You probably don’t need me to tell you that arguments are unhealthy. Clearing the air is fine, telling each other how you feel is fine. Arguing isn’t. If you feel the need to argue with your partner on a regular basis, it usually means frustration has built up to a point where you don’t feel you can communicate in a calm and rational manner.Do you find that during these arguments, you say things you don’t mean? Do you bring up irrelevant issues and events from the past? Do you find that after the argument you have to keep away from your partner for a while, maybe days at a time? If the answer is ‘yes’ to these questions then your marriage is not in a good place and it’s up to you both to take action to fix it. That is, if you want to fix it. As you are here reading this article, there’s a good chance you do, and even if you don’t – you probably want to move forward from this negative place you’re currently in. Whether that is individually, or as a couple is something you are going to have to find out. How you do that is completely up to you. Perhaps now is the time to reflect on the marriage as a whole and analyze the exact areas that are contributing to it currently being unhappy.It’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue living in an unhappy marriage or if you are going to take action and move forward.
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Are you in a marriage that is smothering you? Do you feel there is no way out? Do you feel trapped? You are not alone. There are millions of married people who feel stuck in their situation and that there is no way they can leave the marriage or find happiness.While the best marriages are partnerships that involve friendship, love, respect, even freedom, the bad marriage often lacks one or more of these ingredients and that is why it isn’t working. To further complicate the matter, there may be financial reasons why you can’t leave. Women and men also often stay in a bad marriage for the sake of their children.The amazing thing is that when I have asked my clients who felt they were in a bad marriage what they wanted, they would reply that they didn’t want to be married or with that person, but failed to tell me what they really wanted. One of the prime ingredients for a bad marriage and feeling trapped is that one or both parties don’t really know what they want, they just know what they don’t want.If you don’t think that is true, just look at how many people finally get out of a bad marriage and are still unhappy or enter into another bad relationship. The problems in these troubled unions often run deeper than just a personality conflict. While the problem you have with your spouse is real, there may also be another underlying cause that is making you unhappy.You may be so focused on the marriage that another big problem is going unnoticed. I am talking about knowing your self and your true feelings. Getting out of a marriage or changing the dynamics of a marriage is a big life change. Are you really ready for a life changing event? Here is how to prepare to change your life. I like to call it the Life Changes Starter Kit, something we all need because sooner or later we all want to change our lives.First of all, you must know what you really want. Therefore, your starter kit must include a way to question yourself at all levels to find the key answer, what you really want to know. While you may consciously and rationally think you know what is best for you, there is another part of you that cannot be denied and must be understood in order for you to find happiness. It is your emotional self, your subconscious mind. The subconscious is where all our urges and desires come from and is very powerful.Many times, the problems we have in life are caused by a conflict between what we want subconsciously and what we think is best consciously. Rational thought and emotional desire can be completely at odds with one another. Therefore, you must question yourself at the deepest level to find out what you want and why you want it. There is also a part of you, deep within, known as the super conscious, that can guide you in any situation.When you know what you want and why, at the deepest and most powerful level, you will be ready to make a change, even to find some way out of an impossible situation.
Deciding who and when to marry is one of the most life altering decisions you will ever make. Getting married is so much more than a change of status on Facebook.There are some important questions to ask yourself and each other before to make this commitment. There are some deal breakers that are worth identifying before you begin.Finances: What are you each bringing to the marriage? How much debt? What are your assets? What are your spending habits?Sex: Have you talked about attitudes toward sex, beliefs about sex, desired frequency, preferences, expectations and fantasies? What are your thoughts on masturbation, pornography etc.?Chores: Who is going to do them? How will you fairly accomplish what needs to be done? How important is a clean house to you?Children: Do you want children? If so, how many and how soon? How do you plan to parent?Relaxation: What do you like to do for fun? How will you have fun together?Drugs: How much and how often do you drink? Do you use illegal substances?Fighting: Do either of you have violent tempers? Have you ever hit someone? Have you ever been abused? Is it ever okay or necessary to hit your partner?Fidelity: How do you plan to remain faithful to each other? What is inappropriate behavior with someone of the opposite sex?In-laws: How healthy are your boundaries? How involved will the in-laws be in your lives? How do you feel around and about each others families and friends?Work ethic: What is your attitude toward work? Where do you fall on the scale between workaholic and lazy bum?Future: What do you think you will be doing in 30 + years.If you cannot or will not talk about any of the above issues, consider that changing your Facebook status to married may end up being temporary. You may find yourself a few years down the road changing your status back to single.
“Save my marriage!” If you are one of those shouting this plea at the top of your lungs then you have come to the right place. This article is devoted to ways that couples can salvage a troubled marriage. The first thing that you should know is that you are not alone. As this article is being written (and as you are reading this right now) thousands upon thousands of married couples all over the world are experiencing the same problems that you and your spouse are experiencing. If only they are as lucky as you are in stumbling upon this little article about how to save a marriage. In pleading, “save my marriage,” you have already taken the important first step in salvaging your relationship and that is to ask for help. The reason why you found this article is because you are seeking help about your problem. Sadly, many couples fail to even reach this stage. This is because many of them are in denial that they are already having problems. The shame comes from the fact that marital failure is considered by many as personal failure. Nobody wants to look like losers right? And no one wants to admit that they have failed. Looking like a loser is an important step in saving a marriage. By admitting that you have a problem, then you can start seeking for a solution. There is an underlying reason for all marital problems and this is what you should search for. The best way to look for it is to recall trends or patterns in arguments between you and your spouse. Try to determine a common issue that sprouts up whenever you two fight. Is it money? A bad habit? A sin from the past? Whatever it is you must find it then deal with it appropriately. Failure to do this step may result in the same issue coming up in the future. So even if you were successful in saving the marriage for now, troubles will likely arise not long after your reconciliation. After you have found the underlying problem now is the time to fix it. Whatever the problem is you must fix it together. After all, it takes two to dance the tango. Either you solve the problem together or do not solve it at all. Congratulations for shouting “save my marriage!” You are on the right track.
There is no way you can have a happy and lasting marriage if there is no trust. Every relationship requires trust, and a marriage is no exception. You have to know that your spouse will be faithful, or else you will be worried every time they aren’t in your presence. Worrying what your partner is doing when you’re not with them will affect your work life and social life negatively.This is a very unhealthy way to live, but what can you do to fix your marriage after all trust is gone? Trust is not automatic, it’s something you earn. So when your spouse abuses your trust, you feel violated and angry.No matter how hard it might be, if you still love your spouse you have to learn how to trust them again. That is the only way your marriage can continue productively. Here are 4 tips to help you fix marriage after trust is gone.1. ForgiveThere is no way you can make a fresh start in your marriage if you do not forgive your spouse. Depending on how hurtful the situation is, it might take you a while to fully let go of the past and forgive them. Don’t worry, give yourself some time and you will get there.2. TalkDon’t expect one sit down meeting to cover everything. This is not a quick fix so it won’t happen overnight. Fixing your trust issues with talking may take some weeks, or months.3. Spend Time With Each OtherTo fix the trust issues in your marriage the both of you have to commit to spending more time with each other. Less time apart will hurt the trust in your marriage further.4. Don’t Be Suspicious All The TimeSuspicion will show your spouse you doubt and distrust them. When you continually accuse your spouse, there will be times when you accusations are wrong. There is nothing worse than accusing your spouse for something they haven’t done. This kind of suspicion will make your partner start to wonder if you feel guilty for your own actions.Overcoming trust issues in your marriage will take time, and cooperation from you and your spouse. It’s never too late to fix your marriage, so don’t let so don’t let nothing stand in your way.
So you’ve just gone through a disastrous and catastrophic event, but don’t give up, you can still save your marriage. There are times when the stress that results from these trying times can feel too difficult to overcome. With proper guidance, you can sail through these stormy waters and save your marriage from disaster.It’s common to feel as if things are falling apart right now as the two of you struggle to deal with what has happened. Some of the hardest examples are the death of a loved one, a terrible accident, or a frightening illness to one of you. You feel like you entire world is crumbling, desperation rears its ugly head.To protect yourself from the onslaught of emotions and drama that is sure to unfold, you must first understand that people react differently to events depending on their personal history. Most generally, men and women will react differently, some will repress feelings while others are more outward and expressive. Understanding that your partner may have different reactions than you will go a long way in seeing how to save a marriage. Never expect someone to react the exact same way that you do.A second thing to know is that when terrible things happen they can bring out the worst personality traits in people. For this reason it’s important to have patience. Patience not only with your spouse, but with yourself, too. If you can understand harmful behaviors as they happen it will allow you not to overreact.It should be stated that these difficult situations nearly always merit a consideration of marriage counseling. Reading articles and ebooks are a terrific first step in the right direction, but face-to-face counseling cannot be ignored.Let’s close out this article by running through a few extra pointers.- Commit to each other early on that you will get through these difficult times together. Support one and other through your valleys and peaks.- Depend on a support team; use friends and family as a crutch that will help you. Find other people who have gone through similar situations, they will be a great source of hope and inspiration.- Find distraction through movies, TV; anything that makes you feel good. Laughter is a terrific ‘medicine.’- Read, read, and read some more. For this particular situation I recommend a book by Travis Sago, ‘The Magic of Making Up’. I suggest you read my review and see if it’s right for you.Immense suffering doesn’t need to end a marriage. It can be made stronger after surviving these hard times together.
The relationship between the wife and the husband can be very complicated to say the least. Failure in understanding the marriage relationship causes many marriages to break up in our society.It is very important for at least one, but preferably both partners in a marriage to understand how the relationship is supposed to work. This understanding will give the marriage the best chance of long-term success.The biggest key to understanding the marriage relationship is a realization of the differences between men and women. Of course, there are clear differences physically, but often we overlook the fact that men and women are different mentally and emotionally as well.One of the major differences that faces the wife-husband relationship is the way men and women solve problems. Men and women approach problem resolution from entirely different angles.When women are faced with a problem, they like to talk about it (often at great length), with other people. They will get together with friends and discuss their problems and solicit advice and input.The reason women like to talk at length about their problems is that this is the primary way they solve the problem.This is very hard for men to understand, because men just think that women like to go too in-depth focusing on the problem. What they don’t understand is that women are simply exploring all the angles and their feelings about each angle, in hopes that a solution will appear.On the other hand, men are far less likely to talk about their problems. Instead, they usually keep it to themselves and think about how they are going to solve it. When they have finally figured out a solution, then they may start to discuss the problem with others, along with their solution to the problem.When it comes to the relationship between a husband and a wife, this difference can become a major stumbling block. He might get tired of her talking on and on about a problem she has, not realizing that this is her way of arriving at a solution.By the same token, she may think he is uncaring and insensitive about something, simply because he’s not talking about it. The reality is he’s thinking about it constantly, he’s just not ready to discuss it until he’s figured out the solution.Another major difference in understanding the marriage relationship is that women sometimes discuss things they don’t really want advice about or help with. They are just wanting to get something off their chest.This is a foreign concept to most men. When men talk about something, they tend to have a purpose in doing so (unless it’s talking sports with other guys). Usually, when men talk about a problem, it is for the purpose of solving it. Most men can’t understand why you would just want to talk about something without saying or doing anything to resolve it.So, the way this plays out in a marriage is that the man will listen to what the woman says, then quickly state a solution to her problem. He thinks he’s done his job and is done with the conversation. To his surprise, his wife yells at him for “not listening” and “not trying to understand” her feelings.Granted, this is a generalization and does not apply in every case, but most of the time it’s true. Most men prefer less talk and most women prefer more talk. And, most women at times like to talk just to vent, not necessarily to resolve a problem.So, next time you are tempted to react naturally during a conversation about a particular problem, stop yourself and take some time to understand where your partner is coming from. This will go a long way in understanding the marriage relationship.
Over the weekend, I got an email from a very upset wife who said that her husband was getting ready to leave her and she felt that there was nothing or little that she could do to stop it. She had seemingly tried “everything” on her end of things and her husband was resistant to most of them. She had eagerly suggested marital counseling, but the husband refused to go, saying it would be a “waste of time.” So, she was left with little but her own desire to save the marriage and she feared that this was not enough. She asked what she could do, on her own, to turn the situation around because she was clear on the fact that she didn’t want to lose her husband. I’ll share some of the highlights from my response in the following article.Accept What Is And Work Forward From That Place: I started out by telling her that if she was meeting resistance and had tried to negotiate and still run into a brick wall, that she had to accept this as her starting point. There is little good in trying to strong arm, guilt, or “make” someone change their mind. This only alienates you from them and gives you yet another point on which you disagree.She did not need to add any fuel to an already raging fire, so I felt that she should stop trying to change his mind because this only made her appear high maintenance, desperate, and needy – all things that likely weren’t going to be attractive in her husband’s eyes anyway and would probably contribute to him only wanting to leave sooner. Instead, I wanted her to agree that time apart, should he chose to go that route, might just do everyone some good. Now, of course, she may have had to stand behind that statement. She may have had to keep a straight face right as he walked out the door. But, she also needed to understand that his leaving or his staying didn’t really matter all that much if the underlying tension and drifting apart weren’t addressed. There were bigger problems at stake then which roof was over his head. And countless husbands decide to come home and work things out once they have the time and distance to clear their heads.Presenting Yourself In The Best Way Possible: Another thing that you need to understand is that what you have right now (in addition to relationship problems) are perception problems. If your husband wants to leave you, it’s likely because he perceives that things are better for him without you than with you. To make him want to stay (or to get him back home, if he’s already left), you will need to change this perception. He must eventually come to see that he’s much better off with you than without you. And, he’s not likely to decide this if you are fighting him every step of the way and telling him that he’s wrong or selfish to want to leave.So, always take a second to think about how you are presenting yourself and how he is perceiving you. Always remember that your goal is to overcome the negative way that he perceives you right now. This may require for you to not say what immediately pops into your head or to put a positive spin on something before you just come out and say it, but taking this one step is vital in turning this around.He has to come to realize that the two of you can still interact and connect in a positive way. This may well not happen overnight and is more likely to be a gradual shift, but it is a shift that needs to happen if this is going to change. In order for this to happen, you must have control over your emotions and you must display this to him. You want to appear strong, capable, and understanding – all at the same time.Addressing His Wanting To Leave You: My best advice is to sort of find a happy middle of median. You want to make it clear that you don’t want him to leave, but you only need to state this once. Your goal now is strengthen your position, not weaken it. If he still insist on going, tell him you are sorry that he feels this way, but you must concede that the break may do some good. Explain that you love him and want him to be happy and if this is what it takes, so be it. You will support him in this decision and will use the time to your benefit also.”Using the time to your benefit” doesn’t mean or imply that you’re going to go out with other people or do things that you will regret. But, you should make the best of it and see friends, work on yourself and display your best self because it’s highly likely that once the dust settles and the quiet kicks in, he will be watching and this is exactly when it’s most vital that you are aware how you are presenting yourself. (Seeing the counselor on your own can be a very good idea. It will support you and it will allow him to see that you are serious about what you’ve been saying.)You want him to see the vibrant, capable woman that he first fell in love with, not the desperate, moping one that would be so easy to give over to right now. At this time, you must act “as if” you already have what you want. This will help immensely toward attracting what you really want and toward presenting yourself as the person (that you are deep down anyway) that is going to turn this thing around.
A sad statistic today is that many couples find themselves living in an unhappy marriage. Advice is everywhere when it comes to dealing with this situation and the bulk of it says that divorce is the best option. If you still love your spouse and keeping your family together is your goal, there is help for you. A person who is living in a relationship that is slowing falling apart can repair it. There are steps you can start taking today to rebuild your marriage and make it stronger than it ever has been before.One bit of unhappy marriage advice that you typically don’t hear is to accept that the marriage isn’t the same as it used to be. If your spouse has been pulling away physically and emotionally from you, it can feel overwhelming. If you still love them and you suspect that they have fallen out of love with you, it leaves you feeling very alone and confused. They may suggest the idea of a trial separation and this may cause you to jump to the conclusion that a divorce is inevitable. It doesn’t have to be. Although you may have the urge to fight them tooth and nail on the issue of a separation, you shouldn’t. Agree to it. Many couples actually find they miss each other so much during a separation that they fall back in love. Give your spouse the room they need, right now. If you do, it will show them that you respect them and that you want to put their needs before your own. This goes a long way towards repairing the relationship.As hard as it may be, try not to dwell on the marriage problems. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly upset. Focusing more on yourself than the fact that your spouse and you aren’t as closely connected anymore can actually help your relationship. Your spouse wants to be married to a happy, fun loving, dynamic and complex person. If you concentrate all your time, effort and energy into the marriage, you no longer are as interesting as you once were. Find your own passions again and show your spouse that you are still the vibrant person they married. Doing this can make them fall in love with you all over again.
Are you constantly asking yourself “How Do I Save My Marriage”? My friend… I feel for you. I called you my friend because I had been in that exact situation only some time ago. Whether you are a male or a female, I know how devastating it can be that your loved one is getting away from you day by day. I know how it feels to see your marriage crumbling.I had tried lots of different things out of desperation. I thought – if acting good to him doesn’t work, then acting bad to him has to work… etc. I thought there OUGHT to be something to save my marriage! I wanted to stop my divorce!So here I am, not only I have stopped my divorce and fixed my marriage but also my marriage is now even better than it EVER was!! I have created a web page to share my tips with you, the troubled spouse, because I know exactly what you are feeling right now and want to help you. Before giving you my page’s link, however, I want to share some tips with you.
DO NOT BEG. Never beg to your spouse. If you have been begging, quit it immediately. You know the most basic law of the universe? The “People Want What They Can’t Get” law? You should also know its translation into troubled relationships: “the easier you can get somebody, the less you will want him or her.” When you beg to your spouse, you are actually getting away from saving your marriage. Your spouse will think that you are easy to get anyway and will want you less.
BE ABSENT. Yes, exactly that. Maybe your spouse has already moved out of the house, maybe he or she didn’t. You somehow have to disappear from his / her eye most of the time. If he / she is still living with you, the best option is just going out somewhere and not returning until night.
LEAVE HIM OR HER ALONE. This goes hand to hand with the first thing I said: Do not beg. Leave him or her alone and you will then be more inaccessible to him or her, suddenly making you more desirable in his or her eyes.