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Rituals in a Happy Marriage – Couple Glue For the Two of You

“At the core, what rituals do is, they give you a sense of history, predictability, playfulness or something to look forward to.” – Dr. Carol Bruess, author of What Happy Couples Do.Everyone has rituals whether they realize it or not. Married couples have a lot of rituals, and they act as a kind of glue that holds the union intact, even in good times. Maybe especially in good times. The word ritual in fact, has the same root as the word rite, which is the act that makes us married people in the first place. From Latin ‘ritus’ via middle English for descriptions of ceremonies, the word has a long history with communities and couples. It also gave us the word arithmetic, originally meaning to count, or pronounce noteworthy. From the Encyclopedia Brittanica “Ritual is a specific, observable mode of behavior exhibited by all known societies. It is thus possible to view ritual as a way of defining or describing humans.”All known societies. That means all of us. In marriage, though, the rituals of our daily interaction describe not just the initiation or onset of a new status or identification, but an ongoing behavior that almost identifies us to each other. Think of the Newlywed Game TV show many years ago. Those young, or not so young, couples were asked to identify behaviors of their mates. Then the recently off-stage mate was asked to identify with those behaviors. It was interesting to note how many times couples got it wrong, meaning that one or the other didn’t recognize a ritual as such. Over time, those people will see more clearly the ways those behaviors impact their mate and the relationship.Rituals run the gamut from heartwarming to irritating, and everything in between. Some define roles in the relationship: he takes out the trash; she irons clothes, or the other way around. In some marriages he decides on vehicle matters; she defines the house and its contents. He might organize the vacation, while she sets up child care and the kennel.But the rituals that truly matter in a relationship are the fun, romantic, bonding behaviors that are like the DNA of the marriage. Call it couple glue. Here’s a list of wonderful rituals gathered over many years. They’re loving, fun, even fascinating snippets of creative outreach between people fortunate enough to be deeply in love with their mates, regardless of the number of years together. And the exhilarating part is, they’re available for use by everyone.Love notes–the old standby. Leave them everywhere, and at random. They don’t have to be extensive. In fact, shorter is better. Forget Twitter–write something.A single flower goes a long way.Be on the lookout for casual announcements from your mate such as “I’d sure like to…” Make that happen, and you’re the most romantic spouse on earth.After ‘hello’, say something uplifting and complimentary. “Have I told you lately that I adore you?” is far better than “Did you remember to cancel the paper?” Make it a ritual.Whisper. It’s incredibly romantic, and it drives the kids nuts. Great ritual.Home from work, just snuggle in complete silence for long minutes.Anticipate chores they hate, and do them ahead of time. This is love in action.Nicnames may sound silly, but they identify you. ‘Goofball, Fred, Betty, snuggle-butt, sexpot, honey-bear, there are a thousand of them, a million maybe.Remember their parents’ anniversaries/birthdays/death dates/red letter days.Two words: Chocolate and Port.Call them out of the blue.Carve your initials in a tree. Yes, inside a heart.Guys–open her car door for her. Old fashioned? Sure, that’s the point.Women–talk him up. Men simply love it when wives brag, especially if it’s true.Never share a mate’s deficiencies with anyone.Guys–listen.Women–tell your mate what you want.Guys–no teasing, about anything.Women–no criticizing, just pose ‘opportunities to improve’.Select a keyword. Use it for ‘rescue me’, or ‘I need you to listen’, or ‘I’d rather not invite the Johnsons to dinner because they snipe at each other’. Keywords are handy. My wife and I use ‘fascinating’, as in, ‘The Johnsons are fascinating people, dear’. Guess who doesn’t get invited? Another, somewhat more exciting keyword can signal a desire for sex. The secret there is that every couple has one of these already whether they acknowledge it or not.Rituals are such a critical part of relationships it’s good to identify the ones that define ours. Everyone has them; everyone needs them. It may even be more important to identify those which cause us irritation and discomfort over time–the way dirty clothes are left around, closets in disarray, those after dinner retreats to the den, leaving dirty dishes. Those are rituals, too. They may hold us together in ways we didn’t anticipate, minor irritations that we mention to friends in negative ways. In that regard we ought to turn them around, insert positives in their place, and reap the reward of their impact on the relationship.Maybe the best ritual of all is to simply show gratitude for everything your mate does. Marriage isn’t all sweetness and light, after all. It involves the interaction of two people who will have two different styles in everything from money to sex to clutter, to child-rearing. The best way to steer clear of petty clashes and irritation about those stylistic differences is to find something positive about the issue at hand, and be grateful for the way your mate handles it. Gratitude goes a long way to soothing upsets. It’s a good ritual to acquire in any marriage. Couple glue should be warm and bonding. Great rituals can help make that happen. Remember, ritual sounds a lot like rich.

Want to Save Your Marriage? – Find Out How

Is you marriage in trouble? Do you want to save your marriage? Then you are on the right track by clicking on this article and reading it. As they say, there is no such thing as a coincidence and the fact that you are reading this article right now may have some significance. First of all, you must congratulate yourself from wanting to save your marriage. That only means that you have taken the first important step in salvaging a relationship. Give yourself a pat on the back. Of course it is not right to stop right there. Take the other steps. If you don’t know what they are then this article will be a big help for you.  Next Step: Find the Problem. Now that you have acknowledged that there is a problem in your relationship then the next logical step is to determine what the problem is. Every troubled marriage has a root cause and that is what you should find. One of the best places to look for clues are your differences, the differences that come up every time you and your spouse argue with each other. There must be an underlying theme to all your fights. Once you recall what it is, then you already know the main problem in your relationship. Then it is time to move on to the next step.  Next Step: Fix the Problem. OK, to fix the problem is easier said than done. Sometimes though, the solutions to our problems are right under your noses. The reason why many couples are not taking the necessary steps to solve their marital problems is because either they are too lazy or too scared to do so. Implementing solutions require effort and most human being avoid exerting effort. If only people would be able to fight off the emotional inertia that is stopping them from trying out the solutions to solve their problems then there would be significantly less divorce cases all over the world.  Final Step: The Follow Up. If you were successful in bringing life back to your marriage do not think for a moment that the work is done. In fact, you have only just began. You must stand vigilant never to allow small problem to become big issue. Failure to do this may result in another break up in the future. If you want to save your marriage, then you will be willing to work on it every single day.   If you want to save your marriage then remember these steps. 

How to Know It’s Too Late to Save a Marriage – Unless You Have Stopped Caring, It’s Never Too Late

If you and your spouse are droning along in what you think is a dead marriage, it’s probably time to ask yourselves one question, “Do I really care about what happens to my spouse tomorrow?”. If your honest answer is “No”, then it may be too late to save your marriage. Otherwise, as long as abuse is not involved, then there may still be one little spark left that can ignite your love for one another again. How to ignite that spark is a whole new problem altogether. You may want to try some of these simple tips to ignite the passion you once had for each other once again.1. Stop nagging your spouse. This goes for men as well as women. I think my husband nags me more than I nag him. Nagging will only make a bad situation worse. It’s like you’re picking away at the soul of the other person; eventually if you nag too much, your spouse will tune you out. Instead, you could ask your spouse why they don’t want to do what you are asking them; more than likely it’s not because they are lazy, but maybe they don’t have the right tools or they are waiting for a friend to come and help them.2. Make your husband or wife feel wanted again. Grab their butt when they walk past you, whisper sweet nothings in their ear, or even grab them by the hair and drag them to the bedroom. Whatever you do will make your spouse feel like they are still attractive to you.3. Keep your promises. This is a huge one for me that I always have to make a point of working on. I will promise my husband something and then fall through. He sees this as a sign that I don’t care about him, but something I thought was more important came up. My point here is, if you make a promise, then keep it.

Marriage Problems – Recognize the Common Signs of Female Depression

You had a great marriage but now you have marriage problems. You were happy, your husband was happy, and the children were happy. Then… you gave birth, there was a tragedy in the family, or just all of a sudden out of nowhere, you don’t feel yourself and you don’t act yourself. You started to feel guilty about all types of things, you started eating compulsively, or you just withdraw from things. It is very likely that this is the beginning of depression, and if you want to get better and fix up your marriage problems then you better get help as soon as possible before it gets even worse.In this article I will show some of the common symptoms of depression so you will know to get the proper help.Some of the common emotions that a depressed FEMALE feels (interestingly men have different symptoms) are:Feelings of self blame, guilt, and worthlessness. It isn’t clear if these feelings are symptoms of depression or the cause of the depression. However, for us laymen there is no practical difference. Since they come together with depression, if you experience such feelings for a few weeks, then it is a sign that you are depressed and you need help. This is regardless if these feeling caused the depression or are the result of the depression.Some other common emotions that are telltale signs of female depression are feeling sad apathetic, or frightened.The signs of depression are not limited to a change in mood and emotions. A change in the way you act could also be a sign that you are depressed.For instance, a woman who gets depressed, loses her zest and liveliness and becomes very slow, lethargic.They sleep much more than usual. (As opposed to men who suffer from depression, who sleep less.)They don’t jump into projects like they used to but rather they procrastinate and push off even simple household chores. And when they finally get around to doing what they have to do, they do it much slower then they ordinarily did.Another group of behavior that points towards depression is conduct that is really a derivative of the feeling of worthlessness; they lose personal boundaries, give into other peoples wishes, and let people walk over them. They also avoid all types of conflict (feeling that they have no right to think what they think) and are very afraid of success.Another typical sign of female depression is excessive eating. Here also it is not clear if the binge eating is a direct result of depression or that they binge eat to punish themselves for their mood.Depression causes marriage problems and is dangerous. The good news is that it is also treatable. Recognize the signs of depression in order to get the help you need and fix up your marriage problems and start to life live once again.

Where is the Marriage of My Dreams?

The wedding was awesome. All the love and heavenly feelings made it all seem so surreal. It was well planned and the few parts that didn’t quite come together as planned went unnoticed. Everyone had a ball and just about everyone said it was the best wedding they ever attended. It was a great start to what was supposed to be the greatest marriage that ever happened. Our new family was supposed to feel love and protection and every day was going to be better than the next. Our kids were going to be perfect (not like everyone else’s) and were going to be raised in the perfect environment of love and support.  Nothing was supposed to go wrong. What happened?Don’t confuse reality with plain old ignoranceIf you have spoken to anyone about the let down some couples experience after the first few years of marriage, they probably said something like, “oh, that’s just what happens, welcome to reality.” But marriage isn’t supposed to transition down. In fact, a healthy marriage is supposed to transition into something much better than the first phase. You, like 99% of us, just never learned the basic skills or knowledge required to be married. You wouldn’t be asked to fly a jet liner without training, but since our society doesn’t address marriage scientifically, you just don’t know what to do. It isn’t too late!The three loves: Eros, Familial and AgapeThere are three loves you experience as your marriage progresses. The first, eros, can be simply described as selfish love. It’s the love tied to the physical and is all about you. It is where you feel enamored and even dependent on your partner. It is all about sensuality, sexuality and tit for tat love. Although the sensual aspects of eros can last, the selfishness starts to fall away as you get used to each other and realize all the time in the rack can be very draining and unfulfilling. You begin to get into each other as people and appreciate each others company more; the normal relationship evolves into familial love.Obviously there are grey areas and transitions in marriages. The main point is, in familial love you do not depend on each other for constant reinforcement. Some couples never get past the eros stage and become emotional wrecks because they feel unfulfilled. Their selfishness limits the relationship. Nobody ever told them that relationships mature in a certain manner so they get scared. But familial love is less expecting. It’s the kind of love you feel because it is safe. It is the same kind of love you have for any blood relative. It is a love of acceptance. It is the first step towards the love that we all seek, agape.Agape is the love that we all want, but hardly anyone realizes it is meant for us to give agape love and not expect it in return. Agape is unconditional love. It is the magic everyone seeks and why marriage is so promising. Agape is the unspoken of desire. Those who learn to give love unconditionally are forever in a state of joy since they also receive the agape love in return.You can have the marriage you dreamed ofMarriage needs to be understood and developed scientifically in order to have true success. We live in a cause/effect and free will world. If you understand the effects of certain behaviors you can use your free will to make your marriage better and better every day. Don’t give up. You can have the marriage you want. 

Sure Fire Signs – Marriage in Trouble

The first thing that you should observe when looking for signs a marriage is in trouble is the changes in behavior of your spouse. It could be a change in the communication pattern or a change in their lifestyle. If you and your partner are starting to talk less and less then that’s a warning sign.If you are fighting more and more and failing to resolve these arguments then your marriage is in trouble.If the fights are now about little and petty things then things are probably bad. We all know couples fight once in a while but it should not be an everyday thing.If your partner suddenly changes their lifestyle then that’s another sign a marriage is in trouble. Are they starting to come home late; spending more time away from home on the weekends? Stepping outside to answer their calls or carry their cell phone with them every time they stand up. When they step into the toilet or bathroom is the phone by their side all the time.The time you spent together is also important. I’m not say cling onto your partners arm. But the time you spend together should be enough for you to grow together and understand what is going on each other’s lives. When your partner becomes distant to you then you be worried.Another thing among the signs that a marriage is in trouble is your gut feeling. Because you know your spouse better than anyone, you will always be in a position to sense that something is wrong in your marriage. These are just few indications but you could find out more from well researched sources and be better equipped.

Making Time For Your Partner – Marriage Tips

When you’re married, you often live very busy lives. If you have jobs and kids and other responsibilities, this is even truer. The longer you are married, the easier it is to slip away from one another and from the relationship. This is what leads to many marriage problems, especially in couples that still love one another but find themselves drifting apart.You don’t have to allow your marriage to become another statistic. You also don’t have to lose that exciting feeling you had when you first got together. However, if you want to keep the passion and romance alive, you will have to work for it.No matter how much you love each other, you can’t expect that things will stay exactly as they were in the beginning and the two of you will stay just as madly in love when you’re not making time for one another.In time, people change. The people we meet and the experiences we have in our lives shape and change who we are. This means as part of a couple, you will see your partner change and they will see you change as well.It’s important to be there for one another through these changes so they don’t come as a shock one day when you wake up and realize you don’t know who your partner is anymore. The best way to do this is by making time for one another. Each and every day you need to do something together, eat a meal, talk on the phone or have time together before bed.Making this time for one another is very important if you sincerely care about your marriage and your partner. There is no excuse not to put this at the top of your priority list. When you do, you will build a stronger bond that will remain through anything over the years.

Find Out If Someone is Married

One may require researching on the Internet to find out if someone is married in order to gather sufficient proves for the unfaithfulness of its mate. If you are in doubt about the faithfulness of your love mate then you would have to research on the Internet to find a resource which can help to find out if someone is married or not. It would be necessary to investigate and gather enough information as a proof for the unfaithfulness of your love mate before confronting him and before telling him that he is not faithful. After showing the proof and other details to the person, if you don’t get any satisfactory answer then you may walk away from the relationship.If you have been trying to find out if someone is married or not then you would require doing this investigation undercover so that your mate could not know about it. It would be obligatory to keep this investigation secret because there is a chance that the other person is faithful with you and if he would come to know that you don’t trust him then problems may arise in your relationship. For most of the States the marriage records are considered public and the general public is allowed to access and use these records for legal purposes. However as a precautionary measurement you should first investigate about the rules and regulations of your State which you need to follow while trying to find out if someone is married.Once you know the limitations of accessing marriage records for your State then you may try to locate any resource which can offer you to find out if someone is married by following the legal procedure offered by the State. If the records for your State are public then the procedure would not be tough because for these States you would require researching on the Internet for finding an appropriate resource. After finding the apt resource you would just require paying the charges and inserting necessary information in the resource’s website in order to get the marriage records.Most of the resources which are famous for providing the accurate records to find out if someone is married would be the paid resources and their cost would not be more that $20 if you just want to get the marriage records. However if you need a physical proof like the copy of marriage certificate then you would require paying extra charges.

How Do I Give My Husband Space When I Want to Be With Him? Tips and Advice That May Help

The other day, I received an email from a wife whose husband had asked for “space.” He needed “time to think” and wanted to be able to do so without the wife around as much. Of course, the wife did not know quite how to take this. It felt like rejection. It felt like the first step of breaking up. It felt like her didn’t want her anymore. So, naturally, this made her want to make her presence known that much more. She knew that pushing herself on him when he asked for space might just be the wrong thing to do. However, she was having a very hard time with this. She simply wanted to be with him and it felt wrong to step back. She asked how she could get through this and give him the space he had asked for. I’ll share with you what I advised her to do in the following article.When A Husband Asks For Space, You Should Make It Work For You: There are many reasons that a man will pull away or ask for some alone time to reflect. Sometimes, this doesn’t even have that much to do with you. He may not connect the dots with this though. He may well be projecting his frustration in other areas onto you. Or, he may be having some issues with himself. Other times, he may be contemplating or reflecting on the relationship and may just want to be able to do this without your being there influencing his thoughts. Sometimes, he just wants to broad on his own. Men very rarely want to share their vulnerability with their wife.However, never underestimate silence and distance as a tool that can work for you rather than against you. Basically, you have a choice here. You know that when he’s taking his “space” he’s going to reflect upon you and the relationship, so don’t allow the recent images of you to be those of you arguing and / or guilting or placing yourself in a negative light.Instead, handle yourself with respect and grace. Treat him in the way that you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Make it clear that you love him and want him to be happy, but respect his request and make it clear that you’re going to take advantage of the time also. This doesn’t mean to play games or insinuate that you’re going to act out. This means showing him that you are strong, independent, and capable. Not only that, but that you’ll do your own reflecting during this process.Show Him The Strong And Attractive Side Of You, Not The Weak And Needy Side: It’s so easy to “just check in.” Or to call and text much more than you intend to. It’s all too tempting to keep checking his face book page or twitter or however else you keep tabs on him. Resist this urge. It will only make you appear to be needy and less than attractive. You will again become the woman who is holding on too tight. Stay as busy as you need to be so that you aren’t tempted to do these things. However, make sure that these things that keep you busy are fun for you.Surely there are things that you’ve meant to do lately but just haven’t gotten around to it or postponed because you didn’t want to take time away from him. Well, now is the perfect time to take advantage of this time. Do not sit home and dwell on this. Do not play sad love songs or write painful poetry. Don’t pull out old photos or videos. All of these things will only feed into your feeling desperate and this is not what you want.Instead, focus on things that make you happy, build your confidence and build some peace. Know that this is going to turn out OK, no matter what because you both deserve to be happy. Go get a makeover or new hair style. Make sure he knows that you love yourself enough to care about you as much as you do him.Create Positive Perceptions: He may be having doubts and negative perceptions about the relationship right now, but you can’t control his thoughts. You can only control how you act and respond when the two of you interact right now. And, you want to leave him thinking positive thoughts when he thinks of you. This doesn’t mean that you need to be overly sweet or syrupy nice. He’s probably smart enough to spot insincerity and trickery. But, you are very capable of interacting in a positive way. You ware very capable of showing him the best side of yourself which presents the qualities that he fell in love with. You know how to hold a light hearted and happy conversation with him.Do not present yourself as the wounded on whom he should take pity. Present yourself as the fun loving woman who is pleasant and fun to be around. This will make him miss you quicker than trying to convince him that he’s wrong – which is what many of us do. I know that this might run counter to what you feel like doing, but try to take a step back and think about what’s really best, not what feels right at this time – but what might later turn out to be a mistake.

The Ultimate Keys to Successful Long-Term Relationships

Among all these relationships, the relationship between the husband and the wife is probably the most important one as it gives foundation to the concept of society. This relationship comes into existence with tying the nuptial knot between the wife and the husband, which allows them to share their life later on. It is the responsibility of both husband and wife to take their relationship seriously and to carry out this responsibility, it is very important to have a better understanding between them.A person needs to follow certain rules and regulations as an inseparable part of the society. The society wishes every man to live like respectable part of it. This is because man is the foundation of society it is the basic requirement of a human being as he lives his life here right from his birth until his demise to up hold the image. Many relationships happen to develop in the lifetime of a human being. All these relationships are necessary as all of them have their own importance and significance. It is always necessary for every human being to respect all these relationships.These days, marriage analysis services are available everywhere. This type of analysis is very helpful for the young couples to develop a better understanding towards their responsibilities. These services are also helpful for those young men and women who wish to enter the conjugal life later in their life.Marriage counseling helped to reduce the occurrence of divorce. Couples who have gone through marital counseling generally have ability for tackling troubles they may face together. Marriage counseling enhances your consciousness of possible matters that could impact your relationship. It also proposes you to know whether or not you are really ready for marriage.Entire topics of discussion before marriage should be of values and beliefs, development of conflict resolution skills of each other including sex and intimacy, communication skills, marriage expectations, family ambitions, responsibility relationships, child education, and family finances.

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