The other day, I received an email from a wife who was now living on her own. Her husband had left their home for what they were calling a “trial separation.” She was a bit panicked because she was not at all ready for the marriage to end but she was afraid that this so called separation was the beginning of the end. She wanted to know how to best handle the situation so that he would come home and they could then work on the marriage. She was not enjoying being separated at all, but she couldn’t get a read on where her husband’s head was or what he wanted. I’ll tell you what I told her in the following article.Understanding Why Your Husband Might Have Wanted The Trial Separation: First off, let’s try to get a handle on why men often want some time apart. I have many of them visit my blog and either leave comments for moderation or email me. They often say that they just want some time away so that they can hear and then sort out their feelings and thoughts without having to answer to you everyday and without worrying about your presence distorting their feelings.Women often worry that a trial separation is just a way for a man to begin to live on his own – and that it’s really just step one of a divorce. This is not always the case. Sometimes, the time apart brings feelings to the surface that were feared gone or were long since buried. Often times, the distance allows him to miss your presence and some of the anger and tension will start to be forgotten and abate. This gives you both time to calm down and reflect on your feelings from a much less volatile place. I know that it probably doesn’t feel like being separated is a positive thing, but if you play your cards right, it can allow you to change some perceptions that might be plaguing the marriage right now.Changing His Perceptions During Your Trial Separation (Step One Of Getting Him Back Home): Often when I tell women that they really have a perception problem on their hands, they don’t believe me. They are very skeptical of this. But, I’ve talked to so many men that I know this to be the case. He’ll often distance himself because he thinks that things might be greener on the other side of the fence – he thinks that he may be better off without you than with you. Obviously, if you want him back, you’re going to need to change his mind about this.And here is where many wives veer off what is the correct path. They instinctively realize that they have to change these perceptions, but often they will go about it in the wrong way. They’ll try to convince him that things are going to change, forgetting that he’s heard these promises before. Or, they’ll try to convince him that his perceptions are quite wrong. They’ll debate. They’ll engage. They’ll slather on a healthy dose of guilt. What they don’t realize at the time is that they’re only piling on negative emotions that are going to be very hard to dig their way out of.You must change his perceptions with your actions – actions that are realistic for you to continue. You don’t want to make false promises or imply things that just aren’t going to happen. Because if you do, he will only come to resent with misrepresentation later. And, he will begin to doubt much of what you say.Beginning To Take The Actions That’s Going To Bring Him Home After The Trial Separation: To begin, take a long hard look at what he loved about you and what is missing right now. I will give you a hint. So many men tell me that their wives do not have the time for them. The kids come first, the job comes second, the house comes third, and he comes last. Eventually, he comes to very much resent this. He fears that you don’t value him or feel the same way that you once did and therefore, his frustration evolves until he begins to feel anger and indifference. He may well voice his concerns to you but you either tell him he’s overreaching or you tell him that you’re doing the best you can to juggle all of the balls that you have in the air.So, he eventually just stops asking. He shuts down. He distances himself from you. Obviously, you have a lot of perceptions to change now. But, having said this, I also must tell you that you should not try to solve all of your problems at this time. Right now, your biggest obstacle is getting him to see that you are willing to put in the effort to make some real and noticeable changes.I want for you to think long and hard about the qualities that he used to love the most about you and I want for you to stress those qualities every time that you interact with him. Now, there is a fine line between doing this and not holding up your end of the bargain. You need to give him the time that he has asked for. You do not want to appear clingy or incapable, but you also need to make every encounter count. Each time you talk to him or are with him, concentrate only on displaying the qualities that he is missing.Now, I”m not telling you to be in genuine or to play games. I’m asking you to play on the attributes that attracted him in the fist place. These attributes are yours. You have always had them. You just need to bring them forth once again so that he can see that things in fact can change and aren’t as hopeless or as set as he thought.
