I often have people ask me how to tell or know for sure if their marriage isn’t working or is in trouble. I’ve even had people ask me to develop a quiz for them to take to determine whether their marriage is working or not. But, I find that the people who are asking this question really don’t need any quiz and really do know in their hearts that something is wrong. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be on the Internet researching this topic. Because honestly, people in healthy marriages don’t research marriages that aren’t working. Something must be behind this concern and this research. I believe that people often do know the truth, but they want a third party to confirm what they already know. So, in the following article, I will list some signs of marriages that just aren’t working so that you can compare yours and see if any of these descriptions ring any bells.You Notice Or Feel A Lack Of Intimacy (Either Physical Or Emotional): Often the first thing to go in a troubled marriage is physical intimacy or sex. And often people will have all sorts of justifications for this, like: “we don’t have as much time because of the kids,” or “we aren’t as young anymore,” or “sex is not as important in our relationship as it used to be.” All of these may well be valid arguments and they may be absolutely true. But, the physical part of your marriage is absolutely indicative of the emotional part. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it’s generally true that something is wrong somewhere else. The emotional connection is lacking and is manifesting itself physically. Married couples who are very closely bonded and firing on all cylinders want to express these feelings physically and they often will simply find the time. I often answer folks who tell me that they are too busy for sex how much time they find for other priorities in their lives. Because these same folks often find the time for a manicure, round of golf, or other activities that they are simply putting first.You No Longer Have Anything “Real” To Talk About. You May Feel You Have Nothing In Common Anymore: People who write to me and ask whether their marriage is in trouble or not will often tell me that the two of them “don’t really talk anymore.” Often, they’ll find that when they are alone together, the conversation lags or they find themselves only talking about the kids or the shared business or household. Often though, they can often remember a time (when they were first dating or married) that they used to burn up the phone lines and talk for hours, but those days are long gone. I often hear phrases like “it’s like we’ve run out of things to say,” or “we have absolutely nothing in common anymore,” and ”he tunes me out;” or “she bores me to tears;” or “her nagging sounds just like my mother’s and it grates on me horribly.” Truthfully, all of these are a symptom of the disconnect that I discussed earlier. People often feel that they, or their partner, have “changed.” I almost never buy this. Sure, people can change their priorities, their outlook, and their perceptions, but I almost never buy that someone changes the core of who they are or changes so drastically as to be so different that they no longer resemble their former selves.What has happened instead is that it’s the circumstances, not the people, who have changed. Children and jobs make your priorities and the allocation of your time different and this in turn brings about a different outcome in your marriage, but this does not mean that your partner (or even you) have changed who you were.You’re Fighting About The Same Old Things And Can Never More Past It: One of the more easy to recognize signs that a marriage is just not working is that the two of you seem to always be having the same old fight because you are never able to resolve the biggest issues in your marriage once and for all. People who have close and happy marriages are able to navigate and solve their martial problems pretty definitively so that the resentment and anger do not have too long to fester and to continue manifesting themselves to cause more damage. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have to “work” at their marriage. They do, but they are able to keep things in perspective and to work together to get through them for good rather than holding back or continuing to bring up the old, damaging issues that couples in crisis can not seem to move past.The Laughter And Fun Is Gone: You may be rereading what I just wrote or think that I’ve lost my mind, but truly happy families and households place humor and having fun together as a very high priority. If you notice couples who are newlyweds or newly in love and you watch them for any length of time you will see a lot of flirting and laughing going on because they enjoy being together, they bring out the best in each other, and people who are happy in their relationships have a lot to smile about. What’s the point really if you aren’t enjoying yourself and having fun?If you can’t deny that your household has become sullen, take a look at how many fun or lighthearted activities you and your spouse are engaging in. Because people whose marriages are in trouble will often avoid these kinds of activities because they have become awkward and the payoff just isn’t there anymore.If you’ve seen any of these “warning signs,” this doesn’t mean that you’re one step away from divorce or that these problems can not be fixed. It just means that your marriage could use some definite improvement and it certainly doesn’t make any sense to wait to address this. Admitting that their is room for change is the first step toward making things right.
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If your husband has told you that he doesn’t love you anymore and he’s moved out of your home, it’s a devastating and overwhelming situation. Many women are faced with this after years of marriage and for some it seemingly comes out of nowhere. How can a man who was once completely and utterly devoted to you, decide that he loves you but isn’t in love with you anymore? If you’re not ready to throw in the towel and give up on your marriage, there is help for you. Once you understand the best ways to get your husband back you can rebuild your relationship and make it stronger and more satisfying than ever.One of the best ways to get your husband back is to let him go, for the moment. It’s in our nature, as women, to want to fix problems as soon as they arise. If your spouse tells you he isn’t happy in the marriage anymore, you want to sit down and talk about it so you can remedy the situation. That’s not the best approach at all. You have to give him the space he needs if you hope to have him fall back in love with you. He’ll feel more valued and loved if you tell him you understand what he’s feeling and let him go. Just look at it as a temporary separation that will result in a stronger relationship in the end. You’ve also got to focus more on yourself, than on him, during the separation. Think back to early in your relationship and how much your husband adored you then. There were qualities about you that he found irresistible and it’s those qualities that you need to work on now. Become that woman all over again. Your husband wants to be in love with an interesting, dynamic, fun loving woman. If you’ve become stressed or irritable because of all the pressures of being a mom, career woman and a wife, focus more on you, for now. Take some time to spoil yourself and work on improving who you are, as a woman and partner. He’ll notice and it will remind him of why he proposed in the first place. This will help to lay the groundwork for working back towards reconciliation.
“I want to know how to repair my marriage.” That’s a phrase, that unfortunately, many people think or say each and every day. We’re all told that marriage isn’t easy but on your wedding day everything is rosy and it seems as though the bliss you feel will always be there. Once real life sets in though, things do change and you may find yourself left wondering whether or not your relationship can be saved. If you still love your partner and you don’t want to even consider the possibility of divorce, there is help for you.When I was considering how to repair my marriage I realized that I needed to take more responsibility for my actions that were contributing to the breakdown of the relationship. It was easy to point a finger at my spouse and blame them for everything that was going wrong, but that’s not fair at all. If you’ve taken to venting your anger and frustrations in your spouse’s direction, that needs to change now. You have to adopt a more positive outlook towards them. Start each day appreciating everything positive that your partner brings to your life. You need to let that attitude seep through to every part of your life. When you talk to them, show them that you adore them and are thankful to be with them and when you talk about them with others, always be complimentary. Your new positive outlook will have a major impact on the dynamic between you and your spouse.You also must provide your partner a platform from which they can vent their frustrations. It’s often very hard to openly communicate with your spouse because you both are on the attack. If they criticize you, you may feel the need to do the same thing back. Take time each week to sit with one another and talk openly about the issues that are bothering you both. Give each other time to talk, without interruption or fear of verbal attack. You’ll find that you’ll both benefit and it will give you some much needed insight into what your partner is feeling.
God’s plan for your husband is first to love you. He has a very express instruction from God in the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25 to love you. Therefore, one of your daily prayers for your husband is to obey this command. For the virtuous wife, Proverbs 31 and verse 11 tells you that the heart of your husband safely trusts you. God desires that your husband loves and trusts you continually.Your husband should be a strong and courageous man so as to lead, provide and protect both you and your children. To take care of a family in our time is one of the most challenging tasks. No wonder many men have feared to commit themselves to their families. This is not the plan of God. You need to believe God that your husband will stay strong and focused to undertake all his god-given responsibilities.God’s will for your husband is that he lives committed to you as his only wife. Your husband should not be caught in shameful affairs. God wants him to be faithful to you all his life without sharing his affection with other women – or even men. Please bear in mind that you deserve such a husband if you are living according to the word of God.For the faithful and godly wives, the bible encourages you that by your lifestyle, you will win your unbelieving husbands to the Lord. If your husband is not a believer, then know God plans that you join Him in His good agenda – to have your husband born again. Besides the issue of eternal life, God wants your husband to live a respectable, decent and long life.
Let’s be straight now: There are ways on how to save a marriage. But what if one spouse has really made his or her mind up on getting divorced? This doesn’t matter at all – still, there are things that will save your marriage if you do them correctly.How can I say this? Two things: 1. Because I have saved a marriage which was ending by all accounts and there seemed no hope of saving my marriage. 2. I now can think clearly: Your spouse has married you for a reason. But now you are no longer the “old you”, so he or she wants to divorce. Regardless of what anyone might say, and regardless of whatever has happened between the couple (including infidelity), you CAN do things to convince him or her that you are still the old you – and then the reason your spouse has married you will return. It is that easy.But on how to save a marriage, most people go the wrong way. Because they are devastated by their crumbling marriage (tell me about it, I was thinking of suicide), it blurs their mind and they do not do the things they have to do in order to save a marriage; and do things that gets them farther away from stopping their divorce.The list of things that you have to do, and the list of things you must not do (in order to save your marriage) is too long to fit here. But if there is one single advice I can give you, it would be: “Stop Begging and Crying.” Begging and crying does absolutely nothing to get a fed up husband or wife back, it will only make them more fed up with you. So get yourself straight and stop begging.
Many generations ago, marriage was about survival, property, money, securing family dynasties, and pragmatism, not love or sexual intimacy. Marriage remained popular largely because of the stigma attached to sex outside of marriage.Now “love” is the main reason given for tying the knot, but do most couples share enough compatibility, including chemistry, to spend the rest of their lives together?After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, matchmaking, and personality and compatibility assessment, we’ve found that most couples don’t.True Compatibility is Very RareInitially, it can be difficult to perceive a new relationship clearly, as the illusion of romantic love can cloud judgment. Most who plan to get married think they’re a great match, but having life-long, true compatibility including mutual chemistry and mutual physical and sexual attraction is very rare, even among couples that appear to have the perfect relationship.Then you must consider the fact that people evolve (or regress) at various rates, which commonly pulls a couple apart over the course of their lives.When evaluating someone’s personality, we discern an individual’s strengths and challenges. Mix in their unique timing, the compatibility assessments, and idiosyncrasies (physical and, or habitual) that repel instead of attract a potential match, and the level of genuine harmony concerning two people is brought to light.We’ve found that most couples, especially when the relationship begins in their teens or 20s, lack the long-term mutual compatibility that is needed for a life-long, happy relationship. We estimate that 90% or more of couples don’t even come close to the more desirable, higher levels of compatibility, including great chemistry.What about sacrifice, you say? If you love someone, shouldn’t you be willing to sacrifice? Only to a point, as being a martyr isn’t healthy. While it might be considered noble, and certainly a good relationship is worth some sacrifice, too much will make you die inside over time.So What do You do?Are you supposed to just stay single or unhappily involved for the rest of your life?It’s Not Your FaultIf you’ve read the best-selling self-help books and, or attended the popular seminars but you’re still not living the love life you think you should be, the so-called relationship experts aren’t telling you the whole story. It’s their fault. We show you what they are hiding, or don’t even know!It’s Not For EveryoneOur recommendations and advice are not for those who insist on viewing all the romantic myths and illusions (see the next column in two weeks for more information) as truth and refuse to face the reality of relationships. You will benefit from what we have to share if you are willing to look at your love life from a different vantage point.Some of the following suggestions may sound overly-simplistic, but you’d be surprised how few people follow them on a regular basis. Some may seem out of the ordinary, but since our society’s relationship customs aren’t working out so well, we urge you to consider them.6 Tips for a Better Love life1) Be realistic. It’s okay to want the experience of love and romance and even the fantasy of the ideal relationship. But it’s better to allow each possible relationship to unfold naturally and be what it is meant to be. Try not to project your wishes and expectations onto someone.2) Don’t look for someone to fulfill your every need or expect this from a partner. Each person you become involved with entails different reasons and lessons, often unknown to you in the beginning. With the right direction, you can see your potential matches more clearly from the start. Don’t expect your partner to be there for you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually at all times, because they may not be capable of it and it’s not your right to demand this. Developing friendships outside of your relationship and self-reliance will help solve this common problem.3) Try to enjoy each other with no expectations. If you feel insecure about doing this without a “commitment,” you may want to reexamine why, if your reasons are still valid, and how you might be able to overcome your fears.4) Do as much as you can to work through relationship problems, but also accept that most relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, as evidenced by our long-term findings, the high divorce rates, and the multitudes who remain unhappily married.5) If you insist on marriage, make sure you share compatibility including mutual chemistry that you suspect is strong enough to last for the rest of your life (be honest with yourself about this). Waiting at least a few years before getting married is a good idea to ensure that you’re not confusing compatibility, including chemistry, with romantic illusion. Comprehensive numerology, astrology, and handwriting analysis with an experienced practitioner are great tools to define your levels of compatibility.6) If you’re already married or involved in a marriage-like relationship and you’re both truly happy (not just content), you should feel very grateful. If one or both of you are unhappy, consider the restrictions and demands of your legally-binding agreement that may be at the root of this, and investigate ways to improve your bond, such as therapy. Accepting each other as you are (not as you think they should be) and the relationship as it is will also help. If you’ve done all that you can and feel it’s time to move on, it may be.
