Problems in your married life might actual be beneficial, because overcoming them will only make your relationship stronger. Studies have shown that solving the problems in your marriage is much more important than how many you have.With that said, take a look at 2 things you can do to help solve the problems in your married life and bring back the spark between the two of you.1. Realize That Things Aren’t Going To Be PerfectIt is okay to realize your married life will have problems. Remember, you and your spouse are not perfect and will make mistakes. Even though it is possible to have a perfect wedding, a perfect marriage is highly unlikely. Once you have come to the realization that your marriage will have problems, you will be better prepared to solve the ones that do come up.2. Avoid Boredom In Your MarriageA boring marriage will put a wedge between you and your spouse. This distance will create less communication and lead to more problems in your relationship. You should develop romantic habits that will make your marriage more interesting. Take your partner out somewhere to a nice restaurant and make them feel special. Switching things up in your marriage will keep your relationship interesting and exciting. Avoiding marriage problems is not a walk in the park, but the effort you put in to solve these problems is well worth it. Begin taking the necessary steps to build a strong marriage that will outlast any problems it faces.
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I get a lot of emails from women whose husbands are wanting a divorce. Most of these wives are trying decide which course of action is most likely to help them stall until they can figure out how to save the marriage. The other day, someone asked me if they would be better off pushing for a trial separation instead of a divorce. I’ll share my answer with you in the following article.A Trial Separation Versus A Divorce: Which Is Better?: Please note that most people ask me this question as it relates to saving the marriage. I am going to be answering this question from this angle. Deciding which is better in terms of property distribution or in terms of your family and your children will have to be addressed in another article. This one is only going to focus on saving your marriage (or at least giving you both the time to decide what you really want.) And, looking at it through that lens, I firmly believe that if you can steer your husband toward a separation rather than a divorce, you are much better off taking that route.The reason for this is that with the separation, you don’t have the worry of the divorce being “final” on your back. Sure, if things don’t improve, then filing the papers may well be down the road, but things are not quite as immediate and this gives you a little more leeway to take the time that you need without needing to take desperate and often ill advised actions. With that said, even if your husband does proceed with a divorce, the process is generally the same. You want to focus on presenting yourself in the best light, on changing his perception of you and the marriage, and on creating more empathy and understanding – even if you hold off on working through your problems.Wanting Him Back No Matter Whether It’s A Divorce Or Separation That is Looming: So I have no way of knowing which of these scenarios you are facing. Obviously, postponing the divorce is going to be preferable if you can swing this. The best way to present this option is to bring his attention to the fact that some time and distance apart might allow the both of you some perspective and calm that you did not have right now. Make it clear that you will back off and give him the space that he needs through this process.And, if he doesn’t buy this and proceeds with the divorce papers, the advice is really going to be the same, although you might be forced to work more quickly. You want him to know that you love him and want to preserve the marriage, but once you’ve made this point, you don’t need to follow him around and keep repeating it. Believe it or not, this process really can work for you rather than against you, but you’ll often have to play this correctly.Your first goal is going to be to change his perception of this situation as hopeless and / or unchanging. It’s very likely that you’ve come to this place because previous attempts at changing things or making things better have failed and your husband doesn’t believe that this process is going to change drastically enough to make him want to keep trying. So, you need to begin to show him that this can happen and not in a false or fake way that’s going to require too many concessions or too much hard work. This whole process needs to feel very genuine and almost effortless (even though you’ll know that you are putting in the effort.)Don’t gloss over the advantages that you do have. Yes, there may be a lot of water under the proverbial bridge. But, surely you can remember how things used to be. You can surely remember how you used to laugh and talk for hours and could connect seamlessly without much effort. But, here’s what we often don’t realize. It SEEMED to be effortless but in reality, there was a lot that had to happen in order for it to work. You were both likely putting in the time and effort to be available and to really pay attention. You were both on your best behavior and were exhibiting either your best qualities or those qualities that you perceived your spouse liked best.Some where along the way though, we all back off on this. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love or prioritize our spouse anymore. It means that we live in the real world with real responsibilities. Yet, we often don’t understand the full cost of this reality. We are often surprised that the relationship’s strength goes hand in hand with these efforts.And often when we realize this, things have deteriorated so much that we aren’t sure where to start. No matter which situation that you are in, start by making sure that his perceptions of you are positive ones. You know how to do this because you have done it in the past. Present yourself as light hearted and in a positive manner. Make sure that you are eliciting positive emotions. This means no debating or arguing points that don’t matter as much as you may think. Because you want to begin to build a positive give and take before you even begin to think about “working” on your problems. This is likely to read negative to him, so you don’t want to dwell on that right now. That’s not to say that you won’t need to address the issues. You eventually will, but you want to be on firm ground again when you do this.
Trying to read your husband’s mind is virtually impossible. As women, we tend to be more open about what we’re feeling. That makes it even more frustrating when you ask your husband how he feels about the relationship and he doesn’t offer anything. Nagging him to talk about it will only result in him becoming more and more distant so it’s not an option. If you’re worried that your marriage is barrelling towards a breakdown, there are some signs your husband wants a divorce that will give you insight into where he’s at emotionally.One of the obvious signs your husband wants a divorce is his attitude towards you. If he seems less engaged with not only you but the family as well, that’s not good. When a man is considering leaving his marriage he’ll typically opt out of family activities and even vacations. If he retreats to a chair in front of the television when he gets home from work or if he is constantly more engrossed in his own hobbies than participating in the family, he’s got one foot out the door already.Another of the signs your husband wants a divorce is his refusal to talk about the problems you two are experiencing. Many men, when they are falling out of love with their wife, will tell her that nothing is wrong or they will blame their attitude on stress. If fixing the issues between you two isn’t a priority to him, that’s not good at all. He’s allowing his feelings and the marriage to die, and unless you step in and change things, divorce will most certainly be a part of your future.
Are there dozens, maybe even hundreds, of marriage secrets out there to be found and acted upon, so we can all have the perfect relationship? If so, and there is one ‘secret’ which stands out above all the others, can someone please inform us what it is?After the ‘honeymoon’ period is over, what a lot of couples look for is the secret, or secrets, that will make sure they can stay together – forever. The reality is this; there is only ONE marriage ‘secret’ – but more on that shortly!However, there are some vital things that can make all the difference to helping you grow your lives together in (near) perfect harmony. All it takes is to be focused on the elements that matter most – and they’re worth much more than money, or what money can buy!Let’s look more closely at a few of the things that matter most:Commitment. It’s vital that you always work on being committed to your relationship. It should be the most important priority you have. A relationship is something you have to work at and it needs consideration, coupled with effort, if it is to blossom and mature. Just as a beautiful flower needs care and attention to stop it from wilting and dying, so do we in our relationships!Everyone is busy these days, but make time to spend quality time with each other, whenever you can. For example, if both of you go out to work, try booking special times in your schedule to do things with each other you both enjoy. Perhaps you could have a meal at home together where you can relax and enjoy each other’s company, or you could find a restaurant you both like and eat out.If you can do that at least once a week you will both benefit from the chance to communicate and reinforce your commitment to each other. ‘Money’ just can’t buy commitment, any more than money can buy you true love, but making some space for ‘quality time’ in your busy schedule can really show how committed you are to your partner, which is much more valuable, even priceless.Also, remember to celebrate each other’s achievements too, and support each other, especially if one of you is having a tougher time than usual. Do your very best to support your partner in situations when their life is being a bit tough on them; and always try to be empathetic when they might need you most. Just being there when you’re needed will be so much appreciated by your partner – much more than you realize.Another key ingredient is… romance. Keeping the romance alive is good for both of you! All relationships generally start out by being ‘romantic’ in the early days but, as the time goes by, it’s possible to be distracted by the myriad of other things; work, paying the bills, giving the kids the attention they need, or just doing the household chores, to name just a few.Whatever you do, don’t get in to the habit of taking each other for granted; it can be the death knell. Make your partner feel exclusive by doing something passionate, no matter how small. Perhaps you could, when you have the time, make your partner breakfast and serve it to them whilst they’re in bed. As an alternative, make a ‘date’ for a very special night out, or maybe you can go off to walk in a place you both love, or just pack a picnic with some of your favorite food and drink. that little special something that adds the sparkle of romance for both of you.At the beginning I mentioned the marriage secret… just what is it? Well, it’s so simple; there is NO marriage secret, as such, but being committed to each other is as close as you can come to the secret.By paying attention to the detail and being committed you can have a marriage that lasts forever. And you can keep the romance alive by showing how much you love and care for your partner! And that’s so much more valuable than all the money in the world isn’t it!
Marriage is something which is very sacred and most definitely hard work. There are some marriages which cannot be saved while there are others which can. Marriage reconciliation occurs when you and your spouse have pinpointed the problem which is affecting the marriage, and getting on the same page so that you can be able to work things out.One of the reasons why you and your spouse need to try your best to preserve your marriage is because marriage is a sacred thing. It takes the effort of you and your spouse in order to heal the marriage. Marriage reconciliation must be initiated by both you and your spouse and if either one does not wish to reconcile, this process will not be a success. You owe it to God and yourself to try and restore the marriage before you decide to call it quits.Many people tend to assume that marriage is settling down so to speak. This cannot be further from the truth, marriage is a forward momentum and you have to be ready for all the changes which come your way. There are some changes which are good and others bad, but this is what spices up a marriage. The reason why you might deem your spouse to be evil, boring, selfish, unreasonable, ignorant and irritating could be because in your mind you had outlined the expectation which you expect your partner to live up to. This is one of the reasons why many spouses cheat on there partners. If you divorce your spouse thinking that you are going to get your perfect mate out there, then you are greatly mistaken. The reason why you need to give your marriage a chance is because this could be as good as it gets. Many people do not know what they have until they lose it.The people we love the most are the same ones who are capable of causing us so much hurt. In marriages tempers are likely to flare, and you need to avoid making certain decisions in the heat of the moment. If there is one thing you need to tame in a marriage then it has to be your tongue. Many spouses have come to say stuff during arguments that they wish they hadn’t. Words are very dangerous because once they come out you can never take them back. You need to try and reconcile the marriage and not make definite decisions based on abuses which were hauled in the heat of the moment.It becomes of utmost importance to try and reconcile the marriage especially if there are children involved. The most affected party during separation and divorce are the kids. You need to realize that the decision to split up affects not only you but your kid as well. There are incidences however such as domestic violence where it is better to get out of the marriage for your safety as well as your kids. There are some people who cannot turn back from there violent nature irregardless of the number of counseling sessions they attend.
There are many reasons why a marriage may break up, but none of them is more egregious or hurtful than when one spouse is cheating on the other. If you are reading this article, you may be suspicious of new behavior that your spouse is exhibiting and you may believe that an affair is the reason why.However, no matter how nonchalant your spouse may try to be, there are telltale signs that you can look for before you start to make accusations.Signs that Point to an AffairSome of the first signs when a spouse is cheating is the amount of time that they are away from the house. If you notice that there has been distance growing between you and your spouse and suddenly, they are spending much more time at work or the office, you might have a cause for concern. In addition, if they are making spontaneous plans at the last moment, that do not include you, there may be a valid reason behind your suspicions.Next, if you suddenly notice them making changes in their appearance or start doing things that are not normal to enhance themselves physically, an affair may be the reason why. Be on the look out for trips to tanning salons, expensive gym memberships or large clothing purchases, especially in the area of sexy lingerie or underwear. If this is not normal behavior for your spouse, they could have someone that they are trying to look good for.Be Aware of Changes in BehaviorThere are also many signs that will start to show up if your spouse is having an affair that will be subtle. For instance, if you know that the soap that you use in your house is one brand and he or she is showing up at the end of the day smelling of an unfamiliar soap, be aware that they may have showered off the smells of the person that they are seeing. Also, if you smell unfamiliar cologne or perfume, you have a reason to be suspicious.Next, check your bank accounts and see if there have been changes in spending. Look for clues that they have either been spending money or extra time at locations or at stores that they are not known to frequent. In addition, consider the schedule that they are telling you, where they say they have been and who they have been with and see how it checks out to the money spent on those particular occasions. If their actions are not adding up fiscally, there could be a problem.A cheating spouse is a painful experience to have to deal with, pay attention to what is happening around you and decide for yourself if you want to save your marriage or if it is time to call it quits.
Marriage advice for men – it is well known that men and women think differently. So why in the world is marriage advice often given to both sexes equally? When we see things from each other’s point of view, only then do we see the real difference in the way men and women think.By learning a little bit about what goes on in your wife’s mind, you will be able to make a few simple changes to the way you do things that will really get her attention, and will show her that you do, indeed, love her, and that you want to save your marriage!Unfortunately, as boys, men were raised to not show their emotions. This includes showing love. For some reason, society itself tells men that this is a sign of weakness. It is NOT! Actually, it is a sign of strength and confidence.Simply telling your wife that you love her does mean something to her, but you have to show her. At one point in my own marriage, I kept hearing those words, but I didn’t feel that my husband loved me at all anymore. He said it, but after a while, those words became just that. Words. And he just couldn’t understand that, as a woman, I needed more than words. I needed to FEEL loved.Show your wife that you love her. Give her a kiss for no reason. Simple eye contact and a smile that says ‘I love you’ does a lot more than saying it.Show her that you are interested in what she does, what she likes, etc. Make an effort to get involved in something she likes to do. I’ll give you an example:If she likes to read, then by getting her a new book, or even something a simple as a bookmark, you are showing her that you do pay attention to what she is interested in. You are saying ‘even though you like to do this and I don’t, I support you’. This will go a LONG way in showing her that you love her.One of the biggest complaints I see with couples today is that promises aren’t kept. Many times a man will say to his wife ‘ok, I’ll do it’, but that’s the end of it. It never gets done. If you are guilty of this, as many of us are, then try your best to work on it. Every time you follow through with actually doing something you say you will do, it makes a HUGE difference in your marriage!Both of you should take time each day to spend quality time with each other. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk, you can simply watch tv, or anything that allows both of you to be together.If you really want to make her happy, help her do the household chores. many times men think it is the woman’s job to do everything. When you are married, it becomes BOTH of your jobs to take care of the household. By simply taking out the trash, or making dinner, you will tell your wife that you don’t take her for granted, and that you really do respect her and the work that she does.The more you do these little things, you will see your marriage improving. Your wife will be happier, because she realizes that you DO still love her, and you will be happier, because your marriage will become stronger.
If you are asking the question “How to Save my Marriage?” then this simply proves that you really do love your partner and you want to resolve any relationship issues as soon as possible. You should be commended for thinking this and for taking action. This is the first step to starting all over. Congratulations!More often than not the stresses and strains of everyday life have somehow caused small relationship issues which over time tend to get out of control. Usually both partners are at fault although neither one is willing to accept the responsibility. Does this sound familiar?What’s more, if this situation is left on auto-pilot then sooner or later you will be asking “How to Save My Marriage?”. And this is not uncommon. In fact, statistics show that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce in less than 10 years. That’s a significant proportion and I sincerely hope that this doesn’t happen to you and it will not happen to you as long as you get the right advice and act on it.Saving the marriage will require some effort. Of course it helps if both partners are willing to cooperate to mend the relationship however believe me it only takes one of you to take the appropriate action and hopefully save the marriage.So what action needs to be taken?Well relationships are mostly about the attention which both partners require and the clear communication which keeps the relationship alive. When conflicts arise within a relationship it’s very important to take an objective viewpoint. Due to the deep emotions involved this can often be difficult to achieve. In these cases, it’s a good idea to seek the help of a marriage counselor. These are professionals who can assist you to resolve any relationship issues by talking you through each issue and providing some gentle guidance. Having said that it only works if both partners are able and willing to discuss these issues in front of a 3rd party. It’s also quite expensive although that in itself should not be a barrier. Obviously you do want to know how to save your marriage right?If the marriage counselor option is not for you then the next best thing is to seek the advise of someone who’s been there, done that and can really show you from experience what actions will work to turn your marriage around. There is no substitute for life experience in the area of relationships. People who have gone through a similar situation can be extremely helpful.The good news is that with the power of the internet it’s possible to access some really good people who have expert knowledge in resolving relationships. What you learn from them can be the one thing you need right now to get you back on track from “How to Save My Marriage” to “How to Start All Over”.
When you learn that your spouse wants a divorce and no longer wants to be in the marriage, your first reaction is to try to talk, apologize and beg your spouse for forgiveness. Right? At least, it was the case for me. This is a knee-jerk reaction to a desperate situation. If you want to learn how to save your marriage, you should first avoid these.Unfortunately, the things that led our spouses to want a divorce haven’t happened overnight. Whatever they are, they build up over time, until the spouse decides it’s not wise to try to go on. Since they haven’t appeared from nowhere overnight; they can’t be gotten rid of overnight. This is not how you save your marriage.Yes, I saved my marriage but it wasn’t by those reactions I gave. I must say that such things actually pushed him further away from me.What I did to save my marriage in the end was; following some outside advice and acting according to them. They told me to lay back, calm down – those will enable you to look at everything from a wider perspective, they said. I was mad with desperation – I wanted something that would quickly fix my marriage. Trying to calm down was so counter-intuitive!that’s why so many marriages end. If you want to save your marriage, you HAVE to do those counter-intuitive things. And because people always go with their intuitions, they end up doing the wrong things to save their marriage, and then a divorce is inevitable.
You’re rolling your cart down the supermarket aisle, when you bump into (literally), your friend whom you haven’t seen in – well, awhile. She asks “Where’s your husband?” and you say “Oh, I dunno – probably doing something around the house.” Your friend laughs and says “Well, I knew it couldn’t last – the two of you doing everything together.” And that stings. Because you remember when you and your mate used to do pretty much everything together – from groceries to chores to laundry to workouts. Now it seems you do everything separately, and you don’t remember when or how that happened. . .As you think about it, you realize you spend a lot less time together, and what time you do spend together is all about the “business” of a relationship: what’s the schedule, who’s picking up the kids when, should we buy this or forego that, did you/he remember to do yet another on that unending list of chores, which in-laws/friends are next on the “must get together” list and so on. The intimacy has diminished in your love-life: not that you love each other any less, but that closeness, that feeling of true connection has faded.You’ve complained about the lack of closeness – of course you have! You’ve complained to your mother, your girlfriends, your co-workers, the kids’ pediatrician, your mani-pedi gal, the dry-cleaners, all of whom sympathize greatly. You’ve complained and nagged about it to your spouse, but all that seems to do is drive him further away.And there you have it: women complain, men leave.Oh, they don’t necessarily leave physically, but whereas women speak up loudly in relationship about what’s wrong, what’s bothering them, men respond more often than not by simply leaving. First emotionally, then mentally, lastly physically.Men are trained by our culture and society not to whine, not to complain, to be stoic and put up with hardship. They bring that attitude into their relationships as well. Which is why a wife is often surprised to find her mate has strayed, she assumed that since he wasn’t complaining, all was well.Not! What to do? Pay as much attention to the connection side of your relationship as you do to the business side. Openly express your appreciation to your mate every day, let him or her know how valuable they are – to you, to your family, to the world – every day. Purposefully join in those activities he enjoys, be that the ballgame on Sunday afternoon, his new interest in golf, or his fascination with that software program. If you can’t join in, be supportive – be interested and enthusiastic. Be engaged in his work, show interest in what makes up his daily do, and engage him in yours.Connection is automatic when we first fall in love, but it must be nurtured if it is to be maintained, and lovingly tended so you grow closer as the years go by, not apart.