Tom works long hours and Denise feels he takes her for granted. Tom feels that Denise spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and doesn’t have time or energy left for his needs? Does this remind you of your life at your house? Can this or your marriage be saved? Should it be saved?First, you must decide whether your relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved it will take hard work from both people. So both people must decide that they want to make it work. One person can not do it all on his or her own. You may feel that you want to stay in a marriage because it is convenient or because of the children. But that is not the same thing as really making the relationship work that is merely deciding to remain roommates in the same house.Next, you need to really look at the problem or problems that are affecting your relationship with your spouse. One of the biggest problems in how to save a marriage or any relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. For instance, many people think that it is an affair is the problem that leads to a break up. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem, like lack of intimacy, lack of attention or boredom. If you do not deal with the underlying problem, you can stop the current affair but fail to prevent future affairs. It is when you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the marriage. So what are the core issues in your failing marriage? Is there a trust issue? Is there a lack of attention paid to keeping the relationship strong? Maybe one person is controlling or a constant nag? Whatever your issues are you need to take stock and make a list.Once you have identified the core problems, it is time to open up the lines of communication. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Remember to start by talking about how you feel. No pointing fingers here, just an honest discussion of feelings. Remember each spouse needs a chance to talk and be heard.Finally create an action plan together to solve the issues that are negatively effecting your relationship with your spouse. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If lack of communication is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it. Brainstorm together action steps that will fix the problems you have both identified. Keep the action steps small enough to be manageable but large enough to make a difference.So now you are on your way to a stronger relationship with your spouse. Just remember this is a process not a one time fix. Every relationship needs on going care and attention to remain strong and healthy year after year.
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Marriage counseling is also known as couples therapy. It is a process by which a licensed therapist helps a couple to resolve conflicts. If both parties are willing, this therapy can open up discussion and provide for more and better communication. Problems can be solved in a healthier manner.Marriage counseling is only effective if both partners are willing to listen, learn and change. All couples can benefit from the open and heartfelt discussion that counseling can provide, if they are willing to invest themselves in the process.You may seek counseling to help with any one of many issues that can arise in a long term relationship. It is possible that you need help working through infidelity, divorce, family issues, and differences in lifestyle or finances. Perhaps the most important tool that therapy can provide is the ability to talk about these issues freely and openly without the threat of a negative reaction. Counseling can provide you a safe and confidential environment to strengthen your relationship.In marriage counseling, you will learn how to avoid blaming one another and to rediscover what it was that brought you together as a couple in first place. You will explore new way to communicate and to make your needs known to each other in a positive way that helps strengthen your relationship.The positive effects of couples therapy can reach even outside of your relationship. You may find that you can focus better on your work and work relationships. Both members of the relationship may allow themselves to have a better time even when they are apart without the burden of deep relationship issues.Couples therapy can be a great growing experience for both members of any relationship.
You are bound to experience a strong mixture of emotions when you come to the realization that your husband is falling out of love. You will be greatly hurt if the man in your life, who you still love, no longer shares the great affection you used to enjoy in your marriage. It does not matter whether you have been married for ten weeks or ten years. Basically, you will have two options to choose from when things reach such a point. The first option is to resign yourself to the situation and let your marriage end up in a divorce. Alternatively, you can take decisive steps to fight for your marriage and win back your husband.In spite of the fact that divorce is pretty common nowadays, your marriage does not necessarily have to follow that direction. There are a number of things you can do to help you win back your husband. Here are some tips that will help you to save your failing marriage.Find out the reason behind his reactionIt is hardly probable that your husband will just wake up one day and suddenly lose interest in the marriage. There is always one kind of reason or another if your husband is falling out of love.The change is often gradual, and there may not really be one specific reason for it. However, you should take a look back at when your husband used to adore you. Try to remember how you used to associate with him then. Although you may not realize it, perhaps you have also changed over time.The responsibilities you have been taking may have worn out your patience. Are you as attentive as you used to be? Try to figure out what could have changed, and then make necessary adjustments.Consider your own feelingsIf you want to win back your husband, you should take your own feelings into consideration. People do change with time. It may be that your focus has shifted more towards the responsibilities of looking after the family as a whole, particularly children.It may as well be that you focus so much on yourself that your husband feels left out. If your focus is what you want to get from your marriage, you will hardly think of your own input in the relationship. This may leave your husband feeling that you have neglected him, and he may start getting distant.Shower him with attentionWhen you give your husband more attention and he notices that you understand him, you will be able to get his attention too. As the saying goes, you reap what you sow. In order to win back your husband, you should adore him first of all.
