Is your marriage in trouble? If it was, would you know? Do you know how to spot the warning signs? A troubled marriage can sometimes appear normal on the surface, but there can be trouble brewing deep down.The first thing to do is to ask yourself how often you have sex. Although sex is not the only aspect to a marriage, if you are having sex less than you used to then this can be a strong indicator that things aren’t quite what they once were.Often, sex can become less important after a baby has been born. For every child that comes into a family, the more difficult it then becomes for the couple to spend time alone being intimate.But also, another sign is how much affection you show each other throughout the day. A couple that is very much in love will often touch each other in passing, or one of you will randomly kiss the other on the cheek for no reason.Another sign is common courtesy. If you find yourself saying “please” and “thank you” to strangers throughout the day more than you would your partner, then there is surely something going wrong.But the great thing is, if you notice these things have started to go wrong in your relationship, it’s not too late to make them better. All you have to do is pay extra special attention to them and take things back more to how they once were. Then you may start to find that your relationship as a whole begins to fall back into place.
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I get a lot of emails from wives who tell me that they don’t think that they love their husbands anymore, or that they love their husbands but are not “in love” with them. Many ask me how they can continue going through the motions when they really just aren’t happy. Many have kids and feel very selfish for even thinking these types of thoughts about their children’s father. This is a tough situation and the despair that you’re feeling can often cause you to do or say things that you may later regret. It can also take the joy out of things that might otherwise bring you happiness or peace. But, before you throw up your hands or throw in the towel you should know that I firmly believe that there are definite ways to bring the love in a marriage back which should at least be tried before you do anything drastic. I’ll discuss these in the following article.What Makes Today Different Than Yesterday?: Often, I will ask these women what first attracted them to their husbands. This is often not very hard to recall and most have very specific and quick answers. They’ll tell me it was his sense of humor, his sensitivity, the way that he took care of them, or the chemistry between them. Once they have their list of positive attributes (which are unique to each person but are often startlingly similar for most), I’ll ask them what has changed. I’ll ask if suddenly their husband isn’t funny, or is no longer sensitive or has totally lost every quality that used to attract them.Some of them will try to tell me that this has happened, but most, after thinking about it for a second or with some gentle prompting, will have to admit that their husbands could not have changed that much. Some will say it is they who have changed, but some will actually begin to understand (and rightly so) that it’s the circumstances that have changed.The Changing Times: Kids, Jobs, And Other Things That Drain Feelings Of Being “In Love”: Once you’ve defined the attributes that attracted you to your husband, ask yourself how often you get a chance to see these things. Because I’d be willing to bet that you were seeing them quite regularly when you were dating and this reinforced your strong feelings about this guy. However today, if you’re at all typical, then the reality is quite different.You don’t get to see his funny side because every day is filled with obligations that make this difficult. Today, you have kids and jobs and obligations that you could not have even fathomed when you first met this person. This is normal and not your fault, but think about how these things choke out your ability to see all of the good things that would contribute to loving feelings. And, think for just a second how much time you spent nurturing those feelings and generating them when you were dating. You likely didn’t do many chores or monotonous type things in the beginning. You had fun. You planned romantic outings where you weren’t much worried about the car or the house payment and the result was that nothing else mattered except for him.Yes, the reality of today is quite different and therefore so are the feelings. You can’t expect to go from regular romantic encounters that feed and nurture your relationship to having these things be quite scarce and yet expecting the same feeling to remain and to be just as strong. This is just not logical and yet this is exactly what most of us expect or at least hope for. We want to feel exactly the same way. We want the electricity and the spark and the curling of our toes and yet we just don’t put in the time and the effort and are surprised and disappointed when we get different results.Falling Back In Love With Your Husband: Hopefully if you’ve read this far, you entertain that my arguments might have some merit. But, how do you begin to change things? You take it one step at a time. Things didn’t get this way overnight and they won’t heal over night. But small effort can make a large difference that becomes cumulative so that eventually, your feelings will be quite a bit different than they are today.Start by just beginning to put in more time in more ways that are enjoyable but are not drudgery. When was the last time you spontaneously touched your husband just because you wanted him to know that you were there and were with him? When was the last time the two of you laughed so hard you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you gave him a knowing glance because you knew exactly what he was thinking?This is where you want to return to and you start by being the kind of spouse that you want him to be. Listen when he talks. Let him know you have his back. Lighten his load. Make him laugh. Make alone time together your highest priority. Talk about something other than the kids or the house. Set things up so that you aren’t distracted by every day life. Have romantic dates and outings that are just meant to connect you. Show him the best version of yourself that he saw when you were dating.All of these things will generate good feelings and will bring you closer to where you want to be. It won’t happen over night but over time, it can happen. And, isn’t it worth the effort? Don’t you deserve to feel the same happiness that you used to feel? In truth, the ingredients are still there. You are both still present. It’s the circumstances that have changed. So, it’s high time to change the circumstances.