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Unless one of the partners in the marriage is a flippant and frivolous kind of person, it takes a lot of motivation and desperation to call off a marriage, no matter what the duration is or the effects this decision will have on the spouse or the rest of the family. However, if there is intrinsic love and respect for each other, you could still save your marriage and salvage the situation before it gets too late.Though it is critically important to know why the split up happened in the first place, we are not going to talk about it right now presuming that you already have a clear idea what or who is responsible for breaking up your marriage. Let us think more positive and discuss ways to save your marriage, where the most important point to remember is that the intention to save it has to be present in both of you. It is impossible to save your marriage where only you express keenness to repair the damages and the other simply sits back and assesses your progress. In case you see this happening, it is better that you stop further efforts to save your marriage, instead release the person from the bondage.Let us begin where it normally begins when a marriage turns sour: total breakage in communication; disinterest in all activities where you play a role; staying away from any intimacy including sex; shying away from any social interaction; resorting to various types of addiction; staying away from home as much as possible; frequent outbursts of temper – in fact ask any person going through a bad marriage and he or she would come up with more gory incidents. Be that as it may, you somehow sense that the days are numbered when your spouse is either going to leave home or announce the intention for splitting. Ideally, as an intelligent and aware spouse, you should start work to save your marriage at the earliest signal before the snowballing effect starts to show. But even if you blame events on other causes like stress at work, loss of job, death in the family, ill health, a ominous combination of all or whatever, make it a point to keep a close watch on the way things are moving if you want to save your marriage. Here are some tips which have always proved right, no matter what the individual situations are:- Before you start your efforts to save your marriage think and write down the issues which are bothering you. Do not rely on memory and never start any discussion on the subject when one or both of you are in a bad mood. Pick up an opportune moment, preferably when there is no one at home, or somewhere where you can talk without any interruption when you can gradually broach the topic.- Sound positive and express your sincerity of purpose right at the beginning. Make it very clear that you are very keen to save your marriage and this discussion is not to blame each other or pin-point each other’s inadequacies. Try to make this meeting constructive rather than wasting time on trivia.- To save your marriage, discuss issues openly and frankly, without using abusive or hurtful words. Even if your spouse has made umpteen mistakes including acts of insensitivity, carelessness, irresponsible behavior, etc – you do not have to bring up those topics rudely. For example, if excessive alcohol consumption is an issue between the two of you, talk about health concerns more than anything else. If there is a third person who is disrupting the marriage, never abuse or underestimate the other person – in stead, make polite enquiries and ask your spouse abut his or her future intentions, depending on which you could chalk out your future course of actions to save your marriage.- Spend as much time as possible with each other. Invite your spouse to that quaint little restaurant where you have spent many happy hours earlier. The whole idea is to talk and open up your hearts in a peaceful and relaxed environment. This also includes planning a short holiday, where you could be together for a long stretch of time. The touch therapy still works. Touch your spouse whenever wherever just to show that you are there and you care.Forgiveness, patience and perseverance are perhaps the most important tools you need to save your marriage. The critical issue here is not to waste time in wishful thinking or even allowing hatred and anger to build up. It spoils the chances to save your marriage even further.
Every married couple at some point or another feels that the relationship is becoming stretched and thus the parties feel that they are struggling in their everyday lives and find it difficult to cope with all the things that are happening to them. Luckily help is available online.Difficult marriagesAfter the I do’s normal life starts creeping in and maybe there are times where the couple wishes to go back to the relationship before marriage where things looked better. Those however are things of the past and a couple needs to stay together and create a healthy way of living each other’s love with all the virtues and vices included.Whether for small things that you have postponed talking to your partner, money problems, sexual or infidelity issues, feelings are very difficult to deal with alone and marriage counselling services are available online.The benefits of online marriage counselingIt is important to know that help is available when needed, especially in difficult moments. Carrying out day to day chores, dealing with kids’ school assignments, work and stress, finding time for oneself and taking care of your better half are very difficult to juggle, even when serious health or emotional problems are not present. We end up running after time and take the people we love for granted.Online marriage counsellors are available at any time of the day and can be contacted from home, without needing to waste time in driving, finding parking and physically going to another location. You will have the comfort of your own home environment yet having the privacy needed. Both partners can find the right time to talk with the counsellor separately or together with text, webcam or voice chat. You can find better ways of communicating and work out problems together. Healthier marriages are possible and they can be repaired online.
Unfortunately more marriages fail than survive. When a marriage crisis occurs it is often the result of poor relationship patterns developed over time. Before a couple will be able to end the marriage crisis they need to realize that both partners want the same thing, to enjoy a healthy marriage.Marriage crisis will inevitably rear its ugly head at some point in time. The duration and destructive potential can be limited by a couple who recognizes a few characteristics and agrees on their personal commitment to the relationship.When entering into a relationship all is well. Both partners are committed and do their very best to please each other. Romance is in the air and life is good. In time most couples come up against hurdles they haven’t seen before. How they respond to the conflict will determine their success and longevity as a couple.If a couple doesn’t learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts in a healthy and loving way they are doomed to be among the failed marriage statistics. The two most important elements in learning how to handle conflict is the ability to listen and to your partner. Taking the time to listen to their concerns and then clarifying what you heard develops trust and understanding in a marriage.If communication is strained or if there is a history of one or both partners experiencing difficulty expressing their feelings then it may require an outside party to facilitate the discussion. It has taken both of your efforts to get here. One person taking the initiative to make positive changes can make the difference in a relationship. With the proper assistance you will be on your way quickly to end the marriage crisis and enjoy a healthy marriage.