I get a lot of emails asking for tips on coping when your husband has left but you still love him and want him back. It can be very painful and just feel odd when you’re on your own and feel like part of you is missing. It can also be worse when there is an unknown of how it is going to turn out. If you know that you were going to be without him for the long haul, then you could begin to adjust and heal, but if you doubt or hope that it might now be over, then you are sort of in limbo and this can prolong the pain. There is no doubt that this is a difficult time but you can and will get through it and luckily, the best way to get through it is often the most effective way to get him back, if this is what you want. I will discuss this more in the following article.Understanding That It’s Easier To Swim With The Tide Than Against It: Often it feels so weird and foreign for him not to be there, that we immediately go into a panic. We feel that we must solve this situation immediately or that we can perhaps kiss him goodbye forever. You must understand that you didn’t get to this place overnight and so it is likely not going to be completely resolved over night. And, to be honest, you probably are better off giving this process time to run its full course. Allowing him to miss you and miss your home is really in your best interest because this will contribute to your having his full cooperation in working things out.I know that it feels tempting to try to argue, manipulate or guilt your way into making him come home. And, while these things may yield you small victories, you’ll often find that he’s either resentful, noncommittal, or unsure if you go about getting him back home this way.You are far better off initially making the points that you want him to know (you want him to be happy, you love him, you will miss him but you want to comply with the space that he has asked for, and that you are going to use the time for your benefit as well) and then backing off. This is a time when you should just sort of go where this takes you. You’re better off leading him lead you than chasing him. I know that this advice sounds risky. I know that you are probably worried that if you let him take the lead, he’s not going to do it. But, this is really the only way to ensure that you know that this is what he really wants. And, the silence, distance and time will often intensify his positive feelings, especially if you don’t disturb this process by appearing over bearing, needy, or manipulative.Making Sure He Sees You As The Strong, Confident, Busy Woman That You Are: To be very honest, the best thing that you can do right now is to keep yourself so busy that you will have a hard time stopping too long to dwell or feel devastated. Focus on your friends, your work, and those things that make you happy. Take very good care of yourself. Handle this with quiet confidence and grace. You don’t want him to see that you’re not capable of going it alone or that you don’t enjoy your own company enough to have a bearable time right now.I know that it’s so tempting to put on that tattered robe, eat pizza straight out of the box, and take the phone off of the hook, but this is only going to take you to lonely dark places and weaken you. And, you do not want to be in a weakened state when you see or talk to him. You want the way that you’ve been spending to your time (in a productive way) to show on your face. You want for him to know that you are capable of interacting with your friends, getting things done on your own, and exploring your own interests.Strengthening Yourself: In truth, the best thing that you can do right now is to strengthen yourself. How you accomplish this is going to be different for every one. Some people will focus on their appearance. Some will take a class or start a project. Whatever you need to do to engage yourself, keep yourself busy, and experience some pleasure, it is certainly worth the effort. It certainly doesn’t hurt to let your very busy life leak to him. A woman who is coping and confident is going to appear so much more attractive as someone who is holed in and moping.Now, some people will take this too far. They think the goal is to be distant and aloof. It isn’t. You still want to be the laid back, fun, and happy go lucky person that he fell in love with. You want to be open and approachable, but you want to balance this with the fact that you certainly on not sitting at home waiting on his whims. This process might take some time, which is why it’s important that you be comfortable and happy where you are. Restoring his attention might well take some time. There are instances when you might never have the exact same relationship. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try though.And becoming the best version of yourself is a healthy option for you whether you get him back or not. Being at your best will allow you to create a healthier relationship with him, with yourself, or with whoever else comes along. Understand that this is just a speed hump. What’s happening today may change tomorrow, but so long as you’re moving forward in a healthy way, you can truly handle whatever comes your way.
