“I need some advice to help save my marriage.” Is this something you’ve been saying recently? Have you and your spouse hit a crossroads and you wonder whether your relationship can survive? If this is indeed the case, there is help for you. Although it may feel as though your marriage is beyond repair, it’s likely not. There are several things you can do, beginning today, to ensure your relationship with your spouse improves and your family stays together.Communication is obviously essential if you hope to have a mutually satisfying, fulfilling marriage. Most couples share everything about what they’re feeling early in the relationship. They’re open and honest and don’t think twice about telling each other when something is bothering them. Once children, career pressures and the day-to-day stresses of juggling bills enter the equation, some people start to hold in what they’re feeling so they don’t burden their partner. You need to share what you’re feeling with your partner and also encourage them to do the same. Ensure you approach the subject of an open and honest conversation in a non-threatening way. You have to reassure your spouse that you won’t verbally attack them when they are revealing what they feel. If you can be supportive with them, they’ll always feel safe and comfortable talking about the relationship with you.Be more positive when you’re with your partner and let that seep into how you treat them. When a relationship is beginning to come apart it’s easy to focus just on the negative aspects of your partner. Make a point to only think about the things about your spouse you love. Tell them each and every day how thankful you are for what they bring to your life. As simple as this seems, it can greatly impact a relationship. When a person feels their partner is being more positive and caring, they’ll reflect that in their own behaviour and will also be more affirmative.
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I sometimes get emails from wives who feel that the love in their relationship or marriage is not equal. In other words, they feel that they love their husbands far more than the husbands love them. I often get comments like: “my husband doesn’t love me as much as I love him,” or “how can I make him love me in the same way that I love him?” I will tell you how to answer these questions in the following article.Knowing That You’ll Get Better Results With Positive Reinforcement Rather Than Trying To “Make” Him Do Something: First of all, I cringe when women ask my advice on how to “make” their husbands do something, especially when that something is loving them more. You can’t really force someone into doing something that they don’t willingly want to do, especially if you want them to be enthusiastic and genuine about it.And, you do want and need his enthusiasm because if your husband is only going through the motions, it’s only a matter of time before he gets tired of this. And, when he does, he’s probably going to be more resistant to your attempts to “make” him do something else or to reign him in again because he’s going to remember how you “made” him do it the last time and he’s going to get very tired of feeling like he’s not in control of his own feelings.You are far better off controlling who you can and should be controlling – yourself. Start with yourself and do whatever you can to create a more positive environment. Because people gravitate toward people who make them genuinely feel good. They will flee from people who bring about negative emotions. Always keep an eye on your husband’s reactions. They will give you very important clues in whether you’re eliciting negative or positive emotions.Modeling The Behavior That You Want From Him Without Trying Too Hard Or Coming On Too Strong: The best way to “get” or “make” your husband actively participate in your marriage is to model the behavior that you want to see in him. If you want more affection, then you should be generous with the genuine affection that you give him. If you want more conversation, then you yourself should start talking.With that said, you have to be very genuine about this. If you try too hard or come on too strong, then you only appear desperate and therefore more undesirable. Desperation is very unattractive. And, this is very commonly what I hear from some of the husbands who visit my blog. It becomes so bad, they say, that they eventually try to avoid their wife or just start to tune her out. This is not what you want. Again, if you reach this point then you are eliciting negative emotions and this is only working against you.Loving Yourself As Much As You Love Him: This is a big consideration. Often, the wives who are trying to “make” their husbands love them are focusing solely on the husband. They are wondering what they can do to inspire him to love them more, but in the meantime, they are putting themselves last. This too, in unattractive. Men like and want confident women with a healthy dose of self respect. If you feel the need to come on very strong or to overcompensate, then your husband is going to wonder why all of this is necessary? What are you trying to detract from? What’s lacking in you that you have to overcompensate? This isn’t fair, but this is the way that people think. They pick up on your attitude about yourself.If you are so insecure that you think you have to “make him” love you, then what does this say to him about how lovable you really are? Instead, you need to be confident that you are quite lovable and if he doesn’t see this, the problem is with his perceptions, no with you or your qualities.Often Space Works Better Than Forcing Your Point: Often, if you loosen your grip, you’ll find that this gives your husband the room to move toward you rather than away from you. You often need to back up a little to really gain any ground. I don’t mean just giving up. Not at all. You should always make it clear that you love your husband very much, but you should also have your own life and give him the space and ability to move toward you without being pulled. He’s going to perceive the way he feels in a much more positive way if he feels that he, not you, is in control of it.Yes, this takes trust and faith. It may feel risky. But, if you give him the space and present yourself as the confident and capable woman that he first fell in love with, then he likely won’t need much coaxing from you and you’ll both feel better about how you both got there, as no one was forced or made to do anything. Don’t you want a spouse who is with you because he wants to be? Of course you do. So step back and give him the space that he needs to make his own decisions. He will love and respect you much more for it.
