If you have ever been through a divorce you know that regardless of which side you were on that it can be a gut wrenching experience. The emotions, fears, uncertainties and just the time spent contemplating a new future can be daunting.Many years ago I asked a friend about marriage. His advice was simple. “The only thing that you know for certain before getting married is that you are willing to give it a try”. Sound advice? I’m not certain, he had just been divorced for the forth time.What if before launching into marriage and particularly before getting remarried a different approach was taken? What if as a couple they would approach the marriage with an intimate understanding of each other, not just passion and excitement? Perhaps this would be a better beginning for a couple intending to spend life together.As in my friends case, most likely he would continue either marrying the same type of person or he continued to make the same mistakes personally in each marriage. Without an honest assessment of the strengths, weaknesses, needs and desires of each partner then how could two people possibly last together in a marriage.Of course the best relationships grow stronger over time. Why not begin by growing stronger together right from the start. Fortunately for a couple just starting out professional counseling probably isn’t necessary. If you have a trusted and impartial friend, pastor or spiritual advisor that has a history of positive relationships and an ability to remain unbiased by all means seek them out and have conversations with them prior to marriage.
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Did you know that you can actually stay married – and did you know that thousands of people have become happier the longer they do it? Of course, many people do not, and end up divorcing, but it was because they didn’t set relationship goals, communicate, and re-group.Indeed, marriage can be just as simple as 1-2-3 and you can find your path to marital bliss, just by dotting your i’s, minding your p’s and q’s, and putting some practical wisdom into practice. These efforts, though they seem small, along with some of your resourcefulness, can be rewarding.Step 1: Set your relationship goals, with a plan, and love the details! In any relationship, marriage or otherwise, the details are important for you to know. What are your specific actions? Are you going to focus on dating or vacations? Will you date once weekly, or vacation twice per year, or other plans? Will you enlist your spouse with helping to pick out the spots?How will you involve others in your life that these goals are important to your marriage? What will it take to accomplish these goals? Will you need to hire a back-up babysitter? Do you have the funds? How much of an investment are you willing to put into the marriage? Who else in your circle is willing to invest in your plans?Look at this as creating your secrets to marriage business plan,. First, be realistic and not judgmental about the things you can do well. If you want to convince your spouse about plans you have for the marriage, find something that makes you passionate. Don’t force yourself to be a better wife – just do what you enjoy doing.Step 2: Communicate! Be creative with the ways you communicate with your spouse – send an Email, write a note, put it on a sticky, tell your spouse’s friends, put a letter in the mail, start a chat session. Whatever you do, use all the resources available to you and just communicate.Give your spouse an endearing nick name. The name should be pleasing to your spouse. Maybe think of characteristic to turn into a name – “Suzy Baker”, “Flower”, “Sunshine”, “Hairy”, “Prince Charming”. This starts a new phase of communication only between the two of you. Let others know the special names for each other by speaking this way in public. All this builds your marriage bond.Step 3: Re-group Always do an assessment of how well your plans are working. Come up with an exit plan – no, not exit your marriage. Exit a goal. If a goal does not give you the results you expected, what is your back-up plan? What resources will you need to shift to the back-up plan?There may also be temporary lull in your marriage as you switch between plans – so be patient, a virtue in the secrets to marriage. Some marriages fail because the spouses can’t deal with a temporary stall in plans. Be conscious that your marriage is a work in process and needs an infusion of ideas to get stronger.
So you’ve just gone through a disastrous and catastrophic event, but don’t give up, you can still save your marriage. There are times when the stress that results from these trying times can feel too difficult to overcome. With proper guidance, you can sail through these stormy waters and save your marriage from disaster.It’s common to feel as if things are falling apart right now as the two of you struggle to deal with what has happened. Some of the hardest examples are the death of a loved one, a terrible accident, or a frightening illness to one of you. You feel like you entire world is crumbling, desperation rears its ugly head.To protect yourself from the onslaught of emotions and drama that is sure to unfold, you must first understand that people react differently to events depending on their personal history. Most generally, men and women will react differently, some will repress feelings while others are more outward and expressive. Understanding that your partner may have different reactions than you will go a long way in seeing how to save a marriage. Never expect someone to react the exact same way that you do.A second thing to know is that when terrible things happen they can bring out the worst personality traits in people. For this reason it’s important to have patience. Patience not only with your spouse, but with yourself, too. If you can understand harmful behaviors as they happen it will allow you not to overreact.It should be stated that these difficult situations nearly always merit a consideration of marriage counseling. Reading articles and ebooks are a terrific first step in the right direction, but face-to-face counseling cannot be ignored.Let’s close out this article by running through a few extra pointers.- Commit to each other early on that you will get through these difficult times together. Support one and other through your valleys and peaks.- Depend on a support team; use friends and family as a crutch that will help you. Find other people who have gone through similar situations, they will be a great source of hope and inspiration.- Find distraction through movies, TV; anything that makes you feel good. Laughter is a terrific ‘medicine.’- Read, read, and read some more. For this particular situation I recommend a book by Travis Sago, ‘The Magic of Making Up’. I suggest you read my review and see if it’s right for you.Immense suffering doesn’t need to end a marriage. It can be made stronger after surviving these hard times together.
