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The End of Your Marriage Can Be an Opportunity For Growth

Susan never imagined herself facing the challenges of a messy separation. When she and Greg married eight years ago she had thought it was to be forever. But that was before their lives became so complicated. Before the demands of his job kept Greg working long into the evening. Before the needs of the kids filled so much of her day. Before aging parents needed assistance. Before the stress of finances became a preoccupation. Before Greg had gotten involved with another woman. It was that final straw which caused Susan to pick up the phone. Susan wanted to contact the best Atlanta divorce lawyer she could find. She knew she needed to find just the right Atlanta divorce attorney. Susan was taking the all important first step to regain control of her life. She identified several key areas where she could take charge of the circumstances in which she found herself.The first thing Susan determined to do was to obtain top-rate legal counsel. Susan had heard many stories from girlfriends and acquaintances. She knew women who were out-represented by their spouses and who were virtually left with nothing. Susan wanted a legal representative who would boldly speak for her and make her wishes known. She knew that getting someone with her best interests at heart would be not only wise, but necessary. Susan and Greg’s separation was bound to be complicated, what with Greg’s unfaithfulness, custody issues involving their three children, and the division of their substantial financial assets. No matter the cost, she vowed to be prepared, focused, and if necessary, aggressive.The second thing Susan pursued was weekly meetings with a licensed therapist. While she and Greg had tried marriage counseling only as a last resort, Susan realized she could benefit from individual therapy. Susan had been deeply hurt by Greg’s infidelity and felt that she was struggling with trust issues. Additionally, Susan had battled depression in her teens and realized that without professional help, she was likely to face old demons yet again. Susan realized her goal of staying mentally healthy and balanced was not only important for her during the separation proceedings but important for parenting her children as well.The third and final thing Susan focused on was her physical fitness and well-being. Susan had felt the sting of unfaithfulness. She was tempted to judge herself as unattractive and unfit. However, despite many urges to indulge in comfort food and the escape of television, Susan made a priority out of daily work-outs. She began working with a personal trainer who helped develop the proper exercise regimen for her. She understood that keeping physically healthy would be crucial to her adjustment to single parenting. Additionally, she found the routine of the daily exercise brought order to her sometimes chaotic world.So while Susan’s romance did not turn out as she had planned, she vowed to take control of the stresses brought about by the dissolution of her marriage. She pro-actively took charge of her circumstances and began making decisions that would be of benefit to her. She made sure to surround herself with skilled professionals who could help her reach her goals. By identifying her ideals and her potential weaknesses, Susan was able to confidently approach her future.

What to Look For in a Good Marriage Counselor

Let’s say you’ve decided to work on your romantic relationship or marriage and you want outside help. What do you look for?  As a Clinical Psychologist specializing in couples counseling and relationships for almost twenty years, these are the factors that I believe are important in searching for a couples or marriage therapist:1. Are they specifically trained and credentialed to work with couples and relationships?In addition to whatever licensure/certification requirements your State may have, you also want to find out if they have any specific training or certifications in working with couples.  I teach graduate courses in marriage and family therapy in California, and can tell you that many graduate schools will give a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy while only having one or two specific classes on the subject in their curriculum.  And, you can become a licensed psychotherapist in California without ever having had to treat a single couple!Seek out additional, post-graduate training in couples counseling in your therapist. For example, in addition to being licensed in California as a Clinical Psychologist, I have completed and been Certified in Imago Relationship Therapy, one very effective form of couples therapy.  The Imago Certification Program is a rigorous one with which takes a minimum of one year post-licensure to complete and includes training and supervision.2. How long have they been working with couples?As a rule, the more experienced a psychotherapist, the better opportunity you will have to achieve your results in marriage therapy.  I know that there are exceptions to this rule and I have trained some interns who are far superior to many licensed professionals I know. However, what I was capable of dealing with as a couples counselor when I first began my training in 1991 is vastly different than what I am able to work with now.  It is my hope that a good therapist will continue to learn, grow and improve over the time that they practice.  That’s why they call it Practice! 3. Are they strong enough to keep you “safe” during the sessions?Couples enter counseling with very strong emotional dynamics, which they demonstrate (perhaps unconsciously) very quickly to the marriage therapist.  This may involve the expression of anger directly, or may show up more with contempt, criticism, avoidance, finger-pointing and many other ways.  While this is instructive to the therapist, if the couple is allowed to continue in these behaviors, they will continue to damage their relationship.The couples counselor must be emotionally grounded enough and “strong” enough to prevent this from happening in a destructive manner and help the couple to create changes in their patterns of interaction.  How the therapist does this is up to their own training and personality and presence.  Believe it or not, sometimes I have to stand up in session and give my couples a “time-out” which is when being 6’3″ and over 200 pounds really helps!4. Do you feel like they can help you?Your feelings about the marriage counselor and the “vibe” you get from them are really important.  You will be sharing  very intimate parts of your life with this person., as well as spending time and money.  And, the fate of your relationship may rest in your choice of therapist.  Your attitude towards towards your couples counselor will definitely affect how successful the work will be in improving your relationship.This doesn’t mean that you have to actually like everything your marriage therapist says or that you will always enjoy the process of treatment.  I worked with one couple a few months ago who was referred to me by a former student of mine.  At the end of the first session, the husband stated, “I don’t really like you that much, you seem to oversimplify things, and you really piss me off, but I feel like you can help me, so we’ll be back!”5. Do they work in generalities or do they actually work on specific issues and give you specific tools to help your relationship?Couples therapy doesn’t have the same “luxury” of time that individual psychotherapy does.  A couple usually enters treatment because they are in crisis and most likely have been in crisis for a long, long time.  If they don’t feel that they are getting results, that there is some improvement in a short period of time, the couple may not stay together long enough to work through their issues.For this reason, I believe that couples counseling requires the therapist to be much more active and involved than individual treatment does.  We don’t have the same time to build rapport and get to know the couple that we could take with an individual client.  We must identify deal quickly with the primary issues facing the couple.My ultimate goal of couples therapy is to teach the couple to be their own couples therapist.  I teach them a way of looking at their relationship that helps them to be more compassionate and empathic with each other and give them tools that they can use anytime (not just in my office) to make their relationship better. This completes my list of the five factors I believe are important to look for in a marriage counselor.  I hope that it has been helpful for you.  I would love your feedback and to hear about your own experiences in couples therapy.  Please post a comment on this article or email me directly with your feedback. Thank you so much,Dr. Adam Sheck

How to Save Your Marriage – The Right Steps to Take When Your Marriage is in Very Serious Trouble

Are you asking the question of how to save your marriage to yourself every day? If that’s the case, I have some news for you: One good and one bad. Let’s start with the good one: The mere fact that you’re not letting the marriage go away, and you are trying to save your marriage is something I congratulate you for. You are a selfless person ready for self sacrifice. But, the bad news is that you are asking the question of how to save your marriage to wrong person: Yourself. So, why? And what should you do rather than this?I do and you do know that a severe marriage crisis is a horrible thing to be in. It is devastating to see your marriage crumble; and it is so easy to be overwhelmed by your instincts and emotions. And your emotions will tell you to go and do all the wrong things, because you are desperate. Those wrong things are actions such as trying to talk your spouse out of divorce, and when this doesn’t work, flat out begging to save your marriage. You should avoid those actions at all costs. You can be sure that your stance in your spouse’s mind won’t rise when you look desperate and pathetic!This is why I am telling you that you should restrain from asking “yourself” how to save your marriage. Your state of mind is a desperate one and your own answer to that question will invariably be wrong. Don’t allow your emotions and instincts to get the better of you!You should ask the question of how to save your marriage to an unbiased outside source. It made me save my marriage (yes, mine was ending too, that’s why I am giving advice now) and will save yours.

My Husband Doesn’t Love Me Anymore – What to Do to Save Your Marriage From Divorce

What do you do when your marriage is on the brink of breaking up? What can you do to save your marriage from divorce? My husband doesn’t love me anymore is one issue that is bothering a lot of women today. Wrong handling of disagreements and conflicts has messed up so many marriages. When confronted with difficult relationship issues, some women will stop to talk to their husbands, while some will begin to drink and smoke and allow worries to ruin their lives. Perhaps, you are reacting wrongly to the conflict in your marital relationship with your mate; you need to get out of it quick so that you will not become a prisoner to your own emotions. If you feel that your husband doesn’t love you like the very first time, there are simple things you can do to turn the situation around in your favor.One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to go about with bitterness in your heart and against your husband. When I noticed my husband doesn’t love me anymore, I developed the right attitude to save my marriage from divorce. Marriage itself is a battlefield. Your attitude can make or break up your marriage. Your attitude can heal or hurt your relationship; it can make you happy or miserable. There is power in attitude; it would surely determine how far you go. So, your attitude towards your husband will determine how far you will go to save your marriage from divorce.A broken marriage can kill; it can lead to suicide and frustration. It can give you a totally different outlook about life. A failing marriage can make you selfish, unkind and inconsiderate. The moment you begin to say to yourself that my husband doesn’t love me anymore; you must be quick to fashion out a plan to save your marriage. First, you must begin to pray for divine wisdom. Instead of displaying negative behaviors, you should seek the face of God. You must switch off from friends who may give you wrong advice and get the key to turn your marriage from bitterness to sweetness.

Is Your Marriage in Crisis?

Is your marriage in crisis? What would be the signs for this? How would you know for sure if there is a danger? Any marriage can be boring and it is responsibility of both partners to save it.Very important condition is to pay very close attention to signs of danger, to make sure that your union is very strong. Ask yourself a question, “How often do you have sex”? You probably know that having healthy sex life is a must have condition for every married couple.Signs of marriage in crisis is very easy to discover when observe how often does couple have sex? Do you have it daily? How long in advance you have to schedule making love? Is it become as a huge event in your life? Are you still having sex spontaneously whenever you feel very excited about each other?There is a way to fix this trouble. Both partners have to schedule it and take it seriously. Very often you don’t have time to have sex when baby is born. Majority of married couples know how hard is to find time to spend with a partner, when baby required constant attention. Sometimes it is almost impossible to find at least 30 minutes to have quality time together.Very often marriage in crisis doesn’t follow previous scenario. Sometimes when couple has “golden time” they still don’t make love. They don’ hug and kiss each other for no reason, like they did before.Couples in love tend to kiss and just touch each other when passing by. They not suppose to have any reason to kiss each other to cheek or simply hug for no reason. Do you have this moments in your marriage? Do you still flirt with each other or give each other “sexy look” when you feel very excited about your spouse?When married couple loose this simple things, it is very bad sign that marriage can be in danger.There is other very obvious thing that partners must pay attention to. You may say “thank you”, “please”, “excuse me”, to complete strangers much more frequently than you would say to you partner. Be sure this is not a good sign for healthy marriage.Very often partners take each other for granted. Consequently it creates cold relationships between partners. Couple must respect and be very polite to each other by saying “please” and “thank you” when necessary. It also makes right affect on kids if you have any.Once you start seeing this warning signs it is time to start working on them and try to correct them as soon as possible. Jump on these issues, and simply fix them, without announcing and making such a big deal out of them.Try to kiss your spouse unexpectedly. It will make very romantic effect, guaranteed! Always be polite to your partner and don’t forget to use “please” and “thank you” throughout your day. Try to arrange time to make love, it is critical! Try to follow these advices and you marriage in crisis will certainly get back to normal happy life again!

A Bisexual Husband Doesn’t Equal a Gay Husband

If a woman finds out that her husband is bisexual, she is often devastated, and understandably so.  But alongside those feelings of betrayal are  fear and confusion.  She is very often very worried about the future of her marriage.  Does it stand a chance?  Or does her recent discovery about her husband mean that divorce is certain?  She is also probably very confused about their relationship until now.  Her husband has always seemed attracted to her and interested in sex, so how could be be bisexual?The answers to these questions lie in the fact that there is a very big  difference between a bisexual man and a gay one.  A bisexual man is attracted to and enjoys sex with both men and women, while a gay man is only attracted to and interested in having sex with men.  And this difference has a very big impact on a marriage.If a woman discovers that her husband is gay, there is very little hope for the marriage.  Since her husband will never be satisfied with their relationship on a sexual level – although he may love her very much – he will always be looking elsewhere for fulfillment.  And even if he will agree to a totally monogamous relationship, most women will not be prepared to live the rest of their lives knowing that their husbands are not interested in them or satisfied by them sexually.But a woman who has a bisexual husband has a much more hopeful situation.  While the issue of fidelity needs to be addressed, she is still married to a man who is attracted to her physically and sexually.  Because of this, she should not give up on the marriage, and should realize that although it may not be easy, they can work things out and have a successful marriage.

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