You may have heard the saying ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’. Although this is somewhat of an exaggeration, there are certainly notable differences in the two sexes. When a marriage is strained, these differences can be significantly amplified. For example, you might feel that your emotional needs aren’t being met, he might feel that his physical needs aren’t being met. A situation like this will usually lead to a breakdown in communication, and sometimes trust too. This isn’t good news for the marriage as a whole.At the moment, you might be feeling lonely and misunderstood. The man you shared that special day with, the man you look to for comfort, the man you look to for protection is now seemingly unavailable. It can be so frustrating – you want to be able to talk to him and tell him how you feel, but he just buries his head in the sand. The fact is – you can’t control another person.All you can do is control your own behaviour, choices and actions. This is a good thing though, I mean – would you really want to control your husband? I can just hear some of you saying ‘yes!’ as you read this! Joking aside though, if this situation is going to get better, then it is going to have to start with you. Why? Because you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. In this case, your husband is the horse.
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There are two ways you can look at an unhappy marriage. The pessimistic way to look at it is to believe that the situation is beyond redemption and irretrievable. Any attempt to save your marriage would only be a self-defeating exercise. This is not only a fatalistic point of view but also demeaning to your own morale while continuing with the pain till the bubble bursts. However, there is a slightly more positive way to look at the situation when you believe that there could still be light at the end of the tunnel. After all your spouse is still physically present and possibly both of you are still on talking terms, whatever little the duration of communication may be. The fact is that you both have not yet got divorced and legally separated; this means that you still have several opportunities to work on to repair the cracks and save your marriage.If you have been trying to save your marriage for some time now, chances are that you have heard or read many tips and techniques to start and go about the process. If you are fatalistic, none of these otherwise proven tips are going to work – since primarily in your subconscious mind you have already accepted defeat. However, if you still believe in yourself and your love for your spouse, you could fine-tune the tips given below, depending on your own specific situation. Remember no tip to save your marriage can be 100% foolproof because only a couple knows how to work on their specific issues, and there is no ‘universal formula’ that works well with every human mind.Tip #1: Depending on the communication ability of your spouse, it might be a good idea to get him or her into a joint discussion about issues that are affecting the marriage. In stead of shooting arrows in the dark, such frank and open communication would also give you enough information about how the other mind is working. To save your marriage, the intention has to be equally strong on both sides. Or else, it would turn into a one actor drama where one person simply sits back and enjoys the show.Tip #2: If you have got even a vague idea of what has caused your spouse to turn against the marriage, focus on correcting that particular aspect of your action or behavior. It could be something to do with your lifestyle, habits, friends, etc. While you are attempting to save your marriage, never think that you are making great sacrifices and you are paving the way to martyrdom. Many changes are perhaps necessary not just to save your marriage but also for your own good.Tip #3: Try and involve more people in your family. At these times the company of humorous and well-meaning friends help as the crowd somehow diffuses the situation. Of course make sure that you involve people who are liked by your spouse. Depending on the age of your children and whether they are willing to help out in the situation by lightening the charged environment, you could ask them to join in also, to save your marriageEssentially, to save your marriage is not an easy task. It does not matter whether it is a marriage which is only a few years old or a few decades. There are positively good enough issues in the marriage which is unbearable for one of the partners and that is the time when things start to get sour. But if both of you feel true love and respect for each other, you can make some sincere efforts to save your marriage, which would yield the desired results sooner than later.
