If you want to save your marriage, let me first say that I consider you my friend. Marriages can be hard and wanting a divorce is just going the easy way. Marriages are not come-and-go things, they are meant to last forever until eternity. So, I consider you my friend because you actually ask “how do I save my marriage?”I was in the same situation, asking myself “how do I save my marriage”, after my husband “disclosed” that he no longer wanted to stay married to me. He said that the magic of the relationship had gone, it had become a burden for him. I was shocked – yes, it wasn’t all flowers and sun, but did he expect the “honeymoon spirit” to stay until death?Needless to say, I was devastated. I begged him. I knew that if I wanted to save my marriage, I shouldn’t beg him – who wants a spouse that’s there just out of pity? But my begging didn’t work anyway – he was very firm in his decision. I was desperate.Today I’m with my husband and I have not only saved my marriage – our marriage has been rejuvenated. It’s better than it ever was. And how did I achieve this?By going against my emotions and instincts. When I was desperate to get my husband back, I did a lot of begging and other things which are the wrong answer to the question “how do I save my marriage”. The moment I left acting according to my instincts which told me to beg; and I started actually following outside advice, I found the right answers and methods to the question of how to save a marriage.Never follow your instincts when it comes to this, and follow outside advice instead!
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The feeling that you are not loved anymore by your husband is not easy; but you have to fight for it, for the sake of your bond, and your family.You are a wife, who would want to know the solution to your problem: How can I get my husband to love me again? One important thing you have to consider is your self-assessment as a wife to your husband. Take a look at the following factors, and solutions to this problem:Allotting more time to your husband and children means a lot, especially when a relationship is running for an extensively longer time. You have to exert more effort to make this bond lasts successfully. But what are the ways by which you can achieve this?1. First, if you are feeling that your husband has not liked the way you were treating him, in the past few days. Make a change now for the better. Do not let this be aggravated.2. Prepare his favorite dishes, and exert a little more personalization to everything you do for him. For example, you can put a love note at the back of his coffee cup or a love note in front of your fridge.3. Say ‘I love you’ to him as many times as possible.4. Spend more quality time with him, and your family.5. Do not ignore your sex life as a married couple. It is just as important; but do not ever regard it as the core of your marriage. Consider it as a spice, instead.
You may find yourself asking ‘Does marriage counseling work?’, when your marriage is in crisis. While it does not work for all couples, it does work for some. This article was written to help you to find out if counseling will work for you.The Difference Between Marriage Counseling and Advice From Family / FriendsWhen a marriage is in turmoil, couples tend to turn to family and friends for advice on what they should do. This is natural. But family and friends aren’t specialists, and although they mean well, some of their advice may actually hurt your marriage even further.You need an outside party involved. Someone that doesn’t know you or your spouse. Only someone who is indifferent to your specific problems will be able to help both of you. They will know different ways to resolve your problems.A marriage counselor, on the other hand, has been taught how to handle many different ways of solving problems. They have seen many different real-life marital issues, and have taught couples how to handle them. Counseling offers many different solutions, in case the first one doesn’t work.When NOT to Opt for a Marriage CounselorA very common factor among couples that are facing a marital crisis is that one spouse is not willing to go to a marriage counselor. If this is the case in your relationship, there are other means of reaping the benefits of counseling, without having to add more stress to your marriage – I will talk about those later.If you are lucky enough that your spouse IS willing to go to counseling, chances are good that they will not reveal their true feelings. If this happens, the best counselor in the world cannot help your marriage. It takes BOTH you and your spouse to be willing to let everything go, and accept and take action on the ‘assignments’ that the counselor will five you, to resolve your problems.Before visiting a counselor in person, do some background research on that person. See what experience they have, find out their success rate, etc. The last thing you want to do right now is go to a bad counselor! There are many good ones, just take the time to find them.Other Options to ConsiderA huge setback that comes with professional marriage counseling is the cost. You can pay upwards of $50 – $100 an hour, depending on the counselor. While it may be well worth it, this is money that some couples just don’t have.