Separation is a time where couple can go into their own space to think about the problems in the relationship. However, some couples think it is just a time to wait for the divorce process to end. If you choose marriage separation as a time for you to reconcile with your spouse, here are the steps to marriage separation reconciliation.- Work out on an agreementThere will be many issues to agree on during the separation period, issues such as finance, children or household can cause conflicts if it is not arrange properly. It is best to work on an agreement to avoid further conflict during the separation period.- Have a balance in everythingOne of the steps to marriage separation reconciliation is to keep a balance in everything. Keep your communication clear and open. Take this separation period as a time to sort out your feelings and problems. Try to find out a balance to work out on your marriage problems and also time to make yourself more positive and stronger.- Marriage counsellingGoing through problems in a marriage is not easy and sometimes you need someone to talk to. Share your problems with friends, family members, individual counselling, marriage books to work together on your relationship issues.- Reflect and make changesIf you want to reconcile after this separation, you have to reflect and make better changes. You should see what you can do to make the marriage better and make sure you are always placing positive changes into the marriage during the separation period.After the agreed upon time to marriage separation, both of you have to make decision to the marriage. If either party is not willing to reconcile, you should always be respectful on the decision. Anger or forcing the other party will only turn the situation ugly.The steps to Marriage Separation Reconciliation is to consider the effort and using the right methods to repair the marriage.
Marriage issues are the cause for writing of countless thousands of marriage counseling books. They deal with many of the common and some not so common problems in marriage. From newlywed problems to marriages that were held in place for years, these books offer advice for saving and spicing up your marriage relationship.One of the blessings of today’s’ information age is the ease with which we can find advice. Sometimes, as in the case of marriage, it can mean the difference between success and failure. It’s good to know that many people have dedicated their time to writing these life-saving books.Marriage counseling books are full of cases and problem-solving techniques that have taken place in other peoples’ marriages. These techniques and methods have helped many to recover their ground and turn marriages that were headed toward divorce into productive and healthy marriages.Sometimes people just need a hand dealing with problems. Who better to talk to about it than someone who has either been there themselves, or knows plenty of people who have? That’s why the expert advice you can get on a book shelf is so valuable and helpful to so many.When dealing with marriage issues, you don’t have to run to the Yellow pages and seek out an expensive counselor, you can simply go to a bookstore and find the shelves full of marriage counseling books that could contain exactly what you need at this stage of your marriage. Never be too proud to look for help.
Ok, so you’ve found yourself in a situation where you marriage looks like it’s over, but you’re saying to yourself ‘I don’t want a divorce’. Of course you don’t but what the heck do you do?Well, of course things can turn around. It’s very likely that people have pulled themselves out of even deeper doo-doo than you’re in now with your marriage, so you can do it too. It’s not going to be easy, but the fact that you’re even saying “I don’t want a divorce” means that there’s hope. It means that there’s still something there that makes you KNOW that this marriage isn’t over.First, what you have to do is look inside yourself very quickly.There is a reason that you don’t want a divorce, and it’s up to you to be honest with yourself and figure out exactly what that reason is. You must have at least enough of a spark there in your heart for your spouse that is driving you to realize that divorce is not an option for you. Or at least it’s an option that you’re not comfortable with.It’s important that you dig deep though. Just saying “I don’t want a divorce” is not enough. What specific things come to mind? Are you thinking about how life will be without your spouse? Are you thinking about the days when things were different and you guys were still in love? Can you remember what that feels like?As long as the reason is specific, and you can really truly feel the emotions then you’ve got hope. That is as long as there’s not abuse in the relationship. There is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship unless there is professional therapy involved and even then.But if you’re certain in saying “I don’t want a divorce” and you have a solid BECAUSE then there is certainly a ton of hope left for your marriage, more than you probably know.