Studies have proven that having children adds stress to a marriage. With the arrival of the first child, many married couples see a drop in the amount of quality time they get to spend together. And with small children comes the additional stresses from lack of sleep and pressure to be a perfect parent. For the sake of your marriage, you and your spouse must make serious effort to maintain a healthy relationship, while being good parents to your children.Here are a few tips you can utilize to remain happily married after the children arrive.5 Tips for Married Couples with Children- Take time out for the two of you. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant night out on the town. Take 10 or 15 minutes out of the day to catch up and talk about your day with your husband or wife. Take a walk together with your child or children. Plan a date night at least twice a month if not once a week. These small gestures can go a long way in keeping your marriage solid.- Establish responsibilities and tasks for each parent so that one parent is not left to assume all of the tasks related to raising the children. Even if one parent is home all day, while the other works, some responsibilities can still be shared. Even sharing a small responsibility can go a long way.- Use your resources. Enlist the help of a trusted relative or friend to watch your children so that you and your spouse can spend quality time together. The people in your life will understand that you are a married couple and need to spend time together.- Let your partner know that you appreciate him or her. We can get so caught up in making sure that the children are taken care of that we forget about our partner’s needs. Take time out to let your partner know that you appreciate their contributions to the marriage and family. Sometimes these kind words are all we need to get us through a rough day.- Take a team approach to parenting. Staying on the same page with your parenting techniques and being consistent in your parenting styles, is actually a way to maintain intimacy. Using consistent parenting styles will result in less stress and conflict at home and help bring you and your partner closer.
God’s plan for your husband is first to love you. He has a very express instruction from God in the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25 to love you. Therefore, one of your daily prayers for your husband is to obey this command. For the virtuous wife, Proverbs 31 and verse 11 tells you that the heart of your husband safely trusts you. God desires that your husband loves and trusts you continually.Your husband should be a strong and courageous man so as to lead, provide and protect both you and your children. To take care of a family in our time is one of the most challenging tasks. No wonder many men have feared to commit themselves to their families. This is not the plan of God. You need to believe God that your husband will stay strong and focused to undertake all his god-given responsibilities.God’s will for your husband is that he lives committed to you as his only wife. Your husband should not be caught in shameful affairs. God wants him to be faithful to you all his life without sharing his affection with other women – or even men. Please bear in mind that you deserve such a husband if you are living according to the word of God.For the faithful and godly wives, the bible encourages you that by your lifestyle, you will win your unbelieving husbands to the Lord. If your husband is not a believer, then know God plans that you join Him in His good agenda – to have your husband born again. Besides the issue of eternal life, God wants your husband to live a respectable, decent and long life.
Appreciation is very important in people’s lives. Although other people may appreciate you, you are likely to be very disappointed if your husband is not among them. When you feel that your husband hardly appreciates you, you may think that the best approach is to talk to him about the issue. While it is an undeniable fact that communication forms the bedrock of finding amicable solutions, you should understand that talking is not the only way of communicating.If you want your husband to appreciate you, the best approach is to show him through your own actions. This becomes even more important when you consider the fact that you are very likely to get resentful when you feel less appreciated by your husband. Unfortunately, this will only weaken the bond between you further.You therefore need to make a conscious effort to show your husband your value in his own life. The best way of achieving this is through your actions.Create more balance in your relationshipIn many cases, taking care of the family becomes a full time responsibility of the wife. You may be so busy with such responsibilities that some imbalance develops in your relationship.You should avoid trying to do all necessary chores on your own. In fact, it may be necessary to take some time away. This will arouse your husband from his comfort zone, where you did everything and he did not have any time to miss you.Let your husband take care of some of the responsibilities and he will begin to appreciate the important role that you play in his life. If you do everything, your husband won’t really know the weight you carry, and he is likely to take your role for granted. Let him help you with some responsibilities and he will appreciate you more.Human beings are creatures of habit, and your husband can easily get used to your taking care of everything. Shake him out of this comfort by letting him take care of some of these responsibilities. After he feels the weight, he will realize how great your help really is.Take a tripGiven that it may be difficult to avoid doing the things you used to take charge of when you are around, it is important that you take a short vacation. During the time when you are away, your husband will have no choice but to take care of the things you were responsible for. Be assured that he will see you in a different light by the time you come back.If you feel that your husband does not appreciate your efforts, you should not get resentful. This simple method will help you to change his mind.