Are you looking for some counseling-inspired activities that you can participate in with your mate? If you and your spouse are not quite sure whether or not you should make an appointment with a marriage counselor, review these counseling for couples tips that could help to put your relationship back on track. Ending your misery and possibly stopping your divorce are not just goals, they are mission critical to your happiness.One of the first things you may want to talk about with your mate when it comes to counseling for couples is the amount of time that you spend together. Many married couples start to grow apart when they stop spending quality time with one another, so it may be a good idea to make a date night with your spouse once a week, or to make it a point to spend at least an hour together every day. You don’t really have to have a detailed conversation, but it’s important to make sure that you don’t take this time to talk about bills or the stresses of running household. Talk about your interests, current and future career goals, or just talk about how happy you are to be together. This will do wonders for strengthening your relationship, and you may not need as much professional counseling for couples once you try this. Remember, you dated and fell in love once. If you forgot what that felt like, you most likely have forgotten to DATE!If you do decide that you want to include an unbiased third party in your counseling for couples, it’s important to pick the marriage counselor together. This will help you and your partner to really take in all the material that you’re getting from the counselor, and when you’re making the decision to see a certain counselor together, there won’t be any resentment in the marriage, since one spouse won’t feel as though they are being forced to participate. Your counselor will probably tell you to do things like waiting until you are calm to talk about an issue, or to write things down when you are angry, so that you will have valid points to bring up when you and your mate are levelheaded enough to discuss the issue. Establishing “safe” zones both geographically and in the language we use is very important. Make sure you counselor assists you in establishing non-judgmental phrases and settings so you can both uncover your core issues, needs, and frustrations.A person’s religious background, goals, and history are important factors when considering a counselor. Most good counselors will help you as individuals as well as a couple. Many couples haven’t reviewed their personal values and a fresh look at you own beliefs about sex, intimacy, passion, romance and how to support and affirm your values is a critical step.A counselor may also require that you and your partner spend some time alone INDIVIDUALLY with the counselor. This way, you will be able to discuss what you are expecting out of a relationship, whether your expectations are realistic, and whether or not your partner is giving you what you are expecting. Then, your counselor may bring the two of you together so that you can talk about your expectations for the relationship and create some real solutions. A person’s needs need to be discussed openly and without judgment. A marriage counselor is an excellent “middle man” (or woman) who can help the two of you understand what you want, need and how to learn to live better and more happily as a couple.You will also find that individual counseling will make a person more independent and stronger as an individual. When there is a co-dependent relationship, this is extremely helpful. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship, a strong, healthy individual is the cornerstone of a happy life.
A few years ago, it was normal to find a twenty one year old who has achieved the major milestones in life; that means that one has graduated from college, is married and has a number of children.Today, many people are pursuing their careers and putting marriage aside up to their later years of life. It is common to find a thirty year old lady, still single and deeply engrossed in building a career. Is this right?Another issue that causes people to get married in their later years is that many parents shield their children from the world while arguing that their children are very young. You may find a twenty five year old man living with his parents who are willing to accommodate him for as long as possible, making their son not to grow up.I am challenged by young men in their early twenties, who are in the army. These men are independent, can make sound decisions and are often entrusted with very expensive firearms. Why then should some parents feel that their twenty five year olds’ are too young to marry?If we allow our children to be responsible from an early age, we will be confident to see them enter into marriage as long as they are above eighteen years old and have met a desirable partner. With a family, people are compelled to work harder in life as they have no other option but to fend for their families.For those focusing on building careers at the expense of marriage, I would like to advise that they take another thought and reconsider their decisions. After all, we all need someone special to share our life with.