For any marriage to be blissful, couples should understand the 5 phases of marital love. All the phases must manifest in every home, if the home must be a place of love and togetherness.Phase 1 – Attraction: This is what we call face love. It involves accepting the outlook of your spouse and be intoxicated by it. As soon as a man loses interest in the outlook and dressing of his wife, it will affect other phases of love. Both husband and wife should train themselves to be interested in the outlook of their spouses. Everybody should also do everything to look nice, handsome and beautiful.Phase 2 – Emotion: This is what we do refer to as ‘mind love’. It involves giving room for deep affection toward one’s spouse. It is heartfelt love; it’s frequency is always very high before wedding, during honey moon and shortly after the wedding. But most of the time, it doesn’t last as couples begin to take each other for granted. It affects their feelings, and kills the ‘mind love’.Phase 3 – Compulsion Love: It is known as responsibility love. This is the kind that exists between a man and his wife that makes them stay together and perform their duties to each other even when they are no more attractive to each other and affection is gone. This is what remain in many marriages; when it depart from home, there is likely to be separation and divorce.Phase 4 – Passion: This is known as sexual love. It is the aspect that makes the man to desire to sleep with his wife. If it exists between unmarried people, it is call lust. Most of the time wives are the first to lose this face of love. In fact, it is one of the thing a woman lose when she is unhappy with her husband, thereby leading to sexual denial of her husband.Phase 5 – Compassion: It is known as God kind of love or agape love. This love is unusual; it is not base on the outlook, body chemistry, feelings or happenings around us. It is love that is deep rooted in kindness and acceptance. It is a sacrificial love. Unfortunately very few couples got married base on this kind of love; most women based their marriages on emotional love, while men base their on attraction and passion.Please note that all the five phases of love are needed in your home, if your marriage must colorful.
Yes, you can save your marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t seem to want to even try. In any relationship or marriage, you must know that there is one person who is in control. One person has the power to take a failing marriage and make it a long lasting marriage. On the other hand, you must also know that this same person has the power to crush the relationship. Who has such a strong hold on a marriage, you wonder?It’s YOU.When you were born, you were blessed with free will. This means that you have options. You can make choices. YOU are responsible for your actions, or non-actions. So, what does this have to do with saving your marriage?EVERYTHINGBy having a choice, you have the choice to complain about the wrongs in your marriage, or to act on them and make them right. You have the choice to let negative emotions rule your life, or take control of them, and turn them into positive emotions.Keep in mind, though, that you CANNOT control how your spouse behaves. Like yourself, they were blessed with free will, also. BUT, you CAN control how you react to your spouse’s actions! You only behave the way you choose to behave. When you realize this, it can make a drastic improvement in not only your marriage, but your entire life, in general.If you want to feel more loved, then act more loving. If you want to be happier, then you have to make yourself happier – put a smile on your face (at first, you may very well have to force that smile, but know that it does get easier. Soon, you will find yourself smiling all the time!). Keep thinking of the GOOD parts in your marriage, and dwell on those. This will keep the harmful, negative thoughts away, and keep them from harming your marriage, subconsciously.Don’t act on hurtful emotionsWhen a marriage is in crisis, the most common reaction is to become defensive – about everything. Although this is a natural reaction, it also causes more pain. Remember, these are REACTIONS. You have the power to control your reactions!You are more powerful than you thinkYou have the power to single handedly change your marriage – for the better. No doubt through life, you have noticed that one person’s mood affects all the people around them. Let this rule apply to your marriage – instead of always thinking negatively, and walking around with a frown on your face, try to think positive, and smile. You will be amazed at what this one simple change will do for your marriage! And, since YOU are acting positive, those feelings will rub off on your spouse, and the both of you will once again be happy! The first step to saving your marriage begins with you. Isn’t it time to be happy again?
A recent study conducted by The Chicago University found that divorce is bad for your health. The study found that a marriage breakdown can lead to depression, heart disease, diabetes and even cancer. If you are asking “can marriage be saved,” then there are some significant health reasons as to why you should do your utmost to save your marriage.Sadly, some marriages can’t be saved due to irreconcilable differences between the parties and that is shame. At the other end of the scale, some marriages end at the first sign of trouble without the parties making an effort to overcome their issues. This is a sad reflection on today’s disposable society.Can marriage be saved? Yes, most marriages can be saved if you follow a couple of basic steps.First, you have to realise that every marriage hits a hurdle at some stage. That’s pretty normal, so don’t call it quits just because something doesn’t go to plan. When you face a hurdle or two, you need to work together to cross these hurdles. Talk with each other, express your feelings and don’t keep them bottled up inside. If you do, you run the risk of making small problems into big problems. Before you know it, you have a mini disaster on your hands. It is important that you are open and honest with each other and talk through any issues as they arise – try not to sweep issues under the carpet. Doing this, you will soon learn to love and appreciate each other and you will cease to worry about can your marriage be saved.Second point for consideration is to realise that a good marriage is about love and being able to give and take. It’s not meant to be a one way street where one party gets his/her own way in every situation. Love is about putting your partner above self. If you both practice that you will start to act in a more considerate way and you will realise that it’s good to give rather than take.Third step is to be committed to each other’s happiness. If you focus on trying to please your partner and both of you do this, you will end up having a wonderful marriage.Good marriages don’t just happen, they need constant nurturing. If you are wondering “can marriage be saved”, then you are on the right track. Yes, any marriage can be saved if both parties love each other and are committed to each other. You need to work at it and never take your marriage or your partner for granted. Your marriage is so important to your overall well being and to your family. Look after it and you will enjoy the rewards of a happy marriage for many years to come.
