San Diego State University psychologist Linda C. Gallo, PhD, tracked the health and happiness of 493 women for 13 years. Using blood tests, Gallo found that women with the luck, skill, or emotional fortitude to have created highly satisfying marriages were simply in better health¹.We’ve all heard the scientific evidence, confirmation of our assumptions, and out and out speculation about a connection between a happy marriage and good health.Mortality rates, for example, are greatly affected by marital status. The mortality rate among single men under 34 is about 2½ times higher than that for young married men. Widowed and divorced men over 80 have a mortality rate one third higher than married men. Single, widowed and divorced older women all have higher mortality rates than their married peers.One of the biggest factors in our food obsessed, overly sedentary culture is, of course obesity. The prevalence of obesity in America doubled from 15 percent in 1980 to 27 percent in 1999. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 30% of children and two-thirds of adult Americans are overweight, no thanks to poor diet and lack of exercise. Nearly 2 in 3 Americans is overweight, and more than 50% of those are considered obese. This doesn’t just have an impact on the health care budget, even though obesity costs us nearly $117 Billion dollars per annum. It also costs us in one of the prevalent outcomes of overweight: divorce. Ask any married couple this question, “would you marry your spouse again if you knew they’d be overweight?”. If they’re honest they’ll say no. Too much body mass causes all manner of health and other problems, not to mention it’s just unattractive.No news there. But let’s turn that around for once; is the opposite equally true? Do people who take care of themselves find that their marriages are happier as a result? And is this a self-fulfilling prophecy? Does taking care of ourselves lead to better health, which leads to a happier, more satisfied mate? It would seem so intuitively. It could be that we have it exactly backward; it could be that people who find themselves in a satisfying marriage automatically watch their weight, don’t smoke, drink in moderation, buckle up and in general take fewer chances with their physical well being. This could be an unconscious reaction to knowing someone loves us enough to expect nothing less.Expectations in marriage mean a lot. In my own relationship, for example, it would be an impossibility that one of us would take up smoking. My mate would assume I’d gone ’round the bend; seeing her with a cigarette, I would assume the same. Neither of us drinks very much. We’d no more drive without buckling up than walk into traffic blindfolded. We exercise daily, either walking, biking in the neighborhood, or at a nearby public park. We have an almost daily drill where we compete with each other to do as many sit-ups as we can (she always wins). Our diet is healthier, and, counterintuitively, more satisfying than ever.Recently, we acquired a copy of a cookbook/earth greening manifesto titled Food Matters: A Guide to Conscious Eating², which contains all manner of recipes, food and agricultural information, planetary impact data and health related observations about what we buy at the grocery, cook in our kitchens, and put in our mouths. Food Matters is now our only cookbook. Hint: we keep beans in the pantry at all times, and, yes, Beano®, too. We just feel it’s important to stay slim, healthy, attractive and attentive for each other.The current health care controversy may revolve around a hidden factor here, that those who initially care enough about their own health gravitate to others like themselves, and overall, impact the health care system less than those who abuse their bodies. Anecdotally, those people are likely involved in unsatisfying marital relationships.Speaking of expectations, marital bliss doesn’t necessarily mean sexual satisfaction, but the two are pretty closely aligned. Here are the stats: According to the American Urological Association, overweight men are more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction than slimmer correspondents³. Considering how most men feel about sex and their partners, this is likely a reason to stay slim, or slim down after the middle age spread has begun. Research suggests that Americans do in fact gain about ten pounds per decade on average, and we’re living longer, so do the math. Most divorces in America, too, have as a factor the loss of sexual attraction in men and women. The bottom line is that to enjoy sex longer, and to keep our mates happy regardless, we need to take better care of ourselves. Here are a few tips on how to do that.Regular exercise: How many times have we heard that? Set a timer. Every thirty minutes leave the computer, get on the floor, and do as many sit-ups as you can without strain. In no time you’ll be proud to say you can do 100 sit ups per day, and your tummy will thank you. Your mate will, too. Take a walk after work. Don’t eat dinner till you’ve exercised at least fifteen minutes. Hold hands while walking; it will increase the enjoyment, and it embarrasses your kids, a good thing.Eat less, and eat better. The story about beans? It’s true; they’re the best thing we can eat, full of nutrients, high in protein, low fat, low carb, satisfying, and good if fixed imaginatively, which isn’t hard. (See notation #2). Also, why do we keep eating till every scrap and morsel is gone? Is that mom’s admonition to clean our plates? The cure for this is ridiculously simple: when you’re no longer hungry, stop. The grocery bill will decline, too.Stop with the snacking & grazing. Research suggests that several smaller meals throughout the day is better for us than the standard three squares. A lot of our food habits, indeed a lot of our weight gain problem is pure habit: We’re surrounded by food; we eat by time instead of hunger; we finish everything rather than ‘waste’ it, which is an interesting choice of words when you think about it. By eating after we’re no longer hungry we’re effectively ‘wasting’ food.Don’t nag your mate about their weight. Tough not to, but the habit of mentioning weight gain and unhealthy eating habits creates a spiral toward even more of the same. If weight gain is becoming an issue, look at other factors in the relationship first. Praise is always a slimming agent.Finally, consider that your mate really does love you enough to want you to stick around a long time. Sure, you’re their beneficiary, but that doesn’t mean they want to cash in on you right away. Attributed to various sources, the following quote is appropriate. “The idea is to die young as late as possible.” For good marital satisfaction, this means taking care of our health, and being considerate enough of our mates to do that for a lifetime.¹©2009 Rodale press. Writer Deb Dellapena.²©2009 Mark Bittman.³© 2003-2009 Bio-Medicine.