Whether it is a man or woman, human beings get bored doing or eating the same thing every day. When you started dating with your husband, you cannot wait to meet him up or do something with him together. As time goes on, both of you will lose the spontaneity to put in more effort to shower surprises and soon it appears that there is nothing new and you will wonder why husbands get bored with wife after marriage when he show signs of boredom. The fact is both of you are starting to take things for granted and that is when boredom sets in.- Man is a hunterMan always want to be challenged and because when he knows everything inside out about you, there is nothing more that he wants to discover further and in the end, he gets bored.- Woman start to neglectMany women after marriage start to neglect a lot of things about themselves. They pay lesser attention to those details how they attracted the men in the past. They neglect their figure and image, they do the same old routine for the family every day, they become more nagging, putting the priorities of the household, children and taking care of themselves and the feminism as secondary.Many women will start to question why husbands get bored with wife after marriage when they have always been trying to be a good wife in the marriage. The answer is a woman will continue to attract and capture the heart of their husband only when they act like a good mother, a housewife, a confident woman and not forgetting to be a seductive woman in the bedroom. Most women tend to forget the last two points when they are married for too long.- Respect and CommunicationMutual respect in a marriage is important and hence the same goes to your communication with your husband. For example, your husband shares with you an achievement that he made at work today, instead of praising him, you just reply him very casually, showing him that you are not very interested. Praise him if he has done something great every time. Both of you will understand each other needs better when communication is going on well smoothly.Fulfilling and understanding your husband’s needs can restore back his energy and love into this marriage. There are many ways to make your husband fall back in love with you again. You just need a little trick to Win His Heart completely.
Failed marriages have been estimated at over 70% worldwide. Not a very encouraging statistic is it? But people are seemingly unperturbed and are marching down the aisle regardless!So why are couples so readily prepared to become yet another failed marriages statistic?The dynamic between couples can be divided into several categories, the more predominant of which are listed here:-No. 1) HEAD IN THE SAND.Amazingly some couples do not even think about the possibility of their marriage ending in divorce and quite understandably are completely shocked when they find themselves in the failed marriages ‘hall of fame’. These are the people who think a marriage should just ‘happen’ and that they needn’t have to do any work at all! It’s the typical “if I don’t acknowledge it, it won’t happen” type of thinking that doesn’t get anybody anywhere they really want to be. THERE IS A SOLUTION:Take your head out of the sand and get up to speed. How? Well, start by asking each other and yourself some really big ‘quality’ questions and really get to know each other. Be prepared to be shocked and amazed but also encouraged and surprised!No. 2) GO WITH THE FLOW.Other couples are scared to challenge one another in case it upsets their relationship, so they agree with each other if at all possible or say nothing! Now in the short term this appears to work as each one thinks they are compatible with the other. In the long run they are definitely heading for the failed marriages heap, people can only keep quiet for so long, ‘the truth will out’, causing all sorts of very unpleasant interactions. THERE IS A SOLUTION HERE TOO:Don’t be a yes man/woman. Honour your own and your partners views (when you find out what they are!). You really can have different views and still be compatible and stay married! Of course if most of your views differ you will have problems and need to ask yourselves why you got together in the first place!No. 3) JUST BE YOURSELF.Many relationships are inhabited by two very straightforward no-holds-barred types. They believe that if they just let it all out, tell it as it is, their partners will get to know who they really are much quicker and they will find it easier to accept them – warts and all. WRONG! These are definitely failed marriages – even if the couple stay together they generally have failed. They tend to fight regularly and verbally abuse one another and look for opportunities to exact their revenge. This is not a relationship but more of a war zone! THIS CAN BE AVOIDED:Think before speaking, endeavor to communicate with love. Be tender with your partner, remember it is not a match, a competition or a battle! If even one of you changes your method of communication, it will completely alter the dynamic between you both and usually the other person follows suit – but not always. Remember – the names you call your partner is what they eventually become for you. So consider carefully before you speak who it is exactly you want to be married to and avoid being another failed marriages statistic.No. 4) DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.Some marriages have an unbalanced set-up where one person is the boss and the other is basically an ‘employee’. Now the boss is usually the happiest as he/she gets their own way all the time. The employee fulfills the boss’ desires and often the only reward is the feeling that they are doing a good job, which gives them some form of happiness. But obviously (to people with more self-respect), this is not a loving marriage and is destined to join the long list of failed marriages. THIS IS AVOIDABLE TOO:At all cost avoid thinking that you are in love with a tyrant. If you want to be controlled then you have ‘lost’ part of yourself and you need to get that back before you embark on the journey of a marriage. A marriage is a union of equal parties – if you were equal to your partner in this particular scenario, you would be getting your way around 50% of the time. Start using the work ‘no’ and if you find you are reticent to do so or fear your partners reaction, I would suggest you get some outside help.
