You didn’t ask for my marriage guidance or advice but I’m going to give it to you anyways.The debilitating disorder of depression can ruin your marriage and your life if it is not taken care of. There is a very good chance that your depression will NOT just “go away” if you don’t proactively deal with it.A very popular way that people try to overcome their depression is by going “the self help route”. They buy books, they buy DVD’s, and they take part in forums that deal with depression. It is for sure cheaper, easier, and less embarrassing than going for professional help but not always a good choice.In this article I am going to present three situations when it is imperative to go for professional help to overcome your depression and not to try to do it by yourself.1. When there are suicidal thoughts. Sometimes depression can bring a person to want to end their life. If this is the case in your situation then you HAVE TO go to professional AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (if not sooner.) It’s worth the money, its worth the embarrassment, and it’s worth the bother of going outside even in a blizzard.You might have experienced some relief from your depression when you read self help books or took part in depression forums online. However, if you are having suicidal thoughts, you cannot wait to “reap the fruits of your labor”. You need to get help RIGHT NOW before it is too late.2. You lack the discipline and motivation to follow what the self help books says to do. Self books are cheap, not intimidating, and you can do most of the exercises in the comfort of your own home.However, reading them will help you ONLY if you do what the book suggests you do to. If you only read it, get inspired by it, and then put it back on the shelf, then it will not help you.(Like they say, “Diet books are great, but keep on eating and you won’t lose any weight!”)A very powerful motivation strategy for a lot of people is to be accountable for what you do to someone else. If you try to overcome your depression only by reading books on the subject you will miss this type of motivation.If you know yourself from past experiences that self help books, instructional DVD’s, or forums DID NOT help you then you shouldn’t waste your time doing these things but you make an appointment to see a professional. Why should you continue to suffer with your depression when someone can help you?3. Your job, health, or relationship are suffering. When you try to beat your depression yourself even if you are successful it takes a lot of time. If you see that things are getting bad to such a degree that the damage is on the verge of being irreversible, then you cannot wait around any longer. Even if you will succeed in the end, you might be jobless, divorced, or suffer bad health for long time to come.Is it really worth it? If you see that things are really bad then go for professional help A.S.A.P.O.K. that is my unsolicited marriage guidance and advice. If you have no suicidal thoughts, your job, health and relationships are not tremendously suffering, and you have the self discipline to carry out what self help books then it’s a shame to waste the money and go to a professional to help you overcome your depression.However if you are not like that then listen to my advice; spend the money and go to a competent professional and begin to be happy and have a happy marriage once again.
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Isn’t it frustrating that you have to spend your time trying to figure out how to fix a troubled marriage, when it seems like everyone else is walking around happy and in perfect little marriages.How has your search gone so far for solutions for your troubled marriage?It’s important to note that you’ve gotten further than most people by looking into it at all. Most people will either simply ignore the facts, hoping that miraculously things will get better on their own.Others will just play the blame game, point fingers, and to get their spouse to change by accusing them for the trouble, telling them it’s their fault.Obviously neither of these strategies are very good. Hope isn’t actually a strategy at all.If you’re serious about how to fix a trouble marriage, then you’ve got to truly think about all sides of the spectrum. It’s going to take some serious thought, and stepping outside of the marriage, and looking at it with fresh eyes.It may even get a bit uncomfortable, because you need to start thinking about how much you truly are playing a role in the fact that you have a troubled marriage.The fact is that if there is abuse in the relationship, or a constant cheating by someone who won’t stop, or even admit they’re cheating, then the marriage should end. There is life after cheating in some cases, but that’s only when it’s being handled and dealt with responsibly. Abuse is never excusable, and likely won’t stop without SERIOUS help!But besides those two instances you may be more to blame than you likely think you are. Not a bad thing, and there’s no reason to beat yourself up about that. Nobody gives you a book when you get married saying this is how to do it. In fact it wouldn’t make any difference due to that pesky thing called personality.
