Most wives in the middle of a crumbling marriage would usually say that they never saw it coming. More often than not, they would be shocked to see divorce papers in the mail, just waiting for their signature. And they are left to wonder what could have possibly gone wrong? How come they never saw it coming?Here are some less obvious reasons why husbands may want out from their marriages. Read on and get helpful tips on what you can possibly do to salvage what’s left in your relationship today.Reason #1. Loss of self-esteem. Sometimes external reasons such as career, finances or even health conditions can lead to a decrease in his self esteem. Although wives have nothing to do with these issues, the stress that husbands receive from these problems can boil over to their marriage. And because stressors such as these happen outside the house, most wives don’t have the slightest idea what their husbands are going through.Reason #2. When husbands feel ignored and neglected. The house is the one place that most, if not all, husbands expect to feel a little pampered after a long and tiring day’s work. But when the kids arrive and when wives become preoccupied with house chores, their husband’s needs become second in priority. Your husband may understand your business, but deep inside he is yearning for some attention and appreciation.Reason #3. He starts comparing your relationship with others. This goes out especially to couples who have been married for a number of years. It’s completely normal for long time couples not to be as sweet as they were when they were newlyweds. Some husbands who meet newlyweds may compare their marriages to these people. And because of the difference of intimacy, they may think that something is awfully wrong with their relationship.So wives, never take your marriage for granted. The best thing you can do when your husband is experiencing problems is to be that support system that he needs. Be ready to change your schedule to accommodate him more often. And most importantly, be genuine in your affection. When he sees you standing by him through these tough times, he will surely regret why he thought of leaving you in the first place.
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You may have heard the saying ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’. Although this is somewhat of an exaggeration, there are certainly notable differences in the two sexes. When a marriage is strained, these differences can be significantly amplified. For example, you might feel that your emotional needs aren’t being met, he might feel that his physical needs aren’t being met. A situation like this will usually lead to a breakdown in communication, and sometimes trust too. This isn’t good news for the marriage as a whole.At the moment, you might be feeling lonely and misunderstood. The man you shared that special day with, the man you look to for comfort, the man you look to for protection is now seemingly unavailable. It can be so frustrating – you want to be able to talk to him and tell him how you feel, but he just buries his head in the sand. The fact is – you can’t control another person.All you can do is control your own behaviour, choices and actions. This is a good thing though, I mean – would you really want to control your husband? I can just hear some of you saying ‘yes!’ as you read this! Joking aside though, if this situation is going to get better, then it is going to have to start with you. Why? Because you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. In this case, your husband is the horse.
In this article I am about to reveal what is arguably the #1 most significant secret to a fulfilling and a happy and successful marriage.First of all, let us define successful. Some consider that a couple that remains married for a long period as having a “successful” marriage. That is far far from the truth. The fact is that many, many couples remain married for the very same reasons that many, many couples get married in the first place… FEAR. That’s right, fear of separation. Fear of starting over again. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of finding someone else. Fear of not having the security of knowing that somebody is there in their life (rather they’re fulfilled or not). Fear of being yet another divorce statistic. Fear of breaking the marriage vows of staying together “till death do us part”.So just because a couple may have been married for 31 years that does NOT mean that they have a “successful” marriage.Success at anything can best be defined by a fulfillment of ones goals. For example if a person says that they’re goal is to run in the next marathon, and they actually run in it then they have succeeded (rather they actually complete the entire run or not). It was still an admiral goal they set and they did run in it and they should be proud of their success. It is something the vast majority of other people would NEVER do.If another says that their goal is to complete the marathon race and they actually complete it then they were a success. They were successful at completing their goal.If another says that their goal is to win the next marathon, they will only have succeeded if they actually WIN it. There is only one winner. To succeed, they have to come in