For all couples who are going through marital problems today, you are not alone. Many of you may be considering marriage counseling but are not sure it will work and are seeking an alternative solution that may yield more success. This article will explore why marriage counseling may not be successful and how a home course may yield more success.Marriage Counseling – This therapy has been known to fix many marriages in the past. But there is one case when marriage counseling does not help couples patch things up. This is when one spouse has no intention of fixing the relationship at all. Instead of doing good, marriage counseling sessions become a burden and could turn into a source of conflict. Most of the time the couple will do nothing but play the blaming game during counseling sessions – leading them nowhere.Apart from that, marriage counseling can be very expensive. This is something that could be an additional issue for both partners. So what are couples to do? Should they just try to work it out for themselves? Or should they just give it up and send in the lawyer?Introducing the home course – Here is the good news. Couples can now turn to an alternative solution in the form of a home course. In addition to being more affordable (an important issue for couples who have financial problems) this solution is perfect for marriages where only one partner is truly intending to fix the relationship. With a home course, the partner willing to find a solution can get sound advice from relationship professionals and apply this at home without the other spouse knowing it. Over time the reluctant spouse may respond and start working on the marriage.So if you are really committed to saving your marriage, a home course is one great way of doing it without having to pressure your reluctant spouse or encounter financial issues. This may be quite difficult since it is only you that’s doing all the work, but if it means saving your marriage from divorce, then that makes it all worth it!
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How hard is it to watch a marriage circling down the drain? Not that much, unless it is your marriage. And how hard is it to see your marriage end, when YOU are the spouse who wants to save the marriage? It’s one of the hardest things one can encounter.I assume that you want to save your marriage because you are reading this article. In that case – I feel for you, my friend. I called you a friend because I have been in this exact situation and know how horrible it feels. It felt awful to see that my husband didn’t really care about me or the marriage. I did everything I could think of – but nothing worked and everything looked and FELT so hopeless.But let’s fast forward to today now – my marriage is still here, it’s much more firm than it has ever been, and my spouse loves me more than anything. What more could someone ask in life?And you know what – the things that changed everything for me is simple. Yes, then, every marriage can be saved, if you do the right things.What I did to save my marriage was a psychological method called “being inaccessible”. It might already be speaking for itself – you act to be the “inaccessible, unreachable” person to your spouse. This suddenly makes you much more attractive than the desperate, begging, needy spouse.It might sound like a lot, or even impossible to do. But you CAN do it. And you have to do it. This is a fundamental law of the universe – people want what they can’t have. This isn’t changing anytime soon – so you better start using it to your advantage; because it’s working to your DISADVANTAGE right now!
What is the problem affecting your marriage? Simple lack of the old days’ love? Or infidelity? Doesn’t matter. Today I am here to show you that you can save your marriage regardless of its current situation. Let me go chapter by chapter.What made you marry in the first place?You found something in your spouse, and he or she found something in you. You thought you wanted to live with him or her for the rest of your life, and so did he or she. Never forget that your spouse DID marry you – so there is or was something in you that he or she loved. Saving your marriage starts from considering this key point.Can you be the old you?The old you, or the you before the marriage, is the reason your spouse said “Yes” in the marriage ceremony. You have changed since then – don’t tell me otherwise, because you did. Everyone does. Going to the “old you” can be a crucial point in saving your marriage.But I did this particular thing to him/her!! It was such a bad thing to do and I regret it, but it can’t be undone!Remember that, that thing was in the past. What lives today, is the memory of that event in your spouse’s mind. That event, if there is one (it can be another affair, for example), distorted the view of you in your spouse’s mind. That event CAN be totally undone if you manage to alter your husband’s current view of you so that you are again a trustworthy person and are indeed the old you again. The road to saving your marriage always starts from this very point.
Let’s say you’ve decided to work on your romantic relationship or marriage and you want outside help. What do you look for? As a Clinical Psychologist specializing in couples counseling and relationships for almost twenty years, these are the factors that I believe are important in searching for a couples or marriage therapist:1. Are they specifically trained and credentialed to work with couples and relationships?In addition to whatever licensure/certification requirements your State may have, you also want to find out if they have any specific training or certifications in working with couples. I teach graduate courses in marriage and family therapy in California, and can tell you that many graduate schools will give a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy while only having one or two specific classes on the subject in their curriculum. And, you can become a licensed psychotherapist in California without ever having had to treat a single couple!Seek out additional, post-graduate training in couples counseling in your therapist. For example, in addition to being licensed in California as a Clinical Psychologist, I have completed and been Certified in Imago Relationship Therapy, one very effective form of couples therapy. The Imago Certification Program is a rigorous one with which takes a minimum of one year post-licensure to complete and includes training and supervision.2. How long have they been working with couples?As a rule, the more experienced a psychotherapist, the better opportunity you will have to achieve your results in marriage therapy. I know that there are exceptions to this rule and I have trained some interns who are far superior to many licensed professionals I know. However, what I was capable of dealing with as a couples counselor when I first began my training in 1991 is vastly different than what I am able to work with now. It is my hope that a good therapist will continue to learn, grow and improve over the time that they practice. That’s why they call it Practice! 3. Are they strong enough to keep you “safe” during the sessions?Couples enter counseling with very strong emotional dynamics, which they demonstrate (perhaps unconsciously) very quickly to the marriage therapist. This may involve the expression of anger directly, or may show up more with contempt, criticism, avoidance, finger-pointing and many other ways. While this is instructive to the therapist, if the couple is allowed to continue in these behaviors, they will continue to damage their relationship.The couples counselor must be emotionally grounded enough and “strong” enough to prevent this from happening in a destructive manner and help the couple to create changes in their patterns of interaction. How the therapist does this is up to their own training and personality and presence. Believe it or not, sometimes I have to stand up in session and give my couples a “time-out” which is when being 6’3″ and over 200 pounds really helps!4. Do you feel like they can help you?Your feelings about the marriage counselor and the “vibe” you get from them are really important. You will be sharing very intimate parts of your life with this person., as well as spending time and money. And, the fate of your relationship may rest in your choice of therapist. Your attitude towards towards your couples counselor will definitely affect how successful the work will be in improving your relationship.This doesn’t mean that you have to actually like everything your marriage therapist says or that you will always enjoy the process of treatment. I worked with one couple a few months ago who was referred to me by a former student of mine. At the end of the first session, the husband stated, “I don’t really like you that much, you seem to oversimplify things, and you really piss me off, but I feel like you can help me, so we’ll be back!”5. Do they work in generalities or do they actually work on specific issues and give you specific tools to help your relationship?Couples therapy doesn’t have the same “luxury” of time that individual psychotherapy does. A couple usually enters treatment because they are in crisis and most likely have been in crisis for a long, long time. If they don’t feel that they are getting results, that there is some improvement in a short period of time, the couple may not stay together long enough to work through their issues.For this reason, I believe that couples counseling requires the therapist to be much more active and involved than individual treatment does. We don’t have the same time to build rapport and get to know the couple that we could take with an individual client. We must identify deal quickly with the primary issues facing the couple.My ultimate goal of couples therapy is to teach the couple to be their own couples therapist. I teach them a way of looking at their relationship that helps them to be more compassionate and empathic with each other and give them tools that they can use anytime (not just in my office) to make their relationship better. This completes my list of the five factors I believe are important to look for in a marriage counselor. I hope that it has been helpful for you. I would love your feedback and to hear about your own experiences in couples therapy. Please post a comment on this article or email me directly with your feedback. Thank you so much,Dr. Adam Sheck
Do you find that your marriage is in crisis, maybe even heading for a divorce; and you want to repair your marriage? I assume it is the case, since you’re reading this article. I have 2 news for you. One is that you ARE trying to repair your marriage instead of just accepting a divorce and walking out of the marriage, saying “This is not working.” This means that you’re a selfless, responsible and committed spouse, and I commend you on that. The other good news is that, I have saved my marriage from a totally hopeless situation, and will help you do the same.We both know that a marriage crisis is a terrible situation. Since marriage encompasses the whole life, a marriage crisis puts you in a terrible mood at every moment in your life. But do not let that terrible mood overwhelm you if you want to repair the marriage – because when you’re desperate to save your marriage, your emotions will always misguide you. They will tell you to go and apologize to your spouse countless times, and then beg for forgiveness. These are all dangerous and further damaging to your marriage – a begging, pathetic spouse won’t be so attractive!Exactly why you should never rely on yourself if you want to repair a marriage. I know that you feel the need to DO something to fix your marriage problems, but acting according to your emotions is not the right thing to do.What made me save my marriage was acknowledging that by myself, I was getting nowhere. I understood that I needed some outside advice – and when I received that advice, I finally was able to take action to repair my marriage – everything is so good for me right now!
Step 1-Schedule time togetherThis time must be regular, like at least once a week, and there should be no excuses for failing to make it. Work, guys nights out, girls nights out, sports and all these other things have an important place to play in both your lives.But if you want to fix a broken relationship, then you will need to work at it..and with sufficient commitment that when you commit to quiet time between just the two of you that you both fulfill the agreement.Step 2-Go on DatesOrganise regular dates, just like the old days, with some time apart before the date to create a frisson of excitement like the old days.Step 3-PrioritizeIf you want to fix a broken relationship you will both need to recognize the problem and commit to finding a solution..no matter how busy work is or any other distraction. You need to see putting your relationship back on track as the number 1 priority in your lives for now. Because if you don’t the pattern of behaviour which has led to the fracture will become habit and reinforced and become even more difficult to change.Step 4-ForgiveYou will need to forgive your partner’s failings when he/she is prepared to recognize them and commits to rectifying the situation. Carrying a grudge is a lonely job and will not help your relationship. This is not a one way street and hopefully your partner will take the same attitude and recognize that “hey I am not perfect, but I am sorry”.Step 5-Recognize the differences between men and women and celebrate them..don’t let them be a barrier to a loving relationship with someone who was your best friend not so many years ago.
Marriage is something two people do when they are in love. When they have the decision to love each other no matter what. There are a few things that will help your marriage to last. First thing to remember is never go to sleep angry. This is important because over night allows too much time for the problems to fester and become bigger.The second thing to remember is when you do argue and everyone will eventually. Remember to use words like “I feel like this…. when you do this” Never use words like “You always do…” You never…” You are placing the blame totally on the other person. It’s an accusation. Remember money is on of the biggest areas people fight about. If you have debt problems seek help.Take interest in what your spouse is doing even if it isn’t something you would like to do. Put the other person first. If grocery shopping needs to be done and there is no choice but to go, and if both of you are extremely tired. Who do you think should go to the store? Should you say, “you go I don’t feel like going.” No, you say, “I’ll go I know how tired you are.” This is putting the other person first. Compliment your spouse. Your beautiful, you look nice, I’m really proud of you. Thank- you for being so good with our children. Many think that you don’t have to tell them, they already know. Well the truth is we all need that affirmation that we are good, that we are worthy and that the spouse still thinks we are great!
“I’d love to know how to make my husband want me again.” How many of us have thought this at some point during our marriages? Unfortunately for us the honeymoon phase tends to be short lived and once real life enters the mix of the marriage, your husband may change. Even if he was completely attentive, loving and seemed to adore you endlessly early in the relationship, that can all change. If you’re married to a man who you don’t think loves you as much as he once did, there’s no reason you can’t reignite his interest all over again.When I was thinking about how to make my husband want me again I began with considering how I’d been treating him recently. Once we become moms and we have to juggle parenthood with work with financial responsibilities, it can all take its toll. Be honest with yourself about whether or not you’ve been neglecting your husband in recent months. Men are very sensitive to what their wives are feeling and if he senses that you’re overwhelmed it can make him pull back. Focus more of your time and energy on him. Show him, through your actions, that he’s still the most important person in the world to you. Make him feel valued and it will ultimately make him treat you more affectionately too. Don’t underestimate the power in planning a few date nights with your man. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. You can even just arrange for a sitter and then surprise your husband with his favorite dinner at home. The point here is to do things that make him feel that you want and need to spend time with him. If he feels that you’re still madly in love with him, it will reawaken those feelings in him as well.
You’re looking for ways to save your marriage. Your marriage is in trouble. It is very important that you stay as calm as possible. This is the only way you will be able to think clearly enough to stop a divorce from happening. Here are some tips and advice to help you to save your marriage and build a stronger relationship in the process.
Don’t let negative feelings show. When you act out of desperation, or talk with tension in your voice, it will only add to the problems. When you are trying to save your marriage, it is very hard, but you have to try your best to stay calm.
Give your spouse (and yourself) some breathing room. When things get heated, go to see a friend or family member for a few hours, and return home after things cool off. This will enable the two of you to talk to each other rationally, instead of fighting.
A marriage is a union of two people who love and support each other through good times and bad. When your love for each other is strong enough, your marriage can survive anything it is faced with. Show your spouse that you truly love them, and need them in your life.
Spouses should learn to communicate well with each other. This isn’t always easy, but it is extremely important, especially when you want to keep your relationship alive.
The saying ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ really means alot. Try not to complain about every little thing. Let some things slip by. The big problems do need to be addressed, and dealt with. Learn to face your marital challenges together.
As a firefighter, I’ve spent years thinking about how to put fires out. But, as a married firefighter, I spend just as much time thinking about how to keep the fire burning in my relationship. Stress takes a toll on every marriage; and public safety marriages – with inordinately high levels of stress – offer an excellent proving ground for advanced studies in marital harmony. Over one-half of all marriages end in divorce; and public safety marriages are notorious for having an even higher failure rate. Here are five fire-proof methods for keeping your relationship hot and healthy in even the most difficult conditions.1. Remember why you got married in the first place. While it is true that most people get married for the wrong reasons (looks, money, fear, opportunity, etc…), people who want to save their relationships are often those who truly loved each other at one point in their relationship. By focusing your mind on the reasons you got married and the things you love about the other person, you can dramatically reduce the size and importance of most marital problems. Remembering why you are in this relationship is an excellent way to rekindle that old flame.2. Think positive and loving thoughts. By diligently thinking happy thoughts, you will restore your own happiness – a critical step to creating a happy relationship. You can only think of one thing at a time; and, if you are constantly focusing on stressful thoughts, you are creating unwanted stress in your life and relationship. Furthermore, stress is the cause of most health problems; so do yourself a favor and lighten-up!3. Do the things you did to “win” your partner in the first place. Remember when you were trying to capture the attention and heart of your partner? Well, the game isn’t over until you’re dead. Keep working on “winning” your partner’s affections and your marriage will never lose that ever so important spark. It may take heroic efforts to save your relationship; if that’s what it takes, be a hero.4. Keep it fresh and exciting. Falling into routines, or “ruts,” is the beginning of the end for most relationships. Keep learning about life and each other. Try new and different things with each other. Be adventurous. Go exploring. Don’t be a stick in the mud – play in the mud! Have fun together and your marriage will provide you with joy rather than stress. Don’t be afraid to be creative when it comes to building something special.5. Spend time together. After a while, couples start avoiding each other because all they seem to do when they are together is argue, fight, or talk about stressful issues. Pay attention to the first four suggestions I offered you and spending time together will be a joy and a pleasure. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and how much you wanted to be together and spend time together – so much so, in fact, that you got married. You can have your own space and time; but, if you’re in a relationship, your partner should be your number one priority – and the person you spend the most time with. Start doing fun things together. Go for walks, spend time in nature, sit in a swing, go to a ball game or something else you both enjoy doing.If you truly want to keep your marriage healthy and fun, do whatever you can to incorporate these suggestions into your life and marriage. In the beginning, you may have to make compromises; but that is a natural part of any relationship whether you like it or not. Learn to give, learn to compromise, and spend your time thinking about what’s really important to you. If you decide that your relationship is what is most important to you, start investing time and energy in your partner and your relationship and try these five suggestions for keeping the home fires burning.