Anyone can be in doubt before saying yes to the big day. Although at the beginning, everything is so perfect, nice and wonderful that you do not regret your decision though your friends have warned you that marriage can be a disaster. But later on, when time goes by you can see the perfect relationship turning into nightmare, you then realize that whatever your friends said was right.Now you don’t know what to do. You are in a fix and have to decide. If you still love your partner and if you are ready to do anything to save your marriage from crisis, then what you need is C-P-R.C for Counseling:Let me tell you this approach is worth trying. You won’t regret your decision. Counseling has helped so many couples. It will not only assist you settle on your differences, find solutions for your problems but it will also help in drawing you together. It will also provide you with techniques so that you understand each other better.P for Perspective:Getting perspective in a situation like marriage in crisis is important. You need to see things from other angles so that you understand what’s going on and what’s needed to improve. You can only see the face of the coin you are looking at. But you are forgetting that a coin has two sides. So, a counselor will help you understand and make you see other sides of your situation. Things that were not understandable to you can therefore be lucid.R stands for Resolve:You will see that after the counseling and perspective, you will now have many ways to repair the damage that were caused in your marriage. Now, you only to take actions to mend things again.
No marriage worth its name is without the usual turbulence. Couples, who boast that their marriage has been one continuous honeymoon, are either lying or are not sensitive enough to even realize the simmering undercurrents that are as inevitable as tomorrow. Come to think of it, a marriage can not be termed ‘happy’ unless there is a tiff now and then, a little misunderstanding over small issues, etc. But if there are more tiffs than happy times, then it is time to build that bridge over troubled waters to save your marriage. Remember a marriage neglected, is a marriage ruined.However, you cannot do anything to save your marriage, unless you know the areas that are causing tension between the two of you. It could be something that is ‘silly and insignificant’ but that is only your version. Your spouse could be thinking otherwise. To avoid having parallel views, it is better to critically analyze your own situation and look for some tell-tale signs of a neglected marriage, in order to save your marriage and build a stronger bridge to strengthen the relationship:• Are your priorities same? Is your spouse spending more time at the golf course or at the shopping mall? When two people in a marriage have separate and engulfing priorities, it shows. Sporadic communication, children ignored, separate friends’ circle, different agenda, lack of time for each other, are some the after-effects of different priorities. It has a high-speed snow-balling effect, which can ruin an otherwise perfect marriage. A glowing example is when one or both partners are workaholics. Therefore, to save your marriage, before it gets out of hand, discuss the matter frankly with your spouse and come to a mutually acceptable solution.• Limit your distractions. It is always possible to have your attention divided amongst several things that you are committed to do. But trouble starts when the distractions are too many and happen too often. Apart from being stressful, the togetherness goes for a six and the marriage seems to be another marriage of convenience more than anything else. Ignored, this too can further the distance between the two of you. Take your spouse into confidence, and talk matters out. To save your marriage, you might have to take the initiative to schedule some exclusive time which both of you should spend together without any interruption from any other source.• When did you last spend some quality time together? This requires some deep introspection as this could hold the key to your troubled marriage. Remember though, that many people are insensitive to this intrinsic necessity. Therefore to save your marriage, and in your own interest, you could devise some ways by which you force your spouse to go for a vacation, go for a cozy dinner or simply go for a romantic walk in the woods. You would be surprised, what this little togetherness can do to help you build that bridge over troubled waters.• A bit of pretense helps to save your marriage. Though it may seem to be a Herculean task to take a renewed interest in what your spouse does or what makes him or her tick – but a wee bit of effort can rekindle that lost spirit of love between the two of you. Small gestures of encouragement or gratitude can go a long way in clearing misunderstandings and many misgivings which widen the gap in a relationship. However, this is not a one-time activity. If you sincerely want to save your marriage, you have to be consistent in your efforts so that your sincerity shows. After all, love is a good cause to walk that extra mile.
Now you are reading this article, which means you are trying to save your marriage. I must first say that I congratulate you for that from the bottom of my heart. If only more people were like you and tried to save their marriages instead of just going the easy way and accepting the divorce.My marriage was never a “dream” marriage, I knew that; but I had sacrificed so much for this marriage and I loved my husband. So when my husband first made it clear to me that he didn’t want the marriage any more, I was so devastated and desperate. The first and only thing I could think of doing was to beg him for forgiveness, for our marriage. This was the only thing I could think of doing to save my marriage.But it didn’t help. How could it? When your spouse wants to divorce, the reason for that is that he or she is fed up with you and your marriage for one reason or another. And when you press on your spouse to talk, the only thing you are doing is to making him more fed up with you.This is the reason why you should go against your instincts and emotions (“the flow”) when you want to save your marriage. Because you are desperate, all you can come up with are some knee jerk, desperate reactions to a hopeless situation. Begging is not the way to go.If you want to save your marriage, you should stop trying to talk to your spouse and you should stop begging. Go against the flow. Go against your own emotions and ask for some outside advice.
“I think my husband is falling out of love with me, but I don’t want to lose him.” That’s a phrase said or thought by many married women each day. When we walk down the aisle and get married, we believe in our hearts that our spouse will love us that way for the rest of our lives. Once you realize that he’s just not as crazy about you as he once was, it’s devastating. Although many women simply sit back and accept that their marriage is dying a slow death, you don’t have to. If you love him and you want him to love you all over again, you can make that happen. Every woman has the power to reclaim her marriage and make her husband crazy about her again.If you feel that your husband is falling out of love with you take a step back and compare the woman you are today to the woman he fell in love with initially. Naturally we all change over time but you need to think back to the qualities your husband loved most about you when you two first met. If you’ve buried those qualities under all the stresses of being a mom, chasing your career and trying to balance your household, you need to refocus more on yourself. Take time to rediscover the woman he loved back then and show him that’s still who you are.Also, enough can’t be said about being supportive of your spouse. Sometimes men weave together the feelings of love and value in their marriage. If your husband doesn’t feel valued by you, he may start to lose interest in you. It’s very easy to take your partner for granted and to not thank him for everything he brings to your life. Make a point, each day, to tell him how much he means to you and how much you appreciate everything he does. It will help him feel closer to you and more emotionally open.
All marriages start of being happy. However as time goes by, problems and struggles can dilute this happiness up to the point where you may need to take steps to save a marriage that is on the verge of a breakdown.The first step is to look at the problems in the marriage honestly and objectively. There is no point trying to cover over the cracks. This will only store further problems that come to light some time in the future and you will be back to square one.Be brutally honest with each other. Explain to each other what what the problems are from each partner’s viewpoint. Do not get angry or argumentative with each other. This is not going to save your marriage, and the conversation will fall into a slanging match.Agree at the beginning that you will listen to each other and see if compromises can be made. Both of you will probably hear things that you will not like. You need to try and keep your ego’s in check. Nobody is perfect and you will both have faults.You also need to try and work out when and why things started to go wrong. If you can pinpoint this, then you have something to work from.Talk about all the things that you used to like about each other, and what drew you together. This gives you a focus on the good feelings of the relationship, instead of just the bad. You will then also need to discuss what changes you can make to save your marriage.Start to think how you can spend some time together. This does not mean that you should do the things that you used to. People change over time, and what may have been fun once, may now be boring. Think of new things that you can do together. New experiences always breath new life into people.Promise each other that you will both try to alter certain behaviours that may offend or annoy your partner. Compromise is the real key if you want to save your marriage. If you are not prepared to do this, then perhaps it’s not worth saving.