I assume that the reason you are reading this article right now is that you want to save your marriage. And I congratulate you for this. Why? Because the reason for the overwhelmingly high divorce rates (87%) is that people aren’t like you and they don’t strive to save their marriages. They merely let go and accept the divorce. But a marriage isn’t meant to be a come and go thing – marriages are meant to last forever, they are meant to unify two people even after death.Unfortunately, I was in this horrible situation some time ago. I know how painful it is – I know that it is maybe the worst thing you have to go through in your life. And it all seemed hopeless, and I was desperate. But in the end, I was able to save my marriage and now want to pass my experiences upon others trying to save their marriages. For this reason, I have made a webpage but before I give you the link, I want to give you some very important advice.What most people (including me) do in these situations is that they want to talk their spouses out of thinking of divorce. Too many times you and I have heard that “communication is the key”, and it is; but the correct method of communication is not by applying pressure on your spouse for saving your marriage. If you think that your marriage is in a serious crisis and it is ending, you are past the talking stage, unfortunately. If you try to talk to your spouse at this stage, it will merely be a form of begging. And begging is one of the biggest mistakes you can do when you want to save your marriage.What you need to know right now is that your spouse is fed up with you, and the marriage. You have to reverse this situation. Trying to talk will make your spouse only more fed up with you. For example, you might want to go out every day and not come until it’s evening. This can make a huge difference when it comes to your spouse’s psychology about you.
We generally have eight types of criticism, each of which is potent enough to destroy any marriage if care is not taken.Internal Criticism: This is the foundation of all other forms of criticism. It starts when you begin to feel disconnected about your spouse actions, reactions, habits, attitude, outlook, dressing, cooking, communication style, family members, friends, job, lifestyles, etc. At this stage, no open comment will be made to anybody about it. It will just be in one’s mind, but it will be affecting one’s reactions to ones mates, unconsciously.Open Criticism: This involves criticizing your spouse to his face, though between the two of you. You may think you are correcting your spouse but you will end up criticizing him or her, for there is a thin line between correction and criticizing. When you correct without love you end up criticizing your mate. Although you may be saying the truth but with the absence of love and respect criticism is not a far fetch. If you want to correct your spouse do it with love, care, and respect.Third Party Criticism: This involved criticizing your mate in the presence of others when your spouse is not there. It is a sign of immaturity and it aids quick destruction of marriage. Irrespective of whom the person you are talking to, there is no third party interference. Criticizing your spouse to third party will increase your bitterness towards your mate.Public Criticism: It involves you criticizing your spouse in his or her presence openly. It may be in the presence of the children, friends, family members, neighbors or colleagues. It is another sign of immaturity and a fast lane to family destruction.Household Criticism: Before a criticism will grow to public level, it will first grow to household level, whereby the spouse has been criticized and chastised in the presence of children and housemaids. This is very common among couples and it is a bad example for the children.Running Criticism: When criticism involves nagging then it is called a running criticism. It means a criticism that has been repeated over and over. It is like a cancer in the body of a family life, it can destroy any home if it is not carefully handle.Habitual Criticism: This is when criticism has become a habit of both or one of the couple; anyone who experiences such attributes has a critical spirit. Nothing moves nor satisfies such individual. They believe only in their own opinion.Counter Criticism: This can become habitual too. It involve a situation whereby the party being criticized becomes defensive or combative, thus seeking means to counter the criticism. When marriage get to this level it is very dangerous as it will go to the last level.Cycle Criticism: This is the most dangerous level of criticism; this involves both partners in a relationship. In the other types of criticism, it may involve one partner that is critical, but in this case, it involves both parties. Although, the other party might have learned to criticize as a form of self-defense from the critical partner, but it ends up becoming his/her habit too. What we have in cycle criticism is criticism and counter criticism. Therefore, this crazy cycle will continue until the more mature among the couple allows sanity to prevail. Thereby deepens the family crises which might eventually consume the home.
Is your marriage on the rocks? If you want to save your marriage, this article will help you. When you are in a marriage crisis, you may feel that you are on your own. You may also feel that all hopes are lost. In order to save your marriage, you need to banish this thought now. Your situation is not hopeless. You still can get your spouse back.Every year, there are more than 2 million divorces. With so many married couples facing divorces, there are more professionals providing marriage counseling services. However, I have seen marriages got even worse because of counseling. One reason is because both parties will usually try to get the counselor to be on their side. This will not solve the problem at all. Apart from this, marriage counseling is expensive. You may not want to spend that much of money on it.Today, there are professionals who offer extensive home courses to help you save your marriage and their results and testimonials are very promising. These home courses are usually very affordable and have produced proven results to solve a broad range of marriage problems.The best thing about these home courses is that you do not need to get your partner to agree to go for counseling, which is a very difficult thing to do. These courses are designed in a way that you can work on it alone and save your marriage.By far, I have not come across a more effective guide on saving marriage than Magic of Making Up. Thousands of couples have saved their marriages and given their testimonials. Check it out from the link below: