Maybe it would be better if all marriages didn’t begin with great ceremonies and dream-like honeymoons. Because you can’t get better than that! And it’s not good to start a thing at its best – because, from the best, and the highest, the only place to go is down. And when they go bad, they can go worse.I had such a marriage that had gone downhill since the honeymoon. I did everything to save my marriage and stop my divorce. I tried to talk to him, I begged to him, I cried to him… Then, when those didn’t work, I acted like I didn’t care at all.None of those worked, and my problematic marriage went worse. He had stopped caring about me altogether and I thought it was now just a matter of time before he began to talk about the possibility of divorce.How do you save your marriage from such a situation? Well – I did. Not only a “saving”, also; because my husband loves me even more than he did in our honeymoon. So what did I do to achieve this:Tip 1: Under no circumstances, never, ever, never beg to, or cry in front of your spouse. Here comes the basic law of human nature: If you can’t have something, you’re going to want that something. Let’s rewrite this: The more you beg for somebody, the less he or she will desire you. Which means that you should stop begging at once.Tip 2: You won’t read this tip anywhere else. The notion of a divorce can be scary, scary even for the spouse who actually wants to end the marriage. You can use this to your advantage, but it works only and only if your spouse hasn’t actually talked about divorce to you. This means that he or she wants a divorce, but is scared by the idea. So, what happens when you just “utter” that word? He or she now takes a defensive stance and this can save your marriage!
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Are you on the verge of getting divorced from your spouse, but you want to stop your divorce? And do you think there is nothing you can do to save your marriage, it is doomed forever and it’s only a short time before you actually get divorced?Well, my friend, you couldn’t be MORE wrong if you wanted to. I, having saved a marriage that had stopped looking like a marriage some time ago, can rather comfortably scream into your ears:YOU CAN FIX YOUR MARRIAGE! YOU CAN STOP YOUR DIVORCE!Every marital problem can be solved! Well, not everything, I hear you saying. Some problems like infidelity WILL end a marriage. Well – you are again dead wrong! You can stop your divorce even if the conflict was from infidelity.As I said before, I was in a very troubled marriage with some very desperate problems. I will not go into detail here, but know that my marriage was probably in a worse situation than yours. I was looking for tips to save an ending marriage like mad, and in the meantime I was doing what I could think of. Begging? Crying? Acting like I didn’t care? Even “threatening to suicide”? Well, I do not know what I was thinking. Even if threatening my husband with taking my own life helped me to save my marriage, would I be comfortable with such a situation?Know this, my friend – human psychology drives us to do similar things when we are in similar situations. This is true for our spouses, as well. So, if we perform a certain set of actions, the right actions – the psychological result of these actions on our spouses can very well be that they decide to stop the divorce and continue with the marriage.You can do it, my friend. I do not know whether you are a male or a female, but it does not matter. You can stop your divorce.
When a marriage does not seem to be working out a couple may decide to try marriage counseling. Along with this, or perhaps after counseling has proven to be inadequate, a couple may begin to sleep apart and go about their lives separately. A simple definition of marital separation would be a husband and wife residing apart from each other. But it is often more complicated than that. For instance, if the couple have children, an agreement would be needed to decide which of the children stay with whom and when and how visits are to be conducted.Marital separation is often a prelude to divorce and may even be required by law before a divorce is granted. But separation in itself should not mean that a marriage is going to end. Divorce is still not inevitable and may in fact be averted if the right steps are taken during a separation.Whether or not separation results in divorce, the whole process is usually a painful one, even one of self-pity and dejection. In a way, indulging in such feelings may further bring a couple apart and result in what is feared the most. But there are ways by which to stop this descent.A definition of marital separation need not even have the word ‘divorce’ in it. Separation may in fact be just what is needed for a couple to gain perspective and reestablish a connection, something that may not be possible when caught up in each other. One may have preoccupations that had been ignored and which they would like to focus on at last. As one author has put it, husband and wife are able to give ‘the gift of missing’ to the other person. When one starts missing the other and no longer takes them for granted, this may be what reignites the spark in a relationship.Any definition of marital separation is not sufficient to express the difficulties endured by the parties involved. There may be ways to cope sufficiently with the aftermath of divorce but there are also ways of saving a marriage despite all that has gone wrong. If you really want to work things out, there are ways to get things right again. In a somewhat paradoxical fashion, it starts with being your own person apart from your spouse. If there is any hope to a marriage, this is where it starts.