How to Save My Marriage – 2 Great Tips That Helped Me to Stop My Divorce, and They Will Help You Too
If you wander around the house, asking yourself “how do I save my marriage”, then I consider you my friend, and I say I hear you, and I feel strongly for you. The reason I called you a friend is simple – I have been in your exact situation, going around the house in desperate footsteps, crying and trying to think of ways of how to save a marriage. So, I know how bad, how really really horrible the situation of seeing your spouse moving away from you every day. I know the pains of seeing your marriage, crumbling before your eyes.I wasn’t one to sit back and see my marriage end, so I tried to do a lot of things. I was devastated, but I still wanted to stop my divorce. So I thought of several “methods” to save my marriage. I thought: Well, I act good to him and this obviously doesn’t work. Then how about I do the opposite?” Things like that. I thought, there HAD to be something that I could do to save my marriage!Fast forward to today. Saying that I have saved my marriage would be a HUGE understatement! Now my marriage is much better than it was even in our honeymoon! Cheer up, because you can do this too, my friend, you CAN fix your troubled marriage. I made a website to share my experiences of how I saved my marriage, and how to save a marriage in general, but before I give you the link, let me give some hints to you.Stop Begging. This is rule number one. Do not beg, or cry in front of, your spouse. The reason for this is very simple. There is a fundamental law in human behavior: “everyone wants whatever they can’t access or get”. To ending marriages and relationships, this can be transcribed as: “if you are easy to get for somebody, that somebody will want you less”. And every time you cry in front of your spouse stresses that you are easy to get for him or her, making him or her want you less.Be Absent. Not that you should leave the house and not come for a week, of course, but do not be in front of your spouse for the whole day. If it is Sunday, for example, just get out somewhere, maybe with your friends, and don’t return until it is evening.Now, let me give you the link to my web site that I had told you that I made before: Advice for Troubled Marriage.I wrote my experiences of saving my marriage and stop my divorce in my site. My friend – I have been successful in keeping my marriage, and I want to help you to do it, too. Click here to see my site!
Many people are concerned about avoiding the biggest causes of divorce. They understand the major risks of affairs, addictive drugs, or keeping financial secrets from their spouse. Have you ever wondered how many marriages were doomed by boredom? It’s a sneaky marriage killer.The weariness of the world creeps slowly but surely into our relationships. Remember your newlywed days, when the stress of the world would melt away when you arrived home and entered your mate’s embrace? As long as you were with him or her, ennui didn’t exist. You wanted to know what was on her mind, or what trip he wanted to take next year.But jobs, children, cooking dinner, mowing the lawn, doing the laundry, shoveling the snow and checking your email somehow took over your life. I know they often do mine.To help you “Get Your Marriage Out of a Rut,” are some great tips from Sheri & Bob Stritof on About.com. They compare marriage to driving on the freeway; it’s easy to get bogged down in the traffic and rush of everyday living. At some point, you’re so bogged down, you consider whether another relationship will give you the spark you need. (You’ll just end up in the same place.) Instead, realize that you are responsible for allowing your relationship to be in a rut, and you can change it.Their seven tips for reconnecting:1. A weekend away with no kids, TV, Internet, chores or work. What would you do, you ask? Reminisce, plan your future, or discuss concerns. Make time to reconnect.2. A weekly date. I agree this can be difficult for those of us with small children, but can you take a walk around the yard or have a cup of coffee on the porch together while the kids play or after they are in bed? You need this time.3. Find a peaceful room, uncluttered and inviting, where you can relax together. The Stritoffs suggest you work on one together if you don’t have one now. I like this suggestion; I love hanging out with my husband in our uncluttered sunroom, which has no electricity (thus no TV, radio, or computer).4. Write a letter when you need to discuss sensitive issues. Consider reading it in a day or two before giving it to your spouse. I’ve definitely used this one, but I’m a writer. It works to keep tempers down and get your points across clearly.5. Make plans for your future. Set some goals.6. Spend a positive ten minutes together daily-walking, watching the sunset, reminiscing, hugging, etc.7. Do something new each day, even eating a new food. Then you’ll have something new to share with your spouse, and you won’t seem so boring to him or her!