Heal your broken marriage by learning some very basic problem-solving techniques. All marriages have problems at some point but most couples are not prepared to handle them. In this article we are going to focus on solutions, not problems. In order to heal a broken marriage, couples need to identify the core problems in a marriage and learn how to solve them. “Men and women are like two feet, we need each other to get ahead. But, that doesn’t mean we always understand each other.”When it comes to problem-solving, most people benefit from having a list of things to focus on and keep in mind as they are working. I’m going to give you a list of suggestions and later you can create your own list of the things that you think need to be repaired in your marriage. Focus on how to fix what is NOT working in your marriage and nurture what IS working for you.Problem Solving Techniques:When trying to solve the problems in your marriage, try not to jump into the fire of conflict. When emotions flare up (and they will), don’t be fooled by the intensity. A lot of that anger is really hurt in disguise.Try to separate your emotions about the problem from the steps you need to take to solve the problem itself – this is a hard thing to do and it will take some effort.Many couples have unrealistic expectations about marriage and relationships. Be flexible, learn how to bend in your relationship. Try to recognize what is important to solving a problem and let the other things go.Listen AND verbalize. These are equally important. Couples have a tendency to do one or the other, but not both at the same time. Not only do you need to hear what your partners concerns are but the opposite is true as well.When solving a problem, think of yourselves as teammates, not opponents. You should be working together to solve a problem for the benefit of BOTH of you.When you are trying to identify the problems in your marriage, it’s important to distinguish between the symptoms of a problem and the core problem itself. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that couples get the symptoms of the problem confused with the problem itself. Your goal is to work on the core problem and let the symptoms become a part of the past.Most importantly: start small. It’s just not possible to repair everything at once. You will have the most success if you take it one step at a time. Start with something that will be the easiest to fix and go from there.Try to keep in mind that healing your marriage will be an ongoing process. Sometimes you are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. You are going to experience both laughter and tears as you go forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. Keep your eye on the prize and remember how lucky you are to have each other.
It’s interesting that many problems that we deal with in marriage, and life in general, come from people responding to hurt. What’s even more interesting is that when we lash out at somebody, we justify that as O.K. After all, they hurt us first in some way. So it’s O.K. for us but when our spouse, for example, lashes out at us, it’s ohhhh so wrong.You see, we think that our partner is a this, that and the other thing. They must be, look at what they said to us, but with what we said to them we say, “Well, what do you expect, I was mad.”We can see our partner as rude and even cruel but most likely they are reacting from a place of hurt and even resentment. When our spouse hurts us, we lash out. The lashing out probably feels malicious to them, just like it feels to us. Each of us see the other as a mean and cruel person, but we are both just responding to being hurt and we’re trying to protect ourselves.When our marriage is in trouble, one spouse or the other starts looking for help. They need some “save my marriage” advice that will work, and will work quickly. A relationship can be turned around at any time, even if only one person wants to save it. There are many things that you can do to get your marriage back on the road to happiness again, but to start, you need to realize that most of the damaging things that we say, and that are said to us, are based on being hurt and self-preservation.Now, that’s not a big revelation. Most us know that, but we forget this simple fact when we’re fighting with our spouse and our marriage seems to be spinning out of control. If your marriage is in trouble, most likely the two of you seem to be fighting a lot(for some that’s an understatement), and both of you are probably hurting each other with the things you say to each other, and you can’t figure out what the problem is. You may even be thinking that the problem would be solved if your spouse would just stop being so mean and critical. Does this sound familiar?If YOU want to save your marriage, YOU need to stop this downward spiral. Fortunately, you can stop the hurting and start healing your relationship. When a fight starts and you begin lashing out at each other, you need to stop and remember where this is coming from. When you view your spouse’s actions as a response to hurt, then you can begin to respond differently.If a child asks for something and is told “no,” and then the child says, “I hate you!” Is the child being mean? No, he or she is angry and hurt because they didn’t get what they wanted. They are acting out of hurt and resentment, not from being mean. They are looking at the situation as, “You hurt me, so now I’m going to hurt you.” Once you realize this, you can attack this situation differently(although punishment may still be in order). Instead of approaching the child with an attitude of, “Why you little…!” Instead, you can approach this child understanding that they feel hurt.The principle is the same when it comes to your spouse. What would happen in your relationship if you saw attacks from your partner come from hurt and pain, not meanness and cruelty? If you can see your spouse as a person who is hurt and in pain, it is much easier to offer forgiveness and understanding. It’s much easier to stop this downward spiral of hurt when coming from this point of view. Try to understand what the hurt or pain is that your spouse is experiencing and deal with that. Now you’re dealing with the real issues behind your arguments and change can finally start to happen. When you’re looking for some good “save your marriage advice,” this is a great place to start.