There is something I have been thinking about over the past few years. I have spoken of this concept only with my precious bride and very few others. The concept is directly related to the principle of the TRINITY of God.First, there is GOD. I believe He is the Creator of all things, heaven, earth, light, food, people, animals, cell structures, atoms, sub-particles, and so on… I believe that He created all things and US to show His wonder and Glory regarding all those things He has created. To go into depth about all my beliefs would certainly be a different article series, so suffice it to say that I simply believe in God the Father.Second, there is God’s Son. Jesus is God, manifested in human form, sent here by the Father as the perfect ransom for all of humanity. God Loves Jesus unconditionally, and is well pleased with Him. Jesus is made to be the example for us to try to live up to, yet we will not be able to with our own works. That, too, is a topic for another article series. Suffice it to say that I believe Jesus is not only God’s Son, but is also completely God.Now comes the amazing thing that my precious bride and I have delved into at great depth… Who is the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit is spoken of in Scripture, and is HIGHLY REGARDED by God as the source of all wisdom, and as the third part of God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is what was given to His apostles when Jesus ascended into heaven after being crucified, dead and buried, raised again on the third day, and after walking with them again for 40 days. The Holy Spirit is still present today. In sort of a contradiction, there is very little, and yet very much that we know about the Holy Spirit. And, here we are again at the doorstep of yet another series of articles that could be written. I’ll just say that I believe in the Holy Spirit, and that it is the third part of the one single God.When I think about the Godhead, the three-in-one concept of God as it is stated in the Bible, I usually have some sort of doubt that washes over me simply because it doesn’t seem to be possible. It is certainly not possible for me in this physical world to be a three-in-one person. For example, I cannot be father and son at the same time, nor can I be a spirit passing all over the world – at the same time I’m a father and a son.Wait a minute! I AM a father… of two sons. And, because I am a son to my father, I am both a father and a son. Two out of three ain’t bad.So, in comes my confusion… If I cannot completely understand the principle behind the three-in-one God, then how can it be true? I don’t believe I can answer that question for you, but I have searched for an answer for myself. While I may not be able to grasp the exact nature of these three entities being ONE GOD, I can trust that He does know, and move forward with my own perceptions, based only upon what I have read in the bible.Let’s take a look at those perceptions for a while. This will take us on a journey of a slightly unique nature. We will be delving into an area of theory, and not necessarily fact. I will do my best to convey the theory so you can see the same thing that my precious bride and I see. The God Family.One of the most obvious things in our existence is that it takes a father and a mother to make a child. These three elements of nature are facts as related to the human race. You cannot have a father and a father, nor a mother and a mother relationship arrangement and in the natural sense – create a child. God did not create the order of things to support that as a natural way to populate the earth. This article is not a dissertation on homosexuality vs. heterosexuality. However, what I believe is the natural order should be obvious even to the most casual observer.The family unit is an obvious fact to me. I do not have any confusion at all as to whether I should be with a man or a woman. I’m a man, and it would be unnatural to be with another man. So, I believe the appropriate family structure consists of the father, the mother and the child.Here is where we delve into the theory of the God Family. We have God the Father, and Jesus, or God the Son, and the Holy Spirit. IF the Triune nature of God is the distinct model of a perfect family relationship, then we would have the father represented by God the Father, and the child represented by Jesus the Son, and the mother represented by the Holy Spirit.Father, Mother, Child.God, Holy Spirit, Jesus.Man, Woman, Child.Did you know? – There is one unpardonable sin. Mark 3:28-29 “Most assuredly I tell you, all of the children of men’s sins will be forgiven them, including their blasphemies with which they may blaspheme; but whoever may blaspheme against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”That sounds like a very protective command. Kinda like God saying, “Hey! Listen up! The Holy Spirit is PRECIOUS to Me! Do NOT say anything bad about or against HER! I’m here to protect Her and give Her the value She is due!”So, in our theoretical family, what if the Holy Spirit was the element like “God’s Precious Bride?” Wouldn’t it stand to reason that God would protect and adore His Precious Bride? Wouldn’t He edify Her, and call Her the smartest and most beautiful Bride in all of creation? Wouldn’t He shower Her with His love and affection, bestow Her with gifts greater than all other gifts? Wouldn’t He just know that She is the PERFECT Bride for Him and want to keep Her close, and be as one with Her?Doesn’t it seem that all these questions lead to an almost endless list of things that would be a perfect model for your own marriage relationships? Shouldn’t I protect and adore my precious bride? Shouldn’t I edify her and tell her she is the smartest and most beautiful bride in all creation? Shouldn’t I shower my bride with my love and affection, and give her precious gifts to show her just how much I Love her? Shouldn’t I just know that she is the perfect bride for me and want to keep her close and to be as one with her?