The courtship prior to a marriage may have been a world filled with excitement and enthusiasm for every day, however, like driving on empty, married couples often find the pace slows down and the routines of everyday life takes over and replaces the feelings of excitement with feelings of obligations, responsibilities, and monotony. Wake-up-Work-Chores-Sleep and Repeat is a simplified view of the typical routine shared by a married couple. Couples often report feelings of being married to a roommate rather than a spouse. The loss of excitement often creates an unhappy situation where one or both spouse become unhappy.To fix and unhappy marriage a couple must first recognize the source of unhappiness is often not particularly their partner. Unhappiness may occur with our own unexpressed expectations of what it means to be married. Communicating to your spouse of your feelings of what it means to be married is among the first steps that can be used to help alleviate the stresses caused in an unhappy marriage. While you may be eager to let your spouse know what is on your mind, part of communication is the way communication is done. Sharing your vision for your marriage will help solidify the bond in your marriage and help relieve feelings of loneliness.Communicating your vision doesn’t mean telling your spouse “you never do ____ anymore” or “you should ____.” A better approach begins with “I like it when you.” Positive reinforcement is only one technique to communicating your vision effectively without nagging, pressuring, or feel as though you are pleading for the things that will improve the relationship for both of you.
When you begin to feel as though your marriage is falling apart it’s a devastating realization. Many women go through this once they start to sense that their husband just doesn’t love them as much as he once did. It’s uncomfortable and disappointing to be in love with a man who treats you with less adoration and love than he did early in the marriage. Many women just blame the shifting dynamic on the fact that kids, the mortgage or their respective careers have impacted things. Granted relationships like this do change over time but you can have a deeply loving and fulfilling bond with your husband regardless of what else is happening around you. There are easy and effective ways of making your husband love you again that can bring the spark back into your marriage all over again. One of the best tips for making your husband love you again is to reinvent yourself. This definitely doesn’t mean you need to go on a crash diet or completely change your hairstyle. It does mean that you need to think back to when you two first married and remember the woman you were then. Consider what your spouse loved most about you back then and then work on bringing those aspects of yourself back to the surface again. Perhaps he loved how driven you were to achieve a certain career goal or he loved how compassionate you were to others. Now may be the time to focus on yourself for a bit by chasing a new career or volunteering. Show him that you are still the dynamic woman he fell in love with.Never lose sight of how much your support means to the man you married. Chances are very good that early in your relationship you were his biggest fan. One of the best tips for making your husband love you again is to make an effort each and every day to remind him of why you love him so much. Sometimes, when a husband feels disconnected from his wife, he’ll stop showing his affection for her. This type of disconnect can occur if he feels she’s drifting away from him emotionally. Show him that you still love him more than anyone. If you do that it may just reawaken his love for you as well.