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Are you one of those wondering what men want in a wife? If you are a wife who wants to make your marriage a little happier or a little nicer for your husband, or if you are a woman who just recently gotten married – here are some ideas about what men want in a wife that might help you in giving your man what he expects you to do.* Men love independent and confident women. They want women who can manage their lives without being too dependent with their man. A woman who can earn for herself and is capable of making money to help him with the finances is also another factor that men in modern times are considering in choosing a wife. A woman who is too fragile and needy is not what men want to spend their lives forever.* Men love to be with a happy companion and a woman who looks at things positively. When men think of getting married to a woman, they think about being with that woman everyday of his life and living with women who constantly complains about just about anything is not an attractive partner in life. Although complaining can be inevitable at times, it would be attractive to men if your being positive and fun outweighs the negative energy in you. Having a positive outlook is a major element in attraction – whether you are attracting a man, wealth or the good things in life.* Men want great sex. It is not just by choice or what. Men by nature have higher libido than women, so they often want a partner in life that is compatible with them sexually. Men most often express love through sex that they tend to look for a woman who can also take care of their needs when it comes to that aspect. Women just have to realize that when it comes to physical intimacies, what men want in a wife is not just sex but great sex.* Men want to feel loved and cared for. Men want to have your time as well. This is especially true when you already have kids, women may tend to be so engrossed with kids at home that they tend to forget about giving even a little comforting hug to their husbands. At times, men want someone to cry on and a shoulder where they can just ‘be weak’ – so don’t forget to also to take some time to pay attention to the man in your life and cheer him up when he is depressed and down.* Men want to be appreciated. If women love the feeling of being sincerely complimented, men and husbands also love to be appreciated for what they give and contribute to building a good family. If men should learn how to compliment sincerely, and women and wives learn to be appreciative of the man in their lives, it would make a lot of difference in relationships. You do not have to appreciate something that is obviously not worth appreciating, but you can find many things to appreciate in your man. You just have to look at the positive qualities rather than picking on his mistakes.* Men love a woman who knows how to listen and understand. Men hate a nagging wife and they appreciate a woman who listens and understands, not someone who barge into the room with all the whining and nagging.When women take time to think about what men want in a wife, it truly can make a difference in the marriage. Although marriage is not a one-way street, you can always initiate a few things to make the relationship running well.
Christian marriage counseling – many marriages go through difficult times, even Christian marriages. Christian marriages have a few different ‘rules’ than non-Christian marriages. When you are in a Christian marriage, you are bound by a set of principles. A few of these are praying together, showing each other nothing but respect and honor, encouraging each other for marital progress, have no extra-marital affairs of any kind, and give many thanks to God for your very special marriage.The Christian faith recommends that you resolve your marital differences and conflicts. If you start to lose faith, this would be considered a sin. Separation or divorce are simply not an option, unless there is extreme abuse.When your marriage is having difficulties, try to talk with your spouse about them. Try to see it through their eyes as well. Sometimes this will help you to see things in a different light, and in a way you haven’t seen before, thus helping to to fix the problem.You should talk to your Pastor. Christian Pastors know many different ways to help solve differences, and can give you many different pieces of advice that can help to save your marriage.When you are determined to save your Christian marriage, look at your own behavior. If your marriage is suffering from lack of communication, then start to develop communication skills. Spend more time with each other. Be sure to show your deep love for your spouse. This love is what will hold the two of you together, through any crisis.
If you have recently discovered an infidelity in your marriage, the betrayal and confusion you feel can be devastating to your relationship with your spouse and to yourself. Sometimes, the feelings anger towards your spouse are disturbed by self-accusations about what you did wrong. During these times of crisis, relief can be found with the help of a marriage counselor who can help restore and rebuild the relationship.Finding Out About Your Partner’s AffairNothing could have prepared you for this. No doubt you are feeling that your whole world has just turned upside down. You don’t know who to turn to. You don’t want your family or friends to know how awful your partner is. You have assumed that your partner loves you, but you cannot imagine that anyone could love you and do this to you. You want to scream.Suddenly you turn this on yourself and feel that you should have done certain things that you knew your partner might have liked. You should have listened more or been a better sexual partner. Meanwhile your whole psyche rises up to say. “No, this cannot be my fault.” You say to your partner, “How could you do this to me after all I have done for you. It’s not fair?”Then you may want to blame the person who has had the stolen moments with your partner. You may want to scream at them as if they are the cause of your pain and thus excuse your partner. You want to kick your partner out of the house or at least out of your bedroom. Yet you wonder whether this will drive your partner back into the other person’s arms. In short, you can’t sleep, you can’t concentrate, and you can’t focus on the reality but want to deny it and say it can’t be so.So let it be clear to you that you are having some normal reactions to a very traumatic reality that has, in fact, upended everything that you thought was true.Extra-Marital Affair RecoveryIf you had the extramarital affair, you may be relieved that it’s out but feel racked with guilt about hurting someone you do care about. You may be wondering if your spouse can ever move beyond this or will it always be something held over you. You probably do not know what to do about the intensity of your partner’s anger, particularly when it keeps coming up over and over again.Many questions naturally arise. Should you bother with having marriage counseling or does an affair always lead to divorce. Can you ever trust your partner again. Is there any hope? Can you survive the hurt? Will you ever find life together in your relationship if you stay in the marriage? How do you rebuild a relationship after infidelity?Relationship counseling at this point can often be helpful when attempting to resolve your relationship. During the crisis and trauma of an extramarital affair, it is possible for couples to move into an exploratory stage of discovering ways to rebuild their relationship.Marriage counseling can reduce the unhelpful patterns of anger and conflict and begin to create a new story of what led to the affair. The therapy can help partners uncover the primary feelings underneath their rage and to share their feelings in ways that invite the partner’s empathy and understanding rather than triggering defensiveness and counter attacks.The goal of affair recovery counseling is to create new patterns of interaction, promote healing and understanding rather than anger and strife. Engaging in relationship counseling after an affair is one of the first steps to building a new relationship. If both partners are willing, relationship recovery can be achieved and a new relationship can be forged.
By the time most people get around to emailing me or leaving comments on my blog, their marriage has typically been in trouble for a while. It’s so easy to just ignore the problem and hope that it will go away until it reaches a point where you can no longer do that. It’s often only then that folks will sit down, roll up their sleeves, and try to “fix” what hasn’t been working for a long while.The problem with this is that things have often deteriorated to the point that intimacy and empathy are starting to wane. Therefore, your results are likely to be delayed or skewed by this loss. Making this problem worse is the fact that often people will first try to make drastic changes or overhauls to their marriage or to their spouse without realizing two things. First, you can not really and legitimately control anyone but yourself. Second, people generally will greatly resent being manipulated and will only resist you more when you attempt this. So, in the following article, I will discuss beginning to save your marriage by controlling what and who you can – yourself and you own actions.Why Saving Your Marriage Starts With You: As I said before, often in the beginning, you may have some difficulty and resentment if you try to manipulate, guilt, strong arm, or argue your partner into seeing things your way, especially if they’ve been distancing them self from you for quite some time. And, even if you could do this, it really is not the best idea because you would have gotten their cooperation, but their heart is not really in it. This is not a decision that they made all on their own so the likelihood that this is going to “stick” or be lasting is much less.You want for them to be a willing participant in every aspect of your marriage and sometimes this means letting them come to the place that you are at in their own time. Often this takes them seeing that things actually can change and get much better and that the process does not have to feel like “work” or require a great deal of sacrifice or discomfort.So the easiest and best way to begin is to control what you can – which is you and only you. Start by taking a look at your own behaviors. Are you being the spouse that you yourself what want to have? Do you listen more than you talk? Give as much as you take? Make an effort to know what is going on with your spouse and do what you can to lighten their load? Do you show them understanding, appreciation and spontaneous loving gestures on an ongoing basis? If the answer is no or “not enough” to any of these things, then you already know where you