There’s a popular video available on YouTube that pits pro same-sex marriage actors against their opposition, a troupe of religious affiliated Bibliophiles who rant and rave about the evils, degradation and slippery slope-ism, if that’s a phrase, of the approaching tsunami of same sex marriage. It’s a reasonably lighthearted, somewhat slick caricature of the current controversy, with real, semi-famous Hollywood types, and a musical presentation that makes it all watchable and entertaining regardless of which side of the issue you happen to be on.As the musical progresses, opponents shout their righteous claims against perversion, decadence, freedom of religion and the ‘gay agenda’; gays and lesbians trill about the need for recognition, equality, freedom from religious dictates and marriage rights for all. In the heat of the dustup, who walks into their midst but Jesus Christ Himself? Jesus appears to side with no one. Instead, in His inscrutable fashion, He takes the religious cohort to task about certain Biblical references that seem to contradict common sense and practice, such as eating shellfish, selling girls into slavery, being stoned for working on the Sabbath and the like.Then Jesus mystically departs, and there appears to be a deadlock. The scene changes, however, when someone introduces the economic factor of the controversy into the equation. Chirping about the lost opportunities for divorce lawyers, caterers, wedding planners and the like, Neil Patrick Harris slowly but surely makes an impact on the otherwise adamant religious group. Suddenly they ‘see the light’, and, as a group, in a sort of come to Jesus moment, they understand the error of their ways. “There’s money to be made”, they sing, happily conceding the rights of LGBT people to do their part in repairing the damaged economy by getting married!It always seems to come down to money, of course. The biggest obstacle to slavery wasn’t a black/white differential, or a reluctance to flood the workforce, or any altruistic impulse toward our fellow human beings. It was reluctance based on the economic impact of losing free labor, and what that would do to the price of cotton and other field crops, and the subsequent impact on the economy of the South. It was money.Allowing women to vote was an economic issue, insofar as they would in all probability vote with their purses, just as men had done with their wallets forever, thus introducing a frightening unknown into the electoral process. When this country announced its independence from Britain, voting rights were based on property ownership. This typically meant that those voting were white males over the age of 21 of the Protestant religion. Women citizens didn’t gain voting rights nationwide for 144 years, until 1920.So why is same sex marriage in the same category, and why would it benefit the economy? Mr. Harris’ comment aside, that there’s “money to be made”, the reason is simple. The economy reacts favorably to any expansion of human rights because, in a capitalistic system, the more people who have money, the more they spread it around, and the more money gets spread around the faster the economy grows. People lacking their rights have, in general, less access to the marketplace, and therefore less positive impact on the economy. Granted, the LGBT community is a relatively small part of the population. The Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, a sexual orientation law and public policy think tank, estimates that there are 8.8 million gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons in the U.S based on the 2005/2006 American Community Survey, an extension of the U.S. Census. This is adult population, of course, and the number is likely higher since there is still reluctance to identify as LGBT in this country, despite social advances in recent years. Still, nearly nine million people is a substantial part of the spending populace.And in reference to the same-sex marriage video and its core message, there is indeed money to be made. Nine million people means potentially 4.5 million marriages in a country which reports a bit more than two million marriages per year. If one percent of gays and lesbians married every year, a not unrealistic assumption, that’s 45,000 marriages per year, nearly 3,800 per month. Now it’s not realistic to assume that this activity will even register as a blip on the GDP, but these days the economy needs all the help it can get. Most of the stimulus recently has been going from government down; a little stimulus going the other way could only help.Moving on from stimulus to suppression, let’s discuss societies need for all of us to be more responsible for our own financial well being.I mentioned that affluent citizens impact the economy in positive ways. Conversely, those who lack basic rights generally lack access to the marketplace in any substantial way. In this sense, it’s entirely possible, probable even, that those individuals may have a negative impact. It makes sense; any member of a society who is forced to live at the fringe, such as those denied marriage rights and its affiliated benefits and protections, will eventually fall into a social safety net of some kind, unless they happen to be independently wealthy.The gay community is perhaps one of the best examples of this phenomenon. And they may be the best advocates for their present cause, the pursuit of civil marriage equality. This was proven during the AIDS crisis, when LGBT people came together, circling the wagons to treat their own in a recognized communal outpouring of care and concern. There are no end of stories of gays banding together to advocate for, treat, research, lobby and demonstrate for their colleagues, most of whom would have been a substantial burden on the already fragile health care environment otherwise. This rationale by itself is reason enough to pursue civil marriage equality vigorously, the recognition that we all need someone to care for us at some point. If that isn’t an economic issue nothing is.It’s time to bring civil marriage equality to fruition. There are many reasons, but economic ones always come to the fore eventually, and this time is no exception.
