a sign that he is trying to avoid dealing with something at home. The thing could be that he no longer loves you as before.Lack of interest in your personal lifeAnother important sign that your husband no longer loves you deeply is when he seems less concerned about what happens in your life. When he hardly asks about how your day has been, and he doesn’t seem to care what you have been through, this is a warning signal that his love is drying up.Lack of intimacyHusbands who love their wives are normally very intimate with them. If your husband no longer appears to be interested in an intimate life with you, chances are that he is falling out of love.In order for you to reach a better conclusion, you should also consider how he behaves towards you in general. His lack of intimacy may be due to another reason all together. When he seems to be aloof most of the time in addition to loss of interest in intimacy, this is a warning signal.When you take note of such signs in addition to paying attention to your instincts, you will be able to determine if your husband no longer loves you. Then you will need to take corrective measures to bring back the sparkle in your marriage.

Life-Marriage – Commitment IS the Key to Making Your Marriage Last and Avoid Divorce

What is the foundation of your marriage? What is the one thing that you center everything else on? Is it happiness? Compatibility? Good Times? All of those things are important in a marriage, but I can guarantee you that none of them will keep your marriage together.Happy times come and go. This is a guarantee. Feelings come and go and often times we don’t have control over them. Same with compatibility. Conflicts are going to happen, even in the best of relationships. It’s how you handle the incompatibility that is going to make the difference. The one thing that you can control in all of this is you. You made a promise when you got married, and you can keep that promise. Commitment is the foundation you need to build everything else from.Think about your wedding vows. When you said them, you most likely promised to stay together in sickness and health, in good times and bad, in prosperity etc…you made a commitment that covered pretty much all the ups and downs that life would throw your way. So what happened to that promise? If you are even considering a divorce, I want you to take a minute to just be still, and remember those vows. Remember them. They meant something to you then, and they should still mean something now.Those wedding promises were your commitment to your marriage for life. Commitment is what will hold your marriage together. It is the key to making your relationship last, and avoid divorce. Commitment means you aren’t going to run when the troubles get too hard. Quite the contrary. Instead, it means you are dedicated to doing whatever it takes to work through them. It means you are willing to make changes in yourself, your attitude, your perspective and your actions, to save your marriage. It means you are devoted to your promises. You can do this.Once you and your spouse can lay this foundation, so many more things will fall into place. A committed couple doesn’t thing about divorce, talk about divorce or even threaten it. Why? Because it simply isn’t an option. Hence, once you know that it isn’t a possibility, a whole new range of options will open up before the two of you….options to find a way to make things work; to get the help you need. Where there is a will, and a commitment, there is a way. You CAN save your marriage.

How to Be the Husband Your Wife Always Wanted and Transform Your Marriage Today

When you married your wife and signed the registration form, you weren’t given a manual to tell you how to be the best husband you can be. You simply decided you would do the best with what you have and what you know. You were probably influenced a lot by the men in your life when you are growing up such as your father. Do you think he was a good husband to your mother? I certainly hope so! It might be that you didn’t have a positive male role model, if so – this can make being the man you need to be that much more difficult.Do you know what your wife wants from you in your marriage? Are you doing your best to provide it? If you are falling short for whatever reason, don’t despair – you are a human being and no human being is perfect. We all make mistakes and fall short from time to time. If you are making a conscious effort to be the best husband you can be, your wife will acknowledge and appreciate this.When a couple is experiencing difficulties in their marriage, they both need to step back and look at themselves, and what each of them is doing to contribute to the problems. In a lot of cases, the wife finds this easier to do than the husband. How often do you hear “Men aren’t good at talking about their feelings”? Pay no attention to this. Just because you are a man, doesn’t mean you can’t look at yourself and take action to be better. If you can do this, there is a great chance you will be closer to being the husband your wife always wanted.

A Marriage Help Book That Actually Helps! – How to Find One!