need to start.You won’t be able to do a 180 degree turn in one day, but if you make small efforts each day, you may be quite surprised at the transformation that occurs in a very short period of time. Once you spouse sees that things are better without much hardship, they will very likely be much more willing to pitch in.Contrasting Today With Yesterday: When I was in marital counseling, the counselor gave me an exercise that really both shocked me and helped me very much. She asked me to describe myself when I was my husband’s girlfriend. And she wanted to know what it was like in the beginning. I had to admit that, during that time frame, I was outgoing, happy go lucky, enthusiastic, attentive, exciting, etc. After all, who isn’t beaming and giving more than they take when they are first falling in love?Then, she asked me to describe myself as I was now, as a wife. This excise was very hard. Deep down, I know that I was hurried, stressed, overbearing at times, and a whole lot less happy go lucky. But, she was having a hard time pulling this out of me. So, she picked up her phone, took a photo of me before I knew what had happened and pulled it up on her phone. She handed the phone to me and then pulled out a photo of our wedding day. The contrast was striking and painful.I was expecting my husband to feel the same intensity toward me, yet I was not in any way putting in the time and effort that I used to. The counselor assured me that I should not use this exercise as an excuse to blame myself. She was trying to point out that often it’s the circumstances that change more than it is our feelings that change. And, she wanted me to know that I had direct control over the circumstances from my end.Beginning To Take Control Of Yourself And Your Marriage: So many of us make the mistake of sort of floating along with our marriage – like we are holding onto a raft but not really steering it. We’re floating along aimlessly in the sea of discontent but we aren’t able to see this clearly until we’ve floated out and are facing the sharks and the harsh sun. We’re so weakened and tired now that pulling or getting our self to shore is going to be much harder than it needed to be. You really no longer have to live this way.Start changing this by just becoming more aware. What is your day to day married life like and what does it lack? See, you know what it takes to get your husband’s interest to a high enough level that he “falls in love.” You’ve already done it once. But chances are the somewhere along the way, you took for granted that he was yours and that you could turn your attention to other things that are equally as important – like paying the bills and raising the kids. But what we all fail to realize is that if we let our marriage slide, this act and omission is going to bleed into everything else in our lives and then every thing starts to change and corrode.So, identify those things that have begun to slide and take control of them slowly but surely. If you find that the two of you don’t really talk anymore, remember that you are changing yourself and start a conversation. If you feel there isn’t enough affection, start changing things with you and begin demonstrating more spontaneous touching, back rubs, etc. Begin by giving more of what you yourself want. Once your spouse begins to enjoy these changes and sees that the process isn’t really going to back breaking hard work, he will likely slowly start to reciprocate and once you have to people focusing on themselves, then you are really getting somewhere.
It is my parents 63rd or 64th anniversary. I can never remember exactly how long they’ve been married. They have one of those enduring loves that is the source of both inspiration and envy for anyone who knows them. So in honor my my parents – today I am going to share with you my mother’s top three nuggets of advice for long lasting marital bliss.1. “I only have eyes for your father. He is the only thing in the room when I’m with him.” Now this sounds sweet and romantic, unless of course you are also in the room with them! What my mother is really saying is that no one and nothing is, was, or ever will be more important to her then him. Not kids, grand kids, bills, jobs, or any thing else. Now, some might balk about this. Some women in particular might say that their children are their priority. Some might secretly have to admit a career takes top bill. I would say that having watched the might of this relationship all my life, mom is on to something. No one is happy when a marriage is falling apart. NO ONE. So, keeping your honey your number one priority is good for everyone involved.2. “Sometimes communication is over-rated.” What? Upon further inquiry what my mother was trying to say was simple. Seriously be choosy about picking your battles. “It seems to me like now days people feel like they have to vent about every little thing. Your father does some things that really irritate me. However, 99% of the time, I look the other way and never say a thing. I do not nag my man. So, then when it’s important, and I do speak my mind, you better believe he listens.” Ask anyone who knows them. She’s right. My mother does not nag – not ever. She is also right in her observation, when she speaks up, it’s a big freaking deal and she gets the attention she’s looking for.3. “I can’t keep my hands off that handsome man.” As a teenager this was a terribly annoying and sometimes humiliating trait. As an adult, I find the ways they are physically affectionate enchanting and charming. If they are sitting in the same room, they are quite likely to be in the same chair. They always hold hands. She has always got her hand on his leg in the car. I can count on one hand the number of nights they’ve slept in separate beds in their entire 60-sum year marriage. These two take physical intimacy to a whole new level and it’s worked for them. They have been able to keep a physical and yes, even sexual connection into their eighties. Who doesn’t want that?So, here’s to my mom, who says I never listen to her…I think it’s pretty obvious she’s got this marriage thing figured out.
Do you know what the biggest reason for marriages to fall apart is? If your guess is ‘infidelity’, you are right! When a man and a woman get married, two individual lives are bonded for life. So, when one of the couple betrays that trust and gets involved in an extramarital affair, not many people can accept it and continue to live with the betrayer! However, does it really have to end? If you have been infidel and you still love your wife very much, how do you get your wife to love you again and trust that you will not hurt her once more? If you are looking for some save marriage advice to help you get your wife back, read on.Very often, you hear about infidelity involving an intimate physical relationship outside of the marriage but what is little known is that emotional infidelity is also counted as a form of betrayal of the marriage union! In fact, some people would even consider emotional infidelity to be more serious because the cheating spouse has begun to share his/her life with another person who is not the legal spouse. Usually this type of infidelity will also lead to something more physical.Studies have shown that emotional infidelity is fast becoming more serious these days because both couples will usually still carry on with their work and they will get to meet more people other than their spouses. As such, their social engagements become more mixed and they could fall in love more easily.Emotional infidelity is now further facilitated by the introduction of modern technology. The cheating spouse can easily send text messages of love and bond with someone he/she should not bond with. Even physical infidelity is also easier now as couples tend to spend more time apart from each other since most married couples will continue to work.Nevertheless, it should be noted that committing adultery is a personal choice which can be avoided if the person concerned has exercised self-control. Regardless of how many opportunities are out there seducing you, it is still wrong to cheat on your spouse! If you have committed adultery, it is time for you to give some serious thoughts to why it happened.Is there something wrong with your marriage that caused you to stray? Have your desires been sufficiently satisfied? Sometimes it could be that you have some additional needs that are not met by your spouse; be it sexual or emotional. If you still love your wife and you some save marriage advice to win her back, you need to first find out what is broken in your relationship and get that fixed before you proceed any further!So, how do you get your wife to love you again? Definitely, you’ll have to apologize sincerely for your mistake and prove to her that it will not happen again. Don’t expect her to forgive you immediately because chances are, it will not be so simple or fast! It takes time and effort on your part as you try to repair your relationship with your wife. It will take time for you to rebuild the trust that she had for you at the beginning but if you can prove to her that you have mend your ways, you will be able to get her back. Give her some time and space to get over the hurt you have caused her.At the same time, you have to be absolutely sure that it will not happen again as she will definitely not trust you again if you cheat on her a second time! Finding out about your infidelity is a devastating experience for your wife but if you want to win her back, you will have to apply the save marriage advice above. Only then will your question of ‘how do you get your wife to love you again’ be solved.
If your marriage is shaky and crumbling, you are, no doubt, seeking help for troubled marriage. It is not unusual for couples to encounter roadblocks in the course of their marriage but unfortunately some of them just go through the motions with an indifferent approach which leads to separation and eventually divorcing. If you both are currently stressed with issues and don’t like things to go out of hand to the point of splitting apart, you need to take right steps at right time.The first pieces of advice for couples seeking help for troubled marriage is that they begin by working out the major issues you two are struggling with. Often, the reasons for marriages to run into problems are petty issues that escalate into serious troubles over time. Actually, this is the natural consequence when none of the partners are willing to compromise leading the relationship to take its own course.Help for Troubled MarriageHelp for troubled marriage is not hard to find and there are lots of them built into your relationship itself but the trouble with warring couples is that they are selectively blind to constructive steps. The best step forward in these cases is to decide not to argue and fight from the next incidence onwards and keeping mum even in the face of shouting spouse. Your silence doesn’t mean defeat to you but highlights your patience as long as you can begin to think with a positive and unbiased state of mind.I have seen many couples turning to Christian marriage counseling and returning successful, thanks to the counselors’ unbiased viewpoint and honest assistance to get along together.The warring couples must realize that, it will be possible for them to keep their dreams alive only in a happy marriage. They can make better use of the time and money spent in the divorce courts. If marriages are not in trouble, couples will be able to provide a safe and proper upbringing to their children. The trauma the children suffer from divorce of parents often leaves them groping to gain back confidence. It is specifically this set of reasons why marriage counselors highlight when you seek help for troubled marriage.Surely, failed marriages have left thousands of families wrecked both financially and mentally particularly if the trouble starts after 8-10 years of marriage because that is when the couples are usually have lots of financial commitments. The real help for troubled marriage starts only when one of the partners takes the initiative to save it without being egoistic.Let me ask a question – If there was help for trouble marriage definitely available, would you consider it.