The single most important condition required to save your marriage is the adoption of a positive and optimistic outlook. There is no way that you would wish to save your marriage without you believing that what you are trying to do will work. The rate at which divorce and marriage separations occur is on the increase in recent years, no thanks to several factors which are both attributable to the couples and other outside influences. I do not want to go into the numerous inconveniences and emotional turmoil that divorce and marriage separation brings. This is because I am assuming that, based on this article title that you and/or your spouse want to save your marriage.There is no shortage of those who claim to be relationship gurus both online and offline but the truth is none of them, guru or no guru is a magician. Of course, there are a lot of them who have very useful suggestions and methods that have been proven to work on different marital problem scenarios. The bone of contention here is what attitude should you or spouse or both adopt. On what condition and foundation would these proven methods be laid so that the successes experienced in other cases may be replicated in yours? The condition is simple to adopt yet very often over looked, whoever (i.e you or your spouse or both of you) that is making this effort to resolve your marital issues should first and foremost believe that there is a possibility that the marriage will work again. No matter how far disintegrated the marriage has become, just bear in mind that there are couples who have resolved worse cases.Adopting this positive and optimistic outlook will go a very long way in helping you to achieve your “save your marriage” desires. This first and most important condition would act as a solid foundation for a smooth implementation of every other “save my marriage” strategies that you have. While I am not going to go into any method/s that can be used to effectively resolve any marital problems in this write up, I would want to assure you that it is indeed possible to save your marriage from the clutches of divorce despite how far disintegrated it has gone. Whether you choose to go to an offline marriage counselor or an online marriage counselor (the online option is very efficient and by far cheaper), you should always bear this important condition at back of your mind. Please do not forget that having this condition at the back of your mind does not resolve your marriage dispute neither does it mean that you should accept any method or strategy that comes your way. Just know that it is an indispensable stepping stone, if any “save my marriage” method that you come across is ever going to work, then this single most important condition must be met first.
Are you a loyal wife that doesn’t quite trust your husband? He says he is going out with friends when in fact you really don’t know what he is up to. True, this may be legitimate in some case but not in all.The fact that a man can just disappear into the night and do whatever he wants provides a certain vulnerability to a woman not really knowing what she can do to fix the situation at hand. He may be having an affair or just doesn’t want to include you in his outside world.Either way, these are certain dangers that your marriage can be in trouble and knowing that you have identified this early is a very good indication that you still may have a chance to fix and save it. To have your husband just walk out and leave when ever he feels like it and not telling you in the process can be quite hurtful and just down right ugly. It will leave you wondering of your role and status as a wife in your own house.You don’t have to feel this way any longer if you don’t want to. Applying the appropriate measure of safe, efficient and strategic techniques will ultimately put you in a better position to fix your marriage at an earlier stage than those who have procrastinated and waited to long, to only see their spouses go off with another woman.Even if it takes “only you” to attempt to fix it, then it would be better than nothing at all. You will be surprised that you may become quite effective in handling this for the better for the success of your marriage.