As a marriage matures the couple can find themselves drifting apart emotionally and physically. This is very difficult for a woman who is still very much in love with her spouse. If you feel that your husband and you just aren’t as connected as you once were, don’t give up hope. Although you may feel that divorce is looming on the horizon, it doesn’t have to be the only option. There are ways to get your husband to fall back in love with you again. Not only can this save your relationship it can actually result in him loving you more now than he ever has before.One of the ways to get your husband to fall back in love with you is to consider how you’ve been treating him recently as opposed to when you two first married. Granted, having children, a career to tend to and bills to pay does change the dynamic of a marriage, but were there any specific occurrences that resulted in you two facing conflict? If a couple argues over something in particular and that argument is never resolved it can lead to all kinds of resentment and negative feelings. Perhaps your husband is still holding a grudge over something that occurred years or months ago. He may not even be aware that he’s doing this. Think back to anything that may have caused damage to the foundation of the marriage and then work to resolve that with him. You may have to compromise on this one issue, but making him love you more is well worth that.Often times if a man feels neglected he’ll start to focus less and less on his wife. If you’ve been pushing time with him to the back burner in favor of doing things together as a family, he may feel less important and that can cause his feelings to change. One of the best ways to get your husband to fall back in love is to focus only on him for at least a few hours a week. If you can do this on a daily or nightly basis, that’s even better. Ensure he knows that you adore him and that you want to spend time just with him. Make him feel special all over again and he’ll start to feel closer to you emotionally again.
Common reasons for divorce – unfortunately, there are many. Even if your marriage is suffering from any of these, take heart in knowing that you can still save your marriage! It doesn’t have to end in divorce!One of the most common reason for divorce is that one spouse falls ‘out of love’ with the other. If this is the case in your marriage, please don’t try to MAKE them love you again by threatening them, or arguing with them. This only makes matters worse. You MAY be able to win their love again, though, and you can do that by making yourself a more loving person!Take a close look at yourself. Look at the way you treat your spouse. Do you find it awkward to give or receive love? Do you find it hard to give compliments, but easier to complain about things? Do you avoid physical contact in public? If you find yourself saying yes to any of these, then you may, in fact, be a hard person to love.Try to be more a more lovable person. Try to initiate physical contact. Be proud of your spouse, and believe in them with all of your heart. Try your best to have a positive attitude, as much as you can.If your way of thinking is that the people who wear their heart on their sleeve end up getting hurt alot, you have to change that thought process. In a marriage, you have to be willing to show and accept love. This is the ONE safe place that you can do that, without worrying about getting hurt!Below is a list of relationship killers, so to speak. Read through them, and, if any apply to you, make a few changes within yourself to be a better spouse. By learning how you may be unintentionally stopping the exchange of love in your marriage, you can learn to save your marriage, and build a stronger bond between the two of you.Never be disappointed in your spouse. Disappointment is a very negative emotion, and your partner will feel it, no matter how much you try to hide it. Always do your best to be proud of your partner. This is one of the best ways to show them how much you really do love them.If you feel that your marriage isn’t what you dreamed it would be, find what is great about your marriage. Marriages aren’t perfect, like they are in movies. This is real life, and real life has its ups and downs. If your marriage isn’t what you envisioned, do what you can to make it that way. Talk to your spouse and see how they feel.Stop having negative feelings about yourself. In order for someone to be able to love you, you must love yourself. Never feel that you are unworthy of love. You ARE! You are an incredible person, and it’s time you started believing in yourself!Always keep your promises. Too many times, people say they will do something, but never actaualy do it. They just never get around to it. If you are one of these people, try your absolute best to change that. If you tell someone you are going to do something, then you simply have to find the time to do it.Some people always have to be right. Are you one of them? No one is right all of the time. It’s OK to be wrong sometimes! How can we ever learn, if we’re never wrong?These are just a few of the most common reasons for divorce. A lot of us are guilty of these things at one point or another in our lives. It’s nothing we intentionally do. But, now that you realize what you may be doing, it’s time to take action to stop those negative actions, and replace them with positive ones.By doing this, you will even find yourself a more happy person, and will have a happier marriage, and being able to have better relationships with others, as well!If you’ve made it this far in the course, you realize that transforming yourself into a more loving, lovable person will take a lot of soul-searching and breaking of old habits.
If you are having marriage problems and you have observed some of the symptoms of depression in your spouse for the past few weeks then YOU should be prepared to take the initiative to get her to get help to help her and to save your marriage. Your depressed spouse most probably is not capable to help himself. You have to understand, though, that this is not an easy task. You will very likely meet up with lots of resistance from them.Dr. J. Prochaska and colleagues identified 6 different stages that a person goes through when they change. Identifying the stage that your loved one is in cab be tremendously beneficial. Matching what you say to each stage will enable you to prod him along to get the help he so desperately needs in a very not pushy way.In this article I will explain the first stage of change, pre-contemplation, its signs, and the proper way to deal with it so will be able to change your bad marriage into a happy one.The pre-contemplation stage is, as the word suggests, the stage that the sufferer doesn’t admit (both to himself and to you) that there is a problem.This might be very hard for you to grasp. How can it be that he doesn’t see how sad he is and how he has changed in the past few months? Is he blind? The answer is that to avoid pain the past, the present, and the pain of having to change our mind plays “tricks” on us and blinds us to what is actually happening and blinds to things that are obvious to every objective observer.Here is a short list of the common mechanisms people use to avoid “looking at the problem in the eyes”:Denial- This means that a person doesn’t see that he has a problem. He really thinks that he is happy, energetic, and upbeat like he always was.Projection and Blame. This mean that when you approach her and tell her that your once good marriage is now a bad marriage and that she caused it to happen because she is so depressed they respond, “I’m depressed? Go look in the mirror and then tell me that I’m down and you’re not!” They project (like a film projector) their state on to someone else.Justification. This defense system is that they agree with the fact that they are unhappy, morose, and sad, but they give a reason for it other than the fact that they are suffering from some tort of a medical depression.Minimizing. This means that the one who is suffering from a depressive disorder admits that he is depressed but only “a little”. A typical example of this is, “I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed. Just a little down lately.If you notices the symptoms of depression in your spouse, you mentioned to him what you feel, and he reacts with one of the above statements, then you know that he is the first stage of depression. As long as he denies that he has no problem THERE IS NO USE to try to convince him to get help. I repeat, “THERE IS NO USE to try to convince him to get help.” He doesn’t see the problem, so your mentioning the problem will either just annoy him or you will get into a fight with him.What should you do, though?1. Validate their unwillingness to go for help. Tell them, “I understand that you feel I’m exaggerating. I’m just worried.” They need all the support that they can get in order to build up the strength to change.2. Encourage self-exploration NOT action. This is the most important thing to remember. The stage after pre-contemplation is contemplation not action. Don’t skip any stages of change. Right now, they are not able to even hear that they have to change doing something. Push him ONLY to into the subject but reassure him that you won’t push him to change unless he wants to.If you are having marriage problems and you (and other people around you) are convinced that your spouse is experiencing a depressive disorder don’t presume or even hope that he will immediately agree to go for help. Just be supportive of him and encourage him to realize that there is a problem. This is the first step to fix your marriage problems.
People say the marriage is the most important decision that I will ever be able to encounter in my whole life. They also say that marriage can make me the happiest person in the world but, at the same time, make me suffer if my marriage is not working out the way I want it to work out.A lot of elders still have the right perspective of what marriage should be and how sacred a union it is, but today, the younger generation do not really look at it the way it should be dealt with. They marry this day then get divorced the month after, making it seem like a non-indispensable union. They make rash decisions and end up feeling miserable and regretting it when it is already too late.I still am not married, but on the constant observations that I have of the married couples around me, I pretty much know what to do and what not to do in order to be able to make my marriage work come the time that I decide to cross the bridge. But then again, as the saying goes, everything’s easier said than done. But even so, being aware of the things that you should and should not do will be able to give anybody a head-start on making his or her marriage work.If it is up to me to save my marriage, here are the things that I am going to do:1. I will start saving my marriage even before I say “I do.” What do I mean by this? Even before I get married, I will make it a point to know my partner well. Of course, no one can really be able to know what a person really is like, but it is a good start. Knowing what to expect is oftentimes way better than not knowing anything. Of course, pleasant surprises are nice, but it is always nice to know what you will be getting into.2. I will make it a point to communicate well with my partner at all times. This is almost a sure-fire way to save my marriage even before the problems come in since open communication lines will enable both of us to feel that we are important to each other and we both respect each other’s opinions and individuality.3. I will always show my love, care, affection, trust, respect, and devotion to my partner. I know that sometimes it can be a very difficult thing to do especially if I am having a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion.I am not married yet, but I want to be sure that I save my marriage now before it is too late.
A trial separation is what most people call a prelude to divorce. Without legalities, couples agree to separate physically for a certain period of time to let them work things out with their marriage. This period is a crucial time for both couples. Marriages are made or broken during a separation.But before you embark on a trial separation, here are a few advantages and disadvantages that you should know about:PROS1. A trial separation can give couples a chance to develop and improve self-responsibility. It is different when you live together; mistakes spouses make can easily be blamed on the other partner. But when you are both apart, you become accountable for your own actions.2. This period can give couples the space and time to clear their heads and get a look at the bigger picture. When heads are hot and tempers are steaming, rushed decisions are most likely made. But with a clear head, couples can now properly evaluate their situation and hopefully come up with a better decision regarding their relationship.CONS1. Trial separations are not ideal for couples who simply want to “take a break” and who are not taking the idea of divorce seriously. Why? Because instead of working things out in your marriage together, you are drawn further apart by the physical distance between you and your partner.2. When divorce is inevitable (especially when physical abuse or repetitive infidelity is involved), trial separations tend to be fruitless.3. If you or your spouse plan to meet or have intimate relationships with other people during this time, then you’re better off getting a divorce than wasting your time.4. If you are unwilling to adjust to make your relationship work then a trail separation is fruitless and a divorce becomes unavoidable.Trial separations are a gray area between divorce and patching things up in a marriage. These times are important and emotionally heavy for everyone involved. If have one, be as encouraging and as reassuring as you can with your children. Make them understand the reasons both of you are taking this “time-off” in your marriage.
What makes a marriage work are the simple things that couples tend to forget as they grow older. I always say that couples should look back at the period just after they got married. You could never say I love you enough could you; the amount of affection between the two of you was intense. There is no reason that should change as you add on to the years of your marriage.Respect is a key component to a happy relationship. The two of you should be able to respect each other and each other’s space. You need to appreciate the value the both of you bring to each other’s lives. You should be there for each other and support each other’s decisions. Your partner should never feel isolated in any situation they face.Be committed and show commitment to the relationship. You should never show any doubts about your marriage at any point. Especially when you are having problems; you need to prove to your partner that you are reliable and can be counted on. Being able to face hardships together is a key feature of what makes a marriage work.Be open and honest to each other. Never leave anything to assumption and you should never assume anything about your spouse either. Learn how to manage your conflicts without overreacting and making things worse. Failure to handle conflicts normally leads to serious marriage problems.If you want to know what makes a marriage work, you could start by being responsive to your spouse. Your spouse and you have a unique relationship and its you who knows what makes them smile or makes them angry. Don’t be insensitive to your partner. This is just a tiny drop in the ocean of the many things that you could do to make your marriage work. You can get further tips from other sources as well.