How do you get your husband to love you again? This is a question many married women wonder about once the honeymoon phase has ended. Relationships can be hard work and this is especially true of married couples. Balancing the husband and wife dynamic with being co-parents and trying to juggle work and bills can certainly take its toll. If you’ve been feeling as though your husband just isn’t as connected to you emotionally as he once was, don’t give up on the marriage. There are several ways to get him to fall back in love with you, even deeper than he was before.The question of how do you get your husband to love you again has several answers including changing your own behavior. It’s very easy to blame our spouse when the relationship shifts and we sense his feelings are changing. The problem with that is sometimes our actions also play a part in what our spouse is feeling. If you’ve started taking your husband for granted it can change how he feels about you. Do you nag him about things that need to be tended to around the house? Do you take time to focus on the things he wants to talk about? Starting today make an effort to focus more of your energy on being supportive and kind to your man. Compliment him on the things you enjoy about him, thank him for being a part of your life. In other words make him feel valued and special.You also need to ensure that your husband understands that you value the romantic part of the relationship still. As women we often feel a great deal of pressure to be perfect mothers and with that we lose sight of how important it is to be a supportive and loving wife. Make time just for your husband. You can do this each evening once the children go to bed if they’re small or you can arrange for a sitter once or twice a week. Just make an effort to show your husband that you still want your alone time with him. You need to nurture the relationship between you two to keep it alive and well.
There are so many good reasons to reconcile a marriage. One of which is that you do not want to spend the rest of your life regretting speedy actions. A lot of really good marriages can go through troublesome times, but the couple are willing to put in some hard work to sort out their problems. This is what reconciliation is all about, hard work and communication.You need to feel that you have done everything within your power to make the marriage work before you decide to contact a divorce lawyer. Of course, if the problems have got anything to do with physical abuse then it is best to walk away, to keep yourself and anybody else that is involved safe. The person that is doing the physical abuse needs to seek professional help, but you do need to keep yourself and any children involved safe and free from harm.The one person in our life whom we have the power to hurt the most is our spouse, the person whom we depend upon in our life to love us and keep us happy and who has the most power to hurt us. The fact that they can hurt us so badly means that we do love them, very often it is very easy to love a person but not like the person that they are portraying. We all need to put a different face on to go out into the world and deal with the stresses and strains of our daily life, and we all need to drop that face at the front door as we enter our home, and relax. The only problem is that with doing this every day it can sometimes seem so much easier to take our families for granted and leave our outward face on until we do forget who we actually are. Once this happens, our significant other may forget who we are and start to wonder if we still are the wonderful person that they fell in love with. Yes, we do all change as we go through life, but nobody changes so much that they are unrecognisable. For this reason alone, it can very often seem to be a good idea to re examine your feelings for each other and the reasons you may have for splitting your family up.Finding time for each other amid our hectic lives of work, children, intertwined families, hobbies and friends can seem to be the most difficult thing and is one of the main reasons we suffer from communication problems with our partner, we just never seem to have the time to talk anymore and when we do it is basically, have you taken the trash out yet and will you be picking up Susie tonight or have I got to get her again, rather than, something funny happened at work today and did you see that wonderful thing on the news today. One is complaining, the other is communicating a little of ourselves, and our thoughts. So, sit down and talk to each other, truthfully, about what you would both like to have happen from now on in your lives together.