If you and your spouse are looking to celebrate your marriage then you need to go for a marriage retreat. A marriage retreat is where you, your spouse and your counselor go to a place where you can discuss issues that might be affecting your marriage. The marriage retreats will help expose you to other couples who share the same beliefs as you do and this is very healthy for your marriage. If you are not very comfortable about going for the retreat with other couples then you should consider going for the marriage retreats which is just you, your spouse and your counselor. The marriage retreats are very useful in helping you and your spouse to pay adequate attention on various fundamental issues which could be affecting your marriage.If there has been incidence of infidelity in the marriage then this could give rise to other issues such as resentment, the feeling of confusion, fear, the feeling of depression, the feeling of uncertainty about what the future holds and general mistrust. If you want to address all this issues with your spouse then you need to consider going for these retreats. Marriage retreats will help you reach a lasting solution which helps you overcome all this barriers and help you move on.The only way you can move on and address all these issues is by going on a marriage retreat. The fact that these retreats often take place during the weekends gives you the perfect opportunity and venue to address all that worries you and to bring everything out in the open. The only to move away from this issues, is to move away in a forward manner and not to look back, marriage retreats will help you achieve this.The only way your marriage can move on a new direction is by going on these retreats. It does not matter what problem you were facing in the past, these marriage retreats will help you overcome them. The retreats will help you identify all the factors which are pulling down your marriage which is very important if you want to change and make your marriage stronger.There are couples who are very hesitant about attending regular counseling. If you are one of those couples then marriage retreats are going to provide you with the perfect solution. There are other couples who feel that marriage counseling won’t help them come up with a better solution. If you are one of those couples then you need to consider going for a marriage retreat and you will be amazed with how the retreats help couples to open up. The key to identifying the problems in your marriage is by opening up, and marriage retreats have a way of making couples open up to each other. There are certain problems that you and your spouse may be able to handle on your own, but there are other problems such as lack of communication and infidelity which are very material and you require the assistance of a trained expert to help you resolve them.
ONE OUT OF TWO MARRIAGES THIS YEAR WILL END IN DIVORCE WITHIN FIVE YEARS!As someone who has been happily married to the same woman for almost forty-five years, I find that statistic simply unbelievable! It SHOULDN’T be happening! It seems like getting married only to get divorced is the “in” thing these days. After all, the movie stars do it. Celebrities of all kinds do it. Even our politicians do it.The “experts” seem to agree it’s a sign of the times. In days gone by, a man and woman would marry for life. But not anymore. The world we live in has changed so dramatically over the past fifty years we just can’t expect the moral standards of past generations to be our guidelines today, can we?Besides, all that talk about “till death do us part” is just for the religious types. the REAL world doesn’t see it that way.Sorry! I disagree! I disagree because it simply isn’t true! Think about this: when two people decide to get married, under “normal” circumstances, they don’t think, “We’ll give it a shot for a few years, and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just end it”. They usually THINK they are doing it for life! Most people still leave the “till death do us part” thing in their wedding vows.So WHY doesn’t it last? Why do they end up in divorce court in a few years, instead of growing old together? I firmly believe it can be summed up in a single word: SELF. If the attitude is, “What’s in it for ME?”, instead of “What’s in it for WE?”, it just won’t work out. It can’t!Being “in love” with someone is one thing. STAYING in love with that person is something altogether different. It’s EASY to “fall in love”. It’s NOT easy to STAY in love.But it can be done! There’s a very simple formula for it: ALWAYS PUT THE OTHER PERSON AHEAD OF YOURSELF!In other words, you have to think GIVE instead of GET. Real love IS giving, not getting. It’s an outgoing concern for the other person- for their welfare, their happiness. You CAN’T think that way, however, if your focus is always on yourself!Speaking from all my years of experience I can tell you it works! My wife and I have PRACTISED this from the day we got married. That’s all it takes!I’m retired. I don’t go to work anymore, except right here at my computer. My wife and I are always around each other, and we love being around each other. We’re each other’s best friend. Almost never do either of us use the word, “I”- it’s almost always “WE”.We’re not the young, dashing couple we were some forty years ago. We’re a lot older, a lot more mature. But we are STILL totally in love with each other!It hasn’t always been easy. We’ve had our struggles, our ups and downs, even our disagreements. But one thing we have NEVER done is go to bed mad at each other! We’ve always been quick to apologize to each other, because we know we have something very special.So why am I even writing this? Because I know everyone who starts putting the other person first at least has a chance to keep both their love AND their marriage alive for a lifetime. If you are having marital problems, give it a try!It won’t cost you anything, except a change in attitude. No marriage counseling fees, no divorce lawyer fees! Go ahead, try it!Who knows? If you do it, maybe forty years from now YOU’LL write an article on staying married for life!