When looking for marriage advice for men, you are probably finding yourself struggling to keep your marriage together. Men and women don’t think alike. That’s why we are so attracted to each other, but that is also why we disagree so much.By learning how women think, you will be better able to see why your wife does what she does, and how you can work with her to fix your marital problems before they get even worse.Many times, one partner will do something that the other thinks is terrible. And, because there is such a lack of communication in most marriages, this one thing is very likely to turn out into an all-out war. This is terrible, because the person who did ‘the wrong thing’ probably doesn’t even know what they did!Learn to talk to your wife – not only talk , but really listen to what she has to say. A good old-fashioned, heart-felt talk will work like magic in your marriage. It tells your wife that she IS important to you, and you DO care about what she thinks and feels!When women are hurting, they need to be loved and held. They need to be told that everything will be alright.When men are hurting, they tend to keep it bottled up inside. They don’t show emotions well, and this causes women to feel like they don’t care about what is happening. This may not be true, but that is the way a woman see it.Try to keep as much romance in your marriage as possible. Romance isn’t just for dating – you have to do things to keep it alive in your marriage, too. Romance can be as simple as a little note that tells her you love her. It can be a romantic home cooked meal, with candlelight and soft music.Women also need affection. They need to feel like they are loved and cared for, and they need to be shown. You were probably raised that men shouldn’t show emotion, but your wife needs you to. Even if you feel uncomfortable with this at first, she will see that you are trying. The more you do it, the easier it will get.
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“I want to know how to save my marriage today.” That’s a phrase that many married folks think about each day. When you feel that the most important relationship of your life is starting to come apart, it impacts your entire life. It’s hard to focus on anything other than what went wrong and what you can do to fix it. If you love your spouse, and you don’t want to become another divorce statistic, there are things you can do, with the aid of your partner, or alone to save the relationship. In fact, many couples come back from the brink of divorce to have a relationship that is more fulfilling and satisfying than it ever was before.In order to save your marriage today you have to start with taking responsibility for your part in the marriage breakdown. Typically when there’s a conflict with our spouse we’re quick to point fingers. This leads to resentment which can eventually erode the foundation of even the strongest of relationships. You have to own up to your part in the difficulties you and your spouse are currently facing. Tell them that you’re sorry and also make a concerted effort to improve on the things that you’ve done that hurt the relationship. Don’t make a big announcement about how you’ll be different, just do it. Compromise is key to keeping your marriage together, so learn how to shift your stance on important issues sometimes, so there’s less stress between you two.You’ve also got to start seeing your partner in a new light. When we are having problems with our spouse, one of the ways we express that is through talking negatively about them. We may do it to ourselves or to others. If you continually do this it will impact how you feel about your partner and it will show to them. You need to start thinking of them in a more positive light, starting today. Don’t focus on their negative attributes anymore. Just look at what you love most about them and celebrate that. It won’t take long until they notice the shift in you and they’ll start doing the same.
Six steps of my marriage counseling processes are reviewed; the various qualities of being a marriage counselor, a psychologist, a life coach and a relationship advice provider are outlined.Step # 1: I ask to speak loud and clear; to lay the problems on the table. I want to fully understand as quickly as possible. Describing a recent fight in detail often helps partners begin to identify core problems. Most couples fight about pragmatic issues, laundry or paying bills, for instance, but it’s the emotional needs underlying these tiffs that need my attention as their marriage counselor and life coach. Is it sex? Need for emotional support or career expectations?Step # 2: I help couples to recognize the cause of their detachment to each other and try to identify their inner needs and fears that are not being met. As couples more carefully explore the underlying source of their arguments, they begin to realize that the enemy is not the partner but their own unhealthy or too vague communication style. This awareness is the first relationship advice they get. In this step I ask the couple to use “I want”, “I need”, “I would like to have” sentences. Ultimately my questions will uncover their needs, fears or expectations they might have (sexuality, recognition, equality, rejection, failure, temptations) which are driving the negative dynamics of their relationship.Step # 3: I assist couples to articulate their emotions and perceptions regarding their spouses and link it to their own behavior. Both partners have to be non-judgmental while explaining to each other their disappointments. It is my job as their marriage counselor to teach them and keep them listening while a positive feedback process is taking place. This is the second relationship advice they get.Step # 4: The transformation process begins here. Partners realize they’re both hurting and that neither is to blame. As the couple begins to see the negative dynamic as the source of their problems, they become more aware of their own needs for attachment, as well as those of their partner. My part is to nurture the move towards empathy. I’m the psychologist here. Partners can now approach their problems with a less combative mind-set. Sometimes their honesty makes them feel increasingly vulnerable, and my job is to encourage and support them and to help them remain responsive to each other. Here I play the life coach role.Step # 5: Partners create new solutions to their problems by analyzing their past processes and viewing their history in a different light to allow newer, healthier ways to surface while approaching pragmatic problems. At this stage of I do not hesitate to be an active facilitator; I will offer creative ways to get the couple moving in a new direction. This solving problem stage also calls for my qualities as a life coach.Step # 6: In conclusion, I employ my psychologist role and help the couple to reflect what got them off track in their communication and how they found their way back. The therapeutic circle could be completed.
For any marriage to be blissful, couples should understand the 5 phases of marital love. All the phases must manifest in every home, if the home must be a place of love and togetherness.Phase 1 – Attraction: This is what we call face love. It involves accepting the outlook of your spouse and be intoxicated by it. As soon as a man loses interest in the outlook and dressing of his wife, it will affect other phases of love. Both husband and wife should train themselves to be interested in the outlook of their spouses. Everybody should also do everything to look nice, handsome and beautiful.Phase 2 – Emotion: This is what we do refer to as ‘mind love’. It involves giving room for deep affection toward one’s spouse. It is heartfelt love; it’s frequency is always very high before wedding, during honey moon and shortly after the wedding. But most of the time, it doesn’t last as couples begin to take each other for granted. It affects their feelings, and kills the ‘mind love’.Phase 3 – Compulsion Love: It is known as responsibility love. This is the kind that exists between a man and his wife that makes them stay together and perform their duties to each other even when they are no more attractive to each other and affection is gone. This is what remain in many marriages; when it depart from home, there is likely to be separation and divorce.Phase 4 – Passion: This is known as sexual love. It is the aspect that makes the man to desire to sleep with his wife. If it exists between unmarried people, it is call lust. Most of the time wives are the first to lose this face of love. In fact, it is one of the thing a woman lose when she is unhappy with her husband, thereby leading to sexual denial of her husband.Phase 5 – Compassion: It is known as God kind of love or agape love. This love is unusual; it is not base on the outlook, body chemistry, feelings or happenings around us. It is love that is deep rooted in kindness and acceptance. It is a sacrificial love. Unfortunately very few couples got married base on this kind of love; most women based their marriages on emotional love, while men base their on attraction and passion.Please note that all the five phases of love are needed in your home, if your marriage must colorful.
Is that it? The extent of our relationship teaching? Hope for the best…?I have no recollection of being given much more… But then again, I am English, so it might just be that on the other side of the pond things are different. However, having spent well over a decade in the United States, I see no other outlook or course of action here – it’s as if the most important part of our life, after our health, is left to chance; throw the dice and see where they may land.We are certainly given goals, and guidelines; we are definitely flooded with expectations from other people’s opinions and beliefs, traditions and idiosyncrasies; we are happily guided and encouraged to cross the minefield of relationships by people who have usually failed miserably themselves and then expect us to do better, without any coaching that might be valuable.Even those parents or peers who have had successful long term relationships rarely dole out much more than the odd, “You gotta get lucky with the woman you choose”, or “Well, the second I saw your Father, I just knew”. These ‘pearls of wisdom’ can hardly be called guidance. Lovely, perhaps; practical advice, absolutely not.And so we find ourselves, catapulted into our teenage years, exploding into adulthood, without much more than a fairytale or a pop song, a quip or a fantasy to help us out; or a self help book that assumes the world is at peace and everything we do is universally ordained or stable enough to encounter a serious discussion and actually find a reasonable conclusion, which usually is not the case and if it were, then the book would not be needed in the first place – most of the time, conclusions never appear and the problems we encounter simply repeat themselves.And this is why I am such an advocate of the self; of spending time alone; of dealing with the discomfort of self-analysis, of allowing ourselves the time to perform some honest self-criticism; of looking at the truth and seeing it for what it really is, not what we wish it was. This is why I encourage a more realistic approach to life, love and relationships – living in debt is no fun; struggling with another person is damaging; and hoping for the best is not a good enough solution to a universal issue.We see divorcees encouraging their children to marry; we see ill-tempered fathers beating their wives and their children; we see financially challenged families with more offspring than they can afford, financially or emotionally; and yet, we are told that it is our duty to breed, that is why we are here. But all of these common problems are ignored, all of the issues are brushed under the rug, all of the sensible advice and truthful arguments are scorned as negative or impossible to uphold.Would it not be better if we were given some idea of what we were letting ourselves in for before we already took the plunge, before we smashed our lives up against the rocks and had to carry on with broken limbs and and a mind full of conflicting emotions and opinions?If we were warned that long term relationships often face the challenge of infidelity, if we were told that love changes from lustful to deeply in to loving to companionship; if we were given a child for a whole weekend and asked to care for it when we were 20 (or younger), if we were really told the truth about managing our emotions and we were allowed to question why we felt a certain way rather than just accepting it as ‘the way I am’, then we might actually be able to go headlong into a situation with a good idea of what we were letting ourselves in for, we might actually be able to work against and fight off the challenges we face, we might not be so complacent in our relationships (or marriages), and we might stand a chance of finally creating lives that were not over-stretched and under-funded, we might even have great, loving, long term realistic relationships because we had gone in with our eyes open to the truth that relying on another human for our emotional well-being is not the best course of action, that making a lifetime promise at the age of 22 is pure folly, that expecting the best and ignoring the worst is not the best way forward.Yet, we go to therapists that still believe in marriage as an essential, gallant and workable institution, despite the fact that they themselves are divorced, or surrounded by unhappy marriages; even these people, our therapists, are blind to the truth around them and dishonest with themselves and their clients by extolling the virtues of age-old, outdated ideals and damaging mind sets. They should be encouraging a different approach.If we were given the chance, the opportunity and the direction to spend time alone, to work on our issues and problems, to confront those issues and then learn to enhance the good but deplete the bad, to allow ourselves to be happy with ourselves without needing distractions, to analyze the truth we are surrounded by and act accordingly in order that we could see the issues arising and therefore could be prepared for the challenge ahead, then we would no longer need fairytales to make ourselves feel better, we would no longer need to cover up the reality of life in order that we would feel more comfortable about the mess we had made, we would no longer need to have children because nobody loves us unconditionally, we would no longer be riddled with problems that we had no way of over-coming.We are, in this present state of affairs, raised to be a totally confused animal that sees divorce all around yet views marriage as a validation; that watches parents fall apart trying to raise children they cannot afford yet still the need to breed over-rides every logical faculty we possess; that surrounds itself with friends and family yet still manages to feel alone in a crowd, or confused as sleep finally finds us.In this day and age I would offer up a simple quote that would serve us all well; a quote that covers everything we might wish for whilst giving us the chance to rise to the inevitable challenges of life.’Hope for the best; but prepare for the worst’Then, and only then will we begin to become more balanced, capable and unconditional in our lives, our loves and our relationships.
As the economy gets worse, more and more marriages are falling apart. There is simply too much stress to be able to handle, with job losses and layoffs, and the ever constant rising cost of absolutely everything. When couples learn how to correctly handle the stress, and discover how to lean on each other to get through this crisis, they find not only the they save their marriage, but their relationship becomes much stronger in the process!The benefits of having a self help book on marriage are numerous. These books are written by professional therapists who know that a lot of people simply can’t afford to pay for professional help, even though they really need it.It will teach you CORRECTLY how to handle any situation in your marriage that can possibly go wrong. In certain instances, when something goes wrong in a your marriage, and you say or do the wrong thing, it can quickly escalate into a pending divorce.A professionally written marriage self help book will teach you how to control your emotions. Marital problems tend to bring out the worst emotions in us, like anger, resentment, hurt, bitterness, etc. When we act out of these emotions, we cause a lot more damage to our marriage, and fast!When you learn to control those emotions, however, you can deal with these problems in a way that will not only help your marriage, but will also strengthen the bond between the two of you.When trying to fix marital problems, you have to be careful. If you try to fix something and don’t know how to correctly go about it, it is very likely that your marriage will move closer and closer to divorce.
Christian couples facing problems seek the guidance of God. Marriage counseling becomes inevitable for these couples who desperately want to tread on God’s path. Therefore, they need to consult good advisers in this field. Lack of mutual communication with your partner can give rise to problems in your couple. More complicated issues like sex and lies can really aggravate the situation. In such situations, a counselor is mostly welcome.Counselors who are not specifically religious will give you advice, but not those from God’s word. Christian marriage counseling has been the first choice of many couples who wanted to save their marriage. Marriage and family counselors are now available in many churches and counseling centers. They do not only help you to find solutions to your problems. They will also help you to strengthen your marriage and you will be drawn nearer to God.This is what the aim of a good Christian marriage counselor will be. You and your partner will get back together and you will gradually experience God. The priorities of your life will be clearer in your mind. So, you will both be better concentrated on things, which are of prime importance to you.Do not think that time will heal things, and so, you will wait for your problems to vanish away. Do not be reluctant to quickly consult a Christian marriage counselor. It is their job to help you mend things in your relationship.What you may find difficult to do is to persuade your partner that counseling is an essential tool that will help you both. Here, you may even ask the counselor for advice in order to know how you will make your partner agree.
Are you worried that your marriage is going to end? No wonder, with those statistics that an overwhelming majority of all marriages fail (87%). It’s hard to keep your marriage at the best 13%. But most of those failed marriages could have been saved if one of the spouses actually asked “how to save a marriage”. Usually, both sides get “bored” of the marriage and end the marriage by mutual consent. But if one side wants to stop the divorce, he or she definitely can do this – it all depends on your actions if you want to save your marriage.I was personally in such a marriage that was ending. When my husband made it clear to me that he wanted a divorce, I did what most people do in such a situation: I panicked. This does nothing to save your marriage. In my panicked state, I went very desperate and did everything I could think of in a short time scale – try to talk to him, apologize to him and promise I was going to change – when that didn’t work, I began to outright beg him to save my marriage. This is the biggest mistake you can do – do not beg your spouse to save your marriage, never. It will only make you look pathetic and will lose your credibility. It does a lot of harm.Then I realized that because I had panicked and I was very desperate, I wasn’t able to think clearly and was running in circles of begging and apologizing. And I made the decision that made me save my marriage: ”I cannot think effectively, my mind is clouded. Clearly I need some outside advice.”That was the decision I made, and that is the decision you SHOULD make. Stop trying to think of ways to save your marriage by yourself. Seek outside advice. Actually, by reading this article you are already seeking outside advice – which is a good sign that you ARE going to save your marriage. Listen to me – and stop “inventing” ways to stop your divorce as soon as possible!
Keeping a marriage together under normal circumstances is hard work. Keeping a marriage together when your husband is incarcerated is harder. Eighty percent of marriages where a person is incarcerated fail within the first year. This is a staggering statistic. Most women who decide to honor their commitments do so with the best of intentions and do so knowing it will be an arduous task. The complexity of this type of marriage is not to be taken lightly, but with planning, conformity, and an acceptance of your new reality. Incarceration does not have to be a death sentence for your marriage. Realize there might be a stigma associated with your husband’s prison sentence; a stigma that might attach itself to you, if you let it. It is not your job to make others feel ‘ok’ with the choices you have made in your life. What others think of you, quite frankly, is not your business. Your business is to proudly live your life. Stepping into the role of a prisoner’s wife will be an enormous adjustment. Do not make this adjustment more difficult by hanging your head in shame. You will experience a sense of loss when your husband leaves the home, allow yourself the time needed to adjust to your new circumstance. Surrounding yourself with a strong support system e.g. friends, ministries, and support groups will go a long away to keep you sane. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There will be days when you feel like you can’t carry on, but a good support system will help love you pass the pain. Incarceration is not an inexpensive endeavor and these expenses will affect your monthly budget. Bills such as postage costs, calls, visitation expenses, packages, books etc. will add up — quick. Figure out your normal monthly budget. Figure out prison expenses; distinguish your wants versus needs and plan, plan, plan. Being prepared will help minimize financial strains. Staying connected as a family is essential and facilitates your husband’s reintegration in to the family unit. A man in prison is still a man. Keep him as the head of the family. Ask his opinion. Make decisions together, no matter how trivial. Send him pictures of your environment – a changed hairstyle, rearranged furniture, new dress etc. No event is too small. Allow him to participate in discipline of the kids; to participate in their development. Share progress reports and report cards. Schedule calls during homework time. Ongoing familial attachments will go a long way to diminish your husband’s sense of isolation. One of the biggest challenges for a prisoner’s wife is keeping love alive. Your relationship is under new management and will require you to think outside the system. Intimate and honest communication has to be the foundation of your relationship. Letters and calls are dates; prepare for them, savor them. Each word, each action is an offering of the heart. Being a prisoner’s wife will teach you the art of courtship; reminiscent of the days of nostalgic romance where a simple glance or slight touch unlocks the fantasies of your mind. Love is mental. Create rituals only the two of you share. Love is a commitment. Commit to having a boundless love, in spite of the boundaries. Every situation in your life — no matter how bleak — has a silver lining but you will need to mature in to this process to see it clearly. Focus on the reasons you stay. Above all else, when facing a potential eighty percent failure rate, strive to be a part of the minority and take pride in saying to the world – “Not us, not my marriage!”
You’ve probably heard this many times in the past or even in the present. Many married couples have been complaining about a dominating or meddling mother-in-law at some point in their lives or even in their current situation. Marriage counselors agree that this has been a serious issue and one which should be dealt with properly.There’s a common perception of mothers-in-law being meddling and domineering. There are really mothers-in-law who play a major part in their children’s lives that they seem to carry on this role even when their children have already married and are no longer living with them. Although they have a close bond with their children, mothers should know where to place themselves when it comes to the married lives of their beloved children.It’s all right to feel concerned for your child but one has to know her limitations. Being aware that your child is already married and has a family should be reason enough to distance yourself.Normally, it’s the wives who feel some sort of competition with their mothers-in-law. The level of competition is even greater if the husband grew up to be very close to his mother and developed a habit of always consulting his mother for most concerns.Sometimes, it can be hard to accept the situation but if wives stop from comparing themselves with their mothers-in-law, they will surely feel much better. So the question is, is there really reason to feel a little jealous? No reason at all because mothers are different from the wives.Marriage counselors would agree that there are just caring mothers who can’t help but communicate with their children often or visit them every now and then. An effective way for wives to deal with their competitive feelings is to understand that mothers have a natural instinct to be possessive. Wives who have become mothers themselves should realize this. If you are able to accept this fact, then you will eventually let go of those jealous feelings because asking your husband to ignore his mother or asking your mother-in-law to give your husband and your family more freedom can be a tough challenge and may even be impossible to accomplish.On the other hand, too much meddling as in it’s being done intentionally by the mother-in-law is never a good behavior. This is possible for mothers who have become widows or who have no social life. They can just pop up in your house any time which some wives do not welcome. If there’s a serious issue on intrusion, this time boundaries have to be set. Don’t let it come to a point that you will have to let your husband choose between you and her mother.Couples who may be having a hard time dealing with this problem can always seek the help of marriage counselors. This is a good option especially if the husband and wife have already taken every step they can think of to find a solution. Marriage counselors are neutral parties who are skilled in seeking objective means towards solving marital issues.