I thought about titling this “How to Repair a Broken Marriage,” but that’s a bit presumptuous, wouldn’t you say? If your marriage were broken – truly broken – then you probably wouldn’t be online looking for ways to fix it. You’d probably be signing divorce papers.Yet, you’re here. Which means there’s hope.Let me go ahead and get this out in the open, up front: Marriage counseling works for many couples. It might even work for you and your wife.However, in these economic times, doling out the extra cash for some stranger to try to get to know you, then tell you what’s wrong with your marriage and walk you through a bunch of exercises to try to fix it just isn’t feasible for every couple.One of the main reasons marriages start to fail is a lack of communication. Sure, there are probably other underlying problems – you hate the way she nags you about never spending time with her, or she hates the way you, um, never spend time with her – but the one problem that always amplifies all other problems is a lack of communication.Chances are, you already knew that.So, before you drag out the checkbook and start handing over your kid’s college fund to some Freud wannabe, why not try a few unconventional ways to boost communication and possibly save your marriage, first?1. Go On an AdventureCamping, white water rafting, mountain climbing – whatever. Anything can be an adventure, really, as long as it’s something neither of you are familiar with and both of you will have to rely on one another to make it work. The trick is to place yourselves in a new and exciting environment that you can experience (and maybe even try to survive) together.2. Book a Weekend GetawayIf you don’t have time for an adventure, another trick for saving a failing marriage is to book a weekend getaway. It might sound a bit simple, but the goal is to spend some time together without any distractions, and you’d be surprised how being in a romantic, unfamiliar environment for a couple of nights can help your marriage.3. Kick the Kids OutCan’t book a weekend getaway? Kick your kids out for the weekend and create your own getaway. Shoot, kick them out for a week if you need to. I’m sure there are grandparents out there somewhere just dying to spend some quality time with them.The key is to spend some time alone together, and you’d be amazed how much talking and, um, other things you can get accomplished when your spawn isn’t lurking around with permission slips that need signed and field trips that need chaperoned.4. Seduce Her AgainRemember when the two of you first started dating? Or, heck, even when you were just trying to convince her to date you. You were always on your best behavior, you dressed to impress her, and you probably thought twice about those extra slices of pizza and pitchers of beer.Well, all that seduction worked, sport, but you lost it somewhere along the way. Chances are, it’ll all come back to you if you find yourself in the middle of tips one, two, or three, but why not get a head start by investing in some new clothes or hitting the gym?5. Don’t Stop!Taking an adventure together, spending some time alone without the kids, getting yourself back in shape for her – it all sounds good and works well when you’re actually doing it.The key is to keep doing it.One weekend alone with your wife isn’t going to be enough to fix your marriage – it can, however, be enough to get the communication going again and the two of you talking about how to work out your problems.
There are many reasons why a marriage may break up, but none of them is more egregious or hurtful than when one spouse is cheating on the other. If you are reading this article, you may be suspicious of new behavior that your spouse is exhibiting and you may believe that an affair is the reason why.However, no matter how nonchalant your spouse may try to be, there are telltale signs that you can look for before you start to make accusations.Signs that Point to an AffairSome of the first signs when a spouse is cheating is the amount of time that they are away from the house. If you notice that there has been distance growing between you and your spouse and suddenly, they are spending much more time at work or the office, you might have a cause for concern. In addition, if they are making spontaneous plans at the last moment, that do not include you, there may be a valid reason behind your suspicions.Next, if you suddenly notice them making changes in their appearance or start doing things that are not normal to enhance themselves physically, an affair may be the reason why. Be on the look out for trips to tanning salons, expensive gym memberships or large clothing purchases, especially in the area of sexy lingerie or underwear. If this is not normal behavior for your spouse, they could have someone that they are trying to look good for.Be Aware of Changes in BehaviorThere are also many signs that will start to show up if your spouse is having an affair that will be subtle. For instance, if you know that the soap that you use in your house is one brand and he or she is showing up at the end of the day smelling of an unfamiliar soap, be aware that they may have showered off the smells of the person that they are seeing. Also, if you smell unfamiliar cologne or perfume, you have a reason to be suspicious.Next, check your bank accounts and see if there have been changes in spending. Look for clues that they have either been spending money or extra time at locations or at stores that they are not known to frequent. In addition, consider the schedule that they are telling you, where they say they have been and who they have been with and see how it checks out to the money spent on those particular occasions. If their actions are not adding up fiscally, there could be a problem.A cheating spouse is a painful experience to have to deal with, pay attention to what is happening around you and decide for yourself if you want to save your marriage or if it is time to call it quits.
Ask any marriage counselor and they will tell you that communication is the key to success in a marriage. And how is this so?People are different and in a marriage, two people of different up-bringing, goals, thoughts, feelings and sometimes cultures have to live together and complement each other. The only way they can achieve a level of oneness is by listening to each other, talking out their views and reaching an understanding that would make both parties either satisfied or close to being satisfied.Communication is not only verbal. Non-verbal means of communication such as body language also counts. A partner may not say much but buy a birthday gift which reflects and at the same time communicates love.In many cases though, discussing is the best means of communicating in a marriage as it leaves no room for misunderstanding.As people live together they get to learn their partners and discover the best time to discuss issues, the right tone to use while solving problems as well as the words that work magic in conflict resolution or persuasion of one’s partner.It is advisable that each couple agrees on a time that is set apart just to talk about anything in their relationship. This could be daily or even weekly depending on the couple’s schedule. But this agreement doesn’t mean that one has to wait until the set time to relay any concerns to their partner. As the couple continues to enhance their communication, their bond also continues to grow much stronger.
Constant quarrel, division, crisis and divorce will have been eradicated from homes or reduce to barest minimum if not totally eradicated if somebody is humble enough to say “I am sorry”. There will be mistaken, misunderstanding, and offending in marriage which may quench love if the instrument of apology is not in use.Apology does not involve defending yourself, not explaining and not justifying yourself, not passing the buck whenever there is mistake. It means sincere apologizing with a remorseful spirit, action and tones.Its types are:- Zero Apology: This is a kind of apology where one of the parties in the marriage refused to admit his or her mistakes not to talk of apologizing.- Plastic Apology: This is when you apologies but your body languages does not, no remorse, no genuine repentance.- Round-about Apology. This involves apologizing but still knowingly went back into the same error, but quickly apologises again but still continues the action. This do make apology to be ineffective on the person you are apologizing to.- Black Apology. This is when you apologise but still insists it is not your fault. It also involves counter accusation, something like “It is true I was rude to you, you made me do it, by your harsh criticism”, though “I am sorry at least that is what you want to hear.”- Complete Apology: This involve being really sorry with soberness and sincerity. Apology should be quick, without defensiveness. It involves changing of countenance, tones, and moving closer to your spouse to say “I am sorry” and really mean it.For peace and harmony to reign in families; complete apology must be in place. As a wife, don’t claim right in that marriage, instead use the instrumentally complete apology and your marriage will be peaceful, your husband homely and romance-high.
There are some things that are very important to a successful marital life. You cannot ignore them and have a truly successful home. They are one I called marriage Vcd.V- Vision: You should have a vision of what you want your marriage and family life to be, have a vision your children, for your love life, your future, and your old age. Write down these visions and start to work on them, you cannot be truly successful without a vision; your vision is your picture of what you want the future to be so create your future with your mind; walk and work towards it.C- Commitment: There is no way you can build a strong and virile marriage without commitment. If you are not committed to it, you will lack the courage, persistence, determination and patience to make it work. But with commitment comes strength and determination to make the home what it supposes to be.Commitment is the foundation of reconciliation and forgiveness without commitment you cannot connect or accept your spouse in the presence of obvious inadequacies.Lack of commitment is the foundation of separation, divorce, infidelity, vengeance, nagging and strife.Commitment is very important to the success of your home. Go back home and connect to your spouse.D- Determination: Determination to make a marriage work do generate energy and strength to make it work, when virtually everything work contrary to continue well-being of the home.Make up your mind that you will make your marriage work no matter what happen, be determined to be an agent of change and reconciliation in your home.