Are you looking for a marriage help book? If so, you must have the best available. You want to heal your marriage, not prolong the agony with a useless marriage book…and there are plenty out there.There are well over two million divorces each year. This is a startling statistic that you don’t want to become a part of. There is just too much pain involved in troubled marriages, not only for the couple, but often for the children too.I’m 65 years old at this time and, after 44 years; I am still happily married to the same woman. And, yes, we are still in love.I can remember the day when divorce seldom happened. Why? Because people back then knew that there would be tough times and they were committed to sticking it out…for better or for worse. The great thing about it was that they knew how to get to the tough times and into the “golden years” of marriage.My wife and I did it. Most people back in the 50s did it. And you can do it too! All you need is the right direction and instruction with a lot of love and tenaciousness. You and your spouse need learn what to do to get through the rough times and into the “golden years’ as we have.Enter: the marriage help book.Okay, a good marriage book can really help. But what should a good marriage help book consist of?1. Truth…Even If It Hurts.You don’t want a book that is loaded with do-you-no-good fluff. You need the truth so that you and your spouse can make the changes that are necessary to right your relationship and to usher in the love.That may mean seeing your own faults. We all have faults, but we are usually the last ones to see them. It’s so much easier to see the other person’s faults. Not good! If you were doing something that is destroying your relationship, wouldn’t you want to know it?If I went to a doctor, and he refused to tell me that I have a tumor because he didn’t want me to feel bad or to be mad at him, I would change doctors. When your marriage is hurting, you want to know where the tumors are in your marriage so that you can get rid of them for a healthy, happy marriage.You need a book that tells the truth and will help you deal with and eliminate problems.2. Nothing Vague, Please!Clarity is important. The information may be important, but if you can’t understand it, it will be of no help. The author of a good marriage help book must me a good, clear, writer.3. Lots Of Detail That Deals With Every Marriage Problem!Everyone’s problems are a little different. Your combination of marriage problems are unique to you. That means that a good and useful marriage book will have to deal with just about every problem imaginable.This is the kind of marriage help book that will help you to solve those problems and show you how to get the fire back into your marriage!

How to Save Marriage and Avoid Divorce

Is divorce looming in your future? Would you rather save marriage and keep your family intact? Where can you go for qualified advice on how to save marriage?Finding someone who can guide you and help you through the morass of jumbled emotions when a divorce may be imminent is paramount for anyone wanting to save marriage. But just whom should you seek out? Your friends or family members? No. You’ll only make them uncomfortable.The person you need to speak with would be a certified, licensed professional counselor. There are several types of those qualified to counsel you. Let’s look at their qualifications so you know with whom you should speak.First and easiest to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors. These are the folks in your church, usually the pastor or minister, hem/herself, who have taken special classes above and beyond their theological courses to be able to help families in their congregations. While they are trained, they may not have taken much more than a course or two and/or some seminars on couples therapy. On the other hand, their service are usually free or donation-based to church members.Next on the ladder of professionals is the licensed clinical social worker, with the appellation, LCSW after their name. They are practitioners who have taken fully accredited courses in couples therapy and have a Master’s degree with 2 years of supervised clinical work. Licensing must be renewed periodically with ongoing educational credits included. Their fees are moderate and often covered by insurance under the mental health category.The MSW degree is a Master’s degree in social work and has a 900 hour field work requirement. This is a two year graduate study program. Their hourly rates are higher and are covered by insurance.The doctorate level, or PhD, psychologist is a five year graduate who wrote a dissertation and has the ability to prescribe medication. This is the psychologist level, whose fees are moderately high and who was required to fulfill a 3000 hour clinical field work program under close supervision.Because the former categories are less expensive, any insurance recommendations will likely be for the former over the latter. Family and Marriage counselors are specialists in this type of counseling and work with couples on a daily basis.Find a counselor of whatever level of educational training for whom you find rapport. Their credentials are less important than finding someone to whom you can relate. Your goal is save marriage and avoid divorce, so finding someone you can truly open up to is vital.

Tips For Making Your Husband Love You Again

In general, people who get married have very high expectations for their relationships. Unfortunately, the dynamics of marriage usually tend to drive things in the opposite direction, making partners lose hope. In the process, you may find out that your husband does not love you any more. However, you should not give up.Let us take a look at some helpful tips for making your husband love you again. When the sparks that used to fly in your relationship die, you are likely to be very frustrated. However, this will only mark the beginning of the end of your marriage if you let it. The tips you will find in this article will help you to re-establish your relationship by making your husband love you again.Take a look backOne of the most important tips for making your husband love you again is to think back in order to determine the things your husband used to like in you. As time passes, every person is bound to change. Perhaps you have changed in some ways that have made your husband’s feelings change as well. In turn, he may become more distant.If you want your husband to love you again, you need to re-cultivate the great qualities you used to possess.Develop yourselfAlthough it is good to concentrate on taking care of your family, this is not all you should do. In such a case, your life will get sort of bland, and your husband will gradually lose interest in you.Find things you are interested in to pursue. It may be a career or hobby. What is important is that you need to be happy with what you are involved in. It is in this way that you will make your life more interesting.Accept your husbandAs time passes, you may discover some qualities in your husband that irritate you. You may therefore start getting more and more critical of him. Unfortunately, this will just drive him away from you.Everybody has personal weaknesses. You need to accept your husband just as he is. This does not mean that you will be happy with his failures. Instead, you will help him with his weak points.Don’t nag him over the issueAs much as you would like to get to the bottom of the matter and discover what has brought the change in your husband, you should not wear him out with questions. If you keep asking him what the problem is, you may make him withdraw even further.You should instead focus on improving yourself. It is in this way that you will appeal more to your husband. These are some of the tips for making your husband love you again.

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