It’s such a pity that how now most of the marriages end. A marriage is meant to be a holy bond between two people, uniting them until eternity. But nowadays, marriages are mostly troubled marriages, and that trouble leads to divorce.Whatever troubles there might be, if you are married, you should strive to maintain that marriage – because it’s not a come-and-go thing. Yes, there are lots of troubled marriages; and yes, all troubles can be repaired. Relationship and marriage counseling can sometimes be the way to go.Do you think your marriage is going to fail- or are you not sure? Here are some sure-fire signs that your marriage is in trouble:1. Number of fights: In marriages, two people of different genders, with totally different likes and dislikes; live in the same house, so there are bound to be a lot of fights. However – not every day. If you have fights with your spouse every day, it means that your marriage has trouble and is rapidly deteriorating because of all those fights.2. Subjects of the fights: It’s also normal that the subjects of the fights can be very petty or laughable. But if the fights are getting more “fundamental” each time, this is a sign of a troubled marriage.3. Sex life: Sex is the biggest part of the marriage. It, by itself, can ruin a marriage or make it great. And it’s also a good “measuring device” on if your marriage is troubled or not. If sex with your spouse isn’t like what it used to be – say – one year before, your marriage might be heading to some problems. There are no excuses for a tasteless sex life between a couple – when there are reports of people over 70, still having sex with great pleasure.
The old saying, “You’re just not marrying me, you’re marrying my entire family” can be more true than one thinks. On one hand, this could be wonderful; the more the merrier. However, more time than not, this can be dangerous for the couple.Many cultures embrace the inclusion of the extended family in a powerful role with the couple. Relatives may help with childcare, offer emotional and financial support, and contribute with household tasks and chores to name just a few. All of which can be wonderful. However, what if one member of the couple feels threatened by the blurred boundaries and seemingly intrusive presence? This typically will become a point of contention between the couple: one fighting to include their family while the other fights to keep them out. This situation typically leaves the one fighting for the inclusion uncomfortably stuck in the middle between their partner and their family or origin.Many times, struggles with in-laws present at very important, special times. For example, religious events, holidays and birthdays can become hotbeds for the couple to get in a major fights subsequently taking any fun or enjoyment out of the occasions. Plus, splitting your time between in-laws racing around trying to make everyone happy usually makes for a miserable time.Here are a few helpful tips to avoid the potential conflict created by in-laws.1) The relationship comes first: When both partners know that they are the priority and in the number one position, they can tolerate the inclusion of others as assets to the experience rather than threats to the relationship. Verbally tell both of your extended families where your allegiance lie; with your spouse.2) Communicate clearly: Try to discuss both of your feelings about including and excluding the extended family. Perhaps utilizing couples counseling or marriage therapy at this time may prove very beneficial. Many times, when one is able to clarify their feelings and needs to their partner and feel their partner actually hears them, they become more flexible about the situation and can tolerate more.3) Make an over-riding rule: Perhaps deciding that you and your partner will not attend or include either side of the family in important events but instead spend it alone with just the two of you, makes a powerful statement that no sides are being taken and the relationship comes first.4) Divide and concur fairly: Take out a calendar and mark all the important occasions that could potentially include the in-laws. Divide those dates up fairly and send an email to all family members letting them know of your decision. This way they can express their gripes ahead of time and not when the occasion actually occurs.5) Weight the cost/benefit: Including extended family into your lives could be a huge benefit; not only financially, but emotionally. Look at how much money you could save by sharing daycare with a family member instead of paying for it out-of-pocket to a stranger. Also, use of the in-laws to take care of the children on occasion could free up valuable time the two of you could spend together nurturing your relationship.6) And lastly, maybe it’s not about the in-laws: There is a very good chance that this powerful conflict is not about the in-laws at all. Instead, it’s about the couple itself. The old sayings, “It’s not about the trash” or “What it’s about is not what it’s about” are probably true. Seek out couples counseling to get to the core issues of the conflict and improve your chances of moving on from this issue instead of being stuck fighting about something that isn’t even the problem to begin with.In-laws can be both wonderful and terrible. Establish, with the help of your partner, a strong commitment to each other first making sure extended family comes second. Through the strength gained by knowing you are the priority to your partner, you may come to the place where the in-laws are no longer seen as a threat, but instead as an asset.If you would like to learn more about how to strengthen your relationship to handle the various couple’s conflicts that may arise, contact me through my website or blog by clicking on the links provided below.