first place. If they come in second place then they achieved something admiral… but they did NOT succeed. Again… success is the fulfillment of one’s goal and purpose.Nobody get’s married with a goal of staying married. They’re goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life with this other person. The only successful marriages are those where both in the relationship are happy, content and fulfilled. A couple who has been miserably married for 20 years is NOT an example of a successful marriage just because neither has the gumption to get out of the hell which has become their married life, (sometimes since before the honeymoon).So this report is not about how to stay in a bad marriage (and remain miserable, depressed, unfilled and oftentimes…unfaithful). NO, this is about the SECRET to a happy and fulfilled and therefore successful marriage.This secret is so simple and yet so obvious that many of you may be disappointed in it’s simplicity. It is nothing profound and yet …it is profoundly simple and true.Many couples go to marriage counselors and couples therapy trying to fix bad or even ruined and irreparable marriages. For those couples this secret isn’t going to help them much. They should have learned this secret a long time ago… before they even got married.You see, it’s extremely difficult to put something back together that was never quite together to begin with. Often, it was broken from the onset and now you want to fix it.There are many reasons that people get married:* Desperation * Insecurities * Need * Greed * Free sex * Want kids * AIDS * Lonely * Want stability * Getting older… “Don’t want to grow old alone.” * Pregnancy “It’s for the kids”All of the reasons above, 100% of them are BAD reasons to get married.It is astounding to see the foolish thinking that is prevalent today. There are many people, once they make up their mind that they want to get married will then marry the first person who stumbles across their path and is equally determined and equally desperate. Often they set their standard so low it’s as if the only qualification is a ‘willingness’ to “commit”.Having said all of that I will now reveal to you THE SECRET to a successful marriage. It far surpasses anything else you will ever hear or learn about this subject. THE SECRET is this… ((drum roll please)) …MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON!That’s it folks. THAT is the “secret”, Marry the Right person in the first place… and everything else can work itself out!The “right” person means the RIGHT person for you. And it is critical that you know that they are the right person for you ONLY if you also are the right person for them.Fellas’ you may have a picture in your mind and an image of the girl of your dreams but you must also be the man of her dreams …or that dream may turn into a nightmare. Same for the ladies, the man whom you envision as your knight in shining amour must also see you as his Queen.Marriage is really not that difficult at all if you followed this secret to begin with. If you marry the right person you don’t have to spend your entire relationship trying to make that person into whom you want or need them to be.If you’re single then I say …hold out for the right person. Do not compromise on it. Set your standards high and do not deviate from them.But I also must say that a problem with many marriages is that people only look for what they want and what and who they envision as being the right type of person for them. You must also consider that you must also be what that other person really and truly wants also. Many marriages fail because this is neglected.Fella’s, you want a younger, sexy, beautiful woman? That’s fine…but your primary requirement must be that she…in spite of the fact that she has numerous options and will always be hit on almost daily if she’s really truly “hot”…will be content with YOU. If not… then she is NOT the right person… even if you can get her to marry you.You women who want a guy who is popular, rich, famous… that’s your right to desire that. But you’d better make sure that you are what he really and truly wants as well.You want him for his popularity, wealth and fame? Well women like you are a dime a dozen. There is no scarcity there, he can replace you in a heartbeat.If you’re truly serious then take a look down the road…. consider the future. If they are the right person for you but will not be the right person for you down the road… and you know it, then they are NOT the right person for you and you are not the right person for them. Do not use marriage to fulfill your temporary needs. Look for Mr. Or Mrs Right …not for Mr. Or Mrs Right Now.This article is only for people that are serious about love and marriage. All the game players and people that just want to use the institution of marriage to fulfill your ulterior motives… I have nothing to say to you at all other than… I wish you the worst. To the rest… the sincere folk, good luck! But rather you’re looking for true love or just want to have fun there is truly nothing like using chat rooms to find exactly the type person that is perfectly suited for you… and most people are just missing out on the opportunities here because nobody has ever shown them how to use chat rooms to find your true love online.