I’d estimate that 90% or the advice you will find on saving marriages will focus on how to save your marriage. They will tell you what you should establish or talk about or plan for. If you are in a situation where you’ve been searching for help and advice on saving your marriage for a little while, then you probably know exactly what I mean. Very, very little advice out there will answer the very first question that should be answered when it comes to saving a marriage: WHY should you save it? Perhaps because many assume this is common sense and doesn’t need to be addressed. The answer I hear most often is along the lines of “don’t be silly, it’s because it’s my marriage!”It may be surprising to you, but that is not a good reason to save your marriage. I believe that those that give me that answer are actually trying to convey something else. Most of them probably believe they are conveying the importance of their marriage to them by saying that. But you are not. Think of this article as a stepping stone towards better communication, which will be needed in your efforts to avoid divorce.”Because it’s my marriage.” This statement leaves questions like: Why is it important to you? Are you just afraid to be single? Afraid it will look bad if you get divorced? Do you want to avoid the cost of a divorce? Or do you want to avoid possibly losing something like the house or children? Staying married simply because you’re afraid of the alternative is not a very good reason.So let’s say it’s something more than that. Perhaps because you still love your spouse? Because you still believe in them and the reason you married them? Is it because even through all the fights, they still find ways to make you smile and you still want to make them happy? Is it because you haven’t given up on the dream of growing old together? These are all MUCH better reasons to stay together, but they are not conveyed in the statement “because it’s my marriage.” It is very important that during these times you are totally clear in your mind of WHY you and doing this, and that you are just as clear when you speak to your spouse throughout your relationship.Below are 4 wrong reasons for saving a marriage.-For the children. -Because you are afraid to be single. -Because divorce is frowned upon in your family/social circle.-Because your spouse is abusive, and has threatened to harm you if you do. If this is the case, contact authorities and protective shelters and get out ASAP.Alternatively, here a 4 excellent reasons to save your marriage.-Because you believe in your vows and are not ready to give up.-You know it is worth saving.-Your marriage still has bright spots and you still have hope for it.–Because you are still in love with your spouse.If you believe your reasons for trying to save the marriage are correct, then do everything in your power to save it. Knowing why this is so important to you will help revitalize your determination, and when your spouse knows your true reasons, they are more likely to join in the efforts. I wish you all success during this difficult time.
Is that it? The extent of our relationship teaching? Hope for the best…?I have no recollection of being given much more… But then again, I am English, so it might just be that on the other side of the pond things are different. However, having spent well over a decade in the United States, I see no other outlook or course of action here – it’s as if the most important part of our life, after our health, is left to chance; throw the dice and see where they may land.We are certainly given goals, and guidelines; we are definitely flooded with expectations from other people’s opinions and beliefs, traditions and idiosyncrasies; we are happily guided and encouraged to cross the minefield of relationships by people who have usually failed miserably themselves and then expect us to do better, without any coaching that might be valuable.Even those parents or peers who have had successful long term relationships rarely dole out much more than the odd, “You gotta get lucky with the woman you choose”, or “Well, the second I saw your Father, I just knew”. These ‘pearls of wisdom’ can hardly be called guidance. Lovely, perhaps; practical advice, absolutely not.And so we find ourselves, catapulted into our teenage years, exploding into adulthood, without much more than a fairytale or a pop song, a quip or a fantasy to help us out; or a self help book that assumes the world is at peace and everything we do is universally ordained or stable enough to encounter a serious discussion and actually find a reasonable conclusion, which usually is not the case and if it were, then the book would not be needed in the first place – most of the time, conclusions never appear and the problems we encounter simply repeat themselves.And this is why I am such an advocate of the self; of spending time alone; of dealing with the discomfort of self-analysis, of allowing ourselves the time to perform some honest self-criticism; of looking at the truth and seeing it for what it really is, not what we wish it was. This is why I encourage a more realistic approach to life, love and relationships – living in debt is no fun; struggling with another person is damaging; and hoping for the best is not a good enough solution to a universal issue.We see divorcees encouraging their children to marry; we see ill-tempered fathers beating their wives and their children; we see financially challenged families with more offspring than they can afford, financially or emotionally; and yet, we are told that it is our duty to breed, that is why we are here. But all of these common problems are ignored, all of the issues are brushed under the rug, all of the sensible advice and truthful arguments are scorned as negative or impossible to uphold.Would it not be better if we were given some idea of what we were letting ourselves in for before we already took the plunge, before we smashed our lives up against the rocks and had to carry on with broken limbs and and a mind full of conflicting emotions and opinions?If we were warned that long term relationships often face the challenge of infidelity, if we were told that love changes from lustful to deeply in to loving to companionship; if we were given a child for a whole weekend and asked to care for it when we were 20 (or younger), if we were really told the truth about managing our emotions and we were allowed to question why we felt a certain way rather than just accepting it as ‘the way I am’, then we might actually be able to go headlong into a situation with a good idea of what we were letting ourselves in for, we might actually be able to work against and fight off the challenges we face, we might not be so complacent in our relationships (or marriages), and we might stand a chance of finally creating lives that were not over-stretched and under-funded, we might even have great, loving, long term realistic relationships because we had gone in with our eyes open to the truth that relying on another human for our emotional well-being is not the best course of action, that making a lifetime promise at the age of 22 is pure folly, that expecting the best and ignoring the worst is not the best way forward.Yet, we go to therapists that still believe in marriage as an essential, gallant and workable institution, despite the fact that they themselves are divorced, or surrounded by unhappy marriages; even these people, our therapists, are blind to the truth around them and dishonest with themselves and their clients by extolling the virtues of age-old, outdated ideals and damaging mind sets. They should be encouraging a different approach.If we were given the chance, the opportunity and the direction to spend time alone, to work on our issues and problems, to confront those issues and then learn to enhance the good but deplete the bad, to allow ourselves to be happy with ourselves without needing distractions, to analyze the truth we are surrounded by and act accordingly in order that we could see the issues arising and therefore could be prepared for the challenge ahead, then we would no longer need fairytales to make ourselves feel better, we would no longer need to cover up the reality of life in order that we would feel more comfortable about the mess we had made, we would no longer need to have children because nobody loves us unconditionally, we would no longer be riddled with problems that we had no way of over-coming.We are, in this present state of affairs, raised to be a totally confused animal that sees divorce all around yet views marriage as a validation; that watches parents fall apart trying to raise children they cannot afford yet still the need to breed over-rides every logical faculty we possess; that surrounds itself with friends and family yet still manages to feel alone in a crowd, or confused as sleep finally finds us.In this day and age I would offer up a simple quote that would serve us all well; a quote that covers everything we might wish for whilst giving us the chance to rise to the inevitable challenges of life.’Hope for the best; but prepare for the worst’Then, and only then will we begin to become more balanced, capable and unconditional in our lives, our loves and our relationships.
When someone is in an ending marriage but wants to save that marriage, the first thing to say should be that it’s the actions that are going to determine the fate of it. So, if you want to save your marriage, know that you alone can determine if your marriage will end up in divorce; or you will be able to save it.Unfortunately, you must weigh both ends of this statement. While saving a marriage is definitely possible with the right actions; the wrong actions may ruin your marriage entirely. That is why you must weigh your every step in your efforts of saving a marriage.Since I have been in the exactly same situation, I’m well aware of the fact that being in an ending marriage makes you desperate, when you’re desperate you can’t weigh your steps accurately and make a lot of mistakes. I did. I was desperate, and I did a lot of wrong things. Fortunately, I saved my marriage after…After I found out that due to my desperation I wasn’t able to think clearly. And this is the most important point in this whole thing – never rely on your own judgments. The best thing to do for saving a marriage is always to seek some sort of advice from a source that is trustworthy. It can be a close friend who won’t say “yes, you’re right” to everything you say, or it might be the Internet. It was from the Internet I found out what to do for saving a marriage, and now that you’re reading this article you’re searching for information from the Internet as well. This is definitely a good sign – a sign that you will succeed in saving your marriage.Never ever forget the fact that your desperation makes your judgments inaccurate, and don’t go with the flow inside you.
The most important thing you must recognize is that this romance thing may be difficult for your husband to grasp. Secondly, if he does have a good grasp of the subtle emotional cues that are a part of being romantic, your husband may not have the focus, time, energy, imagination, or skill to get it just right. Lastly, he may not know just how important the emotional connection that romance makes possible is to you.The truth about your husband; (if you need to sit down please do so now) romance is just not very high on his list of relationship needs. How can you know this for sure? Well, if romance were more important to him – there would be more romance. It is not much more complicated than that. If you are still conscious and reading, prepare yourself for the next bit of reality. Romance is important to him only:
To the extent that he knows it is important to you.
And, to the extent that he gets some benefit from being romantic.
Ouch! That last one can be fairly tough to accept. Does this mean he doesn’t love you? Absolutely not! Simply put, your husband just has a different way of expressing his love for you. Maybe your husband feels that by working hard and meeting the family’s financial needs; this is expressing love far better than a love letter. This is neither good nor bad. It just is the way it is. The important consideration is that this way – his way – of expressing love does not match your way of feeling loved. Make a change here and you have unlocked the door to greater romance and emotional fulfillment in the relationship.If you take a moment to think like a man, you will be better able to understand how to improve your situation.
Do you know how you and your girlfriends can talk for hours about your feeling and possibilities for why someone should do something? Well – men don’t and more importantly won’t. Give a man a simple logical reason to do something and you are good to go.
Do you know how you and your girlfriends can come up with lots of ways to be romantic, really focusing the subtle parts that pull it all together for a wonderful evening or gift? Well – men don’t and more importantly can’t. Most men were not raised to focus on the little nuances of personal interaction that women so easily recognize. Give a man an easy to follow set of instructions and you are on your way.
Do you know how you remember all the anniversaries, birthdays, holiday etc? You guessed it - men probably won’t. Give a man a set of reminders and you have a sure thing.
Combine the three elements above – a reason, set of instructions, and reminders – and you have the greatest possibility for changing your relationship. The challenge is to create a situation where all the important elements come together in a way that your husband does not feel like he is being nagged or manipulated. The good news is that there are several opportunities for you. One choice is a relationship coach who specializes in this area marriage development. The bad news is that many men will be very resistant to this idea and the cost could be out many family budgets. The second and better option is Romantic Outsourcing.Using the interactive capabilities of the internet, your husband can be reminded of your anniversaries (with enough time to plan something special), birthdays and special occasions, receive regular romantic ideas and get reinforcement from other men who are interested in improving their marriages as well. While many of these sites are basic, a few are full-featured. Even better, some sites are both full-featured and free. Romantic Outsourcing can provide your husband with everything he needs to transform himself into a romantic knight in shining armor.Before you say, “No way. Not my husband. He will never do it.” Check out a Google search for “Romantic Outsourcing” and see what the possibilities are. The really interesting thing is that most men seem to become quite comfortable with this romance thing after just a few weeks. Give it a try. You have all the romance to gain, and nothing to lose.
In case your spouse has proceeded to start legal proceedings to end the marriage, there is very little you can do about it, but in case you still have time to make your marriage take a positive U-turn, you could still find ways to save your marriage, before it gets too late.As strange as it may sound, the starting point of salvaging the situation to save your marriage, is you. This is not the time to blame or point fingers at your spouse for all the misgivings and mistakes done. In stead, take a close look at your self and try to locate which are the areas which could have contributed to the break up. In other words, it is time to be a good listener and hear what your spouse has to say. Remember, to save your marriage, both of you have to be equally serious about the issue – it can never work one way.If you look closely, there have to be earlier situations where your spouse has often complained about your attitude or behavior. It is also a fact that you have not paid much attention to these complaints and you took your spouse for granted. Though this is a common mistake we all make, it still does not justify what we do. If only we were a bit more careful and sensitive about such complaints, perhaps a situation would not arise where you are desperate to save your marriage. In any case, it is now the time to revisit those times, remember your hurtful or insensitive behavior which upset your spouse and take conscious steps to correct them on a war footing. To save your marriage, making empty promises worsens matters and spoils every chance to recover what is lost. Remember the mind takes a severe beating in a marital break up and to save your marriage, you might have to walk a long distance before the whole situation gets back to normal.Changing any old habit is tough. But if your primary aim in life at this point in time is to save your marriage, then you have to give it all you have got to make things different. Of course, the process is slow and your spouse might not even notice your efforts initially. But if the feeling of love and bonding between the two of you is strong and sincere enough, with time, your spouse would surely notice a changed and improved you. so long as you do not harbor any negative feelings about your spouse and make sincere and positive changes in your attitude and behavior, chances are that you can make your marriage take a U-turn and ultimately save your marriage.Many may not agree, but marriage is more than physical attraction and excitement. To build a strong bond, it takes years and continuous effort from both the partners. Cracks in a marriage is inevitable but the sooner you notice them, the better are your chances to save your marriage.