You’ve had a hard day at work. All you want is to go home to your loving family and relax. You never dreamed you would be faced with wanting to learn how to save your marriage.Things are much quieter than normal at dinnertime, and you are starting to feel uneasy. Did something happen today? Is someone keeping a secret?After dinner, you get hit with it – your spouse has had an affair. It’s all a bad dream – it HAS to be – you’ll wake up soon, and everything will be fine. Unfortunately, this is no dream. This is real. With millions of emotions running through your mind, you are finding yourself sick and drained, and asking how could this happen to us? Many divorces are caused by affairs. But your marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce – you can save your marriage. You can work through this, and your marriage will be stronger than it’s ever been before!First, you both have to talk to each other. Your partner was honest with you about the affair, now you have to be honest with your partner. Tell them how you feel. You may be feeling severe hurt and anger, maybe confusion. Find out WHY they felt like they had to stray. Were they bored? Was it because they felt like they were alone too much? Did they feel like you weren’t paying them any attention?Even though you will likely never forget such a traumatic experience, you CAN learn to forgive them. It was a mistake. We all make mistakes, some worse than others, but mistakes do happen. When you can forgive your spouse, and put this behind you, you will start to rebuild your marriage.When faced with infidelity, wanting to save your marriage is truly admirable. When you know in your heart that the two of you belong together, you CAN work through this.
When my marriage was in an obvious crisis (like yours is now, I presume) I remember it very well that the first psychological reaction I had was to panic and get overwhelmed by emotions. Was it possible otherwise? After all, my marriage, (my life) was at stake. It was too much to be handled calmly… Yet, those emotions were almost going to be the undoing of my married life. You need to intervene at a point to stop your divorce. I will explain.When you think your marriage is ending, your emotions spike up and overwhelm you. In your panic, and emotional state; your first reaction is going to be (as mine was) to beg and plead for them to get back to you; and then everything will be back to normal and how it used to be. This is one of the most damaging things you can do; and you should never do those if you want to save your marriage.The first reason for this is; now that your partner wants a divorce, he or she is fed up with you and this marriage. If you apply more pressure on your spouse in what is already a very stressful situation, this is only going to make them more fed up. This is what you exactly should avoid!The second reason is, even if you think you are sincerely apologizing and begging; your spouse will realize that you are doing this not because you are really aware of the problems and want to fix them, but because you want to stop your divorce and save the marriage. This will very seriously hurt your credibility. So, stay away from begging.Then, what should you do? What did I do to stop my divorce?At the beginning of this article I had told you that what drives us to begging is the panic state and the emotions that overwhelm us. So you need to calm yourself down! Know that you can save your marriage. You CAN stop this divorce from happening – it’s all in your hands. However, to do this, you have to be in the right state of mind to do the right things for stopping a divorce.
Does your wife bore you? Lets see, you loved her so much at first but over time you found out about her bad habits, true physical appearance and her other interest that you may not interested in? Perhaps, over time you have grown farther and farther away from her and then you start questioning yourself to see if this woman was really the right one for you in your marriage?I have always said that if you can tolerate a woman and hang around her more than anyone else in this world, then she can make a good wife for you.Marriages are not always going to be perfect but at the same time if you use a little compromise on both parts and let “each other in” when speaking about new ideas, beliefs and life circumstances, then this could prove to be quite beneficial to you both.A boring wife can be picky, aggravating and sometimes downright ugly to deal with at times. She may make you feel like you just want to dump all of your problems on her and leave it as that. But in fact, the more problems that you put on your wife, then the more that she can create problems for you too as well, in the long run.Learning the methods and techniques to properly save your marriage and take away the boring aspect of it can determine the longevity and strength of your marriage. Before you can save your marriage, you have to understand what you both need and want from each other. This could be the simple essence of sharing time together, affection and sexual interaction. Learning the steps on how to make a marriage work better for you both is a good start to the process of fixing your marriage most effectively.