Did your marriage start out good but now you feel that your marriage is falling apart? Are you looking for a way to restore your marriage to the way that it was, and not just brood about your situation? If the answer to these questions is yes then you should consider the possibility that your spouse is suffering from depression and look for help in that area.Depression a major reason for marriages to fall apart. The reason for this is simple; a depressed person doesn’t see any good in the world, can’t appreciate being loved, and doesn’t show any signs of appreciation. Not exactly the skills one needs to build a happy marriage.In this article I will present 3 signs of depression. If you notice them in your spouse then you should immediately look for ways to help them overcome this debilitating disorder and be able to once again have a happy and fulfilling married life.1. Fatigue, always tired. There are two reasons why depression causes its sufferers to be tired. Firstly, it is a defense system so they won’t have to face the world that is so black to them. When you sleep (if you can) you don’t see anything. Secondly, the lack of interest in everything in their life actually causes physically tiredness.2. Trouble concentrating and forgetfulness. One of the most common signs of depression is the inability to concentrate on even simple tasks. Following simple directions becomes hard, to read a book and follow the plot becomes difficult, and sometimes it is hard to concentrate even on simple household chores. One of the reasons for this is that their lack of interest causes them to be inattentive.The byproduct of this is that they become even more depressed because they feel so incompetent.3. Change in sleeping and eating patterns. This symptom is not limited, as a lot of people think, to sleeping more and eating less. Not everyone who suffers from depression sleeps all day and doesn’t eat. In some people, the depression causes a completely opposite symptom; they eat much more and have problems sleeping.The problem of sleeping also manifests itself differently in different people; sometimes they can’t fall asleep and sometimes they wake up during the night or very early in the morning.If your marriage started of good but now you feel that your marriage is falling apart and you notice some of these signs in your spouse for more than a week or two then you should get outside help as quickly as possible. Depression is a serious and dangerous disorder that won’t just go away. Take care of it as quickly as possibly and begin to live the marriage that you used to have.
If you are faced with the question; ‘what to do in an unhappy marriage? I would answer you quickly and say you cannot be happy in a bad marriage. What you can do is try and turn things around. Turn a bad marriage into a good one; then you can be happy. I will mention a few ways you could go about in turning your relationship around.I’m sure there was a time when things were alright in your marriage. Then the time when things started going wrong you thought maybe it was just a phase and you would get past it. But here you are asking yourself how did things get this far? Don’t worry your ship is not sinking yet. You can still be happy in your marriage.You need to start talking with your partner because chances are you are not talking to each other. You are most probably engaged in a cold war. Take the first step and bring up the issue with your spouse. You first need to both agree there is a problem and that you are both prepared to try and fix it. Effective communication is top of the list if you want to know what to do in an unhappy marriage.Secondly you need to make sure that it’s all brought out. All the issues that are bothering the both of you; they need to made very clear. Resolve these issues and move on. Respect your spouse’s feelings; do not rush to be defensive. Let them voice out their feelings and listen to their side of the story.Lastly if you need help; do seek it. There is lots material that discusses what to do in an unhappy marriage in greater detail and you are welcome to widen your research.
In your marriage, did you discover you and your wife or husband are consistently arguing? You must sometimes wonder the twinkle that you had for one another during the beginning of your marriage. Are you troubled that sooner or later you might have to get a divorce? This article will give you some facts you can use and a resource for the best way to save your marriage starting today.The primary thing you should know is that, since the dawn of time, many have survived highly challenging seasons in their relationship, and you could too if you have the right knowledge.It’s entirely likely that, if your marriage has fallen under hard times, that it’s due to these everyday issues that you just need more or accurate knowledge about.The route on for most couples is when one partner makes a pledge to stick to it and struggle for the marriage. You will find that the other portion of the duo will begin to make an endeavor at helping you turn your marriage around, which is quite amazing.Therefore, no matter what, set an example for your marriage and become informed on methods used by several other troubled marriages to save them, and hopefully you may be able to engage your spouse in your partnership once again.Don’t give in your work, no matter issue. A marriage is something that both spouses have dedicated their life to and is definitely something that is worth fighting for. Millions have made it and you can to.
Do you have an idea of what percentage of all marriages fail? You have probably heard than it’s higher than 50%, but were you aware that it is actually 87%? Yes, it is that high, unfortunately. Why do you think it is that high? Because no one is willing to make the self sacrifices, take the responsibilities and commitments that are necessary to maintain a marriage. It is the year 2009, and people are selfish. When something goes bad in a marriage, it is the easiest thing to just say that it’s not working out and walk out of the marriage. But you are not like them – you want to save your marriage.If only more people were like you – then we would have a much less failure percentage for marriages. And then we would be more unified society.I am like you – I am willing to undergo self sacrifices and take responsibilities to save my marriage. And the good news is, after a period of total hopelessness, I did save my marriage. And everything is so great, and life is so enjoyable now! So I want you to learn from my mistakes and the right things I did; and thus I want to help you save your marriage.Unfortunately, most people who want to save their marriages give out knee-jerk reactions to the situation. They want to find some way to fix every problem in their marriages. But the fact is, whatever problems there were that led to your marriage crisis; they didn’t pop out overnight. So, you can’t fix them overnight – you can’t fix them by apologizing to your spouse for your mistakes. Apologizing time after time is a big mistake. It will ruin your credibility in the eyes of your spouse – they will realize that you are apologizing not because you have really understood the problems and mistakes in the marriage; but you do this rather because you want to save your marriage.So saving a marriage first requires entering the correct mindset to do so. You can save your marriage by entering a calm state of mind only. This will allow you to think carefully about what you should do to save your marriage; and there is no quick fix to everything.