Lots of Christians pray that faith will steer them off the jagged rocks of modern marriage. But for most Christian couples, faith is not enough. Divorce is just as common for Christians as it is for non-Christians, and the same modern pressures stress Christian marriages until divorce seems to be the only option.But God doesn’t want divorce to be the last resort for troubled marriages. If you and your spouse are struggling – particularly if you have any of the 9 deadly, relationship symptoms – Christian marriage counseling can help you return to God – and to each other – and repair your broken relationship before it’s too late.Is Your Marriage In Trouble?Every marriage is stressed. So how do you know if YOUR problems are just the normal cuts and scrapes and bruises of modern marriage or much more SERIOUS?There are 9 symptoms of serious trouble for your marriage. And these symptoms progress from worrying signs to marriage killers.Serious, but maybe not deadly:- A spouse feels unappreciated (not just once or twice – all the time)- Constant fighting (your house is like a war zone)- One spouse flirts with other people too much (so you hate going out together)- One partner works all the time (and the other one feels abandoned)Super-serious:- Abuse – physical or sexual- Infidelity- Substance abuseDeadly:- You and your spouse can’t – or won’t – communicate without arguing- You no longer enjoy spending time togetherIf you have any of these symptoms – especially those in the last group – you should seriously think about Christian marriage counseling ASAP. You’re marriage is hemorrhaging, and you need to stop the bleeding FAST. You don’t have much time. The clock is ticking.Why Couples Have TroubleLiving with the same person every day for years produces enormous stress.In many cases, each spouse focuses on the partner’s shortcomings. They ignore their contribution to the problems. This is when they start playing the destructive blame game. And both partners become defensive and resentful.Eventually, the relationship hits a roadblock and blaming and name calling and threatening and appealing won’t get the frustrated partners past it. At this stage, they need professional Christian marriage counseling to get around the roadblock and get their marriage moving again in the RIGHT direction.Help Is AvailableEvery day we hear depressing stories about skyrocketing divorce statistics. And keeping a strong, Christian marriage intact in the 21st Century seems almost impossible. But, you must have faith! You CAN do it.Especially if you use professional, qualified, experienced, Christian marriage counselors. These professionals provide an objective viewpoint of your relationship, and can help you repair it. And with their help, you can decide whether your relationship is worth saving, and find out how to do that according to God’s Word.Marriage isn’t easy, but you don’t have to fight the battle alone. You can get help.If you’re injured, you consult a professional physician. If you pull a muscle, you consult a professional physical therapist. So, if you have a broken marriage, consult a professional, Christian marriage counselor.Don’t be proud (that’s one of the 7 deadly sins). Don’t be pig-headed. Accept a helping hand before your marriage goes into a bitter, death spiral and it’s too late.Have faith! You CAN overcome!With the help of God’s Word and a professional Christian counselor, you and your spouse can get back on track to a positive, healthy, satisfying relationship. And that’s exactly what God wants for you and what you deserve.
Financial strain in the marriage is one of the top five reasons leading to divorce. On top of that, after the couple decides to go through the divorce, their financial situation only gets worse. While getting deeper and deeper into debt and the loss of a job adds to the difficulty of becoming financially secure, there are always steps you can take to improve your current situation.There are several common areas in a marriage that help lead to financial turmoil. A lack of a budget is one of the biggest reasons for no control in your finances, although just simply having a budget does not guarantee the couple will stick to it. There have been many couples who have sought counseling on the subject that had a budget, but could not communicate very well with each other and share the responsibility of getting out of debt and improving their financial position. Handling a budget and having the discipline to stick to it is hard enough for those who are single, so it is that much more important for you and your spouse to find help if you are struggling.The first thing you can do is to recognize the problems that are causing your financial strain in your marriage. Do you need a budget? Do you and your spouse have a lack of communication? Are you using credit cards and debit cards to freely? Are you so deep in debt that you cannot make the monthly payments every month? Make a list and write down the areas that you need work on specifically in your relationship.The second thing you need to do is write down possible solutions for each problem separately. This is very important, because if you do not take each area separately, it will begin to seem too difficult a task to fix. You need to set up a budget, discuss what you are spending on a daily basis, make sure your books stay balanced, and work together as a couple to stay on track with your goals.If the steps I have mentioned so far still sound easier then they are, you are not alone. Many of the reasons that marriages have so many financial problems is because the couple cannot get organized together, no matter how much their efforts. This is due to the lack of communication issue. Even the most organized and disciplined couples will not better their financial situation because they lack the proper communication. If this rings true for you, you will need to heed the third step.The third thing you NEED to do is find some marriage counseling. Communication is one of the most important foundations of a marriage, and if you are struggling financially from it, you will more than likely need more than just financial help with your marriage. Online marriage counseling has been one the best and easiest ways to help couples with marital issues, especially in the communication department. With online counseling, you can take the sessions according to your schedule, from the comfort of your own home, and the stress from face to face counseling is no longer a problem. The bonus of these online programs is that both you and you partner will rely on each other through the exercises, instead of waiting for the counselor to come up with the solutions, and the cost for this method of counseling is far cheaper than the traditional face to face counseling.If you are serious about finding solutions for your financial problems and getting to the foundations of the problems, take the steps you and your partner need to make that happen. The only people that know what is needed is the both of you, so sit down today and make a plan.
Marriage is good for all men. Believe you me I am a man and I know the poor state of the unmarried men. I was mature and single for some years and I know how poor my quality of life was. Many of the men may appear to be rich and doing well but they live a very deprived life. There is a light in a woman that deals with some darkness in a man. There is a strength (though appearing as weakness) in a woman that confronts the strong-looking weakness of a man. There are areas of a man’s life that will never yield anything until a woman touches them.Let no man be deceived that women are parasites as many imagine. In fact let men get it clearly; women can survive longer on their own than men can. But this is not my point. My commitment to my wife yields more and long lasting dividends than any other. Let the married men invest more in their wives than anywhere else. Men, if you dare do this, I assure you that you will experience unprecedented results in all aspects of your life.For those men that are still toying around with the idea; ‘should I marry should I not?’ hear me well, marriage is one of the yard sticks that measures how successful a man is. Therefore, marry and have it successfully. Don’t be hindered by the few incidences you have heard or even witnessed that seem to paint a bad picture of marriage. God made every man with the ability to succeed in all aspects. Men! Let us marry and stay married.
It’s actually not a good thing that all marriages start on a very high note. The beautiful wedding gown, the noble ceremony and a dream – like honeymoon: How can you improve a marriage from that point? You can’t. And so, all marriages go down from that moment and on. Some go “too down”, and then you find asking for ways on how to save your marriage to yourself.STOP RIGHT THERE. Don’t ask that particular question to yourself. It’s one of the worst mistakes you can make when trying to save a marriage. An ending marriage makes you feel very desperate – I know this personally. When in a desperate state of mind, you’re unable to think clearly. So don’t make the mistake of asking the question “how to save your marriage” to YOURSELF. Let me give some tips which I used to stop my divorce successfully:1. Don’t try to think of ways yourself. In a desperate state of mind, all you’re going to come up with are things associated with your emotions and instincts – and they don’t go beyond “beg to save a marriage” thing. And as I’ll point out in the second tip, that’s the worst mistake you can make. Don’t come up with methods yourself!2. Do not beg your spouse for your marriage. People want what they can’t have; and by begging you are telling your spouse that you are easy to have; and your spouse could have you any time he or she wanted. Do not do this, it will make you look down and pathetic. No one wants a pathetic spouse.3. Seek outside advice. From the moment I quit trying to come up with methods on how to save your marriage and began taking outside advice, my marriage instantly got better and my husband became way more responsive in just a couple of days. Within some weeks, my marriage was completely saved from divorce – with methods I could never have thought of myself.
Does it seem like you’re arguing with your partner every second of the day? Do you feel like the love and romantic sensations each of you possessed for the other is lost? Do you speculate if your marriage may be moving towards a divorce? Do not fret, if you pay attention to the information presented in this article you will have no difficulty keeping your marriage in tact.Since the beginning of time, man and woman have had marriage issues, and throughout the eons those couples have managed to survive those troubles; you can do it too, given the right information and strategy.It’s entirely possible that, if your marriage has fallen under hard times, that it’s due to these common issues that you just need more or accurate knowledge about.- spouses feeling controlled or lost- Child-rearing issues- hectic work habits messing with marriageThe way forward for almost couples is when one partner makes a pledge to stick to it and struggle for the marriage. Often, amazingly enough, once this takes place the other will work harder to keep the marriage happy too, helping the other work on it.If you begin to fix your union, you will hopefully set the pace when it comes to your spouse taking the steps to working on things, and you will educate yourself in lessons that other husbands and wives have utilised to fix the issues within their married life, while putting your spouse in the right state of mind.Do not cease when it comes to your union. Your marriage will always be worth the fight and you usually have a chance of turning it into the type of relationship we all hope to have someday.
Whether we like it or not, each of us brings baggage with us to any relationship, and we’ve been told that everything packed into those emotional suitcases matters. And we’ve also been told that this baggage is what causes strife within our marriages. But when it comes to marriage, we need to put those suitcases down, because they just plain don’t matter.Neither my husband nor I had perfect, happy childhoods. We both struggled with issues in our past, as we all do. Joel, a pastor’s son and a child of divorce, struggled with his father’s remarriage to a member of his congregation.Both my husband and his brother filled their emptiness with drugs, and by the time he reached middle school, my husband was already tumbling towards disaster.Unable to grow and mature, he remained emotionally where he had always been, that ten year old kid. By the time we got married, he was still that child inside an adult’s body.Add to this the stumbling blocks of my own. Before I had even started kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.This experience, coupled with going through the court trial that followed, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When I finally got to my first day of kindergarten, things weren’t much better for me.After a fellow classmate tricked me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed I would never go back to school again. I just couldn’t. For the rest of my school years I was the girl that was made fun of for my crooked teeth or my ugliness.Years later, I brought all of this weight with me to our marriage. When my husband and I entered marriage counseling, we were told that my baggage was the reason that our marriage was falling apart.What we didn’t realize at the time was that he was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things that my abusers had hit on. He had unintentionally zeroed in on all of the baggage and hurt that was inside of me.My abuser had taken away my power when I was five, and he was once again taking away my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I had felt so long ago.At the time, he was afraid of this heavy stuff, the hefty baggage that I was holding on to. He’d say, “Go talk to God, talk to your girlfriends. I can’t handle this; it’s too heavy for me!” His unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain caused me to explode. Our marriage was headed for failure.But I’m here to testify and tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a husband can love his wife and bring healing to her.I stand here whole now, and I have forgiven those who have hurt me. And it’s all because of what God has done in our marriage. My husband loves me unconditionally, and that has allowed me to heal.In doing this, providing me with his pure and unlimited love, Joel has healed too. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God. Amen.
If you are having marriage problems and you have observed some of the symptoms of depression in your spouse for the past few weeks then YOU should be prepared to take the initiative to get her to get help to help her and to save your marriage. Your depressed spouse most probably is not capable to help himself. You have to understand, though, that this is not an easy task. You will very likely meet up with lots of resistance from them.Dr. J. Prochaska and colleagues identified 6 different stages that a person goes through when they change. Identifying the stage that your loved one is in cab be tremendously beneficial. Matching what you say to each stage will enable you to prod him along to get the help he so desperately needs in a very not pushy way.In this article I will explain the first stage of change, pre-contemplation, its signs, and the proper way to deal with it so will be able to change your bad marriage into a happy one.The pre-contemplation stage is, as the word suggests, the stage that the sufferer doesn’t admit (both to himself and to you) that there is a problem.This might be very hard for you to grasp. How can it be that he doesn’t see how sad he is and how he has changed in the past few months? Is he blind? The answer is that to avoid pain the past, the present, and the pain of having to change our mind plays “tricks” on us and blinds us to what is actually happening and blinds to things that are obvious to every objective observer.Here is a short list of the common mechanisms people use to avoid “looking at the problem in the eyes”:Denial- This means that a person doesn’t see that he has a problem. He really thinks that he is happy, energetic, and upbeat like he always was.Projection and Blame. This mean that when you approach her and tell her that your once good marriage is now a bad marriage and that she caused it to happen because she is so depressed they respond, “I’m depressed? Go look in the mirror and then tell me that I’m down and you’re not!” They project (like a film projector) their state on to someone else.Justification. This defense system is that they agree with the fact that they are unhappy, morose, and sad, but they give a reason for it other than the fact that they are suffering from some tort of a medical depression.Minimizing. This means that the one who is suffering from a depressive disorder admits that he is depressed but only “a little”. A typical example of this is, “I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed. Just a little down lately.If you notices the symptoms of depression in your spouse, you mentioned to him what you feel, and he reacts with one of the above statements, then you know that he is the first stage of depression. As long as he denies that he has no problem THERE IS NO USE to try to convince him to get help. I repeat, “THERE IS NO USE to try to convince him to get help.” He doesn’t see the problem, so your mentioning the problem will either just annoy him or you will get into a fight with him.What should you do, though?1. Validate their unwillingness to go for help. Tell them, “I understand that you feel I’m exaggerating. I’m just worried.” They need all the support that they can get in order to build up the strength to change.2. Encourage self-exploration NOT action. This is the most important thing to remember. The stage after pre-contemplation is contemplation not action. Don’t skip any stages of change. Right now, they are not able to even hear that they have to change doing something. Push him ONLY to into the subject but reassure him that you won’t push him to change unless he wants to.If you are having marriage problems and you (and other people around you) are convinced that your spouse is experiencing a depressive disorder don’t presume or even hope that he will immediately agree to go for help. Just be supportive of him and encourage him to realize that there is a problem. This is the first step to fix your marriage problems.