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Save Your Marriage – Be Independent

Do you want to save your marriage? Be independent!* IndependenceSome of the ground foundation of an everlasting marriage are independence and trust. When you are married you are going to be together for a long time hopefully, this also means you will spend a lot of time together. If you want the time you spend together, to be full of emotional tension and excitement, you need to feel the importance of the other person. The time you really feel how important someone is to you, is when you are not together.* Hobby & FriendsTo save your marriage you and your partner both need to have friends and hobbies that can separate you, so you can recharge your love. This helps you to be independent. It is important for your partner to know that it is OK to be one self and do what you want. Of cause you want to attend events that you can enjoy together, but the less you do this the better you will feel when you do it. Doing stuff apart will also give you opportunities to talk about the things you have experienced. It’s crucial to have a good social circle.* TrustTo save your marriage you need to be able to stay apart without getting jealous, this shows that you trust each other when you are trying to be independent. If you don’t trust each other, your relationship will end sooner or later. Trust in yourself and your goals, have ambition and achieve them so you can keep your partner attracted to you.* AttractionTo save your marriage nurse your attraction. Attraction is amplified by the value of the above mentioned. You also need to do the best with what you got, you might be married, but look to your partner. Groom your hair, dress sexy, smell good and try to have some style. If you don’t do these things it shows that you take your partner for granted and who wants to be taken for granted.

What is the Definition of Marital Separation – Is Divorce Involved?

When a marriage does not seem to be working out a couple may decide to try marriage counseling. Along with this, or perhaps after counseling has proven to be inadequate, a couple may begin to sleep apart and go about their lives separately. A simple definition of marital separation would be a husband and wife residing apart from each other. But it is often more complicated than that. For instance, if the couple have children, an agreement would be needed to decide which of the children stay with whom and when and how visits are to be conducted.Marital separation is often a prelude to divorce and may even be required by law before a divorce is granted. But separation in itself should not mean that a marriage is going to end. Divorce is still not inevitable and may in fact be averted if the right steps are taken during a separation.Whether or not separation results in divorce, the whole process is usually a painful one, even one of self-pity and dejection. In a way, indulging in such feelings may further bring a couple apart and result in what is feared the most. But there are ways by which to stop this descent.A definition of marital separation need not even have the word ‘divorce’ in it. Separation may in fact be just what is needed for a couple to gain perspective and reestablish a connection, something that may not be possible when caught up in each other. One may have preoccupations that had been ignored and which they would like to focus on at last. As one author has put it, husband and wife are able to give ‘the gift of missing’ to the other person. When one starts missing the other and no longer takes them for granted, this may be what reignites the spark in a relationship.Any definition of marital separation is not sufficient to express the difficulties endured by the parties involved. There may be ways to cope sufficiently with the aftermath of divorce but there are also ways of saving a marriage despite all that has gone wrong. If you really want to work things out, there are ways to get things right again. In a somewhat paradoxical fashion, it starts with being your own person apart from your spouse. If there is any hope to a marriage, this is where it starts.

Mixed Marriages and the Asian Bride

Having lived abroad in various Asian and South East Asian countries for over fifteen years, I have some awareness of the challenge a mixed Asian and Western marriage can face, especially when the bride is brought back to a Western country.  I was not married when I lived abroad, and as is natural with youth, I ended up with an Asian girlfriend more often than a western girl. I adored my Asian girlfriends. They were warm, cheerful and had a delightful, innocent manner that definitely charmed my heart in those days. When I was young the relationships were very simple and uncomplicated. As I grew older however, and my marrying potential grew, I found that what had once been a casual relationship became much more complex. Perhaps that’s the same with any budding relationship, the more deeply involved you become, the more issues you have to sort through. In my case, however, I believe that the cultural differences and expectations about relationships added a new level of complexity.  It’s not that I haven’t seen successful inter-cultural relationships. I have, of course. One of my best mates ended up with a lovely Malaysian wife, and they’ve been together now for over twenty years, have three beautiful daughters, and a successful hardware business. With some of my other friends who married Asian women, a few are still happily married and quite a few have split up–usually citing the cultural differences were too difficult to overcome, and often mentioning that honest, open communication was difficult to achieve.  Yet today I see many advertisements on the internet, offering Asian brides or mail-order brides. What is it that causes a man to seek overseas for a bride, rather than finding a woman he can be close to in his own country? Women especially seem to have a difficult time figuring out what drives men in this way.  I think I know why men look overseas, particularly to Asian countries, when looking for a wife. Without wanting to stereotype any race, and at least from my observations, Asian women are generally meeker, more willing to serve and please, and often content with a husband who provides for them and their children than their Western, fiercely independent counterparts.  Many men like those qualities in a woman, or at least they think they do. Of course, until you actually live with an Asian woman you really don’t see the other side. They can be very jealous and suspicious, they have also been known to pretend love but marry only for a foreign citizenship and money. Many a man has been duped out of a fair bit of his life savings by his new wife who promises him the world, then divorces him after a couple of years, taking half of his property and savings with her. Not only do you marry the cute Asian woman, but you also marry her entire family, or so it seems! Asians are very loyal to ‘family’, and you will be expected to be just as loyal and devoted if you marry an Asian. I do understand certain men’s yearning for a soft, meek Asian wife. But I do think there’s a fair danger and you’re taking a real risk ordering one on line. Holiday romances seldom seem to work out either. If you’re seriously considering taking an Asian bride, I’d suggest you go and work in Thailand, or Malaysia or Vietnam, get to know people there, make friends, and then see what develops. It’s much more natural that way, and you can be sure that you’re really getting what you’re looking for in a wife.

Relationship Help – Can I Save My Marriage?

It almost hurts to see a marriage going bad, especially when it ends up in divorce. You probably ask yourself, “Can I save my marriage?” A divorce is not the solution when your marriage starts going bad. If both partners are committed to saving a marriage, there are some steps you can follow to save the relationship. First, start off with some marriage counseling so that there is a mediator between you.Even without counseling, there a lot of things you can do to save a marriage. Both partners must be committed to the goal, though. Below are some things you have to follow if you want to “save my marriage.”Before you even start, you should know there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Put two people together for so long and after awhile there’s going to be problems, some which could result in divorce. Twins even have different likes and dislikes. You have to get through the tough times together if you want your marriage to work. The marriage will never live up to your expectations and will end up destroying everything. It is possible to “save my marriage” if you and your partner work together and overcome your problems. All people make mistakes.If you don’t have good communication in your marriage, you can bet there will be problems. The most important thing in a relationship is honesty. If you can’t trust the person you are spending the rest of your life with, then who can you trust? Third, you have to be able to make compromises with your partner. You both have to come to a middle ground if you want to “save my marriage.”A marriage is all about commitment. If your car breaks down on the side of the road, you don’t just leave it there and walk away. You have to treat your marriage the same way. Try out all your options before you just give up. You have to have commitment if you want to “save my marriage.”Sometimes the marriage is just too damaged to be saved. Some things just can’t be solved, even with counseling. This is when a divorce might actually be a good idea. Besides this, almost all marriages can be saved. You and your partner just have to have a commitment to work together and hopefully you will be able to say you can “save my marriage.”

Not Living Happily Ever After? Here is How to Make Your Husband Fall Madly in Love

Like all marriages, your marriage was also made in heaven; but with time earthly reality strikes leaving you wondering several times in a day whether your husband is the same man you married and how you can make your husband fall madly in love all over again. They say the mind of the woman is complex but the mind of the man can also be a quagmire of complicated feelings and emotions making it impossible for the wife to know exactly what he is going through. In case you too are going through a similar situation and find him gradually distancing himself from you – it is time to think how to make your husband fall madly in love. Of course, this is subject to your own desires to save the marriage. There are various proven ways to make your husband fall madly in love all over again and rekindle that passion which you once witnessed in him. So, before you plan your second honeymoon, you have to know how to make your husband fall madly in love, and cement your relationship once again.The eternal quest to explore the unknown has triggered the interest of a man from time immemorial. Exploring a wife is no exception. When he married you, what kept him happy during the initial years was that he was continuously exploring the woman he hardly knew. But over time, familiarity with the same woman has started to bore him. Therefore, to make your husband fall madly in love, develop an aura of mystery about you. Just the way you were when you first met him. Make sure that there is something new and changing about you every other day. Last week you hated to go for jogging, this week you love it. Yesterday you hated that red dress (which he bought you for your birthday) but today you are ready to flaunt it in front your friends. What you are essentially trying to do is to appear new and unknown to your bored husband as this is a sure way to make your husband fall madly in love. Start reading a new author, listening to some other kind of music, cook something which he least expects and the list can be endless. The more mysterious and unpredictable you get better chances you have to make your husband fall madly in love.When was the last time you surprised him with a text message saying you were missing him, while he was traveling on work? When was the last time you invited him for a candle-lit dinner at that quaint little restaurant down the road? When was it last that you bought him something special exclusively for his use? If you really think hard, perhaps you have forgotten to do all these small things thinking they were insignificant. This is the biggest mistake we make when we take our husbands for granted. Therefore to make your husband fall madly in love, you might have to re-work on your ‘loving’ strategies once again. Let us face it, these small but meaningful gestures does not cost much and does not take too much effort. Remember everyone wants to be loved, hugged, and touched and to feel special. Your husband is human first and then your husband. Caring does not mean saying ‘I love you’ sixteen times in a day – you could show your love in small ways which take him by surprise. Once your husband understands in the core of his heart that he is the most special person in your life, chances are high that you can make your husband fall madly in love all over again. They say that some men are very difficult to please – even then, there are some factors which ought to make him go weak on his knees. There is none other in this world who knows about such weak links than you. Apply your knowledge about your husband to successfully make your husband fall madly in love.

How to Handle Bad Marriages and Ways to Stop a Divorce

Bad marriages happen all too often. There are ways to stop a divorce however, considering both sides agree that’s their main goal. They can seek counseling, which will give them a different perspective on their problems, and they can learn to compromise in areas of the most need.Divorce doesn’t have to be inevitable. Not as long as the couple is willing to try and do whatever it takes to avoid it. By keeping an open mind to suggestions from advice counselors, many problems that seemed unworkable can be overcome by will and determination, and applying the right techniques.Some marriages that start out looking like bad marriages end up as good marriages once some of the main problems get worked through. Being willing to work at it is one of the best ways to stop a divorce. Some of the things in your adjustment period start off seeming like work, but after time become hardly noticeable.A bad marriage doesn’t have to stay bad. It just needs to be re-adjusted, re-focused, and re-established between the two individuals. And these two got married for some reason, usually something is there to build on. It’s worth checking out.One of the most successful ways to avoid bad marriages, and the best ways to stop a divorce, is by having ‘pre-marital’ counseling. This arms you with information that enables you to spot warning signs, and gives you ideas for keeping things fresh before you ever get started. It’s highly believed that this is one of the best diversions to divorce.

Do I Want to Save My Marriage? 2 Reasons Why You Should

Marriage problems along with stress from everyday life will put a strain on a marriage. There is only so much a marriage can take and as time goes on you feel like the two of you are growing apart. At this point you begin to ask yourself these questions “Do I want to save my marriage”, “Is it worth the effort to save my marriage”?This is up to you to decide, because only you know the answer to these questions. However, it is important for you to know that if you save your marriage, you will save your family as well. A divorce will lead to serious long term changes in your family. Are you ready for these changes?1. Changes In Your Extended FamilyYou probably grew close with your partner’s family and friends during your marriage. If you end your marriage these close ties with your partner’s family will be broken. If you believe the marriage troubles you go through do not effect the people around you, think again. Saving your marriage will display to the people around you that you cherish their friendship.2. Changes In Your Kids LivesIt is well known that a divorce will dramatically change your kids’ lives. Get used to scheduled visits because the two of you will no longer live together, and your child may not see one of their parents for weeks at a time. This kind of change in a child’s life will have critical effects on their emotional well being. The worst part about this whole ordeal is that your kids may go through life feeling guilty and responsible for the divorce.However, you can quickly reverse these changes by saving your marriage and showing your kinds that keeping the family together is your number one priority.

Does Your Wife Bore You?

Does your wife bore you? Lets see, you loved her so much at first but over time you found out about her bad habits, true physical appearance and her other interest that you may not interested in? Perhaps, over time you have grown farther and farther away from her and then you start questioning yourself to see if this woman was really the right one for you in your marriage?I have always said that if you can tolerate a woman and hang around her more than anyone else in this world, then she can make a good wife for you.Marriages are not always going to be perfect but at the same time if you use a little compromise on both parts and let “each other in” when speaking about new ideas, beliefs and life circumstances, then this could prove to be quite beneficial to you both.A boring wife can be picky, aggravating and sometimes downright ugly to deal with at times. She may make you feel like you just want to dump all of your problems on her and leave it as that. But in fact, the more problems that you put on your wife, then the more that she can create problems for you too as well, in the long run.Learning the methods and techniques to properly save your marriage and take away the boring aspect of it can determine the longevity and strength of your marriage. Before you can save your marriage, you have to understand what you both need and want from each other. This could be the simple essence of sharing time together, affection and sexual interaction. Learning the steps on how to make a marriage work better for you both is a good start to the process of fixing your marriage most effectively.

Are Desperation and Obligation the Only Reasons People Get Married?

Desperation & ObligationI’m going to get straight to the point – people get married for one of two (or both) reasons – desperation and / or obligation. And I don’t care how you argue the case, marriage boils down to one (or both) of these two things.Marriage is a man made institution that has the primary intention of controlling human instinct of trying to forbid another human to act in accordance with nature, and of trying to make the virtually impossible possible. Statistics prove that the majority of marriages do not last a lifetime (as intended), and even if a marriage does last a lifetime, this fact alone does not mean that it was a ‘successful’ marriage, that each partner was monogamous or that the offspring of that marriage are healthy-minded individuals.And this is where the point I am making becomes a circular argument that simply compounds itself with logic, much to the annoyance of the masses…Marriage is the unity of two people who do not truly trust each other, for if they did, then there would be no need for the marriage in the first place. When two people decide to marry, they are basing their decision on either desperation – because they are worried that their partner might leave them, they are afraid of being alone in old age, they are concerned that the person they are with might be the best they will ever get; or they are basing their decision on obligation – they feel that it is the ‘right thing to do’, they are concerned that society will judge them should they breed without marriage, they worry that it is the only way to truly express their commitment to their partner.And whether we like it or not, desperation and obligation are not particularly good reasons to do anything. Even if you argue the case that you might marry for love, or as a way of showing your commitment, or as a method of uniting your lives, or (God forbid) as a way of appeasing God, you are still arguing in favor of desperation and obligation – why do you need to be married to support your argument? There is no other answer… it is simply desperation and obligation.Why is it that we find ourselves in a situation where our society imposes the edict of marriage on any long term relationship? Why do couples who have been together for 2 years have to endure the never-ending stream of “when are you getting married?” questions? Why is it not acceptable to be in love, be happy, be together, without the need for marriage as a validation of your relationship?Why do men continue to get down on one knee, beg for a woman’s hand in marriage, buy her a ridiculously over-priced ring, endure the petty drama of a wedding and all that it entails, accept the responsibility of family life and then allow themselves to pay alimony once that family life is over? Why do women allow themselves to be beholden to a man? Why do they accept that Motherhood is their life’s purpose? Why do they endure infidelities and abuse at the hands of insensitive and unromantic men?(I am aware that the above examples are gross simplifications; that many women are bread-winners, that many couples breed without matrimony; that the world is not exactly like this – but my point is that the general view and purpose of marriage is one of distinct roles, and when these roles are confused, the case for marriage is still further undermined).The reason that so many people accept these situations, the reason that so many divorcees encourage their children to marry, the reason that marriage is so prevalent in our society (and so essential in most societies) cannot possibly be logic – for if it was a decision based on logic, most people simply need to look at their own parents to see how miserable they are in wedlock, and if their parents seem happy, then they simply need to look at their parent’s friends, or their own friends, even the general public to be aware that the logic of being married does not exist; particularly if one looks at the rate, the effect and the financial, emotional or habitual disaster of divorce.Yet, despite the overwhelming evidence of unhappy marriages, divorce, infidelity and the failure of our own relationships, we still insist that “for us it will be different”, we still over-ride our gut instinct that is screaming out the truth, we still ignore the fact that we are surrounded with short term and disastrous unions, we still do not see that change is an essential part of all human life, and we decide to marry. And despite our need to justify this decision as one based on pure logic and intelligence, this cannot possibly be the case, for logic does not allow us to see a promise for life as a truly logical or believable promise, logic tells us that we are not built to be monogamous, logic trumps marriage in every way. And so, again, there is only one way to see the decision to be married – desperation and obligation.And at this point, I will no longer ram my point down your throat, I will allow it to simply germinate in your mind, where you will find that the circular nature of my musings will always bring you back to the same place – desperation and obligation.Sorry. The truth hurts – but it’s still true.Guy Blews

An Accountant Confused About Marriage

What is the purpose of marriage? As an accountant of one of the Big Four firms, I definitely understand the tax incentive of being married as filing as married joint probably means a bigger gross paycheck will increase your tax liability because of increased wages earned. (Filing as married also allows some extra deductions and credits allotted in addition to putting you in a different tax bracket. The married couple also gets some relief on both federal and Social Security taxes, as couple pay out a combined 29% of their salaries, compared with the 35% the single person pays).Of course, you can also argue that the bigger gross paycheck means you’d have to pay more tax and some of other related issues to counter my statement. However, besides the monetary gain that most claimed, is there a reason why we should get married? It seems like marriage is just a binding contract between two parties and vows and promises are still revocable given by the ridiculous high rate of divorce in America today (50% to be exact!).I have been dating with the same woman for almost 3 years and we really enjoy our time together. However, as she recently brought up with the idea of getting married, I find it unnecessary as we are already mature in our relationship and seems like any settled down married couple. This is what I don’t understand – why does the government want to protect the “married” couple who enjoy as much freedom as any couple in relationship to have affair and unfaithful? You see, if a married person got caught cheating, his/her penalty is much greater than the unmarried couple. If anything, the government should punish those who have been unfaithful in the marriage. As far as the incentive to marriage given by the government, I know one of the main reasons is that the government feel married couple is better for society as children will tend to be more taken care off and thus reduce burden from the social welfare system. However, such intention totally diverges from the two parties who are in love. Instead, it seems like marriage is promoted by the government only because it saves uncle Sam money.I never thought about these questions when I am just dating an accountant girlfriend, but as I realize life is much better with someone who loves you, I start to wonder the idea behind of marriage. I certainly hope there’s much deeper meaning behind marriage as I am, despite my skepticism in such institution, going to marry my love one this summer because I would do anything to